Perspective changes everything

[geronimo]

I have thought long and hard about whether I should make this post but decided that there will be some people who get something from it so here goes ......

When you look at something, you are looking at it from a particular perspective and the difference that can make can be massive. Here's an example

I used to teach at one of the well known big bi lingual schools S being the first letter. Anyway, one of my friends there was an American guy and every day we would sit at the smoking hole (an enclosed area behind the car park) and he would bitch about how difficult it was to get out of bed to come to this school and teach everyday. He thought about all the negative stuff and believe me there was a lot! Because he thought about that, he convinced himself it was a bad experience and hence every day was a struggle for him. One day I told him what I thought about on my way to school,

Here I am, driving along in my air conditioned car, about to be with some beautiful children, not to mention flirting with the Thai teachers! Then I thought about the free lunch I get, the long paid holidays I got and I was so happy to go there! In short I felt the same way as he did about the place yet I completely turned it around. What's the point? I hear you ask, well all those moments that he was feeling like sh*t, I felt wonderful.

The thing that surprises me is that he is an intelligent man and yet he just couldn't see where I was coming from.

I have trained myself over the years to see the good in everything, no matter how bad it might seem at the time. I'm nice and polite to everyone I meet and my life is a joy. When one doors close, another opens and I am never without offers of help should I need it. I no longer work with this guy but whenever we talk on the phone, he bends my ear telling me about just how bad his life is!

The stuff that happens to him on a daily basis is unbelievable and so it goes on, for him.

What I'm saying is I don't think it's coincidence that I have a charmed life while his is pure misery for him. I am not saying I am holier / better than anyone else but I have managed to crack this one and it changed my life.

Buddhism was the key for me!

[geronimo]

Something else,

There will be those who read this and realize that they are seeing things from the negative side, but how does one change such a deep rooted habit?

Well, what worked for me was every time I heard about something bad, a car accident, a war, the neighbour’s dog getting run over etc, I tried to find something good in it and I never failed. I still haven’t found anything that I can’t find the good in!

You look at a book, you are seeing the thin end so you see lines of thin paper with a cover. I, on the other hand am looking at the book from the front so I can see the title, lots of information you can’t and because of that I have a different opinion of it. We are looking at the same thing but we don’t see the same thing. If you think that this is useless waffle then don’t waste your time going any further, however if you feel there might just be something in what this guy is saying then try, for a few days to see the good in everything. If that doesn’t give you positive results then I will be surprised.

[wayned]

The title says it all nothing else that I want to add!

[sirineou]

Every one finds what they are looking for in life,

if one is looking for negativity,

then guess what?

that's all they will find ,and disregard the rest

if one is only looking at life thorough rose colored glasses. then one will only see roses.

The trick is, and a difficult trick it is , to look at life through realistic glasses,

put everything in proper perspective enjoy the good and avoid the bed.

The operative phrase here being "proper perspective" again not an easy trick.

But if I was to delude my self, then I rather err on the side of a positive outlook, at the very least. even if I am being screwed, I am having a good time at it.

Every time I think I have it rough,or I hear people complain about their petty problems,

I remind my self of a story I read about an Afghan Girl of 12,

who was awaken in the middle of the night by the blast of the bombs that that fell on her home and killed both her parent,

She buried her parents, collected what she could salvage and carry from her home, took her 5 year old brother, and walked over the mountains for two days, to reach a refuge camp near the Pakistani border,

Now that's courage and resolve, compared to that ,most of the things we whine about. are trivial.

Some people need to "Buck Up and Deal"

All

[homeownership]

Nowt as queer as folk.

[chrisinth]

While I admire the OP in his positive viewpoint and perspective, I feel that I must give this warning.

Do not get paranoid about finding good in all bad situations because you will get into the same habit as your friend and end up with it deep rooted.

There is nothing good about anyone dying in a road accident, nothing good about a family pet getting run down and absolutely nothing good about the casualties of war.

Sometimes things are what they are, don't seek excuses to try to find good in something horrific. All that said, continue looking at things positively, it really does make a difference.

[jackr]

Op, you are looking at it from the 'perspective' that we all operate, biologically, at the same level. This guy might have internal issues, hindering the ability to see things as you do. It is good being positive and we are all lucky to be here, but we're not all the same.

[geronimo]

Op, you are looking at it from the 'perspective' that we all operate, biologically, at the same level. This guy might have internal issues, hindering the ability to see things as you do. It is good being positive and we are all lucky to be here, but we're not all the same.

Agreed and accepted, however there are those who are not aware of this and once they realize, they can improve their life. Just trying to reach those folks.

[geronimo]

While I admire the OP in his positive viewpoint and perspective, I feel that I must give this warning.

Do not get paranoid about finding good in all bad situations because you will get into the same habit as your friend and end up with it deep rooted.

There is nothing good about anyone dying in a road accident, nothing good about a family pet getting run down and absolutely nothing good about the casualties of war.

Sometimes things are what they are, don't seek excuses to try to find good in something horrific. All that said, continue looking at things positively, it really does make a difference.

I am not saying there is anything good in a tragedy but .... however we see it, it doesn't change that it happened, all we are doing is dealing with it in a more positive way.

And yes I am positive but that doesn't mean negative people can't change.

[pizzachang]

You are getting a bit spiritual here - not that I disagree with your o.p. but you are outlining the human dilemma. Only the individual can change him/her self. And changing human nature involves going against instinct, evolution and genetics. I'll refer you to a Huffington Post article to make your same point about perspective "How to Get Flat Abs, Have Amazing Sex and Rule the World in 8 Easy Steps".

I've learned about this perspective from many sources, the latest being my Thai wife. Her life experience and mine are quite a contrast {another story] but she has maintained a balance in her perspective and world view. A long time ago, someone told me that the perfect picture of peace [encompassing happiness and contentment] was the 'scene' of a seabird sitting on a rock in the middle of a terrible storm. Nothing could be done by the bird except wait. Yes, people are more 'complicated' than seabirds but the analogy is clear when you see your own nature.

[geronimo]

You are getting a bit spiritual here - not that I disagree with your o.p. but you are outlining the human dilemma. Only the individual can change him/her self. And changing human nature involves going against instinct, evolution and genetics. I'll refer you to a Huffington Post article to make your same point about perspective "How to Get Flat Abs, Have Amazing Sex and Rule the World in 8 Easy Steps".

I've learned about this perspective from many sources, the latest being my Thai wife. Her life experience and mine are quite a contrast {another story] but she has maintained a balance in her perspective and world view. A long time ago, someone told me that the perfect picture of peace [encompassing happiness and contentment] was the 'scene' of a seabird sitting on a rock in the middle of a terrible storm. Nothing could be done by the bird except wait. Yes, people are more 'complicated' than seabirds but the analogy is clear when you see your own nature.

Thank you for that, I will check out the link.

[yourauntbob]

I agree with the OP and try to see the good as well but unfortunately I find myself in his friends shoes more than his.

[geronimo]

I agree with the OP and try to see the good as well but unfortunately I find myself in his friends shoes more than his.

At least you understand the "seeing the good".

[kannot]

Every one finds what they are looking for in life,

if one is looking for negativity,

then guess what?

that's all they will find ,and disregard the rest

if one is only looking at life thorough rose colored glasses. then one will only see roses.

The trick is, and a difficult trick it is , to look at life through realistic glasses,

put everything in proper perspective enjoy the good and avoid the bed.

The operative phrase here being "proper perspective" again not an easy trick.

But if I was to delude my self, then I rather err on the side of a positive outlook, at the very least. even if I am being screwed, I am having a good time at it.

Every time I think I have it rough,or I hear people complain about their petty problems,

I remind my self of a story I read about an Afghan Girl of 12,

who was awaken in the middle of the night by the blast of the bombs that that fell on her home and killed both her parent,

She buried her parents, collected what she could salvage and carry from her home, took her 5 year old brother, and walked over the mountains for two days, to reach a refuge camp near the Pakistani border,

Now that's courage and resolve, compared to that ,most of the things we whine about. are trivial.

Some people need to "Buck Up and Deal"

All

or you could look at it like this....be thankful you werent born 1000 years ago as life would really have been a bitch then.

[cpofc]

not an entirely new concept. More widely known as, 'The Power Of Positive Thinking'. I recall there may have even been one or two books written on the subject.

Is your glass half full... or half empty?

Even in times of great tragedy and disaster there are amazing stories of the triumph of the human spirit, of heroism, selfless courage and sacrifice.

[aTomsLife]

For me it's not as much about positive and negative as it is about acceptance. I allow myself to feel the way I do, even if what I feel is hateful. I acknowledge it, and then I find I'm able to move beyond it.

Two weeks ago, my neighbors dog was accidentally poisoned. He was a real sweetheart, probably my best friend in town. Around the block from me, there are two mangy, aggressive, yappy dogs who just had a litter of puppies together. They think the whole block is their territory and they aggressively chase everyone who goes past them, whether on foot or motorbike. They're a real nuisance, and I believe they were the ones meant to be poisoned.

But it wasn't them. It was my friend's sweetheart of a dog that ate the poison, while out on his morning walk. There is nothing positive to see in this. It was a cruel, painful and unfair way for a friend to die. I felt angry and upset, and genuinely sad for my neighbor who was heartbroken herself.

I hate those dogs around the block from me even more now, and I'm ok with that. It's a rational feeling to have, and searching for some convoluted spiritual lesson in the events I described would be pointless. Life is far more poignant when we allow ourselves to see it and accept it for what it is, and not for what we want it to be.

I'm not in total disagreement with you, though. Life gives us many opportunities to see the positive side of things. I detest the Thai education system. But instead of staying here and bitching about it, I'm planning to move on and earn an M.Ed., so that I can teach in a more positive environment. If Thailand had a mediocre education system, I might have just decided to stay here and make the best of it. Because it's so bad, though, I channeled my disdain into making what is undoubtedly the best decision for my life, when I would have otherwise settled for good enough.

Regardless, in both of my examples, my perspective is rooted in total acceptance of the situation. Simply put, there is nothing so powerful in this world as the truth. Just my opinion.

[geronimo]

An update ........

Someone who knows both myself and the guy I talked about in the OP, told him to go look at it. He did and I now have lost a good friend. So thanks for that

(you know who you are!!!)

[CharlieH]

No need for paragraphs of words here........

you are who you choose to be, you can choose to be and feel however you want.

That just about covers it I think.

[MichaelJackson]

An update ........

Someone who knows both myself and the guy I talked about in the OP, told him to go look at it. He did and I now have lost a good friend. So thanks for that

(you know who you are!!!)

Upset with you may be, lost ? I doubt that, but if you have, he wasnt really that good a friend was he.

[MichaelJackson]

An update ........

Someone who knows both myself and the guy I talked about in the OP, told him to go look at it. He did and I now have lost a good friend. So thanks for that

(you know who you are!!!)

Upset with you may be, lost ? I doubt that, but if you have, he wasnt really that good a friend was he.l

[tim armstrong]

Oh so true - its all about perspective. I recommend Sheldon Kopp's - 'Eschatological laundry list' - its a great bit of wisdom, especially the first and last entries.

[infinity11]

Good topic, hope i find the time to read it all, thanks.