What does a Thai expect from marrying a farang?

[bifftastic]

I know what my wife wanted and got ,she also has given it to me in spades ---LOVE, that and the odd handbag and shoes.

She gave you an odd handbag? What was odd about it?

Wouldnt you like to know ducky?

i realized later how it sounded,honestly i dont use a handbag (well not in public)

Now I know what to ask my wife to get me for Christmas

[FiftyTwo]

The Farang is looking for access to young women (or younger women then those that are available to him in his home country), Yes, they would not have that easy access to young women without "you guessed it" "MONEY" . Most Farang's are satisfied with this relationship, when they decided that their lifestyle is to expensive, they chose a good looking partner to settle down with. Then comes the hardest part as the vast majority of these women had failed marriage/ relationships with Thai males. Most have children that are the motivators of why the women were looking for a better life,not only for themselves but also for their children.

This causes problems in the core relationship. as it effects more people than the Farang bargained for, the women comes with baggage, children and a family. While in the old country they loved a women enough, to include others in the relationship, here the main motivation is an easy access for sex with a young women. That accounts for the story of Falang's marrying a woman after knowing her for a week or month, is not likely someone you love, more like someone you "Lust".

I broadly agree but,

Any male looking for a relationship after the age of 30 is likely to only meet women with 'baggage'. Not really relevant to Thailand.

But I see the 'baggage' as a bonus, while your rented wife won't ever love you, there is every chance her 'baggage' will.

The 'baggage' has added to my core relationship.

PS

Did you know, in Korea, it is the norm to marry a woman after one or two meetings.

During those meetings they won't be alone, and probably won't speak directly to each other, and will not have touched each other.

The idea you need to get to know your spouse over a period of time, is largely a modern western fantasy.

[ABCer]

I take it that OP is talking about Thai ladies marrying Farang men. If the picture is reversed - there might be some surprises.

Let us presume we are talking about reasonable people, thinking about as serious step as marriage is.

It is a rare case indeed when both sides expectations are realised. 'Perfect' marriage = 'Lasting' marriage usually results.

Human being is a very complex system. Individuals differ greatly. Gender brings in more differences.

Time causes changes. The differences change. They may diminish ('rub in') or increase in significance. Hence 'harmony' or 'crisis' follows.

I can see at this stage many people shaking their heads, - '<deleted> is he talking about?'

Well, we cannot talk about one-sided effect. The question is: 'What are the expectations of Thai woman and Farang man when they marry?' I hope people see the difference.

In answering the OP question try to keep the above in mind.

And try to keep the discussion civil, without personal attacks, in general... we may be all learning something.

Use your thoughts, experiences, observations, etc. but remember - It's not personal!

[Neeranam]

The Farang is looking for access to young women (or younger women then those that are available to him in his home country), Yes, they would not have that easy access to young women without "you guessed it" "MONEY" . Most Farang's are satisfied with this relationship, when they decided that their lifestyle is to expensive, they chose a good looking partner to settle down with. Then comes the hardest part as the vast majority of these women had failed marriage/ relationships with Thai males. Most have children that are the motivators of why the women were looking for a better life,not only for themselves but also for their children.

This causes problems in the core relationship. as it effects more people than the Farang bargained for, the women comes with baggage, children and a family. While in the old country they loved a women enough, to include others in the relationship, here the main motivation is an easy access for sex with a young women. That accounts for the story of Falang's marrying a woman after knowing her for a week or month, is not likely someone you love, more like someone you "Lust".

I broadly agree but,

Any male looking for a relationship after the age of 30 is likely to only meet women with 'baggage'. Not really relevant to Thailand.

But I see the 'baggage' as a bonus, while your rented wife won't ever love you, there is every chance her 'baggage' will.

The 'baggage' has added to my core relationship.

PS

Did you know, in Korea, it is the norm to marry a woman after one or two meetings.

During those meetings they won't be alone, and probably won't speak directly to each other, and will not have touched each other.

The idea you need to get to know your spouse over a period of time, is largely a modern western fantasy.

When I was 30, I met some Thai women near the same age and none of them had any baggage. 30 isn't old. I guess it depends on what you look like and the kind of person you are. Not all 'farang' are fat sexpats who end up renting wives.

Some Thai women don't expect anything - they meet a foreigner and fall in love. But the Thai women who flock to Pattaya or join Thai Love Sites have huge expectations and are willing to do ANYTHING to secure a naive foreigner. Hell one even married their chum Noi from Nakhonburi who is 35,overweight, has a dtung maep, has dark skin and 2 kids. WHen they hear of a rich foreigner marrying an untouchable girl, they have hope that even they can be rescued from a life of hard work.

[kikoman]

Thai women are no different in their expectations than any other women in the world.

My comment's were aimed at the expats that live in Thailand that continually bash Thai's, profess a great knowledge of what all Thai's do and the reasons why and state their wife's agree with their statements.

I came to Thailand in the company of a 26 year old Falang lady, only planned to stay here for the 30 days my friend stayed until she went on to dive school in Vietnam. I liked the people and the country and decided to stay in the country longer.

I visited the dark side of Pattaya and enjoyed it, as I was a very good dancer I always had access to many women in country bars in the states and never had to pay for their companionship. The novelty of Pattaya was great and I enjoyed it for a while before it soon worn off and then I moved to Sattahip to get to know Thai's better in different surroundings.

Best decision I ever made!

[inthepink]

my mrs says 99% of thais marry falang for one reason only MONEY, I never asked if she was one of the one percent.

Yup. Thai's educated to barrister level have told me the same thing.

Barrister level lol. They don't have barristers in Thailand do they? Are they wealthy Thai people that have told you this or just people who happen to have a law degree? And were they talking about themselves or stating an opinion on why Thai girls from poor backgrounds marry Westerners?

Perhaps you meant to type barista?

King's Counsel.

Didn't see anything about King's Counsel but found this online. "Lawyers who wish to obtain the title barrister-at-law which entitles the holder to take further examinations to become a judge or a public prosecutor, may take a further one year course offered by the Thai Bar Association".

I'd always assumed they followed the American example for some reason.

I still think it's an odd thing to say, though. "Educated to barrister level". As opposed to "doctor level"..."qualified teacher level"?

Edited October 19, 2013 by inthepink

[ABCer]

Sociology - pure and simple.

A woman will evaluate a man's genetic qualities and perceived earning potential within seconds.

Her innate priority is babies and provision.

It's not rocket science.

Absolutely right for any female in the world. Relevance to OP?

[soi41]

My God, is this thread still running? When the answer is so simple:

and

Edited October 20, 2013 by soi41

[belg]

some farang are sooooo rich

until they get married, after then build a house & bought land, car, whatever luxery

than the farang can be thrown out of the house and the rest of his monnies

than the fishing for stupid well off farang nr 2,3, 99 can resume

this is how poor thai uneducated farmgirls are improving thailand's welfare ....

[Jim walker]

I have been with my Thai wife for just over 13 years and she never talks about if I am rich or poor as long as I provide enough for her and family she is happy she also has her own bank account in the UK where we spend half the year and she gets her monthly allowance and usually spends it prudently she knows all the bargain shops and supermarkets in the UK and also normally saves a reasonable amount for returning to Thailand with her own saved spending money, Thais are not stupid they know if a farang is rich or poor same as anyone does in any country how many houses do you own and how many cars have you got and how many people work for you in your business.

[spidermike007]

What I've never understood, is how they can think we're all so rich, and so stupid at the same time?

Interesting question. It is based to a large extent on decades of intellectual drivel. Many very, very small minded people have used a nationalistic agenda to enrich themselves, and establish a power base. So, a percentage of Thais have become brainwashed by this nonsense. When I ask, why is it that foreigners win the majority of nobel peace prizes, pulitzers, peabodys, oscars, and other awards that acknowledge their excellence in their respective fields of endeavor, and very few Thais ever get recognized, they say "not sure". Well I am sure. One of the things I am sure about, is that most farangs are not stupid. Some are quite brilliant. What is stupid, is to continue to believe these lies, misconceptions, silly beliefs, and racist rants about foreigners. So, people, it is time to wise up. Thailand is now a nation poised to become a leader in the region, and that requires wise, mature, and well informed thought and actions. The time to start on that path is NOW.

[slipperylobster]

Less abusive? Wow ... It sure feels good to get a pat on the back. I need to stop reading the newspapers and start believing what I read here.

[boone57]

Half

[slipperylobster]

I have been with my Thai wife for just over 13 years and she never talks about if I am rich or poor as long as I provide enough for her and family she is happy she also has her own bank account in the UK where we spend half the year and she gets her monthly allowance and usually spends it prudently she knows all the bargain shops and supermarkets in the UK and also normally saves a reasonable amount for returning to Thailand with her own saved spending money, Thais are not stupid they know if a farang is rich or poor same as anyone does in any country how many houses do you own and how many cars have you got and how many people work for you in your business.

You got a good one. Same as me.

You deserve her. as you appreciate what she does for you. There are many men that come here and get the worst....because that is what they are looking for. It only surprises me that they complain.

[slipperylobster]

Yup. Thai's educated to barrister level have told me the same thing.

Barrister level lol. They don't have barristers in Thailand do they? Are they wealthy Thai people that have told you this or just people who happen to have a law degree? And were they talking about themselves or stating an opinion on why Thai girls from poor backgrounds marry Westerners?

Perhaps you meant to type barista?

King's Counsel.

Didn't see anything about King's Counsel but found this online. "Lawyers who wish to obtain the title barrister-at-law which entitles the holder to take further examinations to become a judge or a public prosecutor, may take a further one year course offered by the Thai Bar Association".

I'd always assumed they followed the American example for some reason.

I still think it's an odd thing to say, though. "Educated to barrister level". As opposed to "doctor level"..."qualified teacher level"?

I enjoyed reading the above, as it reminded me of how one nephew here had failed to show up at school.....for a year! The mom found out and went to the high school to make things right. The boy got a diploma the same day, and is now "going to the university". I expect a doctorate degree ...or possible Bar ister level. I don't know how much that is going to cost.

My wife did attend a University but was not allowed to be a nurse, as an exhobitant sum of money was demanded, which she could not pay. Her degree was earned, but did not provide for her in the least. Perhaps her experience was not the norm.

[khunjerrybkk]

And the more faithful one, only because it's harder to stray, and more expensive.

When it's cheap and easy, we all stray.

Your posted remarks "we all stray" certainly shows your thoughtless attitude toward humanity.

[slipperylobster]

Seems somebody on this forum is misquoting by adding paragraphs to my post.. Much better you place your comments in a separate "box"

[little mary sunshine]

Don't you think it would depend on the Thai woman....such a general question..........

[flyingdoc]

Wow!

What a diversity of replies.

Wealthy Thais do know about conditions in the West, because they have probably been there, so do not go along with the myth that all Farangs = ATM machines, as most Bar girls do or hope!

I would hope that love would be the motivating factor as in most partnerships, whether in Thailand or elsewhere!

[cbluck58]

BS mak mak on this thread.

[Globeman]

You want to find a good lady? Put 'big heart, small wallet' on your dating site profile, that's what I did after getting so much contact from 19 year old massage specialists.

I would avoid all mention of 'heart', as it marks you as a person that associates with sex workers.

'heart' talk is a very risky area to venture.

Can you elaborate please? You draw a conclusion but give no evidence supporting your conclusion.

How does the mention of "heart", which is one of the most common Thai words used to express feelings or describe character in many forms (in conjunction with other words), specifically mark you as a person that associates with sex workers?

I fail to see the Thai cultural or social connection - with the possible exception of a Farang that only comprehends the Thai words Jai-Dee or Nam-Jai is because their sole exposure to this phrase has been in regard to sex workers.

Pick up Christopher Moore's "Heart Talk" - he explains very well the implications of the countless "jai-xxx" terms that he has chronicled. One of his better works...

[shaurene]

It depends on the individual Thai really. If a young Thai lady has elderly Falange them she expects every thing she wants, end of story.

If say a 40+ year old that has a couple children and has been married before she just wants love and respect and faithfulness and respect and understanding for her family responsibilities. If you have all those for her you have a good partner.

You will then know why western women have a lot to learn.

[Nobbie49]

BS mak mak on this thread.

Hear hear!

[kangeroo]

My darling of nine years now tells me everyday that if I had no money she would not stay with me ha ha ha and she says she looks at me same as boss and she works for boss .

Cheers. Must say though she does everything I ask of her .

[tilac2]

Thailand attracts way above is share of nasty twisted foreigners.

The sickest, most obsessive and most jealous social inadequate I've ever come across on the internet is right here on this forum.

Oh -- and he's got lots of "likes", too.

[sms747]

My darling of nine years now tells me everyday that if I had no money she would not stay with me ha ha ha and she says she looks at me same as boss and she works for boss .

Cheers. Must say though she does everything I ask of her .

As she sounds more like a well paid employee why would she not stay?

[tilac2]

Has the 'someone' that you mention used drugs to incapacitate girls?

That way they can have sex for free -- especially because many Thai girls will not report the incident to Police.

[FiftyTwo]

How does the mention of "heart", which is one of the most common Thai words used to express feelings or describe character in many forms (in conjunction with other words), specifically mark you as a person that associates with sex workers?

I fail to see the Thai cultural or social connection - with the possible exception of a Farang that only comprehends the Thai words Jai-Dee or Nam-Jai is because their sole exposure to this phrase has been in regard to sex workers.

Because it isn't a phrase commonly used in conversation among non sex workers.

And the translated use 'good heart' spoken in English is almost 100% sex worker talk, and foreigner talk that associate with sex workers.

I've always found it good policy never to repeat any Thai words commonly heard from girls working in bars, or the English translations the bar girls commonly use (or the low class foreigners repeat ..... mak mak!).

[FiftyTwo]

No, absolutely wrong. The idea of getting to know your woman over time is an idea based on solid wisdom, maturity, a lack of sexual infatuation, and just plain old intelligence. How on earth can you know if you share a level of compatibility if you are not able to spend a significant amount of time together, before committing to marriage. Much less know if you share the same dreams, aspirations, interests, viewpoints, etc. I always advise at least a year, of full time engagement. At least a year. Unless you prefer a complicated life over a simple life.

So why is the concept so new (last 60-70 years) in the world.

Historically, marriage was a business deal, sexual compatibility and love were not considered important.

To me, it appears romance and love are only considered important in countries influenced by Hollywood.

Before Hollywood started making movies, marriage for love was a concept virtually unknown in the Western world.

Edited October 20, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[swissie]

No, absolutely wrong. The idea of getting to know your woman over time is an idea based on solid wisdom, maturity, a lack of sexual infatuation, and just plain old intelligence. How on earth can you know if you share a level of compatibility if you are not able to spend a significant amount of time together, before committing to marriage. Much less know if you share the same dreams, aspirations, interests, viewpoints, etc. I always advise at least a year, of full time engagement. At least a year. Unless you prefer a complicated life over a simple life.

So why is the concept so new (last 60-70 years) in the world.

Historically, marriage was a business deal, sexual compatibility and love were not considered important.

To me, it appears romance and love are only considered important in countries influenced by Hollywood.

Before Hollywood started making movies, marriage for love was a concept virtually unknown in the Western world.

52: Agreed! In a good part of Thai-Society, the love factor has not really arrived yet. Young Thais, coming from equally wealthy backgrounds, can start to venture into the "marriage for love concept", without having to consider other things.

So, the average (more or less) handsome Farang can expect to be respected as a good provider for wife & family. Same Farang should not spend too much time of dwelling over things like "does she love me or not".

An old "Beatles" refrain comes to mind:............."can't buy me love"...........

Cheers.