Opinion and advice please on somewhat difficult "relationship" with Thai

[lormakmak]

as others have said you need to treat this woman and her son like puppy dogs who keep peeing over your floors.....rub their noses in it and show you are fuming about having the urine extracted out of yourself....

the fact is you gave the key to her to look after your place and animals....not the extended family!

vile creatures

[wooloomooloo]

I've just got word that the maid has today burned the house down and accidentally poisoned the goats.

Fruitcake has forgiven the maid given her past excellent record and duly promoted her with an increase in salary and annual bonus. Phew.

[mrtoad]

I've just got word that the maid has today burned the house down and accidentally poisoned the goats.

Fruitcake has forgiven the maid given her past excellent record and duly promoted her with an increase in salary and annual bonus. Phew.

Lemon might as well pass the lube to his maids family, so they can bend him over and shaft him from behind.

This has all the ingredients for an unpleasant ending. I hope Lemon lives on the ground floor.

[norrona]

running a business in Thailand and having the piss taken out of you by your staff.....sounds like paradise.

see this is the problem I have with the peoples attitudes out there, they know you have gone to see your sick mother in an emergency but have no problem in trashing your house and mugging you off...

it's not all of the people out there....just most of them that have this blatant dis-respect for those who have helped them by giving employment and in turn repay them with things like that....

my advice....take the pain by getting rid of them all and re-employing another maid, they won't learn their lesson as it will be all you as the bad man but at least you won't be lulled into thinking you can trust them again and have it happen again!

[wooloomooloo]

I hope Lemon lives on the ground floor.

As long as the roof doesn't collapse he should be fine.

It could be that he hasn't yet discovered three of the rafters have been nicked.

[xenophon]

Its not uncommon for Thais to treat other people's homes as hotels in situations like this (i.e. no one else there). Have seen it before although the degree of destruction in your case sounds a bit excessive. I know someone who came back to find a buffalo in their house.

Definitely chuck the kid out. If you're serious, ask her what she is going to do about the 20000 baht. She knows what she has done. Let her pay it off in small amounts out of her salary if she is really that important to you. Otherwise, just wear it.

Important question: does she have any access to your business's funds? If so, cut, cut, cut.

[silent]

If your so-called company has not been registered and run strictly according to Thai law regarding foreigners owning companies in Thailand, then you have big problems.

Firstly this woman would not be classified as a bona-fide employee, because she would have been working for an illegal set up, which in turn may cause you legal problems if you try to use unauthorised force in evicting this woman and her son from the said property or seek the assistance of the police.

My advice to you is, wait until the woman and the son are out of the house, place all their belongings into bags and leave them outside the property and then change the locks barring them from re-entering the premises.

If you are afraid to take this action in fear of legal repercussions to you and your so-called company, then good luck to all who sail in her, otherwise if your company is totally legal and has been registered correctly as imposed by Thai law, than you have nothing to fear.

Again how is all of that relevant to my post or advice sought?

Really Beatle , some of the crap you come out with lately not only raises an eye brow but makes ones ears flop like an elephant

Condolences Lemoncake, can't read anymore seeing what started out as a relatively simple problem with an equally simple solution getting turned into a battle of wits with a completely unarmed opponent like my psycho wife going off into a tangent, showing what little she can really comprehend without a conscience.

A good wife is as hard to find as a good employee, but what good are they if they have no respect and can't be relied on in your absence.

[richard_smith237]

It sounds like the Op had to leave in a hurry and little time to wrap things up in Thailand before leaving.

He thought he could trust someone who has been a loyal and trustworthy assistant to him over the years.

He gave his assistant an incentive by also employing her son.

The mistake was employment of the Son. With broken doors etc it seems the son is somewhat of a spoilt layabout with a bit of a temper. My take (which is only wild assumption) is that the boy has responded to his mothers instructions with one or two physical temper tantrums...

A line has been crossed, the Assistant knows this, the son knows this, the family who stayed there know they were taking the pish by doing so.

Op: In no uncertain terms, tell the boy to leave. Characters with behaviour such as his only respond to strength.. Note: Strength, not anger, not temper.. Be very firm, polite and strong - Tell him to get out.

Its not your worry where he goes.

I would also be getting rid of the assistant who permitted this to happen. You placed her in a position of trust and she hasn't respect that trust. By letting her family stay there and by letting the place become damaged she has shown that she has no respect for you or your belongings.

However, you have pointed out that you don't wish to get rid of the assistant. Thus, you can suggest to the assistant that it was her responsibility too look after your place and she hasn't done this. However, as she has been good in the past you will let her keep her job.

The damages come out of her salary or her sons... let her choose which.

Edited November 18, 2013 by richard_smith237

[marioc]

I would suggest a spine transplant

Not sure if you ever worked with Thai, but I can assure if I grow a spine and let her have it , she will be gone faster than the speed of light. And the problem us, I do not want to loose her as a staff

....but you want to keep her as staff?

I can't believe it.... she has messed up your house, your belongings.... I would have her gone by the time I got back to my house....you have been treating her well for a year and this is how she is thanking you...kick her out at "speed light"!!!!!!!!!!

[wooloomooloo]

From the OP:

Now that I am back, her son for some reason has not moved out nor is even considering to go, because apearantly he is scared if ghosts in the house where he lives.

It's all working out amazingly well in such a short space:

I had also asked in a confirming question(sort of speak) if the kid was going home tonight and the answer was, he is. and he has gone.

He's already left, apparently.

[Opl]

Lemoncake, for your safety, do not let these people step on you again. You're already in an uncomfortable situation, the more you wait the worse it will be.

I would not keep the lady as staff anymore, you just can't trust her.

Edited November 18, 2013 by Opl

[rjcampbe]

I don't care how great she is on the job... She violated your trust and your home. She broke your stuff, or allowed it to be broken by others. And she is not owning up to the responsibility for that.

If I did that to my boss, I would expect to get FIRED and I've had the sense to know that since I was 10.

Grow a pair of balls. Throw the kid out, fire the woman, change the locks on your home and move on.

[shaurene]

That is a very sad situation you came back to. It is unfortunate but they do not have any respect for other people's things etc.

You have to make an example, stop thinking she is that important to your business, you have to get rid of her, no to ways about it.

This is the way it is in Thailand, what is yours is theirs, I had similar well before and I had very strong words with my wife and her family and now it never happens, they used to come in and just help them selves to what they wanted.

If you keep her on she will get back at you one way or the other. If you do not get rid of her it will be your own fault, you have to be the boss. If you keep her you are blind and will deserve what will happen.

But, best of luck, always some one else in the wings mate.

[BigBuddha]

I feel so sorry for you. first of all we as bystander we know so little of the many facets of your situation. The problem is not really with the others but mainly with you. I feel that you are a great person with deep love and compassion. You are confused. Your heart speaks of caring for the person your mind tells you that it is not acceptable. So what to do? To care and love for someone does not mean to be together in one house. The criteria is what do you want and what do you think is acceptable. Why these fears of the what if I act on what I want ? What will happen will I be in a bigger mess etc. etc. figuring out with the mind a solution for your problems won't do. Have the guts and let the chips fall where it will fall and you will see that the fears you feared will not be there at all and things will fall together in the right place again. Life is a risk, dare to take it. Live the life you want to live ..take a stand of how you want to see things unfurled in your life. That is your business that you can change and have effect on. The others have to take care of their business. Dare to live up to your standards.

[luckyluke]

Let's trolling more,

if the O.P. "owner" of a business, per se, doesn't want to lose his employee, even after what happened,

maybe she is the woman who know too much.

[wooloomooloo]

maybe she is the woman who know too much.

Like why he keeps twelve goats you mean?

[jimbeam1]

I would suggest a spine transplant

Not sure if you ever worked with Thai, but I can assure if I grow a spine and let her have it , she will be gone faster than the speed of light. And the problem us, I do not want to loose her as a staff

And the problem us, I do not want to loose her as a staff.

There is your problem.

jb1

[HeavyDrinker]

To be honest Mr cake I think you've found the answer to your main dilemma inadvertently; namely that your 'reliable' staff member is about as reliable as a 2$Beach Road watch..... now all you need to do is to forward your accounts onto Beetlejuice's new Law firm.....

if someone can treat your property/trust with so little respect then they probably have the same level of respect for you.....I'd return her to from whence she came....

I know you like to cock a snook at those who frequent bars, however I have met many lasses in same, hard working, and seemingly loyal who may just jump at the chance for a job....away from the bars...

Edited November 18, 2013 by HeavyDrinker

[JackieMager]

This is a hard one and i don't want to offend anyone. I have lived here for five years and the majority of thai homes i have been into are filthy... I doubt whether they ever clean. Messy, dirty is an understatement.

Dont mix work and personal life together. Not anywhere but especially not here. That was your downfall and u just probably didn't know what u were getting into. Put the kid out NOW, doesn't matter what he believes in, he has had his dash, trashed the place along with the rest of his family, now its time to go. Her, if she is that good, keep her but in a strict business level. Nothing more, nothing less. Do not allow any of them to enter your home again. She is staff so keep it that way.

[flyingdoc]

I can see why some members cannot make sense of any or all of this story!

What are the 11 animals? Do they have to live in every room in the house?

Could you at least not have put all your valuables in one room and locked it up?

Did you leave the keys to your vehicle for it to be used?

If she is that loyal a member of staff, can she not see the damage her son has done?

Being so loyal, and presumably wanting your approval, would she not agree to her son moving out? How old is the son?

[Nemesis7]

Business and pleasure shouldnt be mixed together...

[Showbags]

I think the son does not wish to move out because he likes his new Dad.

Rule #1 in a guesthouse of any size, even the tiny hard to run ones of just a room or 2...do not bang the help.

and how did you arrive an conclusion that i did or was planning to? alt=whistling.gif width=19 height=18>

Admission.....release the truth, it feels better....while you're at it, hows bout a confession re the goats?

I've just got word that the maid has today burned the house down and accidentally poisoned the goats.

Fruitcake has forgiven the maid given her past excellent record and duly promoted her with an increase in salary and annual bonus. Phew.

Sorry....I read 'anal'

[Andre0720]

no i'm not. but i refuse to have any kind of relationship with someone who has no respect for me or mine.

I see your point, just can not afford to loose her as a staff- that is my biggest problem.

I also think she she is not aware of the damages " the family" caused and now that I made her aware, she seems to be doing the Thai thing, which is " hoping it will just go away and pass"

Can not really blame her as she is uncomfortable with each "finding" but being uncomfortable is simply not good enough in my opinion

I told her to have her bf come tomorrow to fix broken doors and toilets but ......... I feel need to have a serious talk

I lost 100,000 bahts while I was away for 4 months. Money taken, things gone, she does not know anything....

I booted her out. I do not throw good money over bad money, as it is said..

But the problem might be that you think she is irreplaceable.

I remember some words of wisdom:

''If someone gets irreplaceable, fire that person''

That might very well be the right course of action to take...

[Showbags]

I can see why some members cannot make sense of any or all of this story!

What are the 11 animals? Do they have to live in every room in the house?

Could you at least not have put all your valuables in one room and locked it up?

Did you leave the keys to your vehicle for it to be used?

If she is that loyal a member of staff, can she not see the damage her son has done?

Being so loyal, and presumably wanting your approval, would she not agree to her son moving out? How old is the son?

Gerbils I believe....

[Gandtee]

Sorry Cupcake. This charade is quite common in Thailand. Once the family move in the muck hits the fan. I am sure an agency could temporarily fix you up with a temp. Kick the girl and family out in a polite(face saving way for them) to avoid any repercussions and be prepared to have a problem with the labour dept if you withhold any wages owing. Pay up to avoid hassle. If you get up on your high horse you could get into a lengthy problem.

[GreenSnapper]

Business and pleasure shouldnt be mixed together...

Let's say it as a general rule to avoid all sorts of trouble:

Don't bang the maid. Ever.

[Ajaan]

Haha, this whole circus (meaning the OP) reminds me of a comedy website, "E-mails from an A-Hole". The whole MO of the website is, a guy writes ridiculous responses to Craigslist ads designed to provoke outrage from people, and then he either attacks the people or does a passive/aggressive act when they inevitably respond in an incredulous manner:

http://www.dontevenreply.com/

Anyway, I would say that's exactly what's going on here...except the guy on that website is actually funny.

[cosmont]

Lemoncake, I have huge experience to deal with staff over the years, please believe that no staff cannot be replace.

She is not the only one people in Thailand who can do a good job especially if you provide a good income with bonus !

By the way, I remind you, you have deal with her and she took responsability of your house while you was away.

Your house has been damage and you personnal stuffs missing, she is responsible as she took the responsability of the job, that's it.

Be strong, don't find excuse to her because you appreciated her past work, you have paid her for for it, it was her duty !

If you don't do anything against her, she will think that you are stupid to let it go and might not respect you anymore.

If I was you,

1) I will push the squatting people and their stuffs to move out of the property and claim to call the police if no action done

2) I will have a direct conversation with her explaining the facts with a list of damages.

You can estimate the cost and suggest her that you might withdraw from her salary for a period of time.

3) If she do not want to take the responsability of the claim, it is mean that she is not trustable person, she has to leave the company as soon as possible.

Dont be too kind, as you seen, you did not desserve what you got and might regret it more later !

[jackinbkk]

If everything is legal and above board there should be no problem chucking him out. You're back and he's still in your home? <deleted>? This sounds wrong.

Carry on and recoup your losses by withholding future generous wage rises.

[donniereadit]

To be honest Mr cake I think you've found the answer to your main dilemma inadvertently; namely that your 'reliable' staff member is about as reliable as a 2$Beach Road watch..... now all you need to do is to forward your accounts onto Beetlejuice's new Law firm.....

if someone can treat your property/trust with so little respect then they probably have the same level of respect for you.....I'd return her to from whence she came....

I know you like to cock a snook at those who frequent bars, however I have met many lasses in same, hard working, and seemingly loyal who may just jump at the chance for a job....away from the bars...

Replacing her with a bar prostitute is probably a step in the wrong direction.