Ex Thai girlfriend reporting me to Embassy

[Mario2008]

there is no alimony or child support in thailand , she can get nothing. if she could 75% of all thai men would be in jail for not paying child support or alimony. tell her what alimony and and child support is in thai GO GET A FARANG.

There is no alimony, but Thai law is crystal clear in that there is child support.

Thai persons are made to pay child support too, if necesarry through payments deducted from their salary. Problem is that most Thais don't have an official job so it is hard to enforce. But enforced it is.

[Issangeorge]

Remember your child will live where the mother lives, so you may want to pay extra so the mother can live in a nice place. Also, I have no idea, but under the laws of your home country are you not obligated to pay child support? Perhaps that is where your embassy will get involved.

Sent from my i-mobile IQ X using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[qdinthailand]

I think the guy that ran over the soi dog (another thread) has more worries than the OP here. 555

[recycler]

I'm sorry for the child, you should have been more careful.

As you were never married and you are not on the birth certificate, you have no rights nor duties by law, only by decency you should try to do what's best for the child and find a way to support it or maybe even take care of it yourself if that's an option. I'm afraid though that that she will see the child as a means of support for her and her family and won't let go. Good chance the your child will grow up in some poor village upcountry, raised like half animal and drop out of school before 10 years old and start a career as a sugar cane cutter or worse...

[Mario2008]

Being on the birth certificate or not is not really relevent, it only makes a claim, and doesn't give or deny any rights.

[kingstonkid]

Hell Look at the number of Thai fathers that pay nothing for their kids.

You my friend have nothing to worry about.

I personally would not want to give her any money unless i had the ability to be with the child on a regular basis so that I could confirm the oney was gong to the child

[sangsom69]

How old is the child? If he/she's a toddler, and the mother was taking care of he/she then you cannot divide support for her from support for the child.

Personally, I think people should man up to their responsibilities and there's no bigger one than having a child - intended or not. And, I speak as someone familiar with your situation. It's easy to feel resentful at having to give cash to someone you may now positively dislike, and whose motives you may suspect, but the child's an innocent in all this. The same cannot be said for you or her, so the needs of the child are paramount.

If what you're giving is sufficient to the child not to need for anything essential, materially, then fair enough. I'd say a minimum of 15,000 personally, and I don't care that this is in excess of underpaid Thai workers' salary as other posters have said, as I wouldn't want my child, to scratch around like some kids of underpaid workers in a developing country. It is to be hoped that you'll also be able to offer emotional support for the child too as his/her dad by sorting out the issues, difficult as they are, with the mother, so you at least have access.

Edited November 27, 2013 by sangsom69

[Wordworx]

Your Embassy can't and won't do anything apart from maybe tell her to get out of the building.

Right. And if the embassy in question is the US Consulate, the only person they could care less about than one of their basic-level expats is their basic-level expat's ex GF on the hustle. She probably would not get past the gate. ("Where window for American make my baby now not buy me new TV?") Ever think about telling her you might raise the fee if she agrees to DNA test? If your are certain yours, I'm sure another poster has a reasonable sum all figured out. But best if you can find a good used WABAC Machine. That's the way to go.

[starcandle]

Don't mean to sound rude here,,, but you sound like a right victim....she's had a good run, so get a paternity test and if the Bambino is yours, then pay what your comfortable with, 2000 baht per month should do the trick.

Remember the child is half hers and she has a responsibility too.

[recycler]

How old is the child? If he/she's a toddler, and the mother was taking care of he/she then you cannot divide support for her from support for the child.

Personally, I think people should man up to their responsibilities and there's no bigger one than having a child - intended or not. And, I speak as someone familiar with your situation. It's easy to feel resentful at having to give cash to someone you may now positively dislike, and whose motives you may suspect, but the child's an innocent in all this. The same cannot be said for you or her, so the needs of the child are paramount.

If what you're giving is sufficient to the child not to need for anything essential, materially, then fair enough. I'd say a minimum of 15,000 personally, and I don't care that this is in excess of underpaid Thai workers' salary as other posters have said, as I wouldn't want my child, to scratch around like some kids of underpaid workers in a developing country. It is to be hoped that you'll also be able to offer emotional support for the child too as his/her dad by sorting out the issues, difficult as they are, with the mother, so you at least have access.

If he just sends the money the family will be more than happy to finish it, the kid won't benefit at all.

The only way for the child to have a better life and education is to take care of it himself or pay only bills that are for the kid only and make sure you are in touch with the school, but that will be difficult.

[NoshowJones]

You sound like a decent guy, and there is no way you should help the ex GFs family financially. By accepting your responsibilities you are doing the right thing, and I wish you all the best.

[Doc46]

Be smart and get some legal advise than you know .

[NoshowJones]

"she is from a PROOF background" <deleted> is a proof background?

I think he means poor.

[sirchai]

How many people support your ex gf now? A serious question, as you'll only know if it's your flesh through a DNA test. Go for it, some of these girls sleep with various partners and don't know who the father is.

That's not just a Thai phenomena. Would be great to see her reaction if you'd tell her you want the test. Please see:

http://www.thailandpi.com/dna-testing-thailand-father-paternity.htm

[iamariva1957]

What you are really talking about here is Child Support. The usual is around 2000bht (if memory serves, though I have no children here to support) per month and shared school fees and any out of pocket medical expenses (the latter is a big maybe!). Seeing as you have already stated that you have been paying funds to this ex-GF then you will be able to show those payments in some way... correct? Great if you can as it will show that you are no dead beat dad. As for you embassy...do not give it a second thought. They will do nothing. Even if you have strict laws governing Child Support in your home country, your payments to date to the Ex will show that you have not skipped on paying what you thought was right. That will be on your side. If paternity is as you suggest then as the father of the child no matter what age (as long as it is still considered a minor child) you have responsibilities within Thai law. But here again you are covered as you have been paying and can show that you have done so. So your ex has no leg to stand on and it is the usual greed. Question... why is she your ex when you have a child together and not married? Are you dam sure that it is yours?! If not get tested straight away. It is a common scam with mothers with children from poor backgrounds (Issan especially... natch!). But we are talking about a child here and that makes this a matter of your personal conscious. My suggestion is simply do right by the child. But as for legal action that the ex can take against you... forget it! No one will bar you from Thailand, kick you out of Thailand, cause you problems with your embassy, and the local cops will not give a dam, beyond asking you to explain things to them from a man's point of view as the ex will drive them to drink anyway. They have seen it all before, and know that dealing with this issue with a farang who can show them payments that he has made monthly (as you said) will just give them more paperwork to do and less time to playing Farm Ville on Face Book.

[prvtdetdave]

lots of angry men here i see, poor child.

I see lots of men who are tired of being conned and ripped off. I do agree the child is a poor pawn used by the Thai woman.

[spidermike007]

Nothing but sour grapes. She did not get what she wanted, and now she is making stink. Best if you can change your phone number, and move. There is nothing much she can do. Even if she goes to court, which she probably won't, she cannot really prove anything. Even where children are concerned, the courts often find in favor of the foreigner, since he is better able to provide for the child. So, she has nothing. Ignore her. If it escalates, call her parents, with someone to translate, and let them know about the monster. Sometimes that level of embarrassment can straighten out the goons.

[tingtongteesood]

Your name isn't on the birth certificate so technically it is not your business.You could walk away but most people wouldn't. She is damn lucky you give her any money at all given that situation. If your papers are in order and everything is above board, she can't make any real trouble for you.

[Nemesis7]

No she can't get you blacklisted over this issue.

Kindly perform a DNA test of the child too .

She isn't that stupid to let you go out of country, so she is playing mind games with you and trying to scare you.

If it goes to court and if you want to be on upper hand you must prove you left her cause of mainly moral ground and couldn't adjust

[tragickingdom]

Reporting you to your own embassy would not make any sense unless you have registered your child in your name and the child support is not according your country's rules, that could have some consequences. Reporting you however to the police could theoretically mean that a warrant is issued for you, even if it was only for the purpose of speaking to you.

Maybe there is no need to pay for her family but paying only for a child while leaving your family/ex GF in desperate circumstances is not very nice either.

[FiftyTwo]

I should add I am not named on child's birth certificate at present.

DNA test may be nice to have in either case

The rest of your embassy worries as others have already said no worries.

Not named, nothing she can do even if it is yours.

Even if your were married and she went to court (which she can't do now) 100bht a day child maint, which they can't collect unless you are working with a WP in Thailand.

[FiftyTwo]

Do not do what I did. Hardly ever got to see my son, although I paid monthly. At first, I was giving too much money (20,000). That is more than a teacher with a college education makes. 9000 seems to be a good honest figure. You are not responsible for the mom, or any other kid...only morally responsible for your own. I assume she would live in a home with or without your child, you are not responsible for her rent.

Medical Insurance per month.....1000 (I don't really know)

Food per month...........................4000 per month

Clothing.........................................1000 (dam_n good wardrobe after a year..but they grow fast)

Education (eventually)..................2000 (not a private school of course up to you)

College fund.................................1000 per month for 18 years would pay most college fees (keep that away from her)

I might have missed something.....from time to time gifts, dentists etc.

There seems to be gossip going around that foreign embassies force give free money to farang babies....not true.

She might figure out a way to turn you in on a fraud hotline for getting tax breaks and/or extra social security money which could get you audited. She could do this through a friend who is Thai, but has citizenship in your country. In the USA there is a fraud hotline. For example...if you claim (USA) the child is living with you when that is not the case....

That is probably not going to happen. They will not want to get involved here.

You are a right mug (or a very generous father).

3k a month from the court, if you were married to the mother.

Health care is free for children in Thailand (not even 30bht).

School is free in Thailand (Junior school even provide free dinners).

[rotary]

Send her 2K bhat a month and buy the kids clothes and toys. If you give her more cash she will do wrong things with it.

[McGee]

A woman can name any man as a child's father on the birth certificate in Thailand -- it doesn't mean anything. A DNA test and court order means something. I doubt she'll even get an appointment at your embassy to talk about the misdeeds of one of their lads, much less 10 minutes of someone's time to talk with them. The embassies don't blacklist people -- Thai Immigration does that.

Instead, you should seriously think about getting a vasectomy so you can continue to have fun with new ladies without worrying about what will follow. The only loser in all this is your poor child -- you can't even tell us if it's a little boy or girl. Please don't subject another child to this.

A Woman "can not" name anyone as Father of her Child. We could not get even my name on the Birth Certificate "while" I am the Father.

We had to get a DNA Test done to be legally recognized as the Father and get equal Paternity Rights ( which is at the Present 5,000.- for each, Father plus Baby ,plus charges for the Doc 1,800.- THB plus the Cost of Travel to either Bangkok or Hat Yai, plus legal Cost for Counselor and Ampur.

Edited November 27, 2013 by McGee

[BlueSkyCowboy]

Can someone advise what trouble can she make for me ? Can I be blacklisted from Thailand, will the police arrest me ?

She cant make any trouble.

How could you be blacklisted?

No the police will not arrest you.

We have had many arguements, etc... together and she says she will report me to my Embassy in Bangkok and this will cause be big big problems!

Usual BS and bluster, tell her to go ahead, no it will not cause big problems.

if so how much do you allow per month?

Well the answer is as much as you think you can afford, providing she and her family aint taking the piss.

10k - 15 k is plenty, and probably way more than needed, dont know the age of the child.

I think she means that I can get blacklisted from visiting Thailand and prosecuted through the police/courts to pay more money?

Ohh nice one, talk about shooting herself in the foot, if you are blacklisted how the heck would you be able to visit the country and be prosecuted through the courts?

Tell her you will send X per month, end of, no more discussions, tell her if she makes any more threats or gives you any more hassle, X will soon become zero.

How about all the children with a Thai daddy of unknown origin? No problems. Just go to Vietnam maybe better anyway

[rgs2001uk]

Do not do what I did. Hardly ever got to see my son, although I paid monthly. At first, I was giving too much money (20,000). That is more than a teacher with a college education makes. 9000 seems to be a good honest figure. You are not responsible for the mom, or any other kid...only morally responsible for your own. I assume she would live in a home with or without your child, you are not responsible for her rent.

Medical Insurance per month.....1000 (I don't really know)

Food per month...........................4000 per month

Clothing.........................................1000 (dam_n good wardrobe after a year..but they grow fast)

Education (eventually)..................2000 (not a private school of course up to you)

College fund.................................1000 per month for 18 years would pay most college fees (keep that away from her)

I might have missed something.....from time to time gifts, dentists etc.

There seems to be gossip going around that foreign embassies force give free money to farang babies....not true.

She might figure out a way to turn you in on a fraud hotline for getting tax breaks and/or extra social security money which could get you audited. She could do this through a friend who is Thai, but has citizenship in your country. In the USA there is a fraud hotline. For example...if you claim (USA) the child is living with you when that is not the case....

That is probably not going to happen. They will not want to get involved here.

You are a right mug (or a very generous father).

3k a month from the court, if you were married to the mother.

Health care is free for children in Thailand (not even 30bht).

School is free in Thailand (Junior school even provide free dinners).

Love the, medical insurance and college fund bits, whats with the education 2,000 baht per month?

[mrdome]

Instead, you should seriously think about getting a vasectomy so you can continue to have fun with new ladies without worrying about what will follow. The only loser in all this is your poor child -- you can't even tell us if it's a little boy or girl. Please don't subject another child to this.

There are these things called condoms - also excellent for safe sex...

I would not advise to have a vasectomy under normal circumstances.

[lucjoker]

dont give money,

give bottles of whiskey,

just enough for the family to drink

every day.(lets say 4 bottles for a 6 pers fam.)

You also give clothes for your child,toys..

But most important is the whiskey !

Add an extra bottle each month.

The whiskey is going to solve your problem !

After 6 months you suddenly change the whiskey for

water bottles and write your name and tel.nr on each bottle.

A few days later they will phone you,asking for whiskey or money.

Agree ! But your ex only has to sign the child over to you.

(lawyer papers)

The whole family will force her to sign the papers.

After you have the child ,stop sending water bottles,

Send one last time whiskey bottles,and write to my friends on them .

Change your tel nr and move out of the region.

Have a vasectomy and choose your next lady sober and more carefully .

Finally send me a bottle of champane (and put your new tel nr on it )

[Straight8]

Hell Look at the number of Thai fathers that pay nothing for their kids.

You my friend have nothing to worry about.

I personally would not want to give her any money unless i had the ability to be with the child on a regular basis so that I could confirm the oney was gong to the child

KK is spot on.

First take a DNA to prove you are the father of the child. If indeed you are the father, then set some ground rules that allow you to not only support the child with money but be a part of its life. At least be able to spend some time whenever you want. Believe me, if they are as poor as you say, there should be no problem in keeping you close. Otherwise, stop all payment if they do not agree to your terms because let's face it, you would be paying and you would never see the child.

As for the money, I doubt the kid would live any better if the OP sends 10 - 20k baht a month or 150 baht a month. Does anyone here seriously think some of say 10,000 baht will be put away for the childs future?? Seriously?? It would be spend faster than it will be received.

[thaidel48]

Well in some respects serves you right for letting her know about your " Big Problem