Dilema

[john1000]

Yes I expect you have heard this before, but I am 52 years young and just going through a painful divorce whch may cost me dear, and wish to build a new life in Thailand.

However I have a pension due and some cash wil become available from the sale of my cottage ( £200,00) but really do not know where to start.

I have a friend who visits frequently, but maybe for all the wrong reasons.... his choice.

Somewhere quiet where I could meet an honest?? girl and start over.

This may be the story of many but would appreciate any threads that would illustrate obvious pitfalls.

Thanks

[jdinasia]

should you move here? no .....

you should visit here ... then visit again ... then a few more times .... THEN think about moving here ....

make sure at least ONE of your visits that you do it on the budget that you will be on when you live here ... and that that visit is over 3 months

[john1000]

I appreciate that a couple of visits would be something that would be required, but is the amount I quoted a sufficient pot to keep me going in a modest lifestyle?

I would rent not buy after reading some of the pitfalls wile renting, and keep the pension going.

Are there thresds by members in a similar situation to me?

Thanks

[GuestHouse]

Good advice from Jdiasia.

I'd add you need to sort your divorce out first and then take stock of where you after the dust has settled.

I'd also caution that post divorce and particularly post divorce at your age you are extremely vulnerable to the Honey Trap.

If you can afford not to, do not sell your cottage, hang on to it as a base that you can return to.

I personally think that in the imediate period post divorce (two to three years depending on the person) you should be looking to stabalize your life and emotions. I do not think Thailand is the ideal place to do that.

Take your time.

[Thaipwriter]

Yes I expect you have heard this before, but I am 52 years young and just going through a painful divorce whch may cost me dear, and wish to build a new life in Thailand.

However I have a pension due and some cash wil become available from the sale of my cottage ( £200,00) but really do not know where to start.

I have a friend who visits frequently, but maybe for all the wrong reasons.... his choice.

Somewhere quiet where I could meet an honest?? girl and start over.

This may be the story of many but would appreciate any threads that would illustrate obvious pitfalls.

Thanks

It's a great idea to come and live here and enjoy the climate, the food, etc etc.

BUT! you gotta do your homework first, sooooo many guys come here and make the same set of mistakes over and over again.

At least your in the right place asking for advice. If you use this forum well and properly research your every decision, this website can save you millions of baht and a whole lot of heartache.

If you ignore some of the sound advice on offer here you will probably lose millions of baht....it's harsh but true!

Extended holidays in rented accomodation are the next step for you i feel. Learning some Thai should be at the top of your list of priorities, this will open you up to a wider audience of possible female companions.

Dont expect to much "honesty" here, Thai's use language differently to westerners with emphasis more on what they think you want to hear rather than the actual facts of any given scenario.

Good luck with the divorce and welcome to the forum

[john1000]

Had a look to try and find like minded threads, but only people from other countries discussing finances.

What I feel I need is what are the pitfalls and common mistakes. ( some threads maybe)

Thanks

HONEST??? I thought I was set for life after my second marriage. No difference accross countries of the world. Women want; and will leave; if THEY are not happy. Men just take it in the nuts. ( DO SOUND BITTER?)

Last time I was in my thirties and knew deep down life would get better and I would get another chance. This time at my age in the UK there is nothing for someone who is over 50 nothing at all.

[jdinasia]

I would agree with keeping your house in the UK and renting it out for income and a backup <just in case>

[GuestHouse]

What I feel I need is what are the pitfalls and common mistakes.

Well a few things to avoid.... (Try to avoid, you'll get caught by at least a couple of these nomatter how many times you are warned)...

• Getting into relationships before you know the ground
  
• Forgetting that beauty is not an idication of goodness
  
• Getting hooked in with someone who controls where you go, who you meet, what you see, what you hear and where you spend your money (usually the new found love of one's life)
  
• Believing that someone who does everything for you, is actually good for you in the long run
  
• Getting ripped off (varying degrees) in the belief that you are helping someone out of fix
  
• Lieing to yourself - Convincing yourself to switch off your common sense
  
• Buying property/cars in other peoples names (Usually the new found love of one's life)
  
• Putting money in other people's accounts (usually the new found love of one's life)
  
• Bringing to Thailand money you can't afford to loose - and then loosing it
  
• Burining the bridges back home so that you can't go back again if things don't work out.
  
• Forgetting that a 30 year old woman has a 30 year old woman's ambitions for life
  
• Getting robbed by a fellow expat
  
• Not having health insurance
  
• Paying too much for bank charges
  

If you get past most of that lot you'll be doing reasonably well.

[GuestHouse]

Get yourself a copy of this Money Still Number One - A Single Man's Guide to Thailand Read it and Believe it... Believe every single bit of it.

Edited May 9, 2006 by GuestHouse

[john1000]

Thanks I will get this book.

So most Thai women are out for financial again and have no scruples??

[GuestHouse]

So most Thai women are out for financial again and have no scruples??

Not at all, they are no different than their sisters the world around.

The problem is which Thais you meet. Unless you are extremely fortunate you will meet almost exclusively women working in bars and what the Japanese call 'The Water Trade'.

You'll be told a 'Bar Girl' is not a prostitute and you might start believing it.

That's when the real trouble starts.

[britmaveric]

One word of advice - if you use the head on your shoulders and treat a relationship like you do in the west than you won't have a problem.

Major mistake that I can see is most lads do things they would never do back home in regards to a relationship. (this doesnt make sense to me - hence not using the right head) Remember relationships don't happen overnight and you will be fine.

[tuky]

Having said all that.

In truth, my wife and I met when I was destitute. I had no prespects, I was unemployed.

It wast until after we were married and had our first child that I got a good job and we began to prosper.

She did not marry me for my money.

[britmaveric]

Having said all that.

In truth, my wife and I met when I was destitute. I had no prespects, I was unemployed.

It wast until after we were married and had our first child that I got a good job and we began to prosper.

She did not marry me for my money.

Devastatingly handsum good looks was the obvious reason!!!!

[tuky]

Having said all that.

In truth, my wife and I met when I was destitute. I had no prespects, I was unemployed.

It wast until after we were married and had our first child that I got a good job and we began to prosper.

She did not marry me for my money.

Devastatingly handsum good looks was the obvious reason!!!!

There must have been some reason mate. I even had to sell my only asset, a car in Aust. to get us through the hard times. And she is the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen. Goodness knows why she stayed with me.

[Nignoy]

Having said all that.

In truth, my wife and I met when I was destitute. I had no prespects, I was unemployed.

It wast until after we were married and had our first child that I got a good job and we began to prosper.

She did not marry me for my money.

Devastatingly handsum good looks was the obvious reason!!!!

There must have been some reason mate. I even had to sell my only asset, a car in Aust. to get us through the hard times. And she is the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen. Goodness knows why she stayed with me.

You sold your Ute did you cut off your Mullet too!! Nignoy

[LaoPo]

Having said all that.

In truth, my wife and I met when I was destitute. I had no prespects, I was unemployed.

It wast until after we were married and had our first child that I got a good job and we began to prosper.

She did not marry me for my money.

Devastatingly handsum good looks was the obvious reason!!!!

There must have been some reason mate. I even had to sell my only asset, a car in Aust. to get us through the hard times. And she is the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen. Goodness knows why she stayed with me.

Must be your good heart Tuky!

Now, go out and buy her some nice flowers today...she'll love you even more! (when was the last time you did that?)

LaoPo

[john1000]

My main problem will be lack of friends and family, so would have to build up from scratch... do ex pats stick together and have a close community? are there pitfalls here?

[BKK90210]

Easy to find new friends and a new family here if you still have some dosh left....But like others have said above......Be very careful whom you choose to have around you!

[john1000]

This comment worries me....

Why do you need dosh to make friends? and what scenario should I be aware of? I have to ask here as I would ( knowing my luck ) find out the hard way.

[GuestHouse]

Go to Thailand for a month with, say GBP5K in cash, see what happens and see if you can draw any conclussion from what might happen.

Spend at least a small fraction of the money on 'Money Still Number One'. You will not get better advice anywhere.

[Pattayatony]

This comment worries me....

Why do you need dosh to make friends? and what scenario should I be aware of? I have to ask here as I would ( knowing my luck ) find out the hard way.

Now listen up sunshine>>> If it flys, floats or Fcuks Its cheaper to rent and thats the truth. When you come here keep your eyes and ears open and your wallet closed dont trust the Thais and never ever trust the foreigners. After you have been here for 24 hours contact me and I will take care of you for a small fee but let me know your coming for sure so I can arrange my work permit.

PS : Dont buy anything you cant fit into your bag.

[john1000]

Yes Yes I know there are pitfalls and people here are saying " see what happens" Keep your eyes open, do your research, but " what " exactly di I look out for?

I am not dumb and have been around, and fairly cautious in my approach to life ( look where that got me ) but have no idea of specifics in Thailand....

[GuestHouse]

Nothing we say could do it justice - or to be quite frank, injustice either.

[Ted]

So most Thai women are out for financial again and have no scruples??

Not at all, they are no different than their sisters the world around.

The problem is which Thais you meet. Unless you are extremely fortunate you will meet almost exclusively women working in bars and what the Japanese call 'The Water Trade'.

You'll be told a 'Bar Girl' is not a prostitute and you might start believing it.

That's when the real trouble starts.

Come on GuestHouse that is a huge generalisation that you need to be'extremely fortunate' to meet girls out of the bar scene! Just swap the Same Same singlet and Diesel shorts and you'll see...

[jaiyenjohn]

Hi John,

I'm not sure what you did for a living back in england, but at 52 you've still got some work left in you I think.

Once you do decide to settle in Thailand (after a few long-stays, to see if it works). I'd probably take a little of your money and start some kind of small business here. (coffee shop, web development, graphic design, whatever your interest is).

The cost of living in Thailand is incredibly cheap compared to the west, and if you can live on the little money coming in from your business each month, you can bank your pension, increase your savings, and use it to splurge occasionally for the big ticket item, (a car, holiday, etc.).

Plus it's something to keep you occupied and out of the bars! (unless you open a bar I guess )

[Mobi]

So most Thai women are out for financial again and have no scruples??

Some of your questions make me wonder if you are not a troll?

And if you are indeed not a troll, you do seem to be an extraordinarily naive person. If you know so little about Thailand, what has prompted you to think about retiring out here?

Assuming you are on the level, you have a huge learning curve to go through before you could safely 'settle' in such an 'alien' environment.

Find cheap air tickets, and first time tround get a budget hotel, and from there find a cheap apartment for your next visit. Take it step by step and learn the country and its people and all the hazzards. If you do all that, and see if you can manage on a sensible budget, you will be on your way.

But remember that at your age it will be difficult, but not impossible, to find a lady wo will not be too demanding on your current levels of finance - so choose very carefully - the big demands usually come some way down the line in the relationship.

Good luck

[GuestHouse]

Come on GuestHouse that is a huge generalisation that you need to be'extremely fortunate' to meet girls out of the bar scene! Just swap the Same Same singlet and Diesel shorts and you'll see...

Perhaps is a generalization, but I suspect less so when the foreigner is a guy in his 50s, straight from the divorce courts and on his first trip to Thailand.

And to be precise I said the bar scene and what the Japanese call the 'Water Trade" ...[Mizu Shobai]

I don't have a same same singlet and I own nothing from Diesel.

Edited May 10, 2006 by GuestHouse

[Donz]

mate you MUST go there for a holiday first, I would think it is foolish to just decide to move to a country you know nothing about.

Especially to retire, I hope you didnt just look at a travel mag and said im going to move there. lol

Im sure you will love it but stay awhile and see what you think. Moving there without even going there is like buying a house you never looked at

[lordofdelusion]

OK, here are my 2 satangs on the subject, about the going rate for advice I would think.

Yes, visit first, visit again and move around the country as different areas have different feels. Discover the culture, get use to the climate, it's HOT, and by all means study the language.

Next a long rental period in your place of choice decided upon after your early trips of discovery.

You have managed 52 years so far so I would think you know how to choose friends and relationships and manage money. One of my pet peeves is that too many assume that every farang who enters Thailand is an idiot. But no farang thinks they are the idiot it's just all the others.

My other pet peeve is that all Thai women are money grubbing whores. I have defended Thai women in other threads and will do so again here. Yes it is possible to meet a nice civilian Thai girl. One meets bar girls mostly in bars, soooooo, meet your Thai women elsewhere and improve your chances. Having gone through a divorce in the UK , you could over generalize and write a book on the perils of tying up with UK women. I could do the same with the US women. So just use common sense in deciding on your next mate and better luck next time. There are many in Thailand and on this board who are in good relationships . You heard from one earlier in this thread. Take it slow as someone wisely commented earlier. You are just clear of a life changing event. Took me 3 years after I was widowed to get my stuff organized. Best of luck