My inlaws...

[thhMan]

You have left your children. You are no longer with your wife. What do you really expect to happen? A fairy tale ending? Of course they will become part of the extended family without you there. You are willing and able to give these kids a better life?..........then you know what to do.

Yep, this is pretty much it.

The guy marries a hooker and then proceeded to knock her up not once, not twice, but thrice and then heads back to Europe.

I mean, what kinda plan was that?

What did he think was going to happen if he couldn't or wouldn't stay in Thailand with his wife and children?

Just out of interest, what does one say to one's child or children when asked how mummy & daddy met if mummy was a prostitute?

Bahahahaha.... Much better said then me....

Why would any kid want a dad who bones whores, gets them preggers and then dumps them to go back home and enjoy the good life....

Thanks for the clearer perspective

[brd]

Benalibina,

First of all under the famous Thai culture they absorb and possess any one foreign enticing them, to put their guards down, allowing them all their vices to be fulfilled ( drinks, girls, gambling, laziness, etc...) and selfishly ( ME/I/MYSELF ) do become their owners ( farangs are only paying guests for ever THAI LAND ! ) especially keen of the girls ( I raise 3 boys ) of course rewarding them much more than the boys under the thai culture well established with sex exploitation totally accepted with so many excesses to be added.

Yourself, you have to fight hard.

You are the real biological father and they are properly legally registered under your family name with a thai firstname and a western name or nickname.

I suggest :

Reduce the monthly income to its bearable limits.

Insist at school ( show up in person ) they learn english and practice yourself with them on a daily basis, yourself at home taking over most of their care.

Kick out ( with a smile ) all the in laws intruding from your private life and involve yourself in person with your presence in the daily life ( school runs etc...).

The house is under your own roof or responsibility ( you pay for it ) and show them they are your guests not the other way around i.e. themselves running it, at the same times looking for catching you up wrong footed for any reasons ( late night out, girls, etc...) only to find a reason to fire you from and to deprive your kids from your presence.

It is an awful reality many have to go through it ( let's be honest ! ) with too many farangs often not confronting the issues becoming fed up, to become excluded painfully, losing patience and or forced out, walking away for next hurting the kids for sure.

Too many examples, myself included, as I had given like a blank cheque, full authority to run our life to my wife originally ( show me under thai culture....! ) for soon but months later to be myself firing mother, father in law, siblings restricting the visits to cousins, no trips back to the past isaan ever, asking my wife to decide promptly if she wished to stay her mother's daughter ( = divorce 50/50 the kids with a lawyer involved ) or to be at last ( after 4 years ) my real wife under my own terms being myself self elected the family head of in our case five people.

Under Thai culture the mother give birth ( fathers are accessories normally kicked out ) and can give death to her kids......( often giving death is kicking them out with nothing from the house, themselves keeping in custody not even educating them any kids to receive a monthly allowance for from the daughter sent out to earn money ).

Very unacceptable reality so many avoid especially talking about it, calling it the Thai culture we hear all the times to be so nice being so laid back...No way they are cheating thieves with large smiles used to be hiding their crazyness called feelings.

I have been hurt personally and I have fought hard to overcome each steps, I have seen, done in front of me, acted behind my back, via third parties and a lot of gossips created I missed lucky me not speaking thai....

Be extremely careful they have huge imagination, walls have eyes, ears, neighbours spy on you, because they all partner together against farangs they wish them to remain only ATM once the kids produced have whitened their skins.

GrandFathers give up in their 50's they say they are old, afterwards not producing any income.......and are extremely stubborn, so proud to be Thai or considering themselves the best to the point of disrespecting foreigners they see wicked with their own distorted, twisted, mad, eyes.

Once all the above is swept away, sanity is restored, life becomes interesting and stimulating with your kids offered a real chance for change from poverty to better raised standard of living.

I would not do it a second times and I would not recommend anyone to do anything other over here ( i.e. like I did ) except to play, play, play here.

Good luck to you and never give up the kids are yours at least 50/50...........and should become more because you are their father.

[sirchai]

I have tried to make clear in phone and facebookconversations/posts to several of the inlaws that this is damaging the development of the children for now and/or later. However it seems that they not understand it or care jackshit about that.

Why could that be ?

Hey mate,

​ Trying to be honest to you. Seems that your wife isn't really innocent as that should be her first priority as well. To understand Thailand and they way people think here, you'll have to understand the soap operas they're always watching.

Bearing in mind that the mother of the kids is working in Phuket.
Many women of the extended family live abroad as well so should know that there is not only their thai way.

Many women working in Phuket do make some extra money. Just had a chat with a Canadian who's seeking a divorce. His still wife went back where they'd met in Phuket and tried to be a hooker again which didn't really work well, as she isn't the youngest anymore.

​I certainly know how difficult it is to live/work here to stay with all of them, excluding the nasty family. They do see you as an Alien, similar to the Immigration.

A cow that can be milked. I truly hope for you that you'll find the right way to get them back. So older they get, so more difficult it will be to love you again, if they all tell them lies. And that's what they do to kids here. Tell them lies.. .

NB: kidsages are 6 and 7.

Wish you best of luck from lower northeast.-

[benalibina]

In a way, there's merit in being thankful that they do have a family to take care of them. Some kids have it worse than that.

Did you thank the/your sister for taking care of your children, already ?

Why should i want to thank an evil manipulative and selfish woman.....stupid question.

[benalibina]

Even if one or two felt you were right, they wouldn't just go against the grain of the family and side with a falang on the other side of the world.

Does you Wife not agree that they should have a relationship with their Father ?

Also; you haven't replied about the Sister's living situation... Is she married or with someone ?

In doubt referrring to wife.....control is the name of her game. Based on fear i have to add.

She lives with 2 older daughters and 1 of daughters boyfriend in a house. She is/was married?? As far as i know he is not living in the house.

[benalibina]

Maybe they believe we all have indestructible Buddha nature inside us anyway.

Maybe they are an emotionally destructive family?

Who knows?

You can't change them in anyway can you?

All you can really do is deal with the family situation the best you can and do what's you think is right for your kids.

Destructive....yes...but hard to believe all of the inlaws are like that and dont see it is bringing the kids nothing.

Tried for around 9 months but see no change....hence my topic.

Right for kids is, get them away from the emotional destructive environment they are in....tried this month.....to no avail......

Hi benalibina, did you manage to get the kids away from the sister during your last visit for some proper one-on-one time? Whereas kids don't forget, sometimes it is good to get them out of their current environment for the relationship to return to what it was.

I feel for you friend.

With my son....yes..

Daughters have been too much manipulated and alienated from me....they did not want to go.....were made scared, on a way, of me by the sister in law.

If not for his love he has shown me, i would be on the brink of giving up.

Many who read this topic and comment on it....forget the evilness on the side of the direct caretakers of the kids. Children mean nothing for them...well the emotional wellbeing i mean at least.

If i could turn back time......really ....i would....

[FiftyTwo]

My question is related to the inlaws....all of them....cousins, nieces, nephews, brother, sisters etc...

Why dont they care about the emotional wellbeing and future of the kids ?

Nobody cares about the children.

They just want the money, and as long as you keep sending it, you lose.

We keep telling you, you keep ignoring us.

[FiftyTwo]

Just out of interest, what does one say to one's child or children when asked how mummy & daddy met if mummy was a prostitute?

A little unfair, as you don't have children, I'll tell you.

It's a question I was never asked during 20+ years of being a parent.

Children are self centered, most don't really care about the past of their family.

[saroq]

If you have left and allowed the extended family to take care it was to.a degree inevitable.

It happens over the world like this.

I never allowed it, the kids mothers choice.....not mine....read topic properly...thank u.

If you never allowed it then why aren't they living with you? Turn off all support until the inlaws learn who is boss.

[unanimosity]

What on earth did you expect? How did you let it come to this? Nobody to blame but yourself if the facts are that your wife is away working in Phuket and you allowed your kids to be comandeered by their auntie. Good thing you are not a sailor or you'd be blown all over the ocean while you did nothing. Sorry, but sympathy is for those that proactively manage their lives and the lives of their children. For what it's worth, though, it is not uncommon for Thai wives to turn kids silently against their non-Thai dads (maybe even Thai dads, who knows?), all the while smiling and playing the role whilst waiting for the opportunity to own the farm.

[benalibina]

My question is related to the inlaws....all of them....cousins, nieces, nephews, brother, sisters etc...

Why dont they care about the emotional wellbeing and future of the kids ?

Nobody cares about the children.

They just want the money, and as long as you keep sending it, you lose.

We keep telling you, you keep ignoring us.

Well....ur assumption is based on what ?

[garrya]

OP

Why aren't you with you kids? This was your choice to leave them there, so you have to bear the consequences.

Now you are probably the evil farang. Don't forget that Thai people considert kids as investment for the future. They give the kids some then expect a whole life support after they leave school. I wouldn't be surprised if I were in this situation.

You need to build a bridge again or live with them if it's possible. Otherwise you lose.

[BookMan]

Just out of interest, what does one say to one's child or children when asked how mummy & daddy met if mummy was a prostitute?

A little unfair, as you don't have children, I'll tell you.

It's a question I was never asked during 20+ years of being a parent.

Children are self centered, most don't really care about the past of their family.

You probably tell them you met her in a bar/club. Lots of people meet like that

[Mudcrab]

You have left your children. You are no longer with your wife. What do you really expect to happen? A fairy tale ending? Of course they will become part of the extended family without you there. You are willing and able to give these kids a better life?..........then you know what to do.

Yep, this is pretty much it.

The guy marries a hooker and then proceeded to knock her up not once, not twice, but thrice and then heads back to Europe.

I mean, what kinda plan was that?

What did he think was going to happen if he couldn't or wouldn't stay in Thailand with his wife and children?

Just out of interest, what does one say to one's child or children when asked how mummy & daddy met if mummy was a prostitute?

The same as anyone else says to their kids...we didn't get on...we were incompatible...I hated her guts......that she was a prostitute is irrelevant.

[Briggsy]

3 passports for the kids.

Lump sum temptation for the clan.

3 air tickets for the kids to your homeland.

10,000 Euros should swing it. Best investment you'll ever make.

[benalibina]

What on earth did you expect? How did you let it come to this? Nobody to blame but yourself if the facts are that your wife is away working in Phuket and you allowed your kids to be comandeered by their auntie. Good thing you are not a sailor or you'd be blown all over the ocean while you did nothing. Sorry, but sympathy is for those that proactively manage their lives and the lives of their children. For what it's worth, though, it is not uncommon for Thai wives to turn kids silently against their non-Thai dads (maybe even Thai dads, who knows?), all the while smiling and playing the role whilst waiting for the opportunity to own the farm.

What did i expect ?

Love, loyalty, sincerity and honesty ! This with extra dimension a se there are kids involved and that i have always been a loving and caring father.

Seems though that it counts for nothing. That i am getting hurt....well bad and sad....but that 3 innocent kids are being alienated by evilness and manipulation from their father......with total no shame....is that good ?

Call me naive....better that then evil and manipulative...

[HardenedSoul]

The same as anyone else says to their kids...we didn't get on...we were incompatible...I hated her guts......that she was a prostitute is irrelevant.

I didn't ask what one would say if asked why mummy and daddy broke up but I can see where the ambiguity lies so allow me to re-phrase:

In situations like the OP's, does one tell their child/children that mother was a prostitute?

[Thongkorn]

Thai culture . For hundreds of years parents have left there children with Brothers, Sisters, Mothers, Grandparents. for one reason or another. The only way to get them back body and mind is to be with them. actually live with them. But even then the children may not except you. But you just have to ignore the rejection from them and just be there.for them, and that does not mean buying them, My wife has two children from a previous relationship, She. met him at school just grow up together. had two children, he use to get drunk and beat her, until one night he put her in Hospital, when she came out and went to the police which is pointless in Thailand because the police will not get involved.they say its a family matter. Because she went to the police he gave her children away. one about 5 and the other 2 years old. she never found them for 6 years. They did not know her, and had formed attachments to the people who had brought them up. That was 7 years ago, Now they both have contact with there mother, More now than ever. But she has always been there for them, I also even thought hey are not my children. the point is they know who there mother is and that she cares for them.

[transam]

My question is related to the inlaws....all of them....cousins, nieces, nephews, brother, sisters etc...

Why dont they care about the emotional wellbeing and future of the kids ?

Whether you are in the right or wrong the Thai family will "stand Bye'' and support the views of a Thai even if they are in the wrong.

[benalibina]

My question is related to the inlaws....all of them....cousins, nieces, nephews, brother, sisters etc...

Why dont they care about the emotional wellbeing and future of the kids ?

Whether you are in the right or wrong the Thai family will "stand Bye'' and support the views of a Thai even if they are in the wrong.

Yeap.....sadly enough.....its how it looks now to me too. For me incomprehensible....totally....

[Sam Gold]

Maybe the inlaws think the girls have sin sot potential and are trying to steal them away from you?

they are 6 years old....

Yes and?

In order to get my ex to agree to full custody, I had to promise her that any suitor of our daughter would have to ask her for permission to marry her, and that she would get the sin sot.

Our daughter was two at the time.

Absolutely. I know for a fact that Thais are happy to have daughters because they will yield cash when they marry. For luk kruengs it's multiplied by 10.

[krisb]

Thais are like deers stuck in headlights when it comes to money waved in their faces. I bet 1 million baht in cash in front of them would see you leave with the kids.

[nonthaburial]

People, people, people, again I can see no answer to my earlier question, is the OP the natural biological Father, it's either a yes or a no, not a deafening silence. There are many good men in this world who are very capable step fathers. My Chinese stepdaughter disliked my attitude intensly when she first lived with her mother and I at the age of 14. But in the last four years , after taking her out of her Chinese school, two hours flight away, and putting her into one of the best IB schools in China, which allows her to stay with us in her own warm,cosy bedroom with all mod cons she now at 18 is a different lady. Bright and hopefully on her way to Cambridge next year. And she calls me Dad even in front of her western teachers etc.

And yes this girl for many reasons was left with my wife's family whilst she ran her business in Bangkok and Russia.

Of course if she was my natural daughter, my wife and I , if we had been together then, would have ensured that separation did not occur, but life and circumstances do not always allow for things to be hunky dory.

No matter if the OPs wife's profession is Rat Catcher, Sewer Cleaner, Prostitute or Brain Surgeon, she is still a mother three times over in this case but for sure she is not acting like a maternal Mother. Why ? Because either she enjoys the freedom in Phuket or her need to be there for financial gain tips the balance of the scales.

So back to my original question, is the OP the biological father with certification to prove it, as in my opinion this question is of prime importance.

[Sam Gold]

Sorry about your situation, mate.

If I was in such a situation, I would get in touch with a lawyer and ask him what to do to get custody, and do it, whatever it takes, no matter how long it takes and no matter how much it costs. Be pragmatic about it. Thais want money.

If consent is needed by parties involved such as the in-laws and their mother, I would borrow from the bank and offer to pay them 100,000 each for them to sign the kids off to you for good. Speak to a lawyer about any paperwork.

They will take the cash because Thais always take the cash.

[siamjimi]

OP's been told in no uncertain terms exactly what to do.

Turn off the money spigot; see how hard and how fast the wife will pull up a chair at the negotiating table.

If he hasn't implemented that advice, how the hell does he expect to reassert himself here?

In these situations, you use what you got to get what you want and here, you've got a big stick.

I agree totally - they want to manipulate you is fair dinkum - you can cut off all the money - and be sure its ALL of it

then when they ask why - you simply ask them in return why the sister is doing damage to your relationship with the youngsters - no relationship - no money - fairs fair

I bet her sister asks each and every month where her portion of your money is mate - be sure of that - she doesn't take full care of those little ones for free - you can take that to the bank as well

for sure one thing makes any person on this planet [no matter of nationalility] to stand up and listen to every word you say - is when you have your hand on their wallet

[benalibina]

People, people, people, again I can see no answer to my earlier question, is the OP the natural biological Father, it's either a yes or a no, not a deafening silence. There are many good men in this world who are very capable step fathers. My Chinese stepdaughter disliked my attitude intensly when she first lived with her mother and I at the age of 14. But in the last four years , after taking her out of her Chinese school, two hours flight away, and putting her into one of the best IB schools in China, which allows her to stay with us in her own warm,cosy bedroom with all mod cons she now at 18 is a different lady. Bright and hopefully on her way to Cambridge next year. And she calls me Dad even in front of her western teachers etc.

And yes this girl for many reasons was left with my wife's family whilst she ran her business in Bangkok and Russia.

Of course if she was my natural daughter, my wife and I , if we had been together then, would have ensured that separation did not occur, but life and circumstances do not always allow for things to be hunky dory.

No matter if the OPs wife's profession is Rat Catcher, Sewer Cleaner, Prostitute or Brain Surgeon, she is still a mother three times over in this case but for sure she is not acting like a maternal Mother. Why ? Because either she enjoys the freedom in Phuket or her need to be there for financial gain tips the balance of the scales.

So back to my original question, is the OP the biological father with certification to prove it, as in my opinion this question is of prime importance.

Yes....i not refer to MY CHILDREN....if they are not mine.....

[siamjimi]

Sorry about your situation, mate.

If I was in such a situation, I would get in touch with a lawyer and ask him what to do to get custody, and do it, whatever it takes, no matter how long it takes and no matter how much it costs. Be pragmatic about it. Thais want money.

If consent is needed by parties involved such as the in-laws and their mother, I would borrow from the bank and offer to pay them 100,000 each for them to sign the kids off to you for good. Speak to a lawyer about any paperwork.

They will take the cash because Thais always take the cash.

This is one very good point - a Thai will most likely sell your kids back to you - its certainly worth every baht you spend to get them away from a mind minipulating bitch thats half baked as you say she is

I would offer 100.000.oo baht for all 3 and see what happens

even if you pay 100,000.oo baht each you are paying less than 10,000.oo usd and you walk away with legal papers and take the kids with you back home - if a relationship with them is what you really want this should not be too difficult to understand

you will never have a straight forward relationship with your children as long as her family is pulling the youngsters strings and playing the youngsters against you even if its just on a whim and their bored with themselves and want a little drama or to laugh at you

[benalibina]

OP's been told in no uncertain terms exactly what to do.

Turn off the money spigot; see how hard and how fast the wife will pull up a chair at the negotiating table.

If he hasn't implemented that advice, how the hell does he expect to reassert himself here?

In these situations, you use what you got to get what you want and here, you've got a big stick.

I agree totally - they want to manipulate you is fair dinkum - you can cut off all the money - and be sure its ALL of it

then when they ask why - you simply ask them in return why the sister is doing damage to your relationship with the youngsters - no relationship - no money - fairs fair

I bet her sister asks each and every month where her portion of your money is mate - be sure of that - she doesn't take full care of those little ones for free - you can take that to the bank as well

for sure one thing makes any person on this planet [no matter of nationalility] to stand up and listen to every word you say - is when you have your hand on their wallet

Yes.....but it really does not seem to help.....they really really love those lovely sweet girls of mine......what is love at least through their eyes. Thats the worrying thing....an unbreakable wall....from distance....

[nonthaburial]

People, people, people, again I can see no answer to my earlier question, is the OP the natural biological Father, it's either a yes or a no, not a deafening silence. There are many good men in this world who are very capable step fathers. My Chinese stepdaughter disliked my attitude intensly when she first lived with her mother and I at the age of 14. But in the last four years , after taking her out of her Chinese school, two hours flight away, and putting her into one of the best IB schools in China, which allows her to stay with us in her own warm,cosy bedroom with all mod cons she now at 18 is a different lady. Bright and hopefully on her way to Cambridge next year. And she calls me Dad even in front of her western teachers etc.

And yes this girl for many reasons was left with my wife's family whilst she ran her business in Bangkok and Russia.

Of course if she was my natural daughter, my wife and I , if we had been together then, would have ensured that separation did not occur, but life and circumstances do not always allow for things to be hunky dory.

No matter if the OPs wife's profession is Rat Catcher, Sewer Cleaner, Prostitute or Brain Surgeon, she is still a mother three times over in this case but for sure she is not acting like a maternal Mother. Why ? Because either she enjoys the freedom in Phuket or her need to be there for financial gain tips the balance of the scales.

So back to my original question, is the OP the biological father with certification to prove it, as in my opinion this question is of prime importance.

Yes....i not refer to MY CHILDREN....if they are not mine.....

Thanks for the clarification, as you read on here a number of cases of men who married into a family and quote "they are my children" when they are not.

Ok goalposts have now moved in my opinion, if you have got all documentation, my move would be to get them back into your control, the sister in law has no legal rights, but again another question, is your name on the birth cert' s etc, what passports do they hold ? All very relevant questions.

[benalibina]

People, people, people, again I can see no answer to my earlier question, is the OP the natural biological Father, it's either a yes or a no, not a deafening silence. There are many good men in this world who are very capable step fathers. My Chinese stepdaughter disliked my attitude intensly when she first lived with her mother and I at the age of 14. But in the last four years , after taking her out of her Chinese school, two hours flight away, and putting her into one of the best IB schools in China, which allows her to stay with us in her own warm,cosy bedroom with all mod cons she now at 18 is a different lady. Bright and hopefully on her way to Cambridge next year. And she calls me Dad even in front of her western teachers etc.

And yes this girl for many reasons was left with my wife's family whilst she ran her business in Bangkok and Russia.

Of course if she was my natural daughter, my wife and I , if we had been together then, would have ensured that separation did not occur, but life and circumstances do not always allow for things to be hunky dory.

No matter if the OPs wife's profession is Rat Catcher, Sewer Cleaner, Prostitute or Brain Surgeon, she is still a mother three times over in this case but for sure she is not acting like a maternal Mother. Why ? Because either she enjoys the freedom in Phuket or her need to be there for financial gain tips the balance of the scales.

So back to my original question, is the OP the biological father with certification to prove it, as in my opinion this question is of prime importance.

Yes....i not refer to MY CHILDREN....if they are not mine.....

Thanks for the clarification, as you read on here a number of cases of men who married into a family and quote "they are my children" when they are not.

Ok goalposts have now moved in my opinion, if you have got all documentation, my move would be to get them back into your control, the sister in law has no legal rights, but again another question, is your name on the birth cert' s etc, what passports do they hold ? All very relevant questions.

Birtcert...yes on it as father

Passports....daughters dual...son only thai...

All thai passports are expired.

Back in control.....i know....longer term plan....finances needed...

Need to add that the police did not help regarding kids staying at sisters house.....instead i was blamed for trying to stop SIL of leaving with kids from school.......am only farang....they care jackshit....nothing nothing....money ??? Most likely....