Sinsod maybe the end

[adonisofpattaya]

tell her....

european tradition = no sinsod

don't like it?......I find new woman

end of story

[Wavnarok]

Must love all the internet replies. Morden might be the only one that rationally replied.

I do know that Thai family ties are strong, and some old school mothers might insist on Sinsod.

I have taken good care of this woman and her family. I came here looking for some sane advice on how to handle this situation. Not to be told you are a sucker you are being scammed.

All insight is welcome but don't let everything you have read in the past to cause your replies to mean one way.

I'm not a troll. I came here asking a simple question. Maybe I'm a sucker, maybe I'm not and just looking for some outside views. Don't be so harsh people.....lol

You got any problem reading the reality ? yes , sucker beeing scammed . 1.500 USD per month for a woman.....that is about 30.000 Kms far doing whatever you dont know

[atyclb]

Run Forrest Run .... If what your telling us true you need to move on and not look back . Your life will be miserable trust me ... Once the cash cow is giving milk it will only want more and more . Everything your saying is not the way things are ... No sin sod for a woman with child or ex husband ... The mother knows this your just being taken advantage of .... $1500 a month is a lot of money here . They are rich now ,,,,,,

"And when you ask them, "How much should we give?"

Ooh, they only answer More! and more! and more!"

(un) Fortunate Son, Credence Clearwater Revival

[ericthai]

to the OP. Why are you paying her so much each month? That is allot of money. None of the workers in my factory make more than 12,000B a month with overtime.

Only a my sales girl makes over 40K per month from salary and commissions. Do they have a house payment? You said she has a car so maybe that is 10K per month.

Our house is paid off, my wife's car payment is 6K mine is 9K with food, elec everything we average about 30-35K per month. This does not include my expat food from villa.

However it does cover all the shopping at Big C, fresh market etc. include eating at small Thai restaurant 1 or 2 times week, phone, internet, Satellite. It's my wife, her dad and myself and sometimes her nice comes and stays on the weekend. You are giving her 48K per month, that is allot of money.

What is your gut telling you? I really think you should cut the purse strings and see what happens. I dont know your girl, but I have known girls that have 2-3 guys giving them money each month. They had a different phone for each guy and make sure none of them come to Thailand at the same time. My friend owns a bar in BKK and from hanging out there I got to know several of the girls working there. From hanging out with them from time to time I got to learn how some of these girls operate. Not all but some. Simply gold diggers.

Just be careful, think about things and dont rush into things. You just met this girl, why get married so fast. Would you be getting married this fast in your home country?

i waited 4 years before I married my wife. We lived together flopping back and forth between my condo in BKK and her house in Issan. As I posted before when we did get married I paid 300K sin sod and bought her dad some gold. After the wedding her dad gave the money back. A few months later he have us 8 rai. I don't give my wife any money, I did help her and paid 45K to get her setup in a small shop which does ok. I pay all the bills. We go out to eat sometimes I pay sometimes she pays. I buy her things, she buys me things, with her money not mine. It might not be your wife and it could be her mom that is the gold digger, but that can be an issue and cause you problems in the future. Stand you ground! Good luck and let us know what happens in the future!

[barrybankruad]

We're wasting our time here fellers. Not matter what amount of advice we give him, his little head has made up his mind for him. People like the OP NEVER listen to what others have to say even though they acknowledge that most advice is given by people who have been in Thailand far longer, and know much more about these things than he does. I wonder why he bothered to post in the first place,Just another lovestruck fool IMO.

I have lost count of the number of times that I have seen these idiots rushing into these sort of arrangements. I don't bother to warn them any more - complete and utter waste of time.

[Mooner]

So what did she do before your 1500$ a month. No way she could of earned that! You are being taking for a ride.

As stated no sinsod needed. Child and previously married.

Offer to support her and the daughter. Maybe even 10,000 baht a month for the mother. Plenty for a old woman.

If she doesnt agree you need to leave.

[David48]

You do not pay sin sot on 2nd marrage..and is only paid for virgins..if you can find one

Man, where have you been all my life?

"sin sot ... is only paid for virgins"

Can you share any more valuable insights into Thailand.

[Aussie Paul]

It's that troll again.

[David48]

Your a Thai Girl??

Haha maybe you've never talked to Thai girls who speak and write good English. I'm not a troll. I can speak and write well cos I've got Bachelor's Degree of Arts in English and I gotta use English in my job everyday. That's why. If I couldn't write in this level, I would never pass all the tests and exams.

Not everyone who claims he/she is Thai and speaks good English is troll.

Anyway, thank you for the compliment

Miss Florence ... I'm not easily convinced.

A photo might convince me though ...

PM is fine ...

.

[salapau]

Many " words of wisdom " given to you. My observation is you have given too much too soon. Your fiance and her mother are lifting your leg. You are not expected to pay a " dowry " for marrying a woman who has been married before and has a baby. How many other children will come out of the woodwork and how many other relatives will squeeze you dry. How can she have afforded to buy a car, another previous boyfriend who got wise ? No more money, no more relationship, walk away now, they'll bleed you dry and then throw you away..

[David48]

I know from my own disasterous experience with a Khon Kaen professional scammer in 2010... I was taken with the same situation as you are going into.

That disgraceful deed by a pretty and very clever unmarried Thai woman (Jula Maya, age 37 on the wedding date) acting under daily direction of her 74 year old mother... knocked me to my senses after wasting over 2 years and over 20,000 USD. Now after that debacle and an in depth 3 years studying this pattern in Thai-Farang relationships, I realize you can not really believe anything the Thai girlfriend says or promises you until you have her visa in hand and you, she and kids have boarded the plane to move to your own country where you should legally marry first giving you some bargaining leverage using your own nation's domestic laws.

While you are in Thailand under the romantic and mystical spell of your lovely Thai girl and she is under the emotional Thai face-saving cultural and social control of her mother, you really have absolutely no negotiating power. If you are foolish and gullible, the amount of financial resources this duo (of likely scammer mother and scam abetting daughter) will work you for could be limitless and actually out on the moon.

Please hear me and let it sink into your common sense and good judgement. The Present Worth Value of your feelings of love, your kindness, payments of current and past support and willingness to care in purpetuity forever for the girlfriend and her daughter... are not really a part of the Thai Marriage Present Worth Valuation Model equation used by the Thai wedding mothers who turn out to be scammers.

The only Present Worth Value relevant to the scammer mother is whether you will pay a very high monetary sinsod up front to put the mother on easy street, pay completely for the Buddhist Temple Ceremony and an extravagant hotel showoff wedding, and as though that were not sufficient to keep your Thai wife... after that you must continue to funnel money through the daughter forever to her mother regardless of whether you reside in Thailand or you reside with your new wife in your own country.

This is not always the case... but is a typical scmmer case as I was told by my Thai-American law firm attorney in Bangkok. In your case the odds are at least 20 to 1 that you are being scammed with the mother orchestrating and advising her daughter every time your name comes up in converstation to take you financially as a fool whether you end up together at all or may actually have a future together.

Please know that the average Thai woman earns approximately 65,000 THB ( 2000 USD) annually with which she lives and sends money to her mother monthy to help her and any kids the daughter may be leaving with her mother while she is away working. That is only approximately 300 USD monthy to support herself, her mother and any kids.

Knowing that... you should see that the idea of sending any amount greater than 300 USD to supplement the income your girlfriend should be earning is rediculous and sends the message to your girlfriend and her mother that you are not informed about Thai marriage and appropriate financial support. As another poster said here, they see you as a nice man but for them you are a soft touch who is going to be their con game target.

The mother could care less about whether her daughter ever loves or cares for you in return for your honest although naive generosity. The reality of this is that the male-dominated Thai social and so-called family responsibility system allows the Thai boys and men to date and marry and otherwise knockup the pretty young Thai ladies, then usually during the pregnancy the guy runs off to another younger girl or takes to drimking and finding sex elsewhere with bargirls.

The pregnant wife or girlfriend figures it out, then she and any kids go to live with her mother who she is already having to support financially because her father has already left, abandoned or divorced her mother due to the same culturally supported self-destructive behavioral cycle. Sometimes the divorced or abandoned wife or girlfriend tries marriage again with another Thai man or a farang often ending similarly and leaving the Thai girlfriend with as many as 3 or 4 kids fathered by 2 or more males.

In any event, a farang looking to marry such a Thai woman, having been legally married or not and whether with or without kids, will be expected and required to give financial support to the mother, daughter etal if he want to marry and live with his Thai wife permanently! Otherwise the marry will not last and the daughter will return to Thailand to support her mother and kids just as though nothing ever happened!

As in your case and in most cases, the safest and now I know the most economically best approach for any honest and responsible farang, regardless of financial ability, to mange this proposed marriage is as follows:

In your case, you should consult in depth with and obtain the legal assistance of a Thai-American or another Thai-Farang Law Firm attorney located either in Bangkok or in your own country.

Hire them for 5000 to 7000 USD (pay as you go if possible) to start over to renegotiate everything with your fiancee henceforth.

Put it all in a formally written documented Pre-Marital Agreement with finances and an escape clause set up in detail, get her signature first, then you sign.

Then have the attorney manage the Visa Process.

Only after the Visa is approved and in possessiont, return to Thailand to marry her in a traditional but non-legal Thai wedding.

Then take her and you and the kids (if moving the kids is logival and possible as is written into the Agreement) to your country.

There you should legally marry in your mation first after a month to 3 months maximum so that you are both legally obligated to work together seriously.

If there is any extra last minute demands to extract more finances that is wriien in the Pre-Marital Agreement or there is any dealy or refusal to marry legally under the Agreementas is, then utilize the necessary legal language and Escape Clause in the Agreement to move away from the wife and kids with consultation with your own personal and private attorney to stop, prevent and protect against further legal or financial obligation to the wife and kids other than what your national domestic laws require of you.

You know ... sometimes less is more.

Less bolding, less underlining.

As for underlining AND bolding ... must be important advice.

Well done 'ole chap ... an impassioned post.

You have saved a soul ...

.

[glassdude007]

"Run Forest RUUUUN"

Run to Bangkok and find another lady...

This one's just after your cash

cheers

[barmatt]

Is that you sdshaman??

[bushwacker]

I think this subject has been covered many times on this website. Did you do a search?

Points:

1. Did she do the internet dating to find her darling ... aka ... ATM. It worked!

2. You do not know her very well or the culture .... why are you getting married?

3. Do you speak and understand Thai? Think not ..... forget marriage for 5 or more years. And start to learn.

4. Did the first husband pay sinsot? Do they think this is a "catch and release" tradition. I met a lovely girl once who told me she had a 1 million baht sinsot and a marriage that lasted 2 years. She just remarried to the second farang and wanted and got another million. I comment ... you have a good job! She wanted my phone number and suggested that she might be in touch in about 2 years.

5. Paying $1500 a month ... are you an idiot or a troll? Do you not understand the cost of things here? What was she living on before you met her? Suggest you have already paid the sinsot and maybe for the next 6 marriages.

6. I often tell ladies that in the West we had the same set up called a dowry. We do not much do it any more. But fair is fair. I will pay your customary sinsot when you pay my customary dowry. Mine will be 10 times more than yours.

7. Been to about a12 weddings here in Thailand and the cash has been averaging 100,000 B ie about $3300. With gold purchase to the wife of about $5000. The party is paid for by the wife's family. And all guests give over an envelope of money to the couple and another envelope to the family to pay for the wedding. I think you are getting tricked.

8. She is too old for you!

9. You said you are a gamer so you should be recognizing the game!

10. If you are not living in the village where the mum resides, then why would you have a wedding. It is not legal. It is only a face saving/making event. If you live somewhere else then just live together or if you want to get married, $5 gets you a license and ceremony at the court house.

I think as long as your cash keeps flowing, you will have a very long and happy marriage. Good luck.

[rgs2001uk]

We're wasting our time here fellers. Not matter what amount of advice we give him, his little head has made up his mind for him. People like the OP NEVER listen to what others have to say even though they acknowledge that most advice is given by people who have been in Thailand far longer, and know much more about these things than he does. I wonder why he bothered to post in the first place,Just another lovestruck fool IMO.

I have lost count of the number of times that I have seen these idiots rushing into these sort of arrangements. I don't bother to warn them any more - complete and utter waste of time.

Personally I believe the OP is in denial mode, an involuntary defense mechanism because he is either unable or unwilling to take notice of what is happening all round him, all of his own making.

Who came up with the idea of paying money every month, and why?

Just another lovestruck fool IMO.

IMHO, he is pussystruck, never been to Thailand before, never had a Thai g/f before and no idea on how to handle the situation.

Of course its easy to slag off the girl and her mother, what about the OP, whats he bringing to the table, what does he have to offer?

complete and utter waste of time.

Agreed, I'm almost rooting for the girl and her mother here, this guy needs to be ripped off, probably the only thing that will bring him to his senses.

[BWPattaya]

We're wasting our time here fellers. Not matter what amount of advice we give him, his little head has made up his mind for him. People like the OP NEVER listen to what others have to say even though they acknowledge that most advice is given by people who have been in Thailand far longer, and know much more about these things than he does. I wonder why he bothered to post in the first place,Just another lovestruck fool IMO.

I have lost count of the number of times that I have seen these idiots rushing into these sort of arrangements. I don't bother to warn them any more - complete and utter waste of time.

Excellent advice. Unfortunately when the gullible meet the greedy the greedy one wins. He has already made his mind up and doesnt want to listen to people with experience. I also, like you, don't bother wasting my breath warning people anymore.

[JimMagee]

This is a good opportunity to find out what is more important, money and Mother or you. If she chooses the money then get out while you can.

[NBD]

As a funny diversion, why do threads like these always get people speaing in "bar girlese"?

Tell wife business you no good

This month money not much

You no like I find new woman

It's an English language forum isn't it? Or a go-go bar.

[JSatGS]

OP -

Hate to bring this up but your dollar issues are just beginning...

You stated that you were from the US. Visas to come here are LONG time coming and costly even if you do it yourself. Then add to it the costs once they are here. The adjustment of status is $1000 just to file within the 90 days after initial visa issuance. It's a total different climate (new clothes for winter) and you now are supporting +2 more here AND mom there. Don't think monthly stops when daughter comes here.

My advice...do more learning. Read the book Thai Fever maybe and speak to a couple of peeps who have traveled the path. Know there are many jaded peeps and country to country different hurdles to clear in the pathway. It's not as easy as one would think.

I do love my wife as I am sure you do your fiancé but you have to be clear with your and her (and her families expectations). If you are soft, you will get used/abused. Same as ex's and people here do, we just see it in different ways.

Never claimed to be a smart, rich man only hardworking with a big heart.

---------------

To love me is to know my heart and completely love it.

---------------

The foot only feels the foot when the foot feels the road. -Buddha

---------------.

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

Your being suckered big time. You are only a cash cow, man up! Sinsod is never paid for a divorcee with a child. Look it up. Any relationship that begins with money is not real. You are paying way too much monthly. That is the reason that they think they can milk you big time. Would you pay this to get a white women? You left your brains on the train. Another sucker comes to Thailand, why do educated normal white guys lose their brains when it comes to Thai girls? You are a future victim, I await your sad story in the future. Read Thailand Fever.

OP... spending 45,000 baht ($1500 U.S.) per month to support a Thai family upcountry -- with whom you have no legal obligation or relationship -- is CRAZY money for Thailand.

And the GF's mother asking for sinsod on top of that is even crazier.

But even crazier than both of those things....is the fact that you've been willing to pay those kinds of amounts.

[tingtongtingtong]

Déjà vu

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/694037-am-i-just-a-farang-bank-to-her/

[Straight8]

Hi everyone there,

I'm reading your story, i understand your feeling well.

I'm Thai lady also.

Sin-sod is important for Thai people that we call thai tradition and culture and many foreigners dont understand.

its not for only virgin or not

its thai tradition and culture!

but if it happend like this to me and my bf . . . and if i love him so much i will also ask for sinsod but not too much

because all sinsod later after marry will be from us (this depend on you and her again)

just for show that we do all things right by the thai way ....

normally if you give sinsod for your bride its will be not too much and not to less (when you love her real and her love you real also)

normally just about 100,000 - 300,000 baht and a bit gold with a small party (this is ok already but if give less can do also but it looks like you will insult your lady)

but if rich people do the groom will pay for sinsod 100 millions baht or more (in case of rich people you can see from the tv)

i dont know how much they ask you for sinsod?

in case if you also take good care of her already like that i hope they will ask not too much

and please understand, that sinsod should have on the wedding but like i told you not too much and not too less.

how and wish you all lucky with your love ....

happy new year 2014

I would like to quote your line: " but if it happend like this to me and my bf . . . and if i love him so much i will also ask for sinsod but not too much"

Now since its coming directly from a Thai female, may I ask you, would you then turn around and ask him what his cultures and customs are so you can return them on your wedding day???

Oh and if you love him but he doesn't want to pay a sin sod, would you stand by him and still marry him???

Just asking it directly to the source, really curious??

[vento]

in a short trip, people may fall in love. When they are in remote relationship they live in a dream.

When stay together longer time, reality hits many.

It was not the dream they where looking for. and a couple of hundred thousand USD later they realise it.

live the dream, spend the money, wake up, learn from it.

[Straight8]

There is another 'SinSot and ChiangMai Lady' thread running the in the General Forum ATM.

Different Members of course.

Interesting to read the lasted post from the OP of that dilemma ...

Sorry for the late reply but I have been at a celebration with this family that I am part of.

We BBQ pork and then A and I drove around town on a scooter looking for something good for desert. I wasn't into the BBQ liver but the pork was good.

Before I really tell you the conclusion I want to thank everyone for the moral support, good and bad posts alike. I think that I gained some knowledge but mostly everyone giving me their input and expertise (lol) really helped me through this situation.

Yes I am a movie maker and a script writer, but that wasn't the purpose of this thread. It may very well be the conclusion of it but not the purpose. I have worked on 5 marvel films and about 30 other movies most of ones you all have seen I am sure. I also have several independant films I have directed and produced. Unfortunately I am not going to reveal my name for you to verify. Just know that when you watch your favorite recent Marvel film, my hands were all over the making of it. OK enough about me

There are two posts that I want to especially thank and point out. If you want names you will have to find them because I have too much to write to tell you the story.

"If you think you understand Thai tradition. You don't understand Thai tradition"

And another one that mentioned that the responses from the single guys is the reason that they are single.

When you hear what happened some of you are going to realise you are #$^@$'s, me included.

Those that gave the most positive responses will probably shed a tear.

Those in suspense will hopefully be entertained... Those that complained about this thread and wanted it shut down.. What are you doing still reading? did I get to you also? LOL

The conclusion to this story is in an ebook and you can buy it for 200 Baht on www.......

Just kidding, but wouldn't that be brilliant?

Don't worry I would never due that to such a captive audience that helped me though this... whatever it was! The conclusion will be in a seperate post...

Not drawing a connection, just drawing your attention ...

.

Come on Guys, we just had 23 pages of this a couple of days ago. Didn't that Thread get closed!!

Seriously what are the odds of 2 identical topics??

This troll has moved on and started up again, just like a serial killer, could not satisfy his hunger.. chances are same dude, different nic!!!

[Xeralf]

If this is true [original post], do please pay. It's good for Thai economy.

If this is not true, congratulations! Excellent job!

[Straight8]

3) We are both buying Thailand Fever to help us understand each other better.

You're very amusing, troll or otherwise!

You mean 2 separate copies???

Deadset Troll give away!!

[Straight8]

I'm afraid I will have to disagree with most everyone that has responded. I myself am getting married tomorrow, before the holidays we went to Bangkok and were legally married. I didn't mention sinsot and neither did my wife. A traditional wedding or marriage is a whole different story. I like yourself support not only my wife and her daughter but one way or another I support the entire family, when we buy food to take and eat at home, we have to buy enough for the entire family, when someone gets sick to where a hospital visit is needed? They turn to me to help out with a "loan". I don't like it but that's the way it is, however, when I need something the family will bend over backwards to help me out. Point being I also wasn't happy about paying sinsot but as I understand it it is a face thing, my wife's aunt married a Thai man last year and he refused to pay sinsot, we'll guess what? He caught crap from her family and his. I negotiated with my mother in law, it wasn't much of a negotiation as I told her I would pay baht 45,000 and she said ok. Everyone's happy now but me, I'll get over it, I have the best woman that I've ever met and she treats me like a king so if it cost me a couple days pay to keep the peace I figure it's well worth it. Just my opinion but what do I know, I live out in the sticks with the country bumpkins but they are good people.

I kinda get the feeling that when ACT III starts this is the nic that will be the OP.

[risky11]

This reminds me of my experience with Jeab in Udonthani. We spent 4 days together, but never alone. I returned home and we communicated on YM. When I returned, I wanted to take her to Phuket for a week to bang her and get to know her better. She said "cannot - must marry first - then go anywhere." I thought, how much can it cost for a marriage party - $400 maybe? So I agreed. She said, "don't forget about the wedding portion." I replied, "you mean dowry?" She said, Yes!" I'm already thinking NO WAY, but I ask her, "how much?" She says, "300,000 Baht." Hmmmm. So you want me to pay for a wedding party, a trip to Phuket, your visa and travel expenses to join me in the USA AND $10,000 for your parents?? You are ting tong, bitch - bye.

[bander]

Yes she has a girl whom I also love. Prior marriage. But I know my fiancé will listen to mom. Thai way.......

Mom seems to be a greedy woman, can you live with that in the future?

[bander]

This reminds me of my experience with Jeab in Udonthani. We spent 4 days together, but never alone. I returned home and we communicated on YM. When I returned, I wanted to take her to Phuket for a week to bang her and get to know her better. She said "cannot - must marry first - then go anywhere." I thought, how much can it cost for a marriage party - $400 maybe? So I agreed. She said, "don't forget about the wedding portion." I replied, "you mean dowry?" She said, Yes!" I'm already thinking NO WAY, but I ask her, "how much?" She says, "300,000 Baht." Hmmmm. So you want me to pay for a wedding party, a trip to Phuket, your visa and travel expenses to join me in the USA AND $10,000 for your parents?? You are ting tong, bitch - bye.

Good decision dude, only wish I had red this thread before I married, lost most of my money and when the money goes, so do the wife :-(