What does a foreigner expect from marrying a thai ?

[fvw53]

Let us keep in mind that the quality of all human relations are based as a first step on mutual respect followed by mutual trust and finally opening the door to mutual friendship.

This does not only apply to relations between wife and husband but also to relations in the work place, to relations between nations, cultures, religions, etc...

I am married in Thailand since 25 years and after a disastrous first marriage in Europe I say to my (Thai) wife from time to time " you are my best friend" : in the beginning she did not understand this...she would reply "but I am your wife !" ...and then I say "each time I come home... I am happy to be home because of you and this was not the case during my first marriage"...

Now she understands

[abrahamzvi]

Can I reply?

I am Heavy drinker's wife. I am Thai but the thing is not to 'expect' anything. Just have love.

We married in London 22 years ago and our wedding vows were simple. It was to love and respect each other.

22 years on, we still have that love and respect. It is that easy.

Thank you for reading this.

Patsaporn

Has your uncle has left yet ?...

I don't understand either your English, nor your remark, which I assume (but am not sure) is nasty!

[spidermike007]

Not speaking to you directly, but some bloke on the dating forum wants a 'submissive' woman, no other qualities specified. Ni doubt where his priorities lie.

While you are possibly correct, it is an extraordinarily simplistic analysis of what a typical mans hopes and dreams are comprised of. Many I have met, and myself included, are expecting, and hoping for a woman who is capable of manifesting the dignity within femininity. 95%, or more Western women are incapable of that. They are scared to death of their own femininity. They view it as a weakness, instead of what it is, which is perhaps their greatest asset. The Thai women are fully capable of this. They are very comfortable being women. Many western men crave this. If I wanted to be with a man, I would be with a man. Why be with a western woman, who thinks she is a woman, but acts and thinks like a man? The other aspect of this is that local culture here does not require that you check your nut**** at the door. It is required in the west these days. The man is not allowed to make decisions, and the woman rules him with an iron fist. I know very few men in the west who wear the pants in the family. Very few. I know very few who are capable of making a decision of any consequence. It is debilitating for most men. It is incredibly hard, in my opinion for a man to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship with a western woman these days, without giving up all control. And how healthy can that be? So, for many of us who are in very healthy relationships with Thai women, it is not about dominating the relationship, and being with a submissive woman. That is primarily a notion created by western women, so be a man, and resist the drivel. It is about sharing, and being in a relationship where a woman is comfortable being a woman, and a man is comfortable acting like a man! What could be healthier than that?

[NoshowJones]

I got love, loyalty and sincerity and a lot more, I got a best friend.

Me too.

[flyingdoc]

I think that Dr Robert and Bifftastic are on the right lines !

[NoshowJones]

What does a foreigner expect from marrying a thai ?

I would guess you would expect the same things as marrying a non-Thai ?

You should expect nothing because that is what you will end up with.

Is that what happened to you?

[little mary sunshine]

HELLO, !!!! It depends on the foreigner..............

[SeabagsFull]

The way the question is worded suggests that the foreigner chose his wife based on her being Thai. I suppose that's possible for many, given the very gentle, non-aggressive nature of Thai people.

When I met my wife in early 2004, I had already concluded that marriage was an institution that distracted from love & the true nature of companionship. However, we fit so well together that I wanted her to explore life with me as a companion & friend. Without realizing it, I began tuning in to her feelings on a deeply personal level. Having never been married, she looked forward to one day being a wife. So I proposed.

My wife & I have no expectations of each other, other than that of being there. Yes, we had to work out some issues early on, but there was never a question for either of us of not getting through them.

[cbluck58]

Don't know the answer but I can tell you what I get - outstanding loyalty , two beautiful children , a happy life and someone to share my life with and there is no Thai - Farang BS in our house and a great deal of laughter but then I am lucky.

Nationality has got sweet FA to do with marriage and culture differences are easier to deal with than character differences - if you have a family, you make your own culture so the differences go out the window anyway.

[cbluck58]

The way the question is worded suggests that the foreigner chose his wife based on her being Thai. I suppose that's possible for many, given the very gentle, non-aggressive nature of Thai people.

When I met my wife in early 2004, I had already concluded that marriage was an institution that distracted from love & the true nature of companionship. However, we fit so well together that I wanted her to explore life with me as a companion & friend. Without realizing it, I began tuning in to her feelings on a deeply personal level. Having never been married, she looked forward to one day being a wife. So I proposed.

My wife & I have no expectations of each other, other than that of being there. Yes, we had to work out some issues early on, but there was never a question for either of us of not getting through them.

'Gentle and non-aggressive nature of the Thai people' - you really need to get out more!!!!

[shaurene]

I would expect her to take care of me all the time, like my Thai wife does all I expected and wanted. We never go out on our own always together and that is what she wants. Been married now 4 yrs and from our 1st meeting she took my shoes and socks off when we come back from being out and puts my socks on every time it has never changed. If my feet are tired she will massage them and my body, if the hairs on any where on my body get to long for her she cuts them.

We never fail to kiss each other when going to bed and waking up. We talk and she understands and listens as I do. We have a great relationship, I am now 72 and she is 43 and beautiful.

We are going on Holliday back to New Zealand in Nov and this will be her 7th time, I think I am very lucky with things I have heard. Oh she never gambles but like a beer like me.

[brit1984]

i expected lots of sex and not much grief

my expectations were met... just the wrong way round

[BlackJack]

i expect all the things i read about Thailand to happen

but for how long

[Halion]

This starts with a huge generalisation and then asks a question aimed at individuals.

Anyway, I can't answer what all non-Thai individuals expect from all Thai individuals. No-one can.

So, I will assume that the question was intended to be something like; "What did you expect from your wife?" perhaps with the caveat "did the fact that she was Thai alter those expectations at all?"

I expected that she would continue to be the strong independent woman that she was when I met her, that she would help me to discover more about myself and become a better person. That she would be a good mother to her children, and that she would expect similar things from me.

I expected that she would disagree with me from time to time, dislike some of the things that I did, find me irritating occasionally, but not make too much of a big deal about it.

I expected that she would meet me half way on issues that she held strong opinions on, and that she would expect the same of me.

I expected that she would have to deal with issues of a lack of understanding of me, and my culture, from her family and friends and deal with them as best she could whilst looking out for our best interests as a couple.

I expected that she would behave in ways which I found frustrating, and at times be difficult to understand, and that she would find the same traits in me.

I expected that she would love me more and more as time passed and that we would become closer and better friends than we already were.

I expected that she would make me laugh, cry, and kick the dog.

I hoped that there would be a lot of the first, not so much of the second, and a tolerable amount of the third (for the dog's sake).

So far, I have not been disappointed, and neither has the dog.

Great Post, abstract and realistic with the sentiment that one tends to get what we sow. To often people expect qualities in others that they do not hold for themselves.

[sirchai]

Some nice brown babies.-

[umbanda]

I think you need to eliminate country to get an honest answer...what does a man want when they marry a woman, Thai, Chinese, Antartican etc? If you could distill the answer and put it onto a book, it would be a best seller.

on the darker side I think there is the need for perceived control by the man, ( maybe it is an evolutionary reproductive advantage to be this way) which a Thai woman, to the unwary and uninitiated, provides, though it doesn't necessarily always follow that this is true. I think the more uninhibited/ tease/ sometimes coquettish combination style of the sexual exploits of Thai woman

( compared to western counterparts )is a lure too. There is an an apparent femininity exuded by Thai women that western women rarely exhibit openly for fear of letting down their feminist mothers/sisters, especially when it comes to choosing a mate. I think men find Thai women attractive because the provide what men desire without making them feel guilty for such attractiveness, make them feel manly, make them think they are useful ( true or otherwise) give them a sense of worth (which is not my experience with western women), make them feel sexy and sexual, which similarly I have rarely experienced in the west.

There is a iron hand in an ermine glove that makes Thai women irresistible. thai women don't normally nag, or at least they disguise it with charm and wit. Western woman complain Thai women are so obvious in their approach, but subtlety doesn't work on the average man, not the ones I know well anyhow. So I expect my needs to be fulfilled, but I also fell the need to reciprocate for it to work properly. With a Thai Woman I can feel like a King, a provider, a stud, a bastion of support at the same time as allowing myself to be vulnerable and sensitive and not so much in control. Sometimes it's good to hand over the reigns to your Queen, someone who you trust, who will protect your integrity and your emotions unconditionally.

When you find a Woman like her, Thai or otherwise, like I was lucky enough to do, marry her and never look back

Agree totally! Well said my friend!...I was married 3 times before...with western women...What a waste of time and emotions!

[kwaussie]

Agree totally Dr Robert, never been so happy, its the little things like toothpaste put on my toothbrush morning and night, no arguing ever, just love and respect each other

[sirchai]

What does WIFE stand for?

If you meant a Thai one:

Wise- Intelligent- Faithful- Educated.-

[FiftyTwo]

The way the question is worded suggests that the foreigner chose his wife based on her being Thai. I suppose that's possible for many, given the very gentle, non-aggressive nature of Thai people.

I've not met many of these gentle, non-aggressive Thais.

My wife, most of her family and all our friends would be classed as violent psychopaths in the UK.

Have I been unlucky? or do most of the posters stating these Thai values not actually know any Thais?

Back to the OP

What I expected from marrying a Thai was children, and I got what I expected, DNA tested.

Love .... didn't really expect that, so wasn't disappointed when I didn't get it.

Loyalty .... you are joking, buy a dog.

Faithfulness ..... Thai girls aren't really well known for that trait.

Friendship ...... Can you get that from a member of the opposite sex?

Edited October 20, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[sirchai]

The way the question is worded suggests that the foreigner chose his wife based on her being Thai. I suppose that's possible for many, given the very gentle, non-aggressive nature of Thai people.

I've not met many of these gentle, non-aggressive Thais.

My wife, most of her family and all our friends would be classed as violent psychopaths in the UK.

Have I been unlucky? or do most of the posters stating these Thai values not actually know any Thais?

Back to the OP

What I expected from marrying a Thai was children, and I got what I expected, DNA tested.

Love .... didn't really expect that, so wasn't disappointed when I didn't get it.

Loyalty .... you are joking, buy a dog.

Faithfulness ..... Thai girls aren't really well known for that trait.

Friendship ...... Can you get that from a member of the opposite sex?

I'd guess you're living a very shitty and bitter life then.You must be one of them who thinks they can buy love and friends.

Why don't you go back, where you came from, if there're more decent people around? -

[FiftyTwo]

I'd guess you're living a very shitty and bitter life then.You must be one of them who thinks they can buy love and friends.

Why don't you go back, where you came from, if there're more decent people around? -

Love of a woman was not something I ever considered valuable.

Love of my children, that I value. I have many male friends.

As far as I can see the way the world works, women are friends with women, men are friends with men, and the socially inadequate claim the only person that has to put up with them as their best friend.

I don't need a false sense of reality to enjoy life, it's fine as it is.

[HeavyDrinker]

Hello.

It's Heavy Drinker's wife again. (Patsaporn).

Thank you for your kind responses to my post.

There is one thing I would like to add which is that maybe if you don't think about being Thai/Farang too much and just get on with being a couple together it may be easier as well.

We lived in London for 2 years before we came here and we were just a couple.

Sometimes we would get a comment but on the whole nobody gave us a second look.

When he got the job here only ever then was it an issue but not even that much as we're the same age and I'm probably not that pretty.

Thank you for reading.

(edit by me. spacing, and she is still pretty but then me eyes aren't what they used to be. They used to be fish)

Edited October 20, 2013 by HeavyDrinker

[Mr Average]

Hello.

It's Heavy Drinker's wife again. (Patsaporn). Thank you for your kind responses to my post.There is one thing I would like to add which is that maybe if you don't think about being Thai/Farang too much and just get on with being a couple together it may be easier as well.

We lived in London for 2 years before we came here and we were just a couple. Sometimes we would get a comment but on the whole nobody gave us a second look.When he got the job here only ever then was it an issue but not even that much as we're the same age and I'm probably not that pretty.

Thank you for reading.

QUOTE: It's Heavy Drinker's wife again. (Patsaporn).

QUOTE: I'm probably not that pretty

Here's a polite tip for you: stop writing trash. And tell your husband to keep you away from the keyboard.

[Jackson86]

personally I feel that Thai women are much better than women from my own country. At least more family-oriented.

[HeavyDrinker]

Hello.

It's Heavy Drinker's wife again. (Patsaporn). Thank you for your kind responses to my post.There is one thing I would like to add which is that maybe if you don't think about being Thai/Farang too much and just get on with being a couple together it may be easier as well.

We lived in London for 2 years before we came here and we were just a couple. Sometimes we would get a comment but on the whole nobody gave us a second look.When he got the job here only ever then was it an issue but not even that much as we're the same age and I'm probably not that pretty.

Thank you for reading.

QUOTE: It's Heavy Drinker's wife again. (Patsaporn).

QUOTE: I'm probably not that pretty

Here's a polite tip for you: stop writing trash. And tell your husband to keep you away from the keyboard.

I wouldn't call that polite laddie but you should hear her speak....but she will have her say...

[David48]

Hello.

It's Heavy Drinker's wife again. (Patsaporn). Thank you for your kind responses to my post.There is one thing I would like to add which is that maybe if you don't think about being Thai/Farang too much and just get on with being a couple together it may be easier as well.

We lived in London for 2 years before we came here and we were just a couple. Sometimes we would get a comment but on the whole nobody gave us a second look.When he got the job here only ever then was it an issue but not even that much as we're the same age and I'm probably not that pretty.

Thank you for reading.

QUOTE: It's Heavy Drinker's wife again. (Patsaporn).

QUOTE: I'm probably not that pretty

Here's a polite tip for you: stop writing trash. And tell your husband to keep you away from the keyboard.

Hi there Joe ... good to see you back again ...

I reckon it's great that members partners here drop by and comment from time to time.

It adds an extra element, or perspective that we might not have.

Tis' a little sad that you are disparaging of this.

... but your opinion is as relevant as mine, HD or HD's wife.

Shame that a Candy Pants never developed a Sweet Mouth ...

[StaffsShot]

Hello.

It's Heavy Drinker's wife again. (Patsaporn). Thank you for your kind responses to my post.There is one thing I would like to add which is that maybe if you don't think about being Thai/Farang too much and just get on with being a couple together it may be easier as well.

We lived in London for 2 years before we came here and we were just a couple. Sometimes we would get a comment but on the whole nobody gave us a second look.When he got the job here only ever then was it an issue but not even that much as we're the same age and I'm probably not that pretty.

Thank you for reading.

QUOTE: It's Heavy Drinker's wife again. (Patsaporn).

QUOTE: I'm probably not that pretty

Here's a polite tip for you: stop writing trash. And tell your husband to keep you away from the keyboard.

Mr Average, what's the problem? Why so nasty? She's entitled to put her own input albeit on her husbands post

She makes a good tip, try to see it as any couple not specifically Thai /Falang

[brit1984]

Hello.

It's Heavy Drinker's wife again. (Patsaporn). Thank you for your kind responses to my post.There is one thing I would like to add which is that maybe if you don't think about being Thai/Farang too much and just get on with being a couple together it may be easier as well.

We lived in London for 2 years before we came here and we were just a couple. Sometimes we would get a comment but on the whole nobody gave us a second look.When he got the job here only ever then was it an issue but not even that much as we're the same age and I'm probably not that pretty.

Thank you for reading.

QUOTE: It's Heavy Drinker's wife again. (Patsaporn).

QUOTE: I'm probably not that pretty

Here's a polite tip for you: stop writing trash. And tell your husband to keep you away from the keyboard.

not cool

[HeavyDrinker]

Its OK! Thank you again.I think I will join here on Wednesday and have my own say if that is allowed. I think there are just some people who hate to see happiness and positive things happen here especially when their own lives have not been so happy here in Thailand.

One example. My husband is here in his room hiding from my family who are here before they go to England tomorrow. All the men came to watch football with him which has made him angry but he loved it really as he could have a drink and listen to his music.

If they were still here tomorrow....I think he would be a bit angry.

Thank you.

[elektrified]

I think you need to eliminate country to get an honest answer...what does a man want when they marry a woman, Thai, Chinese, Antartican etc? If you could distill the answer and put it onto a book, it would be a best seller.

on the darker side I think there is the need for perceived control by the man, ( maybe it is an evolutionary reproductive advantage to be this way) which a Thai woman, to the unwary and uninitiated, provides, though it doesn't necessarily always follow that this is true. I think the more uninhibited/ tease/ sometimes coquettish combination style of the sexual exploits of Thai woman

( compared to western counterparts )is a lure too. There is an an apparent femininity exuded by Thai women that western women rarely exhibit openly for fear of letting down their feminist mothers/sisters, especially when it comes to choosing a mate. I think men find Thai women attractive because the provide what men desire without making them feel guilty for such attractiveness, make them feel manly, make them think they are useful ( true or otherwise) give them a sense of worth (which is not my experience with western women), make them feel sexy and sexual, which similarly I have rarely experienced in the west.

There is a iron hand in an ermine glove that makes Thai women irresistible. thai women don't normally nag, or at least they disguise it with charm and wit. Western woman complain Thai women are so obvious in their approach, but subtlety doesn't work on the average man, not the ones I know well anyhow. So I expect my needs to be fulfilled, but I also fell the need to reciprocate for it to work properly. With a Thai Woman I can feel like a King, a provider, a stud, a bastion of support at the same time as allowing myself to be vulnerable and sensitive and not so much in control. Sometimes it's good to hand over the reigns to your Queen, someone who you trust, who will protect your integrity and your emotions unconditionally.

When you find a Woman like her, Thai or otherwise, like I was lucky enough to do, marry her and never look back

Hey Doc, your off your rocker.

I would have to agree. What a load of rubbish. What drugs are you on? Women are the same in every country of the world. And...Thais nag more than most.