Domesticity And Gay Life

[Ijustwannateach]

As time passes, I appreciate more and more the value of a comfortable home that I can relax in with a family- a gay partner and close friends, at least, if adoption doesn't become an option.

I find I am the type to stay home and enjoy it, when I've found a good long-term partner. Or even by myself, I don't feel the need to be out on the town every night that it is possible.

I know other friends who just can't seem to stay home at all- if they've got a free night with no other plans, they will wind up in a bar or disco somewhere.

I've known Thais and foreigners on both extremes of this spectrum. How about you guys?

[sjaak327]

Oeps, a sure sign of getting older I would say.

I'm far from wanting to do that. Give me a full weekend out and partying any time.

[TopChinese]

Love being a homebody. My idea of a good weekend would be lazing with a bunch of good friends, a couple of bottles of wine and a good dinner in.

Now to find the wine..

[bieles]

really ok with you, I like this good time when you surprise your gb/f, he's showing good vibes with u, but after that, I (we) need to see life around, and I remember I told him : so good to live together one day, in the quiet of a house in a village... but not too far from the city.

We said (in french, I'm) "on croit toujours que la soupe est meilleure chez les autres" --translation approximatly : we mean every time food is better outside.

No solution ? no !

(FMP Phangan 6am)

[ChrisP]

Well, I'm attracted to relationships, but if I'm not in one, I go stir-crazy at home talking to myself.. Basically I get bored with my own company..

ChrisP

[Buki]

My partner is very domesticated. He prefer to stay home and watch the tube. And I am the opposite, I prefer going out to the mall and just hang out. But I think we complement each other, since he always convinces me to stay home and when bordom comes, I drag him to places that he hasn't been too. And I like that set-up.

[PeaceBlondie]

First of all, thanks to IJWT for starting this thread.

Second, a program note: thanks to all of you who participate in this Gay Forum, for behaving yourselves so well while the two gay moderators were under the weather (ChrisP) or unable to post while in BKK (PB). Maybe we should leave you alone more often.

Third, back to the topic: My b/f is quite happy staying at home, where he cooks and cleans and we swim and walk and just spend time together doing nuttin'. I've always been the hyper-kinetic supercharged guy who had to be doing something, saying too much, thinkin' too mutt, etc. Maybe I'll slow down when I'm 82 years old. But we are happy together. We go to the cinema maybe twice a week, eat out at Western food maybe four times; we go together to doctors' appointments here, BKK, or Chiang Mai, and when we're in one of those quiet mini-vans full of quiet Thais, I just doze off. He bought a CD of love songs, and I bought CD's of Joan Baez, Bob Dylan, and 100 heavy metal songs.

[bobfla]

At the tender age of 60 I fell in love, for the very first time, with a 24 y/o divinity from Malaysia. After two years together we moved to the UK and I became a real homebody. What a mistake, taking a 26 year old guy to London, after years as a repressed Muslim in Malaysia. Two years together here in London, feeding him gourmet type meals, watching the tube, just enjoying quite domesticity................ then I lost him!

Our mutual friends had warned me that in the “bright lights” of London, he’d be off in months; well I had further two years of sheer bliss. Looking back on the relationship, I believe if we could have, together, “tripped the light fantastic” we might have still been together.

Now I am a lonely old man, whoring Thailand for the umpteenth time, still hoping to meet another Mr/Mrs Right. Strangely, having been a world class butterfly until 60, followed by 4 years of love, I cannot return to the one-nite-stands and commercial naughties again.

So may I suggest dear friends, if there is an age difference in your relationship, be careful that being the homebody could spell disaster!

Edited May 10, 2006 by bobfla

[jdinasia]

Love being a homebody. My idea of a good weekend would be lazing with a bunch of good friends, a couple of bottles of wine and a good dinner in.

Now to find the wine..

I thought your idea of a good weekend was a flight to BKK and then Babylon

I am happy to stay at home alone or with someone ... for time on end ... but then I MUST get away ... usually out of the city.

though I do have to say I REALLY enjoy wandering the off the beaten track gay spots in BKK

[dukkha]

Bobfla...turning 61 this year, Sam is 29, he is more interested in staying at home, we are often in bed at 10p.m...a book or TV, too old to bother with loud noise and lots of people...and he feels the same, sure we have a meal out each week, mostly cook at home, he thai, me western cuisine, once a week we may hit the night life, it is not a priority, spent many decades lookin and hopin, now that is behind me..and what a relief it is, we have plenty to chat about and lots of laughter which keeps us both moderately sane...domestic bliss, cant get enough of it, and of course for me, a glass or two of vino rosso, water for Sam, and I would think a Coke Lite for PB, but cant say I miss either the dance floor or the bright lights...as for my own company, am comfortable with it...but hey this is totally boring for young guys full of pep and panache, you go for it boys, if you dont have excesses when you are young what have you got to pare off in old age...dance to the beat of your own drum I reckon...

[busgen]

Homestay. for me personally; I like to have someone around. Someone who is at home when I come home from work, someone who I can share my daily experiences with, someone who does the household with me, etc, etc............a partner. Sounds normally, doesn't it?

For more than one year I'm living with a young Thai man. We shared a lot of ups and downs and both of us invested a lot in each other. He gave up his 'regular' life to live with someone double his age; he minimized his nightly visits to bars and hangouts where his friends use to hang and he tries to integrate in some kind of Western culture.

I invested a lot of sleepless nights, misunderstandings, money of course and a lot of head aches.

Now, after a year, we are at the point that our relation is stabil. We have our duties in and around the house; I go to work every day and what he does is up 2 him, as long as he is at home when I arrive from work and does some simple chores.

Basically it is functioning now. He is happy and I am happy, but it took some time and we moved from Pattaya to Bang Saen.

Pattaya is a very special city. I am a bit cautious in my word choice. Special because of the many different lives that are lived over there.

If you bump into a (young) man from Pattaya and both of you intend to stay together for a longer time, than please be aware of the fact that:

- the Thai man may be a lot younger than you are;

- the Thai man is living in his country with its specific (valuable) culture

- in a lot of cases, the Thai partner has a social life that is active after closing hours of the bars, etc. This is the case, whether the Thai partner works in the 'scene' or not.

- you shouldn't try to force your Western culture into your partner's throat. The both of you should integrate.

- don't base your relationship on a lot of rules and regulations; Thai are a bit ignorant in case of regulations and rules and if you want your partner to live in a certain (Western) way, than you have to be patient. A Thai learns most by experience.

- let each other free. Don't put your Thai partner on a leash.

I've had a few Thai partners for the last 3 years (all after each other), but the last one is a stayer! He is not entirely gay but ever so nice. We found in each other the person we wanted to find. He found his father who died 7 years ago and I found a nice young man with a good heart on the right place.

We stay in Bang Saen during the week and we 'move' to Pattaya during the weekend. He visits his friends and family, I do some shopping, visit my friends and we go out together. Pretty ok!!

Again, it took some time and 'investment' to get this far. Of course we had some troubles over the time and there were times that I brought him back to his family, but knowing the life he lives when he is on his own made me take him back, every time.

He caused a lot of problems for himself and for me, but that seems to be a part of life.

Now my friend is in his hometown near Korat. He has to take care of some paperwork for the Thai army. Before he left he said: I am sure you will have many boys here!!

I answered: Ow my God, no!!!! I will have a few weeks holiday..........absolutely no boys!!!! He didn't understand that one!

[AsiaWolfie]

nice to read those stories.... sometimes I wished it would be possible to meet some decent people to discuss the mysteries of the Asian world (which is not limited to just Thailand, as I have experienced) having a class of wine or nice dinner, or even find real friends through this (FRIENDS are not easy to find in this scene) ..... but from what I have learned, most prefer to remain anonymous.....

[farang prince]

As time passes, I appreciate more and more the value of a comfortable home that I can relax in with a family- a gay partner and close friends, at least, if adoption doesn't become an option.

I find I am the type to stay home and enjoy it, when I've found a good long-term partner. Or even by myself, I don't feel the need to be out on the town every night that it is possible.

I know other friends who just can't seem to stay home at all- if they've got a free night with no other plans, they will wind up in a bar or disco somewhere.

I've known Thais and foreigners on both extremes of this spectrum. How about you guys?

I know how you feel IJWT. I also enjoy a quiet home life. I've had more than enough excitement in my life. My ladyboy likes to shop during the day but never has any desire to hit the bars or discos at night. Which is great with me. She is much more exciting than anything I would find in the bars. When we need something new or unusual, we do some travelling.

[Oogleman]

with the right person - quite happy to stay home weekdays............weekends are for exploring and doing stuff.

[jdinasia]

Preparing for the move to Phuket .... things are gonna change so much .. yet AGAIN ... after getting confident enough to go ANYWHERE at 3am in BKK ... I am off again to a place where the late night places just don't exist ...

The partner won't care .. he sleeps every night before 11 ,,, usually 10 .. I however am a chronic insomniac!

But the new environment and increased outside exercise should help. Working the next High Season should help too!

I really am mostly a homebody but I have enjoyed having somewhere to go 24/7 in BKK :-)

[PeaceBlondie]

We, too, are preparing for a big move, and wonder how it might affect our domestic life. we're moving from the beach to the foot of Doi Suthep, from a one-story to a two-story detached place with an outdoor kitchen.

I doubt much has changed since my first post. Since I'm still unemployed and dealing with arm surgery, pre- or post-op, we stay at home a lot. He goes out for errands, though we shop together at the big mall. He has his laptop with wireless, I have a PC with landline ADSL, so that keeps us busy. No need to chatter all day, but we talk quite a bit. If this is retirement, I'm more than happy.

[dukkha]

Watch the stair case PB, dont want another fracturing of your bonal area...you could ask your generous landlady to install a lift maybe.... Dukkah

[PeaceBlondie]

Sure, Dukka, I'm sure she'll throw in an electric lift, maybe a few skylites, new air/cons; a swimming pool. Or, maybe just a door mat.

For the rest of our readers, this is the landlady who made me share the price of window burglar bars after a member of her staff (apparently) broke into the place 7 times in 4.5 months.

[Guest endure]

Sure, Dukka, I'm sure she'll throw in an electric lift, maybe a few skylites, new air/cons; a swimming pool. Or, maybe just a door mat.

For the rest of our readers, this is the landlady who made me share the price of window burglar bars after a member of her staff (apparently) broke into the place 7 times in 4.5 months.

It would have been cheaper, and more conclusive, to buy a gun (and possibly a bucket and mop).

[dukkha]

Ya crack me up Endure but ya wouldnt wanna mes with this family I tell ya!!!! Dukkha

[PeaceBlondie]

I am about to move out of the place that Dukkha used to rent, before either of us had our current partner. One of the advantages for a gay man (or a straight man) is to rent where the landlord/landlady/staff doesn't care who visits you, or who you drag home with you in the middle of the night. Domestic life is great when you have that special partner, but otherwise you might want to enjoy the privacy of your home without the staff wondering what the cat dragged in.

[flightcrew1]

Ok - I'm a stay at home guy. Maybe it's because I'm a Flight Attendant, so I enjoy staying in my condo watching TV and reading. Love going to the gym and eating out with friends and the bf. The bf is 26 and I'm 45 and we have been together 5 years. Now I'm not gone from BKK that often as I fly within asia so actually home most evenings (4 out of 7 at least)

Some evenings the bf likes to go to Karoke with friends and I'm not bothered. He works and has his own friends who I know.

I like to entertain and have friends over for dinner and drinks and these gay and straight friends around the same age who also enjoy just hanging out. God it sounds boring! But I enjoy it!

Now go backwards 10, 15 and 20 years when I first started flying. There was the day when I would work a London - Bangkok flight being on duty 15 hours and when we arrived in BKK at 11p I would be changing on the crew bus as we headed to BKK. I would dump my bag in the room and head out to Rome Club (remember that?) and then DJ later on after Rome closed. The next 3 days during my layover I would sleep about 2/3 hours a day as the days were spend at the old Babylon and evenings dancing and whoring up the town! Hanging out with friends eating and shopping! I could not get enough of BKK then!

Even 6 years ago before being based here I would fight for BKK trips. Now that I'm based here! I'm a homebody! ha ha! What happened? Age?

Anyway I love BKK and enjoy life here! But have not been to DJ in over a year. When the friends come into town we head to Soi Twilight as they always want to see a show and of course I still head to Soi 4!

[Ijustwannateach]

Yes, I need more sleep now, too- and while the disco hotties are hotties, it's hard to get them out of the disco before it closes...

[RAMPAGE]

Ok - I'm a stay at home guy. Maybe it's because I'm a Flight Attendant, so I enjoy staying in my condo watching TV and reading. Love going to the gym and eating out with friends and the bf. The bf is 26 and I'm 45 and we have been together 5 years. Now I'm not gone from BKK that often as I fly within asia so actually home most evenings (4 out of 7 at least)

Some evenings the bf likes to go to Karoke with friends and I'm not bothered. He works and has his own friends who I know.

I like to entertain and have friends over for dinner and drinks and these gay and straight friends around the same age who also enjoy just hanging out. God it sounds boring! But I enjoy it!

Now go backwards 10, 15 and 20 years when I first started flying. There was the day when I would work a London - Bangkok flight being on duty 15 hours and when we arrived in BKK at 11p I would be changing on the crew bus as we headed to BKK. I would dump my bag in the room and head out to Rome Club (remember that?) and then DJ later on after Rome closed. The next 3 days during my layover I would sleep about 2/3 hours a day as the days were spend at the old Babylon and evenings dancing and whoring up the town! Hanging out with friends eating and shopping! I could not get enough of BKK then!

Even 6 years ago before being based here I would fight for BKK trips. Now that I'm based here! I'm a homebody! ha ha! What happened? Age?

Anyway I love BKK and enjoy life here! But have not been to DJ in over a year. When the friends come into town we head to Soi Twilight as they always want to see a show and of course I still head to Soi 4!

No...its not boring, you've just grown up and moved on. I have friends who enjoy nothing better than a quiet meal out with a good bottle of wine or a even quieter evening at home with a dvd or a good book. I have an equal number friends who, despite having been in Thailand nearly 20 years, still act as though they just got off the plane last night...its horses for courses.

As for me, I'm in the former group....call me judgemental but I think there's something ineffably sad about seeing a 60 year old farang in DJ Station at 3 am trying to convince himself he's still young. Now that I've got that off my chest, what I really believe is that we are all having our human experience and its really no one else's business how we spend our remaining days on planet earth.

[Ijustwannateach]

I think I'm paraphrasing Quentin Crisp in saying that one of the disadvantages of being gay is the curse of a lifetime of cheesy disco music... but it can be fun.

I don't think the older ones are in the disco to pretend to be young - they probably know very well what their age is- however, they're not spurned and ignored as they would be in many dance places back home. I don't find this pathetic at all, and I wouldn't want to import the attitude that keeps them out of discos (should they feel inclined) to here.

In fact, last time I was in DJ station I was more or less being ignored in favour of all the guys 10, 20, 30 years older than me... there's a dark side of course which suggests this could be the relative wealth the older ones would have, but I'm sure it's not all about that either.

I have heard Thai guys legitimately complaining about being chased by foreigners in their 20s and 30s who were just "too young" for them.

"Steven"

[jdinasia]

Hmmm Rampage ... if/when you get to be 60 ... will you NOT go out to discos/clubs?

And at what age do I have to stop going out to not be sad in your book?

[D+D]

sometimes I go out, sometimes i stay home. dont most people do that?

[Trouble]

Rampage, when did you see me up on that stage at DJ dancing? I am a disco queen from way back and as long as I can get out there and move my body, I don't give a rat's ass what anyone else thinks. Actually maybe the dancing is as good an exercise as one can get for keeping off those pounds (I mean besides, not eating). So don't feel sad for me. As long as some of those guys keep grabbing my ass now and then, I'm in heaven.

Hey, in my book to each his own. you home bodies enjoy your TV, books, dinners, and wine. I like quite times as home as much as the next guy but at least on weekends I have to get out and be around gay men having fun and enjoying themselves. Being around younger guys keeps me "in the know" on things with this generation. I have too many friends that are stay at home types and their lives are really getting too narrow to suit me. Just my personal preference but I need the the best of both worlds.

[PeaceBlondie]

Hey, Trouble, you've got me thinking......I've never been a dancer, except when nobody's watching me (well, I did dance in public with the lead male dancer of the Nicaraguan modern ballet, once). I've never been a singer, except when nobody's listening (well, I did sing "If I Loved You" to countless teenagers in Thailand, for the excuse of teaching the conditional tenses).

To borrow a line from Steppenwolf (the group, not the book), "It's never to late, to start all over again."

[boybrat]

jeesus, im almost NEVER at home. i dont have a tv set so i dont watch something i dont have. hah! its a waste of time really, staring for hours at the idiot box.

lets see: im only at home to sleep, change my clothes, rest for a bit, then go out again. and i do not cook nor entertain. so my apartment is really bare. all i have in my fridge are 3 bottles of flavoured absolut, a few cans of sprite, some green apples and water. hey im a single boy staying alone, cut me some slack!

my daily schedule is so packed i dont have time for anything else. on weekdays i work from 10 to 7, go to the gym before/after that and meet up with friends for dinner/ movie, etc. reach home tennish to midnightish, surf the net a bit, and the cycle starts again.

weekends: days are spent doing watersports, gymming ( 7 days a week. i have no life), coffeeing, nights are spent partying. that doesnt leave very much time to just stay at home and do nothing, no?

yes, i do read, i always have a book in my bag.

tho i miss staying in on NAKED WEEKENDS. that was when i used to have a partner. just staying in bed, fumble a bit, sleep, eat in, snog for a bit, talk, sleep, for the whole day.o well.

ive always wondered, if i WERE to get a partner now, how am i going to fit him into my schedule?

Edited September 12, 2006 by boybrat