Money. Who pays the bills? How much do you give your partner?

rgs2001uk · October 25, 2013

^^^^^,

head to Bumrungrad and see about getting a spine implant.

anto · October 25, 2013

When I first met my wife (then GF) in Thailand she would spend every penny I gave her as if it was just a drop in the bucket. As a working man, I am not made of money, but she did not get it.

I decided to be completely open and instead let her handle the finances. She has the ATM cards to all of my accounts in Thailand and pays all the bills, all I ask is that I have enough for a new computer every year and beer money at the end of the month.

Since then there have been no issue or shortages (except when the IRS came after me) and we live a comfortable life. I have assets (that she bought), insurance and beer money every month. What more can a guy ask for?

What happens when or if you lose your job or income ? First i was thinking that you must be a Troll .Then i remember a documentary i saw on Youtube about an English man who did the same as you .As somebody already said try and find your balls ,before it is too late .

burlap · October 25, 2013

I've spent 15 of the last 30 years in Thailand. I've mostly lived in Bangkok, but I lived in a small village for 18 months. I was married to a Thai woman for 20 years and we ran a Thai restaurant in America where met lots of other Thais. I was a technical field person in Bangkok, where I worked at many Thai companies. Through this job I met many middle class Thais (and a few rich ones.) (Plus, I've gotten to know a few bar girls.)

I speak, read, and write the language pretty well. In other words I know this place a lot better than most TV posters. Yet I'm not able to make many blanket statements like: "Most Thais think that....", "Most Thais want....", "Most Thais will do .... given half a chance."

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you're new to Thailand and you're reading these blanket statements remember that they're as likely to be true as if you were reading "All Englishmen like ..." or "Most Americans think ..."

inthepink · October 25, 2013

Many Thais consider those questions rude too. The only people in Thailand that have asked me how much I earn during my time here have been taxi drivers, women of ill repute and low class Westerners who think they can get away with it because they believe that Thai people think it is acceptable.

In the past week I had the Thai manager of a multinational company, guy in his thirty's with a university degree, twice at my house to solve some issues. He must have asked at least 10 times how much my house cost.

When I drive my motorbike and stop at a gas station or wherever, I always have admirers standing around the bike, as I have quite a rare and nice bike. The first question is always, how much, and they don't mean the cubic capacity .

I'm getting pretty sick of that and always tell them that I don't talk about money or that I forgot the price already.

Not sure what a university degree has to do with it? Perhaps we are talking about slightly different types of people.

I honestly can't recall any of my gf's friends asking me how much I earn or any of the other Thai people that I have been friendly with here. I think I would remember, because that kind of question really annoys me.

Strangers in a petrol station asking the price of a rare motorbike - that kind of thing could happen anywhere in the world.

Edited October 25, 2013 by inthepink

inthepink · October 25, 2013

I've spent 15 of the last 30 years in Thailand. I've mostly lived in Bangkok, but I lived in a small village for 18 months. I was married to a Thai woman for 20 years and we ran a Thai restaurant in America where met lots of other Thais. I was a technical field person in Bangkok, where I worked at many Thai companies. Through this job I met many middle class Thais (and a few rich ones.) (Plus, I've gotten to know a few bar girls.)

I speak, read, and write the language pretty well. In other words I know this place a lot better than most TV posters. Yet I'm not able to make many blanket statements like: "Most Thais think that....", "Most Thais want....", "Most Thais will do .... given half a chance."

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you're new to Thailand and you're reading these blanket statements remember that they're as likely to be true as if you were reading "All Englishmen like ..." or "Most Americans think ..."

"All farangs like wooden floors"

I tried to argue that I disliked ridiculous generalisations such as this one, when it was mentioned to me. However, I had to admit to liking wooden floors too, which didn't help my case.

Edited October 25, 2013 by inthepink

AYJAYDEE · October 25, 2013

I've spent 15 of the last 30 years in Thailand. I've mostly lived in Bangkok, but I lived in a small village for 18 months. I was married to a Thai woman for 20 years and we ran a Thai restaurant in America where met lots of other Thais. I was a technical field person in Bangkok, where I worked at many Thai companies. Through this job I met many middle class Thais (and a few rich ones.) (Plus, I've gotten to know a few bar girls.)

I speak, read, and write the language pretty well. In other words I know this place a lot better than most TV posters. Yet I'm not able to make many blanket statements like: "Most Thais think that....", "Most Thais want....", "Most Thais will do .... given half a chance."

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you're new to Thailand and you're reading these blanket statements remember that they're as likely to be true as if you were reading "All Englishmen like ..." or "Most Americans think ..."

"All farangs like wooden floors"

I tried to argue that I disliked ridiculous generalisations such as this one, when it was mentioned to me. However, I had to admit to liking wooden floors too, which didn't help my case.

if it makes you feel any better, I prefer the rust coloured, dull finish ceramic tile floors

TheSpade · October 25, 2013

My dear friend, if one is lucky enough to find a woman with NO family, NO other problems or responsibilities, and NO ambition to do more than just tread water living in the provinces, then 10k might - I say might - be sufficient. However, in the real world, 15-20k is minimum. 10k was adequate 10 years ago.

10-15k per month is fairly normal right now even in BKK for people who have degrees and 'decent' jobs, i.e. non manual labor, customer service type stuff.

Many people I know don't earn more than that. A few do but certainly not the majority.

inthepink · October 25, 2013

I've spent 15 of the last 30 years in Thailand. I've mostly lived in Bangkok, but I lived in a small village for 18 months. I was married to a Thai woman for 20 years and we ran a Thai restaurant in America where met lots of other Thais. I was a technical field person in Bangkok, where I worked at many Thai companies. Through this job I met many middle class Thais (and a few rich ones.) (Plus, I've gotten to know a few bar girls.)

I speak, read, and write the language pretty well. In other words I know this place a lot better than most TV posters. Yet I'm not able to make many blanket statements like: "Most Thais think that....", "Most Thais want....", "Most Thais will do .... given half a chance."

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you're new to Thailand and you're reading these blanket statements remember that they're as likely to be true as if you were reading "All Englishmen like ..." or "Most Americans think ..."

"All farangs like wooden floors"

I tried to argue that I disliked ridiculous generalisations such as this one, when it was mentioned to me. However, I had to admit to liking wooden floors too, which didn't help my case.

if it makes you feel any better, I prefer the rust coloured, dull finish ceramic tile floors

it's a bit late to be telling me that now - this happened 10 years ago! Where were you when I needed you?

Edited October 25, 2013 by inthepink

AYJAYDEE · October 25, 2013

I've spent 15 of the last 30 years in Thailand. I've mostly lived in Bangkok, but I lived in a small village for 18 months. I was married to a Thai woman for 20 years and we ran a Thai restaurant in America where met lots of other Thais. I was a technical field person in Bangkok, where I worked at many Thai companies. Through this job I met many middle class Thais (and a few rich ones.) (Plus, I've gotten to know a few bar girls.)

I speak, read, and write the language pretty well. In other words I know this place a lot better than most TV posters. Yet I'm not able to make many blanket statements like: "Most Thais think that....", "Most Thais want....", "Most Thais will do .... given half a chance."

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you're new to Thailand and you're reading these blanket statements remember that they're as likely to be true as if you were reading "All Englishmen like ..." or "Most Americans think ..."

"All farangs like wooden floors"

I tried to argue that I disliked ridiculous generalisations such as this one, when it was mentioned to me. However, I had to admit to liking wooden floors too, which didn't help my case.

if it makes you feel any better, I prefer the rust coloured, dull finish ceramic tile floors

it's a bit late to be telling me that now - this happened 10 years ago! Where were you when I needed you?

picking out tiles at the building supply store

October 26, 2013

Dear Thai Visa Readers,

Well, it is time to cross the bridge. For many years I have criticised many who posted for thier, what I thought was, a cynical and head hearted view of the Thai culture, especially in regard to women. Even when out on the town, I would argue with other Foreigners about thier "jaded perspective." In one of those exchanges in a pub, an English gentleman just rolled his eyes and said "Call me when the smoke and mirrors clears and you know reality."

I am sorry to report that the smoke and mirrors are out of the way, and the reality of a complex and baffling life view are in full focus.

In a perfectly constructed model, the society is formed on "Face is most important." We, in the West, tend to operate from a model that a new acquaintance, business associate or woman we meet...is given the basic pleasant social norm...but that respect, trust and confidence is not a "right"...it is a privilege that is earned, not through words, but deeds. Not, "I expect full respect" and I can use "Face" to simply truncate any uncomfortable conversation, especially when undeniable facts are on the table. What a lovely open door to avoid any conversation that does not line thier pockets.

Business Example: The other day I visited a vendor who owes my company 3M THB. He agreed that the sum was due, but said he needed an invoice. I pointed out that he already has 1 M THB in invoices that are months overdue, so what possible benefit would another piece of A4 provide? The fact is, the contract says "Payment is due within 30 days of receipt of client funds deposit." It does not say "30 days after invoice." So, the question became, if invoices do not get addressed in a timely manner, why repeat an unsuccessful strategy, which is why I am sitting in front of you to hammer this out." He simply used the "Face Card" and refused to discuss it further. In other words, "The money is in my Bank, you are a Foreigner, have no leverage, and now can even say "You have offended me, so no payment will be made."

Relationship Example: For reasons we all know, considerable funds and assets often become under the control, in a legal sense, by women. This high trust relationship (From the Foreigner side at least) is often a fool's errand, and often does not end well. Correction, it ends extremely well for the person with the assets, for the provider of said funds...not so much.

This is the most perfect scheme I have ever seen. The law is tailored to separate a foreigner from assets, "help" is required by a "trusted" partner, and when it all goes sideways...guess who is out millions of THB. That is correct. Mr. "What smoke, what mirrors?"

At this point, for many, I am simply singing to the choir. I just wanted to announce my membership to the "What the F could I possibly been thinking?" Club.

Thinking??? As they say, the curse of being a man is we are born with two heads, but sadly, only enough blood pressure to provide circulation to one at a time.

Be well Gents...and apologies for years of yelling at you about something I knew little about, and you have either lived through, or have a friend who has.

One of my favorite life observations is that stereotypes are not conjured up and people repeat them because they are false. The Irish love to drink and fight, Aussies are lively and out going, Russians are tough as nails...etc. These "stereotypes" go on through the ages, not because people repeat silly sentences, they repeat those sentences because they are true.

So, is Thailand a mystery wrapped in an enigma in a self serving (non) logic circle that takes advantage of other cultures whose word is thier bond, who beleive facts ...are facts, that generosity is a virtue, and trust is a two way street?

Absolutely.

I guess I could tell the same story except it would not be true.

I don't sit around bars talking about it. I don't associate with people that act that way and I sure as hell would investigate what i was getting into when I fronted in money or product some one 3,000,000 baht. Be they Thai or foreigner.

I know of people that that has happened to and I am not one bit surprised. If they were back in their own country they would find a way to lose there also.

Edit

How many times back in your home country did you hear the wife took every thing in the divorce. Yet you expect Thailand to not have those kind of people.

I suppose if you had read this posting before replying you would see that there was no "money fronted." This is straight business, and we have done about 200,000,000 THB this year alone, and will continue to do business. There is a thing called cash flow and operating expenses, and vendors are expected to pay thier bills in a timely manner, especially when the funds are present and easily transferred. The fact is, this account was settled late yesterday, with the help of my Thai partner.

You have simultaneously missed the point and read far too much into this. In an odd twist, I am now reading your posting, in exactly the same way others have endured mine, so to quote a friend "Call me when the smoke and mirrors clear up."

kennypowers · October 26, 2013

Somehow this thread has degenerated into the debasement of Thais, specifically Thai women and their obsession with money. So, speaking of stereotypes, let's look at the cold hard facts:

The majority of foreign men that come to Thailand are seeking sex with young, pretty women. Some find it with hookers for a while and then marry either a hooker they fall for or other Thai girl seeking a sugar daddy to "take care", usually half their age. Some use agencies or meet "the love of their life" through an introduction - again, usually half their age or at the very least a lot younger.

The relationship is contractual from the start. Why else would a beautiful Thai woman marry a man twice her age that she has nothing in common with? She marries to elevate her wealth and that of her family. In return the man gets to sleep with a young woman as he pleases, and enjoy her maid-like efforts in the kitchen and around the home.

This is commonplace. So much so that many of the embassies offer pre nuptial templates to their citizens that include a section on how much is to be given each month to the woman in question, her dependents and family. A friend recently showed me the Swiss version.

If you marry on this basis, do not then complain that your wife "is all about the money". She is marrying you for financial security. You are marrying her for sex, companionship, to be taken care of in your old age, to have a pretty, young thing on your arm, whatever...you know your reasons.

And yes, of course she is speaking with friends and other Thais about how much you give her and the assets you share. What else is she to speak about? Your romantic weekends away? Your mutual interest in fine art, Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen? Famous Korean pop stars? Classic Thai Lakorn series?

Thai women lose face when they marry an elderly foreigner, fact. But this face is redeemed - ONLY- if you are rich and she can prove this to others - thus the gossip. As the Thai saying goes, why marry a poor foreigner when you can marry a poor Thai.

I've been reading this thread for 2 days, and I simply do not identify with this money obsession thing within a relationship. Sure, my wife and I want the best for our family, but we are no different to any other average couple. We are roughly the same age (she 34, me 35). We started dating because we had things in common and enjoyed each other's company. We like similar music, we have the same level of education, we enjoy travel, neither of us drink or smoke, etc etc.

Fact is, I could have married a stunning 18-20 year old Thai girl. I lost count of the number of times the "I have a friend or daughter line cropped up in my first year here". But what the hell would I have in common with an 18 year old Thai girl who'd barely finished school, spoke no English, was born in the mid nineties…etc etc. I choose to marry someone who was marrying me for me, someone who will be there for me regardless of how much money is in my wallet.

And what the hell would a stunning 18 year old Thai girl see in me anyway? The majority of young Thai women don't even fancy "farang". They fancy Korean pop stars and other Asian heart throbs. Sure, she'd be happy to pretend she liked the crows feet round my eyes and my receding hairline, but in truth she'd be marrying me because her parents thought it was a good idea, because a foreign man will have money and she will have a good life - and they, too. The relationship would be non-existent. The resentment would build on both sides as I got bored of the sex and she failed to find any common ground with me. At best I'd become a father figure, and we'd both end up having affairs.

The reality is that too many foreigners enter relationships in Thailand with the naive belief that they will get this subservient Thai woman that is in awe of them and wants little more than to be graced with their company. It doesn't work like that. You want a whore in the bedroom and a maid around the home you have to meet your end of the bargain, and the older and more intolerable you become, expect your end of the bargain to get more expensive.

Of course there are many loving, successful relationships where big age gaps are concerned. I have friends who have 15 years between them. But they are on the same intellectual level, one is not hugely wealthy in comparison with the other, and neither party set out to find a rich and older, or pretty and younger partner. It's a meeting of minds not a contract. And let's not kid ourselves, that type of relationship seldom happens here between Thai lady and foreign man.

For sure, rak gin mai dai (love cannot eat) as some Thais say, but if someone is only marrying you so they can eat better meals, know that their appetite will grow, and if you can't provide a bigger plate, your marriage will be in trouble.

beachproperty · October 26, 2013

I respectfully disagree MR. Kennypowers....

You state...."The majority of foreign men that come to Thailand are seeking sex with young, pretty women"

I kinda stopped reading your post after that as I'm in the minority (that is IF your statement is true about the "majority") ....Thailand was a stopover for me years ago when I was on my way to Nepal from the US. Some bad luck (looking back on it ....actually was the best thing to happen to me) ....I got sick while in Bangkok....went to the hospital and that's where I met my wife (two years younger) ...the rest is history...been married to her for 7 years and love living in Thailand

kennypowers · October 26, 2013

I respectfully disagree MR. Kennypowers....

You state...."The majority of foreign men that come to Thailand are seeking sex with young, pretty women"

I kinda stopped reading your post after that as I'm in the minority (that is IF your statement is true about the "majority") ....Thailand was a stopover for me years ago when I was on my way to Nepal from the US. Some bad luck (looking back on it ....actually was the best thing to happen to me) ....I got sick while in Bangkok....went to the hospital and that's where I met my wife (two years younger) ...the rest is history...been married to her for 7 years and love living in Thailand

I stand corrected. I shouldn't have written "the majority", I meant "a lot". Things have definitely changed since I first came here. Many young guys, and indeed girls, particularly those with the freedom of working online are moving here, which is started to break up the stereotype a tad. In my friendship group there are 4 Thai-foreign couples all under 35.

Lovely story. Here's to another 7 years of happiness and beyond for you both.

JLCrab · October 26, 2013

Re extended post #101: Reality sucks, don't it?

laolover88 · October 26, 2013

I am amazed at what posters have written. Most relationships everywhere in the world are in some sense 'contractual'.There are, in any relationship, inevitable trade-offs between income, property, childcare, love, sex, housework, freedoms etc. etc, Thais are no different from people anywhere else when it comes to securing their family and children. What I was interested in really, probably badly expressed, was whether rampant inflation in Thailand...houses, land, goods and fluctuating, and of course manipulated, exchange rates were putting any strain on relationships!!

HardenedSoul · October 26, 2013

Somehow this thread has degenerated into the debasement of Thais, specifically Thai women and their obsession with money. So, speaking of stereotypes, let's look at the cold hard facts:

The majority of foreign men that come to Thailand are seeking sex with young, pretty women. Some find it with hookers for a while and then marry either a hooker they fall for or other Thai girl seeking a sugar daddy to "take care", usually half their age. Some use agencies or meet "the love of their life" through an introduction - again, usually half their age or at the very least a lot younger.

The relationship is contractual from the start. Why else would a beautiful Thai woman marry a man twice her age that she has nothing in common with? She marries to elevate her wealth and that of her family. In return the man gets to sleep with a young woman as he pleases, and enjoy her maid-like efforts in the kitchen and around the home.

This is commonplace. So much so that many of the embassies offer pre nuptial templates to their citizens that include a section on how much is to be given each month to the woman in question, her dependents and family. A friend recently showed me the Swiss version.

If you marry on this basis, do not then complain that your wife "is all about the money". She is marrying you for financial security. You are marrying her for sex, companionship, to be taken care of in your old age, to have a pretty, young thing on your arm, whatever...you know your reasons.

And yes, of course she is speaking with friends and other Thais about how much you give her and the assets you share. What else is she to speak about? Your romantic weekends away? Your mutual interest in fine art, Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen? Famous Korean pop stars? Classic Thai Lakorn series?

Thai women lose face when they marry an elderly foreigner, fact. But this face is redeemed - ONLY- if you are rich and she can prove this to others - thus the gossip. As the Thai saying goes, why marry a poor foreigner when you can marry a poor Thai.

I've been reading this thread for 2 days, and I simply do not identify with this money obsession thing within a relationship. Sure, my wife and I want the best for our family, but we are no different to any other average couple. We are roughly the same age (she 34, me 35). We started dating because we had things in common and enjoyed each other's company. We like similar music, we have the same level of education, we enjoy travel, neither of us drink or smoke, etc etc.

Fact is, I could have married a stunning 18-20 year old Thai girl. I lost count of the number of times the "I have a friend or daughter line cropped up in my first year here". But what the hell would I have in common with an 18 year old Thai girl who'd barely finished school, spoke no English, was born in the mid nineties…etc etc. I choose to marry someone who was marrying me for me, someone who will be there for me regardless of how much money is in my wallet.

And what the hell would a stunning 18 year old Thai girl see in me anyway? The majority of young Thai women don't even fancy "farang". They fancy Korean pop stars and other Asian heart throbs. Sure, she'd be happy to pretend she liked the crows feet round my eyes and my receding hairline, but in truth she'd be marrying me because her parents thought it was a good idea, because a foreign man will have money and she will have a good life - and they, too. The relationship would be non-existent. The resentment would build on both sides as I got bored of the sex and she failed to find any common ground with me. At best I'd become a father figure, and we'd both end up having affairs.

The reality is that too many foreigners enter relationships in Thailand with the naive belief that they will get this subservient Thai woman that is in awe of them and wants little more than to be graced with their company. It doesn't work like that. You want a whore in the bedroom and a maid around the home you have to meet your end of the bargain, and the older and more intolerable you become, expect your end of the bargain to get more expensive.

Of course there are many loving, successful relationships where big age gaps are concerned. I have friends who have 15 years between them. But they are on the same intellectual level, one is not hugely wealthy in comparison with the other, and neither party set out to find a rich and older, or pretty and younger partner. It's a meeting of minds not a contract. And let's not kid ourselves, that type of relationship seldom happens here between Thai lady and foreign man.

For sure, rak gin mai dai (love cannot eat) as some Thais say, but if someone is only marrying you so they can eat better meals, know that their appetite will grow, and if you can't provide a bigger plate, your marriage will be in trouble.

Nice

FiftyTwo · October 26, 2013

Somehow this thread has degenerated into the debasement of Thais, specifically Thai women and their obsession with money. So, speaking of stereotypes, let's look at the cold hard facts:

The majority of foreign men that come to Thailand are seeking sex with young, pretty women. Some find it with hookers for a while and then marry either a hooker they fall for or other Thai girl seeking a sugar daddy to "take care", usually half their age. Some use agencies or meet "the love of their life" through an introduction - again, usually half their age or at the very least a lot younger.

The relationship is contractual from the start. Why else would a beautiful Thai woman marry a man twice her age that she has nothing in common with? She marries to elevate her wealth and that of her family. In return the man gets to sleep with a young woman as he pleases, and enjoy her maid-like efforts in the kitchen and around the home.

This is commonplace. So much so that many of the embassies offer pre nuptial templates to their citizens that include a section on how much is to be given each month to the woman in question, her dependents and family. A friend recently showed me the Swiss version.

If you marry on this basis, do not then complain that your wife "is all about the money". She is marrying you for financial security. You are marrying her for sex, companionship, to be taken care of in your old age, to have a pretty, young thing on your arm, whatever...you know your reasons.

And yes, of course she is speaking with friends and other Thais about how much you give her and the assets you share. What else is she to speak about? Your romantic weekends away? Your mutual interest in fine art, Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen? Famous Korean pop stars? Classic Thai Lakorn series?

Thai women lose face when they marry an elderly foreigner, fact. But this face is redeemed - ONLY- if you are rich and she can prove this to others - thus the gossip. As the Thai saying goes, why marry a poor foreigner when you can marry a poor Thai.

I've been reading this thread for 2 days, and I simply do not identify with this money obsession thing within a relationship. Sure, my wife and I want the best for our family, but we are no different to any other average couple. We are roughly the same age (she 34, me 35). We started dating because we had things in common and enjoyed each other's company. We like similar music, we have the same level of education, we enjoy travel, neither of us drink or smoke, etc etc.

Fact is, I could have married a stunning 18-20 year old Thai girl. I lost count of the number of times the "I have a friend or daughter line cropped up in my first year here". But what the hell would I have in common with an 18 year old Thai girl who'd barely finished school, spoke no English, was born in the mid ninetiesetc etc. I choose to marry someone who was marrying me for me, someone who will be there for me regardless of how much money is in my wallet.

And what the hell would a stunning 18 year old Thai girl see in me anyway? The majority of young Thai women don't even fancy "farang". They fancy Korean pop stars and other Asian heart throbs. Sure, she'd be happy to pretend she liked the crows feet round my eyes and my receding hairline, but in truth she'd be marrying me because her parents thought it was a good idea, because a foreign man will have money and she will have a good life - and they, too. The relationship would be non-existent. The resentment would build on both sides as I got bored of the sex and she failed to find any common ground with me. At best I'd become a father figure, and we'd both end up having affairs.

The reality is that too many foreigners enter relationships in Thailand with the naive belief that they will get this subservient Thai woman that is in awe of them and wants little more than to be graced with their company. It doesn't work like that. You want a whore in the bedroom and a maid around the home you have to meet your end of the bargain, and the older and more intolerable you become, expect your end of the bargain to get more expensive.

Of course there are many loving, successful relationships where big age gaps are concerned. I have friends who have 15 years between them. But they are on the same intellectual level, one is not hugely wealthy in comparison with the other, and neither party set out to find a rich and older, or pretty and younger partner. It's a meeting of minds not a contract. And let's not kid ourselves, that type of relationship seldom happens here between Thai lady and foreign man.

For sure, rak gin mai dai (love cannot eat) as some Thais say, but if someone is only marrying you so they can eat better meals, know that their appetite will grow, and if you can't provide a bigger plate, your marriage will be in trouble.

This post is just silly on so many levels.

Yep, men come to Thailand seeking young pretty SLIM women, same for old and young men.

It's just the young men have to go home after their holiday money runs out.

They aren't interacting with a better quality of woman, they just aren't experienced enough (or here long enough) to recognise that.

The truth is too many MEN enter into relationships with women where they will be stripped of everything they have.

The ugly truth is, in almost every heterosexual relationship, the usual flow of money is from the man to the woman. By the end of the relationship, she has made a net gain, he has made a net loss.

Good luck getting that Korean pop star, Koreans wouldn't look twice at a Thai girl, they want a Korean girl.

In the end everyone who wants a relationship, has to settle for what they can get.

You make the bet and take your chance. Don't let your fear put you off.

Edited October 26, 2013 by FiftyTwo

kennypowers · October 26, 2013

Somehow this thread has degenerated into the debasement of Thais, specifically Thai women and their obsession with money. So, speaking of stereotypes, let's look at the cold hard facts:

The majority of foreign men that come to Thailand are seeking sex with young, pretty women. Some find it with hookers for a while and then marry either a hooker they fall for or other Thai girl seeking a sugar daddy to "take care", usually half their age. Some use agencies or meet "the love of their life" through an introduction - again, usually half their age or at the very least a lot younger.

The relationship is contractual from the start. Why else would a beautiful Thai woman marry a man twice her age that she has nothing in common with? She marries to elevate her wealth and that of her family. In return the man gets to sleep with a young woman as he pleases, and enjoy her maid-like efforts in the kitchen and around the home.

This is commonplace. So much so that many of the embassies offer pre nuptial templates to their citizens that include a section on how much is to be given each month to the woman in question, her dependents and family. A friend recently showed me the Swiss version.

If you marry on this basis, do not then complain that your wife "is all about the money". She is marrying you for financial security. You are marrying her for sex, companionship, to be taken care of in your old age, to have a pretty, young thing on your arm, whatever...you know your reasons.

And yes, of course she is speaking with friends and other Thais about how much you give her and the assets you share. What else is she to speak about? Your romantic weekends away? Your mutual interest in fine art, Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen? Famous Korean pop stars? Classic Thai Lakorn series?

Thai women lose face when they marry an elderly foreigner, fact. But this face is redeemed - ONLY- if you are rich and she can prove this to others - thus the gossip. As the Thai saying goes, why marry a poor foreigner when you can marry a poor Thai.

I've been reading this thread for 2 days, and I simply do not identify with this money obsession thing within a relationship. Sure, my wife and I want the best for our family, but we are no different to any other average couple. We are roughly the same age (she 34, me 35). We started dating because we had things in common and enjoyed each other's company. We like similar music, we have the same level of education, we enjoy travel, neither of us drink or smoke, etc etc.

Fact is, I could have married a stunning 18-20 year old Thai girl. I lost count of the number of times the "I have a friend or daughter line cropped up in my first year here". But what the hell would I have in common with an 18 year old Thai girl who'd barely finished school, spoke no English, was born in the mid ninetiesetc etc. I choose to marry someone who was marrying me for me, someone who will be there for me regardless of how much money is in my wallet.

And what the hell would a stunning 18 year old Thai girl see in me anyway? The majority of young Thai women don't even fancy "farang". They fancy Korean pop stars and other Asian heart throbs. Sure, she'd be happy to pretend she liked the crows feet round my eyes and my receding hairline, but in truth she'd be marrying me because her parents thought it was a good idea, because a foreign man will have money and she will have a good life - and they, too. The relationship would be non-existent. The resentment would build on both sides as I got bored of the sex and she failed to find any common ground with me. At best I'd become a father figure, and we'd both end up having affairs.

The reality is that too many foreigners enter relationships in Thailand with the naive belief that they will get this subservient Thai woman that is in awe of them and wants little more than to be graced with their company. It doesn't work like that. You want a whore in the bedroom and a maid around the home you have to meet your end of the bargain, and the older and more intolerable you become, expect your end of the bargain to get more expensive.

Of course there are many loving, successful relationships where big age gaps are concerned. I have friends who have 15 years between them. But they are on the same intellectual level, one is not hugely wealthy in comparison with the other, and neither party set out to find a rich and older, or pretty and younger partner. It's a meeting of minds not a contract. And let's not kid ourselves, that type of relationship seldom happens here between Thai lady and foreign man.

For sure, rak gin mai dai (love cannot eat) as some Thais say, but if someone is only marrying you so they can eat better meals, know that their appetite will grow, and if you can't provide a bigger plate, your marriage will be in trouble.

This post is just silly on so many levels.

Yep, men come to Thailand seeking young pretty SLIM women, same for old and young men.

It's just the young men have to go home after their holiday money runs out.

They aren't interacting with a better quality of woman, they just aren't experienced enough (or here long enough) to recognise that.

The truth is too many MEN enter into relationships with women where they will be stripped of everything they have.

The ugly truth is, in almost every heterosexual relationship, the usual flow of money is from the man to the woman. By the end of the relationship, she has made a net gain, he has made a net loss.

Good luck getting that Korean pop star, Koreans wouldn't look twice at a Thai girl, they want a Korean girl.

In the end everyone who wants a relationship, has to settle for what they can get.

You make the bet and take your chance. Don't let your fear put you off.

I am still waiting for you to point out on what levels my post was silly?

In fact I am pretty sure you didn't read my post properly.

No girl is waiting for a Korean pop star to marry, it's just a natural thing for a teenager to fantasise about. They are young, it's what they should be doing. Moreover, Thai women are generally more emotionally immature than western women in my experience, thus the reason you hear so marry foreigners moaning about the childish behaviour of their partner.

Your point about young guys going home is invalid. I am not talking about tourists desperate to extend for a few months and find any way to stay. I am talking about guys making a decision to live here long term.

I moved here when I was 29. Tall, athletic and never having had a problem getting women back home, one might say I had my pick. But I am not so foolish as to choose a woman half my age with whom I have nothing in common with just because she says I look "handsum".

You make your bed, you must lie in it.

falkan · October 26, 2013

pay? me? no no..i point i get, gf pay!

FiftyTwo · October 26, 2013

I am still waiting for you to point out on what levels my post was silly? In fact I am pretty sure you didn't read my post properly.

No girl is waiting for a Korean pop star to marry, it's just a natural thing for a teenager to fantasise about. They are young, it's what they should be doing. Moreover, Thai women are generally more emotionally immature than western women in my experience, thus the reason you hear so marry foreigners moaning about the childish behaviour of their partner.

Your point about young guys going home is invalid. I am not talking about tourists desperate to extend for a few months and find any way to stay. I am talking about guys making a decision to live here long term.

I moved here when I was 29. Tall, athletic and never having had a problem getting women back home, one might say I had my pick. But I am not so foolish as to choose a woman half my age with whom I have nothing in common with just because she says I look "handsum".

You make your bed, you must lie in it.

I don't think many of us are looking for teenage girls.

Choosing a girl half your age (29/2 = 14.5) would be illegal.

Usually my wife makes my bed.

kennypowers · October 26, 2013

I am still waiting for you to point out on what levels my post was silly? In fact I am pretty sure you didn't read my post properly.

No girl is waiting for a Korean pop star to marry, it's just a natural thing for a teenager to fantasise about. They are young, it's what they should be doing. Moreover, Thai women are generally more emotionally immature than western women in my experience, thus the reason you hear so marry foreigners moaning about the childish behaviour of their partner.

Your point about young guys going home is invalid. I am not talking about tourists desperate to extend for a few months and find any way to stay. I am talking about guys making a decision to live here long term.

I moved here when I was 29. Tall, athletic and never having had a problem getting women back home, one might say I had my pick. But I am not so foolish as to choose a woman half my age with whom I have nothing in common with just because she says I look "handsum".

You make your bed, you must lie in it.

I don't think many of us are looking for teenage girls.

Choosing a girl half your age (29/2 = 14.5) would be illegal.

Usually my wife makes my bed.

The typical facetious ThaiVisa answer when he/she has no answer of real value, and knows that you are right. Over and out.

JLCrab · October 26, 2013

What's silly? Saying that we get along because we like similar music. I like Mor Lam -- she hates it.

ChrisB87 · October 27, 2013

Well, i pay for everything. She takes care of our daughter and isn't earning right now.

And she has managed to use her 'Jedi mind control abilities' to get me to build her a house!

I fear I'm going to get a spanking from Hardened Soul for this one!

Edited October 27, 2013 by ChrisB87

October 27, 2013

Somehow this thread has degenerated into the debasement of Thais, specifically Thai women and their obsession with money. So, speaking of stereotypes, let's look at the cold hard facts:

The majority of foreign men that come to Thailand are seeking sex with young, pretty women. Some find it with hookers for a while and then marry either a hooker they fall for or other Thai girl seeking a sugar daddy to "take care", usually half their age. Some use agencies or meet "the love of their life" through an introduction - again, usually half their age or at the very least a lot younger.

The relationship is contractual from the start. Why else would a beautiful Thai woman marry a man twice her age that she has nothing in common with? She marries to elevate her wealth and that of her family. In return the man gets to sleep with a young woman as he pleases, and enjoy her maid-like efforts in the kitchen and around the home.

This is commonplace. So much so that many of the embassies offer pre nuptial templates to their citizens that include a section on how much is to be given each month to the woman in question, her dependents and family. A friend recently showed me the Swiss version.

If you marry on this basis, do not then complain that your wife "is all about the money". She is marrying you for financial security. You are marrying her for sex, companionship, to be taken care of in your old age, to have a pretty, young thing on your arm, whatever...you know your reasons.

And yes, of course she is speaking with friends and other Thais about how much you give her and the assets you share. What else is she to speak about? Your romantic weekends away? Your mutual interest in fine art, Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen? Famous Korean pop stars? Classic Thai Lakorn series?

Thai women lose face when they marry an elderly foreigner, fact. But this face is redeemed - ONLY- if you are rich and she can prove this to others - thus the gossip. As the Thai saying goes, why marry a poor foreigner when you can marry a poor Thai.

I've been reading this thread for 2 days, and I simply do not identify with this money obsession thing within a relationship. Sure, my wife and I want the best for our family, but we are no different to any other average couple. We are roughly the same age (she 34, me 35). We started dating because we had things in common and enjoyed each other's company. We like similar music, we have the same level of education, we enjoy travel, neither of us drink or smoke, etc etc.

Fact is, I could have married a stunning 18-20 year old Thai girl. I lost count of the number of times the "I have a friend or daughter line cropped up in my first year here". But what the hell would I have in common with an 18 year old Thai girl who'd barely finished school, spoke no English, was born in the mid nineties…etc etc. I choose to marry someone who was marrying me for me, someone who will be there for me regardless of how much money is in my wallet.

And what the hell would a stunning 18 year old Thai girl see in me anyway? The majority of young Thai women don't even fancy "farang". They fancy Korean pop stars and other Asian heart throbs. Sure, she'd be happy to pretend she liked the crows feet round my eyes and my receding hairline, but in truth she'd be marrying me because her parents thought it was a good idea, because a foreign man will have money and she will have a good life - and they, too. The relationship would be non-existent. The resentment would build on both sides as I got bored of the sex and she failed to find any common ground with me. At best I'd become a father figure, and we'd both end up having affairs.

The reality is that too many foreigners enter relationships in Thailand with the naive belief that they will get this subservient Thai woman that is in awe of them and wants little more than to be graced with their company. It doesn't work like that. You want a whore in the bedroom and a maid around the home you have to meet your end of the bargain, and the older and more intolerable you become, expect your end of the bargain to get more expensive.

Of course there are many loving, successful relationships where big age gaps are concerned. I have friends who have 15 years between them. But they are on the same intellectual level, one is not hugely wealthy in comparison with the other, and neither party set out to find a rich and older, or pretty and younger partner. It's a meeting of minds not a contract. And let's not kid ourselves, that type of relationship seldom happens here between Thai lady and foreign man.

For sure, rak gin mai dai (love cannot eat) as some Thais say, but if someone is only marrying you so they can eat better meals, know that their appetite will grow, and if you can't provide a bigger plate, your marriage will be in trouble.

This is simply one of the best thought out, civilized and well written postings I have ever seen on this forum. I happen to agree with you 100%, and the compliment here is, that even if I did not, I would still appreciate your tone and mastery of the language.

Best to you and your continued success in Thailand.

AYJAYDEE · October 27, 2013

Somehow this thread has degenerated into the debasement of Thais, specifically Thai women and their obsession with money. So, speaking of stereotypes, let's look at the cold hard facts:

The majority of foreign men that come to Thailand are seeking sex with young, pretty women. Some find it with hookers for a while and then marry either a hooker they fall for or other Thai girl seeking a sugar daddy to "take care", usually half their age. Some use agencies or meet "the love of their life" through an introduction - again, usually half their age or at the very least a lot younger.

The relationship is contractual from the start. Why else would a beautiful Thai woman marry a man twice her age that she has nothing in common with? She marries to elevate her wealth and that of her family. In return the man gets to sleep with a young woman as he pleases, and enjoy her maid-like efforts in the kitchen and around the home.

This is commonplace. So much so that many of the embassies offer pre nuptial templates to their citizens that include a section on how much is to be given each month to the woman in question, her dependents and family. A friend recently showed me the Swiss version.

If you marry on this basis, do not then complain that your wife "is all about the money". She is marrying you for financial security. You are marrying her for sex, companionship, to be taken care of in your old age, to have a pretty, young thing on your arm, whatever...you know your reasons.

And yes, of course she is speaking with friends and other Thais about how much you give her and the assets you share. What else is she to speak about? Your romantic weekends away? Your mutual interest in fine art, Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen? Famous Korean pop stars? Classic Thai Lakorn series?

Thai women lose face when they marry an elderly foreigner, fact. But this face is redeemed - ONLY- if you are rich and she can prove this to others - thus the gossip. As the Thai saying goes, why marry a poor foreigner when you can marry a poor Thai.

I've been reading this thread for 2 days, and I simply do not identify with this money obsession thing within a relationship. Sure, my wife and I want the best for our family, but we are no different to any other average couple. We are roughly the same age (she 34, me 35). We started dating because we had things in common and enjoyed each other's company. We like similar music, we have the same level of education, we enjoy travel, neither of us drink or smoke, etc etc.

Fact is, I could have married a stunning 18-20 year old Thai girl. I lost count of the number of times the "I have a friend or daughter line cropped up in my first year here". But what the hell would I have in common with an 18 year old Thai girl who'd barely finished school, spoke no English, was born in the mid nineties…etc etc. I choose to marry someone who was marrying me for me, someone who will be there for me regardless of how much money is in my wallet.

And what the hell would a stunning 18 year old Thai girl see in me anyway? The majority of young Thai women don't even fancy "farang". They fancy Korean pop stars and other Asian heart throbs. Sure, she'd be happy to pretend she liked the crows feet round my eyes and my receding hairline, but in truth she'd be marrying me because her parents thought it was a good idea, because a foreign man will have money and she will have a good life - and they, too. The relationship would be non-existent. The resentment would build on both sides as I got bored of the sex and she failed to find any common ground with me. At best I'd become a father figure, and we'd both end up having affairs.

The reality is that too many foreigners enter relationships in Thailand with the naive belief that they will get this subservient Thai woman that is in awe of them and wants little more than to be graced with their company. It doesn't work like that. You want a whore in the bedroom and a maid around the home you have to meet your end of the bargain, and the older and more intolerable you become, expect your end of the bargain to get more expensive.

Of course there are many loving, successful relationships where big age gaps are concerned. I have friends who have 15 years between them. But they are on the same intellectual level, one is not hugely wealthy in comparison with the other, and neither party set out to find a rich and older, or pretty and younger partner. It's a meeting of minds not a contract. And let's not kid ourselves, that type of relationship seldom happens here between Thai lady and foreign man.

For sure, rak gin mai dai (love cannot eat) as some Thais say, but if someone is only marrying you so they can eat better meals, know that their appetite will grow, and if you can't provide a bigger plate, your marriage will be in trouble.

This is simply one of the best thought out, civilized and well written postings I have ever seen on this forum. I happen to agree with you 100%, and the compliment here is, that even if I did not, I would still appreciate your tone and mastery of the language.

Best to you and your continued success in Thailand.

it is however an slight overgeneralization

elektrified · October 27, 2013

The bills are paid by whoever is the first to see it in the mailbox basically. The wife makes about 150 000thb/month. I make considerably more. We have minimal expenses (no debt) so were lucky to not have to think about money all that much.

150,000 THB a month? That's more than US$1000 a week. She a Neuro surgeon?

LOL dude get real. You think a Neurosurgeon in Thailand makes a measly 150K THB per month? The g/f's mother had neurosurgery and the bill was over 450K THB.

FiftyTwo · October 27, 2013

LOL dude get real. You think a Neurosurgeon in Thailand makes a measly 150K THB per month? The g/f's mother had neurosurgery and the bill was over 450K THB.

Doctors in government hospitals are paid 30-50k/month.

Edited October 27, 2013 by FiftyTwo

JLCrab · October 27, 2013

I like the line in Post #101 where the gent says that he lost count over the number of introduction offers he received from friends or relatives of stunning young Thai women. He doesn't say however that the young Thai women ever approached him themselves. Maybe the stunning young Thai women discerned something in the tall-athletic guy their prospective matchmakers did not.

elektrified · October 27, 2013

LOL dude get real. You think a Neurosurgeon in Thailand makes a measly 150K THB per month? The g/f's mother had neurosurgery and the bill was over 450K THB.

Doctors in government hospitals are paid 30-50k/month.

LOL who is talking about a Doctor in a government hospital? And you won't find neurosurgeons working for 30-50K I'm sorry to say.

timewilltell · October 27, 2013

Hmm this thread got slightly derailed but interesting nonetheless. For my position having been scammed after 9 years of marriage (the ex now in prison) and left to care for my several children (which is a wonder for me not a hardship except financially where formerly everything was 'kushdie') and with no assets left as they have all been defrauded, living with a partner and discussing finances is difficult, especially as I am in my later years. With children herself and an ex who couldn't give a damn, what could be expected as a contribution from her to our whole family expenses? Maybe nothing since she has to help out with cooking and cleaning for all of us?

As a result I pay everything and we are currently trying to find a way to make a worthwhile business, not easy to reinvent oneself when the several ways of making a fortune from my a Western life are denied me here.

Should she contribute to the household expenses when she has her own kids from a previous marriage to pay for? Should I expect her to try to enforce maintenance from her ex? Should I pay for everything? Should I just give up and slit my throat? Who the hell cares anyway?

At the end of the day everyone deals with their own situation, which here more than most places can change at the drop of a hat.

I would like to believe in Karma since I believe we are both basically good people, but karma does not pay the bills. Life's rich tapestry I suppose.

Still there us always someone worse off than us so gripe over.

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