Moving back to the UK with a Thai wife

[lormakmak]

Sad story there LMM, but I have hopes that not all Thai ladies would behave the same way.

I'm happy living in Thailand with my wife, but would like to think I could take her back to the UK.

I agree that it could be anyone from anywhere in the world that could and would have done it to me.... but there does seem to be a pattern within particular asian ladies and their spouses who get shipped over here, previous to this is was the eastern bloc brides doing it....

it was probably on the cards but I do feel that my soon to be ex was revved up by her co workers/friends as unlike the other saps/men who I encountered at these social Thai BBQ's(and they may be very happy picking up their drunk wife @4am after she has been clubbing or looking after 'her' kids whilst she gallivants around the bars appearing to the other patrons as if she is up for grabs) I put my foot down and would only tolerate so much....

I was fortunate that we never had any children other wise i'd be typing this from my parents house and being called Ronnie Corbert out of 'Sorry'

I reiterate it's not just Thai ladies....it's just my experience and one I will not be doing again anytime soon

Cheers

[FACTOR]

OP, in my experience, albeit limited, (thank God?) Thai women, especially from issan and Lao, are resilient and flexible. As long as she has the kid and as long as you can get her some of her own food, she should be fine in the UK. Will you send a little bit of money home to her family from time to time? That might help her appreciate being in the UK too

[FiftyTwo]

Sorry finger and brain trouble, Sadly Transam is correct most blokes do not have a clue as to the real state of their marriage, they believe what their wives tell them. not saying anything against posters here,

So true, my wife was English, fell in with the wrong crowd of women, marriage over after 25 years and I didn't have a clue until she moved out. Thought she loved me 555, what a mug I was.

Despite what HS suggests, it appears to me, it can happen to any married bloke at any time.

Not about us being not confident or needy or beta males.

Edited November 16, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[Midfield General]

My wife was not from Issan but she was a bar girl who i met in Pattaya. She was an angel when i first met her and really was ''the one who was different''. After living with her for two years in Thailand we decided to move back to the UK. Things were ok at first the only draw back being the stares and smirks in the local supermarket and the piss taking from my mattes about my ''Thai Bride'' but i expected all that and accepted it. There is only 7 years between us but a massive height difference. I'm 6 ft 1 and she is 5ft

This is when the transformation took place. This lovely gentle women became a monster. I got her a job in a local Thai Restaurant so she could meet Thai people in our city. Unfortunately the crowd she got in with were all gambling maniacs regularly blowing all their wages in the local casinos and bookmakers. Her new workmates were also all ex bar girls. She was borrowing money fro loan sharks behind my back and vanishing for a couple of days at a time and going berserk if i questioned her.

Eventually i found out she was cheating on me with some married local creep she had met in a pub . To make matters worse she had fallen pregnant to him and had an abortion. I found this out at a later date.

Before i found out about her affair she had pursued me to invest a lot of money into buying a restaurant which went bust costing me thousands of pounds.

She was a pathological liar who was prone to bouts of violence regularly smashing up my house.

The only blessing in disguise is that we had no kids of our own.

I am now happily divorced with a lot less money than before but at least now i have peace of mind.

Good luck

So she was "VANISHING" for a couple of days at a time, but you then invested "a lot of money" in a violent liar, who regularly smashed up your house. <deleted> was you thinking about ?

That is something i will ask myself until my dying day.

[metisdead]

Posts containing profanities and inappropriate language have been removed.

[simple1]

OP: Do a search on TV for "queen bee" that also provides some insight on challenges that may be encountered

[FiftyTwo]

So she was "VANISHING" for a couple of days at a time, but you then invested "a lot of money" in a violent liar, who regularly smashed up your house. <deleted> was you thinking about ?

That is something i will ask myself until my dying day.

Mate, it's happened to loads of us, no point asking yourself, because it wasn't your fault.

It's about time we men stopped questioning ourselves for stuff that happens beyond our control.

Edited November 16, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[TheNativeSon]

Beetlejuice (point by point)

Known my wife since I was about 3-6 months in and been with her properly about 4 years.

Yes, officially married since March 2012

Never done a DNA test but I am named on the birth certificate and am in absolutely no doubt of the fact

Guaranteed some casual work while I find something better. Never had much difficulty before and from speaking to a couple of recruiters in my industry it shouldn't be that difficult.

Enough savings to get me on my feet, then bring the wife and baby over when I am earning better money.

Appreciate the sentiment/warning. I guess that applies to most marriages in some way. Not too concerned at this stage as I have never seen my wife being anything other than a very genuine, honest and decent person.

READ THIS ~

Asian women "always" have a secret (hidden) side to their lives, even when they are married (with children) to Asian men. Thai women are no exception to that rule. it's integral with Asian culture. Asian women have 3-faces (3-separate lives) One face for the "farang" boyfriend. One face for her family. One face for the public (girlfriends, boyfriends, work colleagues, etc.)

True story ~ a work colleague of mine, married an 18-year old Vietnamese (boat people refugee) woman in the U.S., back in 1980. They had no children for the first 7-years of their marriage, because the wife went to college long enough to get a Master's degree from UCLA. In 1988 & 1991 she gave birth. In 2005, she returned to Vietnam, together with her two teenage (American mixed-race) children, to visit with her family. One month later, see put her children on the return flight to the U.S., leading them to believe that she, their "mommy" would follow soon, after she made sure that "grandma" was OK. As of 2009 she had still not returned to the U.S., despite the fact that she is a U.S. citizen. I don't know the rest of the story, because I retired in 2009, then move to Thailand.

The point here is that, the "seasian" woman abandoned her own American-born children. Her reasoning, as I was told, wss that her "old momma" and family (whom she no longer actually knew, after nearly 30-years absence) really, really needed her help.

Know for a fact, that the "birth" family ALWAYS comes first, with Asian women. And, the love of her life will ALWAYS be the young Asian boyfriend who busted her cherry first. Again, Thai women are no exception. Thai women are Asians, first, last and ALWAYS.

Now, did you actually have a planned-parenthood agreement with your wife before she got pregnant? Or did she just spring it you, out of the blue? Be honest with yourself, sir!

Get a DNA test done, before you even THINK about taking your Thai wife to the UK. Let the wisdom of many lessons taught to many other Brits, who also "believed" their Thai wife was different. Look before you leap. If your wife goes into a rage, at the DNA suggestion, then that will definitely be a clue that somethings up, or dodgey as you Brits say.

Don't come back to this website, in a couple of years, "crying" that no one gave you any sound advice from the experienced "farang" community in Thailand. K?

[TheNativeSon]

So she was "VANISHING" for a couple of days at a time, but you then invested "a lot of money" in a violent liar, who regularly smashed up your house. <deleted> was you thinking about ?

That is something i will ask myself until my dying day.

Mate, it's happened to loads of us, no point asking yourself, because it wasn't your fault.

It's about time we men stopped questioning ourselves for stuff that happens beyond our control.

WRONG! It's always in your control, especially when you've been given the do's and don'ts by 20 different foreigners, with the exact same story. Talk about walking into mousetraps with your EYES WIDE SHUT!

[TheNativeSon]

My wife was not from Issan but she was a bar girl who i met in Pattaya. She was an angel when i first met her and really was ''the one who was different''. After living with her for two years in Thailand we decided to move back to the UK. Things were ok at first the only draw back being the stares and smirks in the local supermarket and the piss taking from my mattes about my ''Thai Bride'' but i expected all that and accepted it. There is only 7 years between us but a massive height difference. I'm 6 ft 1 and she is 5ft

This is when the transformation took place. This lovely gentle women became a monster. I got her a job in a local Thai Restaurant so she could meet Thai people in our city. Unfortunately the crowd she got in with were all gambling maniacs regularly blowing all their wages in the local casinos and bookmakers. Her new workmates were also all ex bar girls. She was borrowing money fro loan sharks behind my back and vanishing for a couple of days at a time and going berserk if i questioned her.

Eventually i found out she was cheating on me with some married local creep she had met in a pub . To make matters worse she had fallen pregnant to him and had an abortion. I found this out at a later date.

Before i found out about her affair she had pursued me to invest a lot of money into buying a restaurant which went bust costing me thousands of pounds.

She was a pathological liar who was prone to bouts of violence regularly smashing up my house.

The only blessing in disguise is that we had no kids of our own.

I am now happily divorced with a lot less money than before but at least now i have peace of mind.

Good luck

So she was "VANISHING" for a couple of days at a time, but you then invested "a lot of money" in a violent liar, who regularly smashed up your house. <deleted> was you thinking about ?

Amen to that. He was definitely walking the Primrose Path with his EYES WIDE SHUT. Now wonder these Thai people believe we're stupid! We are, duh

[FiftyTwo]

So she was "VANISHING" for a couple of days at a time, but you then invested "a lot of money" in a violent liar, who regularly smashed up your house. <deleted> was you thinking about ?

That is something i will ask myself until my dying day.

Mate, it's happened to loads of us, no point asking yourself, because it wasn't your fault.

It's about time we men stopped questioning ourselves for stuff that happens beyond our control.

WRONG! It's always in your control, especially when you've been given the do's and don'ts by 20 different foreigners, with the exact same story. Talk about walking into mousetraps with your EYES WIDE SHUT!

Not much you can do once they are back in the UK, one shout of 'domestic violence' and there goes your house.

If it were easy, the divorce rate in the UK wouldn't be at 50%.

[TheNativeSon]

Did your trip almost in reverse.

Having met and married my darling Isaan lady, we moved to the UK (south) for a year but it became clear that there were real issues for her regarding the (much lower) ambient temp and lack of sunshine, physical separation from her near family and, of course, lack of real Isaan food.

She made it clear that despite these drawbacks for her, she loved me unconditionally and would make her home wherever I chose to live so I had no hesitation in selling up everything and moving us both back to Isaan where I knew she would be happiest.

That was 5 yrs ago and I don't regret one moment of it.

That's one in a million. Cheers for you

[Bpuumike]

My wife is happy to visit Europe and Oz but would not be happy living in either.

Too far from the family and not the right food (especially Isaan) available.

[Pilotman]

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/680223-what-would-you-do-2/

Have a read through the above thread, some crap, but some valid points too.

Visting is not the same as living there, my main advice would be to be very very careful who she mixes with in your abscence, I am not suggesting you keep her a prisoner but be careful, many things she wont understand and may take literally.

Keep regular contact with her during you abscence and make sure she doesnt feel alone.

If there are other thai females around be even more wary, dont let her get involved in a group, one is good for friendship talk to etc, a group can be trouble with comparing and jealousy etc.

Find somewhere near or online etc you can get "her" food, she will miss it and the offerrings many uknstores and supermarkets have wont even come close, she will miss "proper" thai food if living there for any period of time.

Good luck, take it slow, take care each other.

CharlieH is right. The only major problems we have had [my Thai wife has had] was with other Thai wives and their family problems. My advice would be for her to pick her friends very, very carefully and not to get too close to any of the UK Thai wives until she knows that they are stable [mentally!] and in stable, long term relationships. Not many seem to be! Make sure that they is a supplier of Thai food stuffs. Lots of them around and I would also make sure that she has the ability to get around by public transport. There is nothing so depressing for a new Thai wife, than to be stuck in a rural location without a means to get out and look around.

But the best advice that I can give you is one given to me when we married. Buy your wife an open return ticket to Bangkok and place it on her bed side table and tell her that she can go home at any time she likes for a break. You will be amazed how secure that will make her feel and if it is going to work, she won't be using it any time soon. If she does use it in the first few weeks or months, then the move was never going to work..

[tartampion]

I am also married with a thai lady for 14 years, we have one daughter of almost 9 years, and actually we are in my country during cold winter since 7 months.

I can just tell you a few things I have learned from Thais (my wife and her friends) since we are together

(so 14 years in thailand) :

- it is very difficult for thais to live far from other thais, they must have friends/relationships to speak thai and feel good.

- they don't get used to cold countries very well. Must stay warm place or get sick easily (20 degrees celcius less than thailand)

- lifestyle in europa faster than in thailand. Must adapt to higher speed (think/speak/act/work/.......).

- must learn proper local language, thais are used to have communication problems (always nod but understand little) between them (12 local languages with different slangs).

- food : most of them must live close to a chinese supplier (noodles/spices/soya sauce/fish sauce/...). Foreign food sometimes difficult (depending the foreign country).

Hope this can help.

[chonabot]

IMO there are way too many generalisations on this thread.

Granted that your wife may or may not like Thai television or being close to her mates, but another lady may have the opposite characteristics.

Would it be fair to say that all Westerners all need a daily fix of Coronation St the US/OZ/Eu equivalent?

Just look at the way each Westerner prefers lives their life over here and you'll see what I mean.

Edited November 22, 2013 by chonabot

[Latikaa]

She might like UK or not, how she was raised in important

[aveabeeror2]

Some questions for the OP:

You say you have lived in Thailand for 5 years and out of these 5 years, how long have you known your now Thai wife?

Are you officially married to your wife?

Do you have proof that you are the biological father of the said child?

Do you have your own property in the UK? If not, what sort of accommodation do you suppose to provide for your wife and child?

Do you have a guaranteed full time employment if you return to the UK?

Do you have any savings or other assets in the UK, meaning will you be relying on your wife’s earnings to supplement your own earnings in the UK?

These are some of the questions you maybe asked by the FCO if and when applying for your wife’s visa to enter Britain.

Here are some facts that you may or may not be aware of if living with or married to a woman in the UK:

The rules regarding the rights of wives/girlfriends in most Western countries:

The woman controls whether you have sex or not. She controls whether she gets pregnant or not. She determines whether to have an abortion or not (even if the man or husband wants the child). She has the option to divorce her husband at any point during the marriage just on the grounds that she no longer wishes to remain with her partner and if there are children involved, in 99.99% of cases, she gets the family home and the kids, even if there is a new partner on the scene, plus child support and alimony. The woman gets paid even if she is the partner that dissolved the marriage and still gets paid even if the male partner and her don't legally marry.

I know of some men that had been completely destroyed by these Draconian Laws where their spouses have literally picked their bones clean

At first when the Thai wives begin to settle in the UK, they are pretty naive, but later they will meet other Thais who will soon teach them all the cons and the tricks of the system.

So it`s not just a matter of, will the Thai wife adapt to living full time in the UK, but also, how stable is your relationship and how sure are you of your wife’s loyalty, otherwise it could end in a disaster for you.

Beetlejuice, I believe you think your advice is needed. But, and I am sure that the OP will verify, his wife is different.

[sms747]

My wife was not from Issan but she was a bar girl who i met in Pattaya. She was an angel when i first met her and really was ''the one who was different''.

They are all different mate-- at first

[thailiketoo]

She might like UK or not, how she was raised in important

Some women are just like mom and some are exactly the opposite. Do you know what percent is which?

[howerde]

It is extremley hard for non bar girls to settle oustide the main towns and cities, boredom will stike rapidly, lack of friends/work, she may work in Thailand, but here english/education means the only work she will find easily is poor paid manual work, ie care work. The Thais she will meet easily will be the lazy uneducated work shy bargirls, who's main interest is party party party, while finding any excuse to avoid work, remember these girls did not marry and come here to better themselves, here provides more chances to earn through what they did in Thailand. My wife has been here 3 years now, and has a very small circleof friends amazing how many are bargirls note not ex. For the fist 2 year we holidayed 4 times a year in Thailand so as to stop feelings off isolation, One last word for non bargirl wives, she will not thank you for trying to find friends like this, how many non sex workers would want friends who are? in any country.

[Bernard Flint]

Thanks Beetlejuice.

Anyone actually got any advice or experiences to share about their Thai wife integrating into western culture or tips on preparing for this ahead of time?

My brother has a thai wife,and been living in the uk for 5 years.She is the best lady he could have met,and doesnt speak with bad thai ladies,her words.She works full time and takes real good care of my mum too,amazing woman.

Good luck in your quest of life,and i can only offer one piece of advise,check everything before applying, as laws change very quickly.