Annoying Girlfriends Friends?

[whoisyourdaddy]

You are calling her ill-mannered and disrespectful because in your culture, honestly calling someone fat or old to their face IS rude.

Here it is NOT rude, being "overweight" or "a bit chunky" is not in itself a flaw here, nor is being a "senior citizen" both are in fact accorded respect for wealth and wisdom respectively.

In fact according to the local customs, it is YOU who are being rude to take offense at the truth, certainly overly sensitive at such a minor issue to even bring it up.

However Thais are very forgiving of us crazy farang for our weird beliefs, so if you do politely and gently educate her that in our culture such statements are considered rude, and that your feelings personally are hurt by them, she will most certainly do her best to remember and try to avoid causing you future offense.

Handling it the way the OP claims to have done - two wrongs don't make a right - is just escalating ill feelings, and both of you clearly show you don't have the right attitude to fully benefit from what this wonderful country has to offer - which certainly come more from personal relationships available here than from anything concrete and material.

Ok, I can gather you an expert on local culture .

well calling someone a buffalo is an insult in Thai culture.

So is telling woman she looks old and unattractive is also insulting in Thai culture .

I am certain discussing private female body parts, lack of it or ugliness would also be disrespectful in Thai culture.

So how do you figure discussing male body parts is ok? With a stranger? In Thai culture

When a female calls another female who is younger "phi", the younger female gets offended- that's Thai culture.

So where did you get the idea it was acceptable to call someone old in Thai culture ?

[Soutpeel]

You are calling her ill-mannered and disrespectful because in your culture, honestly calling someone fat or old to their face IS rude.

Here it is NOT rude, being "overweight" or "a bit chunky" is not in itself a flaw here, nor is being a "senior citizen" both are in fact accorded respect for wealth and wisdom respectively.

In fact according to the local customs, it is YOU who are being rude to take offense at the truth, certainly overly sensitive at such a minor issue to even bring it up.

However Thais are very forgiving of us crazy farang for our weird beliefs, so if you do politely and gently educate her that in our culture such statements are considered rude, and that your feelings personally are hurt by them, she will most certainly do her best to remember and try to avoid causing you future offense.

Handling it the way the OP claims to have done - two wrongs don't make a right - is just escalating ill feelings, and both of you clearly show you don't have the right attitude to fully benefit from what this wonderful country has to offer - which certainly come more from personal relationships available here than from anything concrete and material.

Ok, I can gather you an expert on local culture .

well calling someone a buffalo is an insult in Thai culture.

So is telling woman she looks old and unattractive is also insulting in Thai culture .

I am certain discussing private female body parts, lack of it or ugliness would also be disrespectful in Thai culture.

So how do you figure discussing male body parts is ok? With a stranger? In Thai culture

When a female calls another female who is younger "phi", the younger female gets offended- that's Thai culture.

So where did you get the idea it was acceptable to call someone old in Thai culture ?

Actually the list you have given could be interpreted as offensive in just about any culture, not just Thai culture and could result in a punch in mouth in some countries

[seajae]

Just noticed the OP's name.

Are you Welsh or Kiwi?

Why? do you think I have sexual relations with sheep or something?

but is it better than eskimos blowing seals.

[MrHammer]

She has no idea you are taking offense at her joking around about the truth.

Pure bs.

Of course she knows unless she is a low class retard.

As someone said, try backhand complimenting her on how nice a tan she has, does she spend much time in the sun to get that brown? Lets see if she finds that funny.

And btw, "By their friends shall ye know them".

[whoisyourdaddy]

You are calling her ill-mannered and disrespectful because in your culture, honestly calling someone fat or old to their face IS rude.

Here it is NOT rude, being "overweight" or "a bit chunky" is not in itself a flaw here, nor is being a "senior citizen" both are in fact accorded respect for wealth and wisdom respectively.

In fact according to the local customs, it is YOU who are being rude to take offense at the truth, certainly overly sensitive at such a minor issue to even bring it up.

However Thais are very forgiving of us crazy farang for our weird beliefs, so if you do politely and gently educate her that in our culture such statements are considered rude, and that your feelings personally are hurt by them, she will most certainly do her best to remember and try to avoid causing you future offense.

Handling it the way the OP claims to have done - two wrongs don't make a right - is just escalating ill feelings, and both of you clearly show you don't have the right attitude to fully benefit from what this wonderful country has to offer - which certainly come more from personal relationships available here than from anything concrete and material.

Ok, I can gather you an expert on local culture .

well calling someone a buffalo is an insult in Thai culture.

So is telling woman she looks old and unattractive is also insulting in Thai culture .

I am certain discussing private female body parts, lack of it or ugliness would also be disrespectful in Thai culture.

So how do you figure discussing male body parts is ok? With a stranger? In Thai culture

When a female calls another female who is younger "phi", the younger female gets offended- that's Thai culture.

So where did you get the idea it was acceptable to call someone old in Thai culture ?

Actually the list you have given could be interpreted as offensive in just about any culture, not just Thai culture and could result in a punch in mouth in some countries

That was exactly my point and Thai culture is no different when it comes to insulting or offending a stranger

[theyoungone]

Say 'moo' before you say name

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[Dave 74]

Just do what I do when Thai people speak to me.

Look at them blankly, lift up a leg and fart.

Soon puts an end to Thai people bothering you.

[Dave 74]

Go to a farm, are you bothered by what the animals skwark and moo about?

[wellred]

What a rude person. Suggest you make an equally rude comment whenever you see her, and tell your gf to not invite her to meet you both until she learns some manners. I know TIT but teaching someone manners is a universal thing so don't feel bad about insulting her.

[Banzai99]

Don't worry about it Fatso.

Haha am only big and fat where it counts, little boy

If being 6ft 3" and 210 Lbs is a little boy compared with you, then I am guilty as charged.

[Banzai99]

Just do what I do when Thai people speak to me.

Look at them blankly, lift up a leg and fart.

Soon puts an end to Thai people bothering you.

No, you look at them blankly and <deleted> yourself , cos you ain't got a clue what they are talking about, cos you can't speak or understand Thai, and like the majority of Farangs you are scared to death of them.

[sdanielmcev]

I actually like the bluntness from Thais. My gf's annoying gf asks me," Why you read annoying posts on forum." Of course, since I've got a long way to go with my Thai, she could be calling me pigs' head.

[Berkshire]

You are calling her ill-mannered and disrespectful because in your culture, honestly calling someone fat or old to their face IS rude.

Here it is NOT rude, being "overweight" or "a bit chunky" is not in itself a flaw here, nor is being a "senior citizen" both are in fact accorded respect for wealth and wisdom respectively.

In fact according to the local customs, it is YOU who are being rude to take offense at the truth, certainly overly sensitive at such a minor issue to even bring it up.

However Thais are very forgiving of us crazy farang for our weird beliefs, so if you do politely and gently educate her that in our culture such statements are considered rude, and that your feelings personally are hurt by them, she will most certainly do her best to remember and try to avoid causing you future offense.

Handling it the way the OP claims to have done - two wrongs don't make a right - is just escalating ill feelings, and both of you clearly show you don't have the right attitude to fully benefit from what this wonderful country has to offer - which certainly come more from personal relationships available here than from anything concrete and material.

Very good points. Among friends, calling someone fat is not an insult at all. And it's especially true among men, i.e., much less offensive to suggest a male friend was fat than a woman. I can't imagine a Thai guy being insulted by being called fat. Having said that, I had a female colleague who was not fat, but visibly gaining weight. Her own husband was calling her fatso (she didn't take offense, rather realized she needed to lose weight).

Clearly, the OP's own GF must have told her friend that he was a little round. The friend was just trying to break the ice. The OP is being way overly sensitive. A non-issue.

[MAJIC]

Its a bit evil but I find that deliberate use of passive aggressive "compliments" usually very effectively deal with these types.

Either they will be able to take what they are giving and youll get on well (and be reassured of their intentions in doing so), or theyll stop dishing it out to you. And Yes! Im talking specifically about Thai females (and gay men) who go in for the "criticism jokes". I've actually never found a straight Thai male to do this kind of conversational piece until years after knowing them and even then quite carefully with obvious affection.

For example: "Apple, most girls can't look so pretty with messy hair, but for you it works OK!"

"Apple, I don't agree with what your office friends say. I think they're wrong. Your arms look normal to me, - beautiful even! See you.."

Scintilating chat up lines? u...r ...not.......But i'm sure you will not argue the point!

[wym]

Obviously being young and slim are inherently important to a woman's attractiveness.

Not so much with men here being secure, powerful and ideally wealthy and kind are much more important.

Again, when they call a man old or fat it is not intended to be taken as an insult, and definitely not appropriate to take offense much less give it back.

Unless you don't care about your relationships with the people concerned, then of course be as much of an ignorant lout as you like and try to teach them what is and isn't polite in YOUR society.

[namdocmai]

Many times i see promo-girls for gym's or dietfood standing in a mall and they give away flyers to people who are to fat in their opinion.

Last month a not slim girl wanted to hand one over to my wife but she refused to accept it. Then that girl walked with us for a whole still trying to give my wife the flyer. It was really annoying so i stopped walking, pointed at the legs of that girl and said loud so her collegues could hear it, Mia mai mee pumpui krab, tood kwai and she didn't know how fast to go back to her group that were all laughing.

If they did this in my homecountry they could expect a much harder answer or even a kick on the butt but TIT. I think it is very rude to approach strangers this way.

[OxfordWill]

To my mind the OP was describing a very particular situation. If we are talking about the general non specific cultural habit or inclination for thais to comment on physical attributes in a more blunt manner than western cultures then I would agree with posters like wym et al. However I do not believe that is the circumstance to which the OP speaks at all, rather a more particular and very much a current generation habit of the modern youth in bangkok which although on the face of it to the general reader of thai culture may appear classic is in fact a subtly nuanced and simultaneously entirely different mechanism at play, although no less cultural it is far less traditional but nonetheless a real aspect of certain relationships with certain types of friends of the girlfriend which I have definitely experienced over the years too. But only in bangkok and only from certain types. I'm gap filling however. Maybe the OP can provide more details to be sure, but I suspect this is friends who do not approve of their friends choice in partner for little more than reasons of looking down on foreigners. That said regardless of the facts in thai case there are many who will say things to foreigners they would not dream of saying to a thai man and one owes it to oneself to ask why.

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[Morakot]

To my mind the OP was describing a very particular situation. If we are talking about the general non specific cultural habit or inclination for thais to comment on physical attributes in a more blunt manner than western cultures then I would agree with posters like wym et al. However I do not believe that is the circumstance to which the OP speaks at all, rather a more particular and very much a current generation habit of the modern youth in bangkok which although on the face of it to the general reader of thai culture may appear classic is in fact a subtly nuanced and simultaneously entirely different mechanism at play, although no less cultural it is far less traditional but nonetheless a real aspect of certain relationships with certain types of friends of the girlfriend which I have definitely experienced over the years too. But only in bangkok and only from certain types. I'm gap filling however. Maybe the OP can provide more details to be sure, but I suspect this is friends who do not approve of their friends choice in partner for little more than reasons of looking down on foreigners. That said regardless of the facts in thai case there are many who will say things to foreigners they would not dream of saying to a thai man and one owes it to oneself to ask why.

Marvellous! Will are you emulating a Hegelian style of writing? Ninety-seven words in one sentence!

In Thai culture communication tends to be high-context oriented, in contrast to low-context communication one finds for instance in European cultures. The friend in question may have (strategically or unconsciously) expressed a desire in this veiled and indirect expression of closeness, I'd say.

Edited March 11, 2014 by Morakot

[realenglish1]

Hey sometimes my girlfriend of 7 years says things that I just shake my head at. She has a college education and speaks great english but falls back on lack of etiquette. I guess its a Western Thing and not in the culture of Thais

[HooHaa]

New Member.

First post is an OP.

Marked as read ...

My time of day, you will not get.

you just gave him your time.

and what exactly is that time of yours worth?

[Soutpeel]

Don't worry about it Fatso.

Haha am only big and fat where it counts, little boy

If being 6ft 3" and 210 Lbs is a little boy compared with you, then I am guilty as charged.

Your a fatso as well LOL

[OxfordWill]

To my mind the OP was describing a very particular situation. If we are talking about the general non specific cultural habit or inclination for thais to comment on physical attributes in a more blunt manner than western cultures then I would agree with posters like wym et al. However I do not believe that is the circumstance to which the OP speaks at all, rather a more particular and very much a current generation habit of the modern youth in bangkok which although on the face of it to the general reader of thai culture may appear classic is in fact a subtly nuanced and simultaneously entirely different mechanism at play, although no less cultural it is far less traditional but nonetheless a real aspect of certain relationships with certain types of friends of the girlfriend which I have definitely experienced over the years too. But only in bangkok and only from certain types. I'm gap filling however. Maybe the OP can provide more details to be sure, but I suspect this is friends who do not approve of their friends choice in partner for little more than reasons of looking down on foreigners. That said regardless of the facts in thai case there are many who will say things to foreigners they would not dream of saying to a thai man and one owes it to oneself to ask why.

Marvellous! Will are you emulating a Hegelian style of writing? Ninety-seven words in one sentence!

In Thai culture communication tends to be high-context oriented, in contrast to low-context communication one finds for instance in European cultures. The friend in question may have (strategically or unconsciously) expressed a desire in this veiled and indirect expression of closeness, I'd say.

You're right of course, and I'm actually just projecting a recent experience of mine onto this situation without good reason. One would need to have been there, as you imply.

And why say it in 5 words when 97 are available?

(And where is the punctuation on default Android keyboards?)

[Soutpeel]

Don't worry about it Fatso.

Haha am only big and fat where it counts, little boy

If being 6ft 3" and 210 Lbs is a little boy compared with you, then I am guilty as charged.

Your a fatso as well LOL dear boy

[monkey4u]

Just say

Yes I am fat but I can diet

You are UGLY and always will be

Guaranteed she wont be seen for dust

The lady boy reply works well also

[masuk]

Just noticed the OP's name.

Are you Welsh or Kiwi?

I doubt very much that a KIWI would be using such archaic weights and measures!

what the heck is a "stone" anyway?

I was in the UK in 1967, and they were converting to metric then. It's not going too fast, is it?

[dennisgb45]

That's not unusual. I have had it happen many times. Just last week, went to a pharmacy I had not been to for a year. Pharmascist said, "I don't see you long time. You look more fat than before." Wifes family will say that too. Thais don't consider it rude.

[anthobkk]

Happen to me a lot, I'm not fat, maybe 1-2 kg overweight and a small beer belly and her friends did the same. I actually don't care and usually comment about their appearance as well (without being too mean) and we all laugh.

The coworkers and boss of my gf also say to her that she is fat (156cm -45kg is considered fat for some Thai) but she does care much more than I do. I told her not to care what people may think about her and just laugh at it. Just be happy with yourself and then those comments won't affect you

[Dimpys Dad]

She has no idea you are taking offense at her joking around about the truth. Like a redhead getting offended by ginger jokes. Same with old man, Pappa, not disrespectful attributes here.

Let her know - gently but seriously - your feelings are hurt and she'll stop, not like lower Brits and ockers that will gleefully step it up like chickens pecking at the sight of blood.

Or just suck it up get used to it TiT they mean no harm.

Agree. Thais are very matter of fact in their views of people, we call it blunt, perhaps even tactless. But westerners tend to be quite thin-skinned and very often have an attitude of being the center of the universe. Causes everyone to have to walk on eggshells around them for fear of making some unintended offense.

A friend's wife has a circle of friends, one of which is fat and all of them call her Uuan, that's her name. No big deal to any of them, including Uuan.

The other side of this is that it may indeed be intended as an insult, which can be dealt with in a direct manner and which usually stops the person from continuing. Then everyone can get on with life.

[whoisyourdaddy]

She has no idea you are taking offense at her joking around about the truth. Like a redhead getting offended by ginger jokes. Same with old man, Pappa, not disrespectful attributes here.

Let her know - gently but seriously - your feelings are hurt and she'll stop, not like lower Brits and ockers that will gleefully step it up like chickens pecking at the sight of blood.

Or just suck it up get used to it TiT they mean no harm.

Agree. Thais are very matter of fact in their views of people, we call it blunt, perhaps even tactless. But westerners tend to be quite thin-skinned and very often have an attitude of being the center of the universe. Causes everyone to have to walk on eggshells around them for fear of making some unintended offense.

A friend's wife has a circle of friends, one of which is fat and all of them call her Uuan, that's her name. No big deal to any of them, including Uuan.

The other side of this is that it may indeed be intended as an insult, which can be dealt with in a direct manner and which usually stops the person from continuing. Then everyone can get on with life.

Circle of friends, OP is not in the circle of friends but a total stranger

Has that circle of friends even bothered to see how that one over weight girl feels when they call her a fat pig? I seriously doubt it, because they could not care less.

Good friends

[Dimpys Dad]

She has no idea you are taking offense at her joking around about the truth. Like a redhead getting offended by ginger jokes. Same with old man, Pappa, not disrespectful attributes here.

Let her know - gently but seriously - your feelings are hurt and she'll stop, not like lower Brits and ockers that will gleefully step it up like chickens pecking at the sight of blood.

Or just suck it up get used to it TiT they mean no harm.

Agree. Thais are very matter of fact in their views of people, we call it blunt, perhaps even tactless. But westerners tend to be quite thin-skinned and very often have an attitude of being the center of the universe. Causes everyone to have to walk on eggshells around them for fear of making some unintended offense.

A friend's wife has a circle of friends, one of which is fat and all of them call her Uuan, that's her name. No big deal to any of them, including Uuan.

The other side of this is that it may indeed be intended as an insult, which can be dealt with in a direct manner and which usually stops the person from continuing. Then everyone can get on with life.

Circle of friends, OP is not in the circle of friends but a total stranger

Has that circle of friends even bothered to see how that one over weight girl feels when they call her a fat pig? I seriously doubt it, because they could not care less.

Good friends

There is a big difference between being called fat and being called a fat pig and it makes all the difference in how it's delivered. Fat Pig is indeed an intended insult but being called fat all depends on how it is used and to whom. Some people even used to be named "Fatty" among friends. Maybe it will even give them an incentive to lose weight, if they really care.

Many westerners filter everything through their politically correct visual prism and think that words mean the same to everyone else in the world. Well, they don't and we need to get used to it.