Money. Who pays the bills? How much do you give your partner?

[laolover88]

I guess my wife and I are relatively well off. We have income from businesses, land, houses, cars..here and in the UK. Pretty much shared.

I guess too that my income is probably 4 times that of my wife. But she can afford pretty much what she wants and for the children..no debts etc. No "Daddy pays".

Clearly in the UK/US partners often have comparable incomes

But we have had some recent disagreements about who pays for what. She has been quizzing friends about all this...how much does your husband/partner give you?.......no bar girls here...so no silly money...!

So the questions are:

Who pays the bills? How much do you give your partner?...What's fair? Will there be honesty here?!!

I know Thais much more open about in some ways about money than 'farangs'...wife has no problem quizzing shop owners about their rent, monthly takings etc and getting answers!....have a go?

[crumpled]

While I am in the UK, I give my long time partner nothing. She has a shop in the town near her village - that I paid for to set up initially and gets income from that. When I am in Thailand I pay for everything for her and myself. Her family work the shop while we are away 'holidaying'. They pay the rent, electric and such for the shop. They also take their wages too. Her sister is in overall charge while we are away and there are no problems at all.

Obviously she goes back and takes care of the shop herself when I come back to the UK. Seems a great way of doing things to me

[anto]

My wife has her own hair saloon .We own a house togeather (payed by me ) .I pay the house electric and water ,and the stepdaughters school fee .Thats all the money i give .iF we go out to a restaurant we split the bill .She pays for her own food at home .I mostly cook my own .

PS ,I just have a very small income from investments .No pention .

Edited October 24, 2013 by anto

[i claudius]

My wife makes me a generous allowance .

[h90]

What I find disturbing is "quizzing friends" about it.

[CharlieH]

My wife takes care of me and the home, I take care of everything else.

Edited October 24, 2013 by CharlieH

[anto]

What I find disturbing is "quizzing friends" about it.

They all ( Thai women )gossip amongst themselves as to money from Husbands etc but mostly about the number of times they have sex .

[bocceball1]

Gotta love the Thai's...They have absolutely no problem asking "How much do you make?", " Nice car, how much did it cost you? Nice House, how much did you pay?" In the States we consider such questions RUDE!

But here we are in Thailand ....so gotta put aside our western ways (sometimes) as we are in Thailand! Seems to me that the Thai's are kinda like curious children sometimes not recognizing the rules of life or even thinking about it ....it might give them a headache...

Oh Well

[inthepink]

Many Thais consider those questions rude too. The only people in Thailand that have asked me how much I earn during my time here have been taxi drivers, women of ill repute and low class Westerners who think they can get away with it because they believe that Thai people think it is acceptable.

Edited October 24, 2013 by inthepink

[HardenedSoul]

My wife has her own hair saloon .We own a house togeather (payed by me ) .I pay the house electric and water ,and the stepdaughters school fee .Thats all the money i give .iF we go out to a restaurant we split the bill .She pays for her own food at home .I mostly cook my own .

Thats all the money i give

What do you mean that's all??!!

You're pretty much paying for everything major - mortgage, bills and school fees. She pays for her own food at home and you split the bill at restaurants

Doesn't sound like she brings anything to the table financially.

You might want to consider renegotiating the terms of your arrangement.

[Neeranam]

We share one bank account that my salary goes into and hers. SO I suppose we both pay the bills. My salary is much more than hers but we are married and share things.

I have separate bank accounts and credit cards for my online work which I use for luxuries. Of course I don't want to share everything, being a selfish ****

[anto]

My wife has her own hair saloon .We own a house togeather (payed by me ) .I pay the house electric and water ,and the stepdaughters school fee .Thats all the money i give .iF we go out to a restaurant we split the bill .She pays for her own food at home .I mostly cook my own .

Thats all the money i give

What do you mean that's all??!!

You're pretty much paying for everything major - mortgage, bills and school fees. She pays for her own food at home and you split the bill at restaurants

Doesn't sound like she brings anything to the table financially.

You might want to consider renegotiating the terms of your arrangement.

The house is mortgage free .House electric and water come to B2,000 a month roughly .Daughters school fee B35,000 a year .( this i may not be in a position to pay next year ) .Its the old story ,she has another child a young son to support also who lives with her ex-partner .

Things may have to be renegotiated next year due to necessity .We have talked about it and she is open to this .

[FiftyTwo]

What I find disturbing is "quizzing friends" about it.

They all ( Thai women )gossip amongst themselves as to money from Husbands etc but mostly about the number of times they have sex .

I've only found this sort of talk happening between sex workers and gold diggers.

Once you restrict your woman's opportunities to interact with these sort of people (other foreigners wives) the problem disappears. It isn't a problem in a Thai only community (or if it is a problem, it's not a problem for you as the Thai guys can't compete in any meaningful way).

Edited October 24, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[anto]

>>I've only found this sort of talk happening between sex workers and gold diggers.<<

I find it amongst middle class Thais in the suburb of Chiang Mai where i live .I only know about the sex talk as my wife is not shy about telling me ;-)

[transam]

What I find disturbing is "quizzing friends" about it.

They all ( Thai women )gossip amongst themselves as to money from Husbands etc but mostly about the number of times they have sex .

I've only found this sort of talk happening between sex workers and gold diggers.

Once to restrict your woman's ability to interact with these sort of people (other foreigners wives) the problem disappears.

BUT,.........we...........are in contact with this type of folk quite regularly just through being polite. Mrs.Trans and myself are totally pissed off with the mixed marriages in LOS that we have met. WE, have met zillions over the years and really only have a handful of friends.

[FiftyTwo]

>>I've only found this sort of talk happening between sex workers and gold diggers.<<

I find it amongst middle class Thais in the suburb of Chiang Mai where i live .I only know about the sex talk as my wife is not shy about telling me ;-)

You may be right, BUT

As I said most of the middle class Thais on my housing estate struggle to get a joint income of 30k/month with their wife working. I spend 45k/month on my household, no need for my wife to work.

Sooooooo, if they want to play that game they lose.

Maybe you should consider moving to a poorer area and tilt the playing field a little.

Previously I have lived in a farang ghetto, where the guys would often hand their misses 50k a month cash spending money, I got out of there fast.

[FiftyTwo]

BUT,.........we...........are in contact with this type of folk quite regularly just through being polite. Mrs.Trans and myself are totally pissed off with the mixed marriages in LOS that we have met. WE, have met zillions over the years and really only have a handful of friends.

I've never had any positive experience from allowing my wife to meet another foreigners wife/gf.

It just causes me (and her) grief. Strange but true.

[HardenedSoul]

What I find disturbing is "quizzing friends" about it.

They all ( Thai women )gossip amongst themselves as to money from Husbands etc but mostly about the number of times they have sex .

I've only found this sort of talk happening between sex workers and gold diggers.

Once you restrict your woman's opportunities to interact with these sort of people (other foreigners wives) the problem disappears. It isn't a problem in a Thai only community (or if it is a problem, it's not a problem for you as the Thai guys can't compete in any meaningful way).

&lt;deleted&gt;.

I know several charming, conventionally employed Thai women who often discuss sex in detail. I've been asked by more than a few for my opinion on what's reasonable regularity each week

Just like their Western counterparts

Any man who feels the need to control or impose restrictions on the type of company his wife/partner keeps clearly didn't pay attention to the important stuff during the courtship.

[PeterSmiles]

Many Thais consider those questions rude too. The only people in Thailand that have asked me how much I earn during my time here have been taxi drivers, women of ill repute and low class Westerners who think they can get away with it because they believe that Thai people think it is acceptable.

In the past week I had the Thai manager of a multinational company, guy in his thirty's with a university degree, twice at my house to solve some issues. He must have asked at least 10 times how much my house cost.

When I drive my motorbike and stop at a gas station or wherever, I always have admirers standing around the bike, as I have quite a rare and nice bike. The first question is always, how much, and they don't mean the cubic capacity .

I'm getting pretty sick of that and always tell them that I don't talk about money or that I forgot the price already.

[FiftyTwo]

I know several charming, conventionally employed Thai women who often discuss sex in detail. I've been asked by more than a few for my opinion on what's reasonable regularity each week

Just like their Western counterparts

Any man who feels the need to control or impose restrictions on the type of company his wife/partner keeps clearly didn't pay attention to the important stuff during the courtship.

I was only commenting on the money talk.

I failed to monitor my English wife's associates, and it cost me.

I will not make the same mistake with my Thai wife.

But then, HS, how would you know, you've never had a wife, children or even a long term relationship.

Advice from someone in a successful relationship I will listen to, advice from a total loser (relationship wise), forget it.

Edited October 24, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[transam]

What I find disturbing is "quizzing friends" about it.

They all ( Thai women )gossip amongst themselves as to money from Husbands etc but mostly about the number of times they have sex .

I've only found this sort of talk happening between sex workers and gold diggers.

Once you restrict your woman's opportunities to interact with these sort of people (other foreigners wives) the problem disappears. It isn't a problem in a Thai only community (or if it is a problem, it's not a problem for you as the Thai guys can't compete in any meaningful way).

&lt;deleted&gt;.

I know several charming, conventionally employed Thai women who often discuss sex in detail. I've been asked by more than a few for my opinion on what's reasonable regularity each week

Just like their Western counterparts

Any man who feels the need to control or impose restrictions on the type of company his wife/partner keeps clearly didn't pay attention to the important stuff during the courtship.

[arthurwait]

This going to run.

[Naam]

This going to run.

yeah

[anto]

This going to run.

Yes i can see the potential .;-)

[HardenedSoul]

I know several charming, conventionally employed Thai women who often discuss sex in detail. I've been asked by more than a few for my opinion on what's reasonable regularity each week

Just like their Western counterparts

Any man who feels the need to control or impose restrictions on the type of company his wife/partner keeps clearly didn't pay attention to the important stuff during the courtship.

I was only commenting on the money talk.

I failed to monitor my English wife's associates, and it cost me.

I will not make the same mistake with my Thai wife.

But then, HS, how would you know, you've never had a wife, children or even a long term relationship.

Advice from someone in a successful relationship I will listen to, advice from a total loser (relationship wise), forget it.

Loser??!!

Ha !

I've had my share of long term relationships - one for more than 12 years - and am still on wonderfully friendly terms with all but one but that aside, lemme see if I've got you straight -

1. I had the foresight to swerve marriage and divorce settlements;

2. I enjoy the company of genuinely good-looking Thai women that I don't have to pay and whose movements and friends I wouldn't dream of imposing restrictions on

3. All my finances remain firmly under my control

and you have the audacity to call me a loser??!!

I'm genuinely sorry you got hosed by your ex-wife Tommo but you've only got yourself to blame. Your ex obviously thought you were a loser and she proved it in the courts. Them's the breaks, bro - you shoulda got a pre-nup

Anyway, I don't recall offering you advice - I suspect you're beyond helping given your archaic attitude toward women.

Still, good luck with the Thai wife. How's the farm by the way?

[HardenedSoul]

I've only found this sort of talk happening between sex workers and gold diggers.

Once you restrict your woman's opportunities to interact with these sort of people (other foreigners wives) the problem disappears. It isn't a problem in a Thai only community (or if it is a problem, it's not a problem for you as the Thai guys can't compete in any meaningful way).

&lt;deleted&gt;.

I know several charming, conventionally employed Thai women who often discuss sex in detail. I've been asked by more than a few for my opinion on what's reasonable regularity each week

Just like their Western counterparts

Any man who feels the need to control or impose restrictions on the type of company his wife/partner keeps clearly didn't pay attention to the important stuff during the courtship.

Way Hay . . . all the hapless love buffoons are out tonight.

This one will be an epic

[transam]

I've only found this sort of talk happening between sex workers and gold diggers.

Once you restrict your woman's opportunities to interact with these sort of people (other foreigners wives) the problem disappears. It isn't a problem in a Thai only community (or if it is a problem, it's not a problem for you as the Thai guys can't compete in any meaningful way).

&lt;deleted&gt;.

I know several charming, conventionally employed Thai women who often discuss sex in detail. I've been asked by more than a few for my opinion on what's reasonable regularity each week

Just like their Western counterparts

Any man who feels the need to control or impose restrictions on the type of company his wife/partner keeps clearly didn't pay attention to the important stuff during the courtship.

Way Hay . . . all the hapless love buffoons are out tonight.

This one will be an epic

Your right, a toss up between your post and mine................ ..............

[kevvy]

Money pushes a lot of buttons for people. It brings up fear, anxiety, guilt, anger. A lot of negative emotions most of us like to avoid. So we avoid talking about money with our spouses until it explodes in a financial disaster or a relationship meltdown.

Even when you do sit down to talk, it can be hard to make good use of the time. Should you discuss long term goals or just go over this month’s bills? How can you avoid spiraling into a fight?My wife and I made a master list of financial goals. We also made a huge spreadsheet of our fixed and flexible expenses. We use these as guides when we’re looking at how cash flowed in and out during the month.My wife and I have a great marriage and we reap the rewards we work for. Retirement next year ......

[crumpled]

I have to admit that the chit-chat between women comparing finances can get tiresome. Far too often too much exagerration too in the hope of putting someone else down and rubbing their noses in it all for the sake of face.

My long term lady has no idea how much I get per month and has never asked. Seems she is happy with how things are.

[AYJAYDEE]

BUT,.........we...........are in contact with this type of folk quite regularly just through being polite. Mrs.Trans and myself are totally pissed off with the mixed marriages in LOS that we have met. WE, have met zillions over the years and really only have a handful of friends.

I've never had any positive experience from allowing my wife to meet another foreigners wife/gf.

It just causes me (and her) grief. Strange but true.

allowing?? lol