advancebooking Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 My gf and I have been dating for 4 to 5 months. 3 days ago I just got back from being away for several weeks and she told me her period did not come. I went to the chemist to buy a pregnancy test and it returned a positive result. She then told me that weeks ago she was worried about not having her period and decided to take some Chinese herbal medicine (photo attached) for 10 days duration. Apparently a lot of thai girls take this liquid to try and instigate bleeding but I think it’s to abort a fetus. The obstetrician told us today that its not modern medicine and thus she cant give a clinical assessment about what effects it might have on the fetus. She did a scan and advised that everything looks ok at the moment as the gestation sac is in the uterus. In the Dr’s room the subject of abortion came up. They were talking in thai and I received translations here and there. Afterwards, my gf basically said that she wants to get an abortion for 3 reasons: 1. She wants to pursue her university Masters degree. 2. I have not met her parents yet. 3. We do not know each other long enough yet. She has always said that her parents are number one in her life and that if they did not approve of me then we would be finished. All 3 reasons are legitimate but abortion is hard for me to deal with due to my religion and the fact that I’m in my early 40’s in love with a girl aged in her late 20’s who clearly does not have the same loving feelings – and according is not ready for a family. I am worried that I will later resent her for this decision should she proceed and that it could cause our relationship to break up. I’m also worried about the psychological effects on the both of us and the fact that complications can arise from abortions i.e. adhesion in the uterus thus preventing further pregnancies and of course the risk of infection. I respect her so much and don’t want to influence her decision by suggesting it could cause a break up. I don’t know what to do or say at this stage as I really don’t want her to get an abortion. She is an intelligent, highly educated women from a middle class thai family and thus I have to respect her wishes in the end. The Dr said its best that an abortion happens before the 10 week mark (currently at 5 weeks based on the gestational age of the fetus) but it can happen at the latest 24 months but not recommended. The dr said normally a maternal / fetal medicine unit would do scans at the 16 to 20 week mark to check for abnormalities. Any constructive comments are appreciated. Have you ever had a gf who as taken that herbal medicine poison? <<I would prefer the moderator prevents this sensitive topic from entering the thaivisa daily email list sent to all members. I have an aversion to reading abusive comments from bogans or troll members that mostly hang out on the ‘General topics’ area.>> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Showbags Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Killing a baby is a very sensitive topic. While I agree with the choice available to the mother for various reasons...it is hard to get around that it is still a baby you are getting rid of....and I have 2...to think that what would have happened if this had been done to one of them...of course we would never have known them to miss them....but you can still look back and think. Tough question....I do not have an answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Costas2008 Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 In this situation, it takes two to decide. Discuss it with your g/f and try to make a mutual decision. You are both young and intelligent and this will bring you much closer. Hope the best for the three of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tywais Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 You need to take a look at this pinned topic regarding the legal aspects of abortion - http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/143682-abortion-in-thailand/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post hotrod4098 Posted March 16, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted March 16, 2014 abortions are illegal except for special reason. why should she want to kill a baby..thais dont like to kill any thing.. and the question is..is it yours...as you said you have been away...and yes thai girls do sleep around... 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post casualbiker Posted March 16, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted March 16, 2014 (edited) "All 3 reasons are legitimate but abortion is hard for me to deal with due to my religion and the fact that I’m in my early 40’s in love with a girl aged in her late 20’s who clearly does not have the same loving feelings – and according is not ready for a family. I am worried that I will later resent her for this decision should she proceed and that it could cause our relationship to break up." Sorry to say BUT i'm with her on this. You should have discussed it with her earlier to see if babies were in the plan. If not YOU should have ensured adequate protection.. Think about it IF your relationship DID break up SHE would have a baby to bring up and a devastated life. You have to stop being selfish. Edited March 16, 2014 by casualbiker 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Costas2008 Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 "All 3 reasons are legitimate but abortion is hard for me to deal with due to my religion and the fact that I’m in my early 40’s in love with a girl aged in her late 20’s who clearly does not have the same loving feelings – and according is not ready for a family. I am worried that I will later resent her for this decision should she proceed and that it could cause our relationship to break up." Sorry to say BUT i'm with her on this. You should have discussed it with her earlier to see if babies were in the plan. If not YOU should have ensured adequate protection.. Think about it IF your relationship DID break up SHE would have a baby to bring up and a devastated life. You have to stop being selfish. No, he is not selfish, he loves her. This is not an uncommon incident, happens every day, and it's very easy for an outsider to give advice about protection. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whoisyourdaddy Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Really hard situation. Abortions have a very high rate of "problems" later Perhaps first you should decide how you really feel about the girl. If you do really love her and ready for the baby, i would sit down with her, express my love for her and desire for the baby and proposal to marry. Also show her evidence, that abortion may lead to her never being able to have another baby or baby could be born disabled. Offer to meet her parents and try to explain that you are there for her, she can still finish uni and live full life with your moral and physical support. If on the other hand you do not want to be with her or have the baby, then its a different story, but the health warnings are still the same Good luck 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David48 Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 I'm all for having kids 'for the right reasons'. We've just had TWINS. But, when you are blessed with the pregnancy that is unwanted by one of the two parents ... obviously difficult issues do arise. If you convey the reasons and motives for your Thai GF to abort ... they are certainly logical. While you have some input into the discussion to physical power remains with your Partner. If you decide to go ahead with the procedure ... while one life will be lost, presuming that she goes on to have children in the future ... others will be created. Good luck with your collective decision. OH ... as a newbie Dad and knowing the amazing amount of work that goes into raising a child (two actually) ... my gut feeling would be to delay till you are both ready for this life changing experience. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Costas2008 Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 (edited) I'm all for having kids 'for the right reasons'. We've just had TWINS. But, when you are blessed with the pregnancy that is unwanted by one of the two parents ... obviously difficult issues do arise. If you convey the reasons and motives for your Thai GF to abort ... they are certainly logical. While you have some input into the discussion to physical power remains with your Partner. If you decide to go ahead with the procedure ... while one life will be lost, presuming that she goes on to have children in the future ... others will be created. Good luck with your collective decision. OH ... as a newbie Dad and knowing the amazing amount of work that goes into raising a child (two actually) ... my gut feeling would be to delay till you are both ready for this life changing experience. David, as a newbie dad, as well as the amazing amount of work involved, you also know the joy and happiness your twins bring to you and your wife. God forbid, you wouldn't want anything bad to happen to your kids. So why are you advising the OP to terminate the life of his kid? Edited March 16, 2014 by Costas2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oscar2 Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 really tough situation. although you have a good attitude about things and seem like a decent guy, it was irresponsible to not be using condoms or b/c pills. you can't just assume someone you have only known for 4-5 months would be O.K. with getting pregnant. i too would not be 100% sure the baby is yours... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post up-country_sinclair Posted March 16, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted March 16, 2014 Killing a baby is a very sensitive topic. why should she want to kill a baby.. Let's dispense with the highly charged terms, shall we?. The OP's GF is about 5 weeks along. It's a collection of cells, not a baby. As to the OP's situation, IMO he should make his position on the matter clear and then come to terms with the reality that she is going to do whatever she wants to do. 16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thepool Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Pinned advice at the top of the page. Read it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tywais Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 "All 3 reasons are legitimate None of the 3 reasons in the OP are legitimate in the legal sense. I have posted the link to the pinned topic that outlines the circumstances it is allowed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Costas2008 Posted March 16, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted March 16, 2014 Killing a baby is a very sensitive topic. why should she want to kill a baby.. Let's dispense with the highly charged terms, shall we?. The OP's GF is about 5 weeks along. It's a collection of cells, not a baby. As to the OP's situation, IMO he should make his position on the matter clear and then come to terms with the reality that she is going to do whatever she wants to do. It's the beginning of a NEW LIFE, of a human being. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HerbalEd Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 Ultimately it's your girlfriend's decision. Yes, you can possible influence her, but do you truly want to convince her to do something she really doesn't want to do? She could well regret that decision and resent you for pressuring her to make it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KhunWichai Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 Maaaaaaaaaaate, With all those restrictions placed upon your relationship with respect to satisfying her parents, and you were still unloading inside her? The abortion request may be a quick fix to resolve her guilt for not telling you about her Thai boyfriend who she sees on Monday, Wednesdays and every second Friday when you are at work. Been there, seen that, hundreds of times, Regards, Dr. Wichai. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brewsterbudgen Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 Mechai Viravaidya's Foundation would be a good place to go. It's in Sukhumvit Soi 12 (next to Cabbages & Condoms). They can provide good, legal advice and can also provide solutions should your GF decide to proceeed. http://www.pda.or.th/e_index.asp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Tatsujin Posted March 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted March 17, 2014 Perhaps as a "mature" gentleman you might want to practice safe sex next time with a partner you don't want to have a baby with. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post PaulHamon Posted March 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted March 17, 2014 (edited) ...but abortion is hard for me to deal with due to my religion... Sorry which religion lets you have sex with unwed women, I don't remember learning that one in school? You obviously take your religion very seriously, when it suits you. Edited March 17, 2014 by PaulHamon 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulHamon Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 "All 3 reasons are legitimate None of the 3 reasons in the OP are legitimate in the legal sense. I have posted the link to the pinned topic that outlines the circumstances it is allowed. Illegal in Thailand... Plenty of places only 2,000 Baht flight away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulHamon Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 Abortions have a very high rate of "problems" later Rubbish. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brewsterbudgen Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 "All 3 reasons are legitimate None of the 3 reasons in the OP are legitimate in the legal sense. I have posted the link to the pinned topic that outlines the circumstances it is allowed. Illegal in Thailand... Plenty of places only 2,000 Baht flight away. It's legal in Thailand under certain circumstances. I strongly advise the OP's GF to seek advice from the organisation in post #18. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brit1984 Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 you have been a very naughty boy i recommend to accept the get out of jail free card Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oxo1947 Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 "All 3 reasons are legitimate but abortion is hard for me to deal with due to my religion" You don't have to deal with it---Ultimately the decision is hers, but if it affects you so much try using birth control next time..... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tywais Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 Flame removed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SOTIRIOS Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 ....first and foremost..... ....if you were away for 'several weeks'....... ...do you even know if the child is yours.......??? ...this would put everything in a totally different light...... ....such as......Has she done this before???....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smileydude Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 (edited) Your GF is in the early stage of denial. Sorry to sound harsh but she is thinking about herself first and foremost. Her social standing, her family standing, her own well-being. This is normal and does not mean she is callous. Many women do not realize that a fetus is a living organism. Though I am pro-choice and agree with the law that abortion is the best choice in rape/incest pregnancy or if necessary to save the life of the woman, proceeding with an abortion based on economic or social reasons is not grounds for which abortion is permitted. I can foresee the problems of a child born out of wedlock and the possibility of growing up with a single parent but it depends on how much someone is willing to sacrifice for their child as many have proven otherwise. As others have advised, sit down and talk with her, confirm its yours through DNA testing if you have doubts, and tell her your position and decide logically whether you can both make it work. Its not the time for emotional decision making as bringing life onto this world involves great responsibility. I wish you both the best in this difficult moment. Edited March 17, 2014 by smileydude 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post hard124get Posted March 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted March 17, 2014 A Thai girl I had not known for long knocked on my door and told me she was pregnant. She was 26, me 52. I went through all the same fears as you. Long story short, our little girl is nearly 3, and she is a blessing. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brit1984 Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 tell her not to worry about the time / money involved in looking after a kid for the next 20 years (never mind the pregnancy)... i'm sure all the random anonymous posters on here who care so much about this kid will all contribute part of their income and a few hours of their time to help out 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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