My first Isaan visit.

[mgjackson69]

Everyone's story is different....I suspect the worst are probably fabricated.

In my case, I did not build a house...my wife already had secured financing and bought a house before we ever met. She had it well over half paid off when we married; I paid off the balance.

I have told at least three family members "no" when asked to "loan" money. The only person I have helped is Maae, when the stupid younger sister gave a finance company the chanote to 8 rai for land to secure a 40,000 baht loan. I paid the loan with the condition that the chanote be transferred to my wife's name, and had papers drawn up to the effect that Maae and Paaw can live there free as long as necessary.

My wife has passed the word that I will not 'loan' money. She also knows that I am not going to let anyone (family) go hungry or have to sleep in the road. On more than one occasion she has also told me not to loan/give money if asked.

I also do not buy whisky when the sloppy drunk nephew asks for it.

Same here, sort of, rarely money... if they need stuff, and I think it's necessary, we go buy it together. Last year, irrigation stuff, next year maybe a rice harvester. We always buy a Kilo or so of chicken for them when we go to Macro.

Anybody can walk in here any time and eat, they know that, the family even lent me money when my credit card got eaten, I don't usually eat rats and frogs but we can always go over and partake. They asked for and got, a duck from us last week, things seem so simple and civilised in this family group (10 people at present, it varies) that I am so lucky to be at the head of. (I think).

The aforementioned "stupid sister" incident is the only time Maae asked me for help with anything, in 9+ years that we have been associated...and that was a desperate situation; the finance company was about ready to pounce on 8 rai of choice land. That guy was not too happy when I showed up and paid off the loan.

Usually my wife and I will put in a couple thousand baht when Maae plants or harvests rice, to pay the workers. I have lost track of how many bags of rice Maae has sent home with us over the years.

[Travel2003]

Someone posts a nice story, and you guys (you know who you are) just cant help posting negative and juvenile reactions to his story.

What is next, shitting on someone's wedding, or joy of a newborn baby?

On a web site where there are literally 1000s of negative loaded threads already, where we all can be as sarcastic as we want to.

Come on guys, for once have some decency.

[thailandbeachisland]

We call it "CHIANG MAI EFFECT" ! The first time you go you feel cool then you cry all the next times you will have to go again in the future as everything suxx there...

They didn't ask any money but you wanted to convince them that you are the perfect buffalo by giving them 5000 thb ? Well done ! But don't wonder why they will ask more in the future <3

Enjoy your happy time, it is not going to last long...

[marioc]

Nice story.

Be prepared, some members will soon claim all the hospitality was part of an act to make you give money in the end.

After all, it is the only country in the world where it is a national policy to scam visitors.

Seriously pal, nice story.

I agree with you for the nice story.... I am glad for the OP experience.

Maybe it is true that all that kindness was meant to get money in the end...so what?

They showed him their love and welcoming feelings in every way possible and he enjoyed it very much.

Was it sincere? was is not? That's not the point in my opinion.

The point is that in the end everybody was happy without hurting others feelings.

OP showed his gratitude with some little money that obviously was appreciated.

I see nothing wrong in it...

[kennypowers]

Like any country, province or town, the success of the relationship will boil down to the type of woman you are with and the type of man you are. The majority of the bad stories I hear are from guys marrying girls who set out desperately seeking a "farang" for financial security. My wife is originally from Isaan. We have a wonderful marriage. She is adored by my family and my friends, loved by everyone she meets and truly is a genuine, honest and beautiful person. I am a very lucky man. Her family never ask me for a bean.

[Gsxrnz]

I just can't see where you are coming from here the family spent quite a few thousand baht on myself. Petrol.national park fees.food.beer the list goes on 5000 was a good will gesture on my part which my girlfriend refused twice before I slipped it in the window of the car when we left to head Into the airport.

Mate, you did the right thing. If I stayed at a friends house (as I do when I go home) for a week or two at a time, I would not feel comfortable unless I bought them a gift of some substantial value, or took them out for at least several high cost meals. They save me $1,000 a week in accommodation and car costs - if I spend $400 on them I'm still winning. Arguably the cost to them is negligible, but that is definitely a moot point.

So why should it be any different here. The difference is, what do you buy a poor family from Isaan to show your gratitude? A nice artwork to hang on the wall, tickets to the latest show and a night on the town in BKK, a gift voucher at Central Festival? Yeah right, they could really use all of those couldn't they.

Giving cash was the best solution - they refused as they are bound to do, you insisted as you were socially obliged to do....regardless of what country you're in. They showed you tremendous hospitality and you repaid them in the most practical sense - a cash gift. The amount was IMHO appropriate. 5k is not loose change for a Falang, and it's not a huge fortune for a Thai farmer.

As to the future etc.....well it hasn't happened yet. You'll have to wait and see what it brings and how you handle each and every situation. Try your best to make sure the outcome/s are what you want and are happy with. No doubt you will be tested, as you would be tested in any relationship with in-laws in your own country.

Arm yourself with as much information as you can (good and bad opinions should all be welcomed), put them through the grinder and form your own conclusions. As different things happen, refine your thinking and reform your opinion, ad infinitum. It ain't all good, and it ain't all bad either. Learn from your mistakes, don't make the same mistake twice, remain in control.

$1000 dollars a week in Esaan ? Are you kidding ? This is 32,000 Baths, please explain how you can spend that in rural Thailand in a week. You can stay more than two months in an hotel in Khorat for that money.

Oh Brother!!!

Read the post again. But put your thinking cap on first.

[Skint]

More details op, food, first isaan &lt;deleted&gt;, atmosphere etc

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[Dancealot]

Someone posts a nice story, and you guys (you know who you are) just cant help posting negative and juvenile reactions to his story.

What is next, shitting on someone's wedding, or joy of a newborn baby?

On a web site where there are literally 1000s of negative loaded threads already, where we all can be as sarcastic as we want to.

Come on guys, for once have some decency.

I am touched, really by the level of emotion several posters have used in their reply's.

True, true, again Travel2003.

In Isaan, I am comfortably sitting in my chair, watching the main street, just watching... the Thais come and go. Watching.. the Farang go and not return.

Only the few have the heart and deceny to stay: The strong ones.

[hgma]

LOVELY STORY, AND ENCOURAGING TO MEET YOUR THAI LOVE(OF OR FOR LIFE) IN ISAAN.

1 QUESTION.

IF VISITING A WOMEN'S VILLAGE IN YOUR HOME COUNTRY WOULD YOU GIVE THE ( IN-LAW TO BE???) FAMILY MONEY FOR THEIR HOSPITALITY?

2. REMARK.

CAPITAL RULE (according to me!!)

DON;T ACT HERE IN A WAY YOU WOULDN'T DREAM OF ACTING IN YOUR OWN COUNTRY.

Keeps me happy (with spouse and family) and safe for more then 20 years around here!

Capital rule or not?

Up to you all.

Edited November 25, 2013 by hgma

[shaurene]

So glad you had a happy time, similar to my first visit. Now have been living there for over 3 yrs now in our own house. The money thing comes later. I live in a village just out of Khon Kaen.

[Khunmanoun]

Khounmanoun, I would get off the bus right here, before you have no feet to leave on . . .

Ha ha ha because some people married to Udon girls don't like to know about Udon girls reputation, you think I should turn my back and leave ? But ... this is not my opinion, it is the opinion I heard from many Thai people ... Taboo ?

[landslide]

Being viewed by some people as a walking ATM is not limited to Thailand, be it Issan, Bangkok, Chang mai or where ever. You will find examples of this in any country in the world. I spent 3 years working in Brazil. I speak decent Portuguese, and truly like the people. My first girlfriend there had a good job at a bank which I dealt with. We had only been seeing each other for a couple of months before the gentle hints for money to buy something for the family or to help a sick family member started. I didn't think anything about it at first, but as time went on, I began to wake up. When I declined one time (with a sad smile and an apology) she threw a tantrum, and I threw her out. I even changed the bank my company was dealing with to avoid her. She stalked me for a couple of months before finally moving on. There a certain individuals with this mindset, be they Thai, Brazilian, American or any other country. It has been said before, set limits up front. I am happily married to a Thai woman from Bangkok. During the 4 years prior to our marriage, she never asked me for a cent. During that time, her grandfather, who raised her, died, as did her mother. I offered to send money for the funerals, and she thanked me, but said that she had money in savings to pay for the costs. Not one other member of the family offered to help her with the cost. It seems to me that her grandparents, poor as church mice, raised her to be self-sufficient. You've got to respect them for that.

[Khunmanoun]

@ Ryro88 - You stayed 4 days in Isaan, where everything is dirt cheap and you really believe village people spent close to 5000 on you ? Well, I have doubts.

A good meal cost 50 baths, how much is benzine now ? A night in an hotel cost 400-500 baths.

I see you know as much about Isaan as I do about Outer Mongolia. For a start everything is not "dirt cheap". Last weekend 4 of us went for meal and it cost 1200 baht and that wasn't being extravagant. Included 1 beer 2 bottles of water and a Sprite. Petrol is 39 baht a litre and yes you can get a night in a hotel for 500 baht but that's not the average by any means.

As I've lived in Isaan for over 7 years I'm qualified to comment.

Your other posts seem to be just as well informed!

Well, I am married to a Khorat girl for 17 years and I think I know Esaan quite well, but if you say yours is longer than mine you must be right ;-)

1- Hotel. I totally disagree. Last time we made a long trip from Khorat to Vientiane, visiting Nong Khai, Khon Kaen etc and we paid 450-550 Baths, maybe 600 Baths once, for nice rooms with air con all the way. Even if I had wanted I am not sure I would have found more expensive rooms.

2- Food. I totally disagree. In every big shopping mall in Thailand you have a food court and you eat very well for 30-50 Baths including drinks. Even in Bangkok I eat for that price, for example 7th floor of Platinum. OK, if you want the fresh mango with sticky rice you have to fork another 60-100 Baths.

You say you are qualified to comment, fine, congratulations for self-appointing yourself, but are you hopping from Pizza Hut to Mac Donald or are you eating like normal Thai people ? This is the point ! You can spend huge sums of money in Thailand if you want. You can easily pay 8000 a night in Samui (two times the monthly salary of the maid in one night). You can go to a very expensive resort in Krabi ...

[Khunmanoun]

Being viewed by some people as a walking ATM is not limited to Thailand, be it Issan, Bangkok, Chang mai or where ever. You will find examples of this in any country in the world. I spent 3 years working in Brazil. I speak decent Portuguese, and truly like the people. My first girlfriend there had a good job at a bank which I dealt with. We had only been seeing each other for a couple of months before the gentle hints for money to buy something for the family or to help a sick family member started. I didn't think anything about it at first, but as time went on, I began to wake up. When I declined one time (with a sad smile and an apology) she threw a tantrum, and I threw her out. I even changed the bank my company was dealing with to avoid her. She stalked me for a couple of months before finally moving on. There a certain individuals with this mindset, be they Thai, Brazilian, American or any other country. It has been said before, set limits up front. I am happily married to a Thai woman from Bangkok. During the 4 years prior to our marriage, she never asked me for a cent. During that time, her grandfather, who raised her, died, as did her mother. I offered to send money for the funerals, and she thanked me, but said that she had money in savings to pay for the costs. Not one other member of the family offered to help her with the cost. It seems to me that her grandparents, poor as church mice, raised her to be self-sufficient. You've got to respect them for that.

Sure, but in Asia, I know a bit of Japan, Korea, China, Hong Kong, Malaysia, Singapore, and Thailand is really a special place. The way the average Thai people deal with money is totally different from the way the average chinese people do, for example. The behaviour is quite different too.

[lostinisaan]

Khounmanoun, I would get off the bus right here, before you have no feet to leave on . . .

Ha ha ha because some people married to Udon girls don't like to know about Udon girls reputation, you think I should turn my back and leave ? But ... this is not my opinion, it is the opinion I heard from many Thai people ... Taboo ?

I've heard from many Thai people that you'll lose an important body part that enables(d) you producing a child when continuing talking about their campfire stories on real Whiskey, free cigarettes, peanut butter in a nutshell, etc.. about the good old times with the weird GI's...

The bad bad girls back in 1960 something.. The offspring must have those genes inside them, at least the females..Or did the gf work for them?-

Edited November 25, 2013 by lostinisaan

[meatboy]

I can understand the point that you are all making but when I look back on my time in Isaan the girlfriend and her family spent quite a bit of money on me too so I thought it appropriate to pay back the favour and It made me happy to do so.

surely youve heard the saying TO DANGLE THE CARROT IN FRONT OF THE HORSE i have been married 23yrs and lived together for 2yrs at first,but,better still a big but,three yrs before i met my wife there had been plenty of carrots dangled in front of me and by what you have said i too took the bait,and me being a fisherman i took it hook,line but not the sinker,so when the line starts to get tight let it go before you get pulled in the deep end.if you do manage to stay afloat and cast aside any bait snatchers it can be a wonderfull life here.

good luck and remember the signs throw those greedy one's back in.

t.i.t. taffy in thailand

[NoshowJones]

Nice story.

Be prepared, some members will soon claim all the hospitality was part of an act to make you give money in the end.

After all, it is the only country in the world where it is a national policy to scam visitors.

Seriously pal, nice story.

Good post, except for one thing, although Thailand has it's share of scammers, a very small minority, it is nowhere near the only country in the world who will scam visitors.

[NoshowJones]

The OP is on the right track...one can be generous without becoming an ATM.

If the relationship continues, rest assured that some family member will ask to "borrow" some money. It is on you to evaluate such requests and say 'yea' or 'nay'. A refusal will likely result in a bunch of talking and you being asked again...just stand your ground and set the precedent.

I have been here for about eight years, my wife has four brothers and one sister, there are her parents and aunt who live nearby, and I can honestly say that never once has any of them ever even hinted that they wanted to borrow any money from me. I have never even had a fall out with any of them.

[nearlynormal]

same all over the world ...buyer beware

[thehelmsman]

I can understand the point that you are all making but when I look back on my time in Isaan the girlfriend and her family spent quite a bit of money on me too so I thought it appropriate to pay back the favour and It made me happy to do so.

Sounds like you had a good time. Don't overthink all this. I'm not advocating throwing money around but it sounds like no harm done showing you're not a complete miser. Go your own way and don't get lost in TV advice.

[jpmerlin]

Concerning the warm welcome you have received, I got the same treatment 17 years ago, and I am still very warmly received in the village. They are certainly sincere. But please separate money from that. You do not need to PAY for that, it is free. Certainly, if something happens to a family member, not helping at all would get you a bad reputation, but this is perfecly understandable. Do not build any house, deal with big amounts of money before a couple of years. Take your time !

really!!!

[Bazt]

@ Ryro88 - You stayed 4 days in Isaan, where everything is dirt cheap and you really believe village people spent close to 5000 on you ? Well, I have doubts.

A good meal cost 50 baths, how much is benzine now ? A night in an hotel cost 400-500 baths.

I see you know as much about Isaan as I do about Outer Mongolia. For a start everything is not "dirt cheap". Last weekend 4 of us went for meal and it cost 1200 baht and that wasn't being extravagant. Included 1 beer 2 bottles of water and a Sprite. Petrol is 39 baht a litre and yes you can get a night in a hotel for 500 baht but that's not the average by any means.

As I've lived in Isaan for over 7 years I'm qualified to comment.

Your other posts seem to be just as well informed!

Well, I am married to a Khorat girl for 17 years and I think I know Esaan quite well, but if you say yours is longer than mine you must be right ;-)

1- Hotel. I totally disagree. Last time we made a long trip from Khorat to Vientiane, visiting Nong Khai, Khon Kaen etc and we paid 450-550 Baths, maybe 600 Baths once, for nice rooms with air con all the way. Even if I had wanted I am not sure I would have found more expensive rooms.

2- Food. I totally disagree. In every big shopping mall in Thailand you have a food court and you eat very well for 30-50 Baths including drinks. Even in Bangkok I eat for that price, for example 7th floor of Platinum. OK, if you want the fresh mango with sticky rice you have to fork another 60-100 Baths.

You say you are qualified to comment, fine, congratulations for self-appointing yourself, but are you hopping from Pizza Hut to Mac Donald or are you eating like normal Thai people ? This is the point ! You can spend huge sums of money in Thailand if you want. You can easily pay 8000 a night in Samui (two times the monthly salary of the maid in one night). You can go to a very expensive resort in Krabi ...

I'm confused, what is the currency of Thailand , bath or baht ?

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Edited November 26, 2013 by Bazt

[rct99q]

Glad you had a good time in Isaan. My wife always gets a kick out of some of the posters on this forum. In any advice there is a grain of truth so it is up to you to filter out all the other stuff. Those that have been scammed, those that have long loving relationships, and those that are themselves trying to scam people.

On the terms of the gift you provided. It was a warm gesture on your part but be careful. Up here in Nong Khai the average wage is about 8,000baht per month. Now there are many making more than that. It is not the "dirt" poor region it once used to be. But 5,000baht is still a lot of money. yes the family spent money on you but do you know their financial status. This is important. My father in law is not a rich man but he will spend more than he earns on things that are important in showing "face".

Hate that term but it is reality. In many cases it is about what they ...show....which usually can mean spending more than they can afford. By you putting up 5,000baht could be seen as a slap in the face of the parents and family. If they wanted to show you a good time and spent their money on you that was up to them. You splashing around 5,000baht was like reminding someone they are poor...

Next time instead of money buy a few gifts like food, or dvd's, cd's comic books for the kids. My first trip to the village a few years ago I asked my wife what should I bring. Standard answer..up to you! (hate this one as well). So I bought 5kg of pork (about 1,000baht) to have a BBQ with. Family loved it.

Good luck.

[NCFC]

Impossible to generalise because there are good and bad everywhere. All you can do is take your time and don't rush into anything. All will be revealed in time if you play a cautious game.

[kirstymelb101]

I just can't see where you are coming from here the family spent quite a few thousand baht on myself. Petrol.national park fees.food.beer the list goes on 5000 was a good will gesture on my part which my girlfriend refused twice before I slipped it in the window of the car when we left to head Into the airport.

It all comes down to your own perception and how you perceive these people. The way you regard your girlfriends family is what matters most. To me you seem like a smart enough guy to make your own judgment. I notice people on TV have a natural tendency to be 'kill joys' when this subject comes to light. IMHO - Unless you are 50yrs old and your Thai girlfriend is 16, you have nothing to worry about.

Edited November 26, 2013 by kirstymelb101

[bergen]

rory88

Glad you enjoyed your stay in Nam Yun!

I've been living 13 km west of Nam Yun for almost 10 years, and can confirm that it is indeed possible to meet nice and friendly locals - which is excactly my experiende over the years!

Cheers!

[Bpuumike]

The OP is on the right track...one can be generous without becoming an ATM.

If the relationship continues, rest assured that some family member will ask to "borrow" some money. It is on you to evaluate such requests and say 'yea' or 'nay'. A refusal will likely result in a bunch of talking and you being asked again...just stand your ground and set the precedent.

Indeed, set the rules at the start.

Wish I had been given that advice but it's working OK.

[Travel2003]

We call it "CHIANG MAI EFFECT" ! The first time you go you feel cool then you cry all the next times you will have to go again in the future as everything suxx there...

They didn't ask any money but you wanted to convince them that you are the perfect buffalo by giving them 5000 thb ? Well done ! But don't wonder why they will ask more in the future <3

Enjoy your happy time, it is not going to last long...

Really?

The Chiang Mai Effect??

Not a make belief word you come up with?

And everything suxx there?

let's ask the other CM members, shall we?

A few days in CM, probably Pattaya and Kho Somewhere, then you stumbled over this web site just a few weeks ago, and voila' you are the expert on the rural areas of this country.

Glad you came along.

Edited November 26, 2013 by Travel2003

[Maggusoil]

Khounmanoun, I would get off the bus right here, before you have no feet to leave on . . .

Ha ha ha because some people married to Udon girls don't like to know about Udon girls reputation, you think I should turn my back and leave ? But ... this is not my opinion, it is the opinion I heard from many Thai people ... Taboo ?

No. Not that. I am not married to a Thai from any city. I have also spent some time in Udon Thani, its the closest big town to my daughter, about three hours away.

The reference to feet is rhetorical. You may wish to look it up and the reference is, as you need things s p e l l e d out. You put your foot in your mouth so often, you won't be able to walk. Because your feet will be in your mouth and its very difficult to walk like that. In case you don't know what that means, don't worry about it.

Nothing will compensate for your delusion that you are always right, until one day it proves you wrong.

[Tycoon]

@ Ryro88 - You stayed 4 days in Isaan, where everything is dirt cheap and you really believe village people spent close to 5000 on you ? Well, I have doubts.

A good meal cost 50 baths, how much is benzine now ? A night in an hotel cost 400-500 baths.

Rant

The word is Baht, not baths. This is the most misspelt word in Thailand.

One more time, Baht not bath.