My inlaws...

[hellodolly]

One thing I have not seen, and maybe I have just missed it, is why he split from his wife. There has to be a reason and it could be important in the current situation

Telling it how it is....is the reason. Whatever the reason is....it never but never justifies Parental Alienation....never...

Now you are saying child molesting does not justify Parental Alienation does not justify taking a child away. Here we are and that is all you have going for you nothing justifies it. Sorry wrong. Also still no mention of support money being given to them from you. Lot's of other posters mention cutting it back but you don't even claim tio be given it to them. Over 100 posts and still no mention in what your part was in it. Just BS

Edited February 16, 2014 by hellodolly

[HerIndoors]

Why are your children not living with you?

Why are your children not living with you?

Why are your children not living with you?

Why are your children not living with you?

Why are your children not living with you?

All hell would freeze over before I would allow my young children to be separated from me.

You have been told what to do... so??????

[wym]

He's not actually asking for advice, not willing to share critical details.

He just wants confirmation of his feelings and the answer to his question "why oh why" which of course is "because they are evil".

Actually being able to do something about it will take resources he doesn't yet have.

People actually seeking to help from a practical POV should contact him via PM.

[khunbillmex]

Well....ur assumption is based on what ?

Benalibina - looking at several of your responses here, and given that you posted asking for advice/help it seems you are fighting rather than responding/listening to what has, in most cases, been genuinely offered. If the earwax is too thick messages do not get through. Q-tip? TV members can only base their assumptions upon the tale you have unveiled - perhaps it hasn't been fully unveiled? Help us help you.

[Stradavarius37]

To much info left out of this thread for anyone to give any kind of decent advice - give the whole story or move along

Sent from my iPhone using ThaiVisa app

[Donnie Brasco]

@ benalibina

You repeat a mistake common to nearly every gringo who gets himself well and truly into the glue here;

All through this thread you refer to these relatives of your wife as YOUR "in-laws". And as YOUR "in-laws" they should be attending to a string of familial duties, obligations and responsibilities which have some direct relationship to YOUR imperatives.

You apparently believe that YOUR values and the values of your native culture are the values that are in play.

On what basis (except in your desperate flailings about for leverage) do you construe that these "in-laws" of yours would turn against their own blood ?

You're best to stop pounding on *that* imaginary door.

Life is short, dude.

(Oh yeah, and your narrative is chronically short on the facts of the case . . . . . . pro-fluent morsels of which you piecemeal out in a rather suspicious fashion.)

Are you after some kind of "trollfy" ;-?)

"Sometimes, 'fuggedabowdit' just means fuggedabowdit."

[nontabury]

Thus we presume you are the true Father, so the children all have dual citizenship, and you have their non Thai passports in your posession. Prepurchase tickets for the kids to go home. Come to Thailand, with the story to take the kids on a visit to some remote spot in Thailand. Ride the train, which will transit in Bangkok, then head for the airport and take them back home.

Old saying - "No guts, no Glory"...

I should think that if he turned up at the airport with foreign passports not having entry stamps, he would certainly be stopped.

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[cloghead]

Why hasn't a moderator closed this BS thread?

I'm getting dizzy from all the circles the posts are going in...

[wolfmanjack]

Just out of interest, what does one say to one's child or children when asked how mummy & daddy met if mummy was a prostitute?

A little unfair, as you don't have children, I'll tell you.

It's a question I was never asked during 20+ years of being a parent.

Children are self centered, most don't really care about the past of their family.

Both of my kids asked me about how their mother and I met. luckily she was not a prostitute and I could show them the restaurant she was working at when we first met.

then again my kids know all about my parents history and my daughter has started a family tree. They probably show more interest in the family history than most kids do.

As for the OP I feel for you. I am raising my kids pretty much alone and have a great MIL. She loves my kids and will drop everything to come stay with them If I ask.

I do know other families that are like your in laws though.

[wolfmanjack]

Thus we presume you are the true Father, so the children all have dual citizenship, and you have their non Thai passports in your posession. Prepurchase tickets for the kids to go home. Come to Thailand, with the story to take the kids on a visit to some remote spot in Thailand. Ride the train, which will transit in Bangkok, then head for the airport and take them back home.

Old saying - "No guts, no Glory"...

I should think that if he turned up at the airport with foreign passports not having entry stamps, he would certainly be stopped.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

He will be asked for a letter from the kids mom and a copy of her house paper giving him permission to take the kids out of the country the first time. After he gets one set of stamps it is easier. At least that has been my experience.

[nontabury]

Can't get on the plane without written permission from the mother.

Plus his home country authorities prosecute him for parental kidnapping.

Passport control do not usually require the mothers permission, however they may be suspicious if you and they are not accompanied by someone they think is the mother. The way to get around this is to employ some Thai female to accompany you to say KL, the Thai passport control may/will

Automatically assume that she is the mother, you will of course need the children's Thai passports.

Regarding parental kidnapping, it depends if your country, is a signatory to The Hague convention.

There is some uncertainty (are we surprised)as to whether Thailand has actually signed this convention and if so, does it abide by the rules. Let's say for arguments, that there is a legal framework to return the children to the mother,1/ does she know this. 2/ does she know how to, and will she be prepared to take action.3/ will she be prepared to hand out money, as she will most certainly need to in order to get the ball rolling.

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[Stradavarius37]

What a piece of crap this has been. The OP has just complained every one is against him. Not one word of what his wife is doing or why they are not together. Could be he was out whoring every night and she had enough of it. We don't know and the OP has not came out with that information. The answers have been ridicules like he is living in another country and it turns out after 80 posts he says he is. The people that said that were just guessing. He indicated in his OP that he had seen the kids earlier in the month.m Not a word about living in another country. People say don't pay any more money. Where does he say he has paid any money to begin with?

With the information he has given here I say the kids are better off. He even says they would be better off with him because he is smarter than the in law's. Whoopeewingydodo. My father had an IQ of 160 didn't help me a bit. When asked questions he evaded them until pinned down on being the real father. What was that all about?

Then he comes to Thai Visa and posts how hard he has been treated with absolutely no information of what his part in the whole affair was other than he slept with the mother .

He gets no sympathy from me based on the information he has neglected to post. For all these posters telling him how to solve the problem he might be a child molester for all you know.

Give some real information.

Child molester....haha....my kids are raised by child abusers....emotionally and fycially....not in need for ur sympathy....i started a topic....based on questions from others i answered some questions truthfully....maybe u read it all from the eye of the beholder....U.....no need for me to come on here and fabricate stories....just be happy ur not in my shoes....mr empathy....

I M more happy I don't have your brain

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[khunpa]

Must admit, I have not read all the posts. But in general I would say, the only solution is to move close to your kids, if you want to be an important part of their life.

Besides that, it is often very hard to sit far away and evaluate on what is best for your children. I myself have kids far away from me, who live with their mom. She is far from perfect, but does a good job in taking care of our children. And being far away from them, I can only appreciate what she does and support her as much as possible. After all, taking care of 2 kids is not easy and a big responsibility.

I see my kids as often as I can and we keep daily contact over Skype, Viber etc. That for sure is a very important thing in keeping contact. When we meet it often feels like we have been together always, because I follow their daily lives and talk with them as often as I do. My oldest daughter is now planning to come her and live with me for a year, which is going to be great.

So basically, try and get closer to them - one way or the other.

Edited February 16, 2014 by khunpa

[Sam Gold]

Yes and?

In order to get my ex to agree to full custody, I had to promise her that any suitor of our daughter would have to ask her for permission to marry her, and that she would get the sin sot.

Our daughter was two at the time.

Absolutely. I know for a fact that Thais are happy to have daughters because they will yield cash when they marry. For luk kruengs it's multiplied by 10.

Oh yeah, I await the bazillionsn for my daughter ....

What a load of bs.

I'm not referring to Western parents, but Thais exclusively.

The clan discuss very early on how much they will let the daughter go for, based on various criteria pertaining to social standing, and for those with farang blood the quote is definitely inflated.

This is a plain fact, as sure as the sky is blue. In the OP's case, the aunt has become the primary caregiver and as such she will pocket a tidy sum when they marry to secure her golden years (or squander the lot in record time as is often the case).

This is the way Thais see and do things - it isn't bs, it's the plain truth.

[Colabamumbai]

The girls seem more valuable, then the boy.

Girls are, they can get sin sod, dowry.

[Sam Gold]

Can't get on the plane without written permission from the mother.

Plus his home country authorities prosecute him for parental kidnapping.

Passport control do not usually require the mothers permission, however they may be suspicious if you and they are not accompanied by someone they think is the mother. The way to get around this is to employ some Thai female to accompany you to say KL, the Thai passport control may/will

Automatically assume that she is the mother, you will of course need the children's Thai passports.

Regarding parental kidnapping, it depends if your country, is a signatory to The Hague convention.

There is some uncertainty (are we surprised)as to whether Thailand has actually signed this convention and if so, does it abide by the rules. Let's say for arguments, that there is a legal framework to return the children to the mother,1/ does she know this. 2/ does she know how to, and will she be prepared to take action.3/ will she be prepared to hand out money, as she will most certainly need to in order to get the ball rolling.

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Thailand joined the Hague Convention in 2002 and as far as I know rules are complied with, for adoption anyway.

Edited February 16, 2014 by Sam Gold

[wym]

Thailand joined the Hague Convention in 2002 and as far as I know rules are complied with, for adoption anyway.

No, in reality it's hit or miss.

Lots of foreign parents kidnapping their kids have fled here. Only those where the "home jurisdiction" nation actively pursues enforcement through their embassy, e.g. the UK and US have had some success.

In the cases where there are Thai parents they won't send the children back but insist the case be tried here, which goes against the HC rules.

And there is no such crime in Thailand, civil matter only.

And to all those frustrated by the OP, once again it is clear he ISN'T looking for advice and DOESN"T WANT to share important relevant details publicly, feel free to PM him he may open up a bit more that way if you want to try to help.

[FiftyTwo]

Thailand joined the Hague Convention in 2002 and as far as I know rules are complied with, for adoption anyway.

They agreed in principle, but never signed the agreement.

Also Thai judges never like to give custody to a parent they think will remove the child from Thailand.

Thailand's adoption rules are different to the rest of the world too, parental rights are almost never totally waived by the biological parents.

Edited February 16, 2014 by FiftyTwo

[Kayahammer]

What on earth did you expect? How did you let it come to this? Nobody to blame but yourself if the facts are that your wife is away working in Phuket and you allowed your kids to be comandeered by their auntie. Good thing you are not a sailor or you'd be blown all over the ocean while you did nothing. Sorry, but sympathy is for those that proactively manage their lives and the lives of their children. For what it's worth, though, it is not uncommon for Thai wives to turn kids silently against their non-Thai dads (maybe even Thai dads, who knows?), all the while smiling and playing the role whilst waiting for the opportunity to own the farm.

What did i expect ?

Love, loyalty, sincerity and honesty ! This with extra dimension a se there are kids involved and that i have always been a loving and caring father.

Seems though that it counts for nothing. That i am getting hurt....well bad and sad....but that 3 innocent kids are being alienated by evilness and manipulation from their father......with total no shame....is that good ?

Call me naive....better that then evil and manipulative...

Sounds like you are willing to blame all but yourself.

If you were all you say you are then your kids would be with you and not some relative you don't know.

If you really care (actions speak louder than any words) you'll get a lawyer and retrieve your kids so you can bring them up, although i'm not sure this would be the best option for the kids as you seem to be absent from their lives.

[belg]

somebody is forgetting, being here on a non-o visa for marriage reason, once you are divorced, you HAVE to leave the country asap, specially if the ex-wife is hostile and not helping with things like : birth certificate to get you a short time visa to visit your kids.... the sad part is, being farang, you dont get the right to stay here on your own if you are divorced, no basic human rights as to be with your family, even your wife kicks you out...

I ment above when you dont have a WP or are not an old geeser (50+) yet...

[Transporter]

The reality is that the girls will be worth money one day when they are ready to marry. The boy is just a temporary burden on them and they will probably have the audacity to ask you to pay towards his upkeep. I doubt you can win as digging your heels in will make them resist even harder. Unless you have at least one strong person that sees your side of this in the family then I cannot see how you can win.

[watcharacters]

The same as anyone else says to their kids...we didn't get on...we were incompatible...I hated her guts......that she was a prostitute is irrelevant.

I didn't ask what one would say if asked why mummy and daddy broke up but I can see where the ambiguity lies so allow me to re-phrase:

In situations like the OP's, does one tell their child/children that mother was a prostitute?

.

Do you feel hateful towards prostitutes?

[wym]

Cut the poor guy some slack. He knows he screwed up (now) and it will take time to start marshaling resources before he can actually do anything.

Some people, compassion deficit disorder.

[wym]

The same as anyone else says to their kids...we didn't get on...we were incompatible...I hated her guts......that she was a prostitute is irrelevant.

I didn't ask what one would say if asked why mummy and daddy broke up but I can see where the ambiguity lies so allow me to re-phrase:

In situations like the OP's, does one tell their child/children that mother was a prostitute?

If they realize it's nothing to be ashamed of, once the kid(s) are mature enough to know it too.

My now grown daughter from my first family did her PhD dissertation on sex worker's rights, very proud of her mum's early community organizing in Melbourne, strong sex worker's union there now, really raised awareness over the years.

I think her mum told her when she was 17. . .

[nonthaburial]

Thailand joined the Hague Convention in 2002 and as far as I know rules are complied with, for adoption anyway.

No, in reality it's hit or miss.

Lots of foreign parents kidnapping their kids have fled here. Only those where the "home jurisdiction" nation actively pursues enforcement through their embassy, e.g. the UK and US have had some success.

In the cases where there are Thai parents they won't send the children back but insist the case be tried here, which goes against the HC rules.

And there is no such crime in Thailand, civil matter only.

And to all those frustrated by the OP, once again it is clear he ISN'T looking for advice and DOESN"T WANT to share important relevant details publicly, feel free to PM him he may open up a bit more that way if you want to try to help.

I have had PM messages with the OP, to which he has very openly responded, however, I do understand now why he doesn't want to wear his heart on his sleeve publicly.

He is hurting badly, and after reading a lot of bombastic drivel that some have posted on here is certainly not helping him. I realised years who, if you are alone with what appears to be huge issues weighing you down, then to talk it out is a good move, unfortunately maybe trying to "talk " on here was not such a good idea.

[FiftyTwo]

He is hurting badly, and after reading a lot of bombastic drivel that some have posted on here is certainly not helping him. I realised years who, if you are alone with what appears to be huge issues weighing you down, then to talk it out is a good move, unfortunately maybe trying to "talk " on here was not such a good idea.

Many of us have lost children.

I lost 4 children to a woman in the UK.

The truth is, as a man you have few enforceable rights over your children.

If mum doesn't want you to see them, and is prepared to go the distance, you won't see them.

Anywhere in the world. Men are evil, women are good.

In the UK, after divorce, 40% of fathers never see their children again.

(Some of the Nordic countries are worse, after divorce 90% of fathers never see their children again)

My solution,

Keep having more children, with other partners, until you find a woman who doesn't want to keep them from you.

Write off the ones you are prevented from seeing.

Worked for me, may not work for everyone.

Edited February 16, 2014 by FiftyTwo

[wym]

Many of us have lost children.

I lost 4 children to a woman in the UK.

The truth is, as a man you have few enforceable rights over your children.

If mum doesn't want you to see them, and is prepared to go the distance, you won't see them.

Anywhere in the world. Men are evil, women are good.

In the UK, after divorce, 40% of fathers never see their children again.

(Some of the Nordic countries are worse, after divorce 90% of fathers never see their children again)

No at all true here in Thailand. Just have to have time, a bit of money and most importantly faith, confidence to persist in the knowledge that the kids come first.

Giving up when there's any chance at all remaining would really be selling out their future - and your own.

In this situation the odds are very good, it's up to the OP to decide to make it happen when he's able to that's all.

[FiftyTwo]

Many of us have lost children.

I lost 4 children to a woman in the UK.

The truth is, as a man you have few enforceable rights over your children.

If mum doesn't want you to see them, and is prepared to go the distance, you won't see them.

Anywhere in the world. Men are evil, women are good.

In the UK, after divorce, 40% of fathers never see their children again.

(Some of the Nordic countries are worse, after divorce 90% of fathers never see their children again)

No at all true here in Thailand. Just have to have time, a bit of money and most importantly faith, confidence to persist in the knowledge that the kids come first.

Giving up when there's any chance at all remaining would really be selling out their future - and your own.

In this situation the odds are very good, it's up to the OP to decide to make it happen when he's able to that's all.

You are wrong, take a look at Scott's thread "abduction of my ....... "

If the woman (and her family) are prepared to do whatever it takes, not a hope in hell.

Judges and the law can't (or won't) do a thing, you just waste your money and your life chasing a dream.

[wym]

I'm not saying do-able in all circumstances.

Just that the odds can be VERY good if you play the game right.

And part of that is keeping things friendly within the family, getting all antagonistic makes things at least more expensive.

I've come across five other fellows here that have won 100% sole custody of their kids. In my case I'm helping the ex get a green card so she can spend time with the kids as they grow up (my motive anyway - hers is to land a rich farang of course, although she kids herself she'll get a degree and go into business there).

[Thai at Heart]

Can't get on the plane without written permission from the mother.

Plus his home country authorities prosecute him for parental kidnapping.

You can chance it, but when I took my kids to the uk alone, the immigration man started talking to them in thai to ask if they wanted to go.

I had a permission to travel letter and my wife followed a week later. You are right, anyone daring to try has a chance to get caught.