well, some new titillating problems for me and anon:

apart from our usual lack of visa problems, a new problem has cropped up; a thai man problem....

my bf, desparate for extra money, decided to do a racket of 'lek' ; i had no idea how it really works, alls i know is lots of thai women here do this and make a fortune....

i thought: he puts up a thousand, check the numbers by cell phone to his sister in thailand, someone wins, they get the pot, no one wins, we get the pot, a one time thing for fun (since i have no money )...didnt know how it really worked!!!!!

HE promised the rest of the 'partners' that i have bucks (shekels ) in the bank!!!he knows i have no bank account.... some guy pulled the right number and my guy lost ( a six digit amount that i could use to renovate my house, go to thailand and back again, etc etc....)... he ran scared but heard nothing from the other guys so thought, ok...

a week ago a thai woman who is married to a local here, who helps thai workers, called me to warn me my a... is grass..... (workers ahd called her looking for my bf) forutnately, she calmed everyone down, helped work out a sort of deal which means i pay xxx amount for making these guys lose face, an amount that i can stand, and mly partner has to pay a huge amount slowly etc... but not the full amount... fortunately, using a third, and respected party helped soothe things out although now all other plans are on back burner.... however,

she did say: thai men are dishonest i should be careful.... and since she is from his hometown area, and will be there next month, she asked my permission to 'check' him out, (bring presents to his mother and sister, and suss up the scene, if he's hiding a wife somewhere or whatever).... she is older, has two kids my kids ages (pre army) married to an old geezer who she claims treats her not wonderfully (i think cultural problems here, not abuse, just israeli bluntness and roughness versus thai roundabout and passive style) and sympathizes with me since im divorce+ 3 no money etc...

she also has no israeli women friends (its difficult my friends are mostly anglos also) so my understanding of thai lang, culture etc have drawn her to me....

he treats her with respect as an older sister (she helped him with some employer problem on different farm) and she is really helping out but promised to sit with me in next week or so for some women talk (phuut puying)... i'm sure she's entirely serious in wanting to help me, as i told her, i'm known to be intelligent but very naive when doing business and dealing with scamming types.... im honest and figure most others are also... will wait for outcome....

just sort of catching u all up on the latest...no need for comments about how dumb i was.....

this all happend just as i and bf were planning to talk to someone in the thia consulate about visa possibilities, marriage stuff, etc. and to israeli MOInterior.... i must have very bad karma in a previous life

she did say that we look similar (he and i) small with thin faces etc...so maybe its a good sign (she says)... : :

im ever the optimist, better to love and lose then to never have loved at all so i hope everything works out somewhere in this mess....

jai yen and all that....... i still ahve a roof over my head, food in the fridge, med care etc , so could be worse .....

Is this the ever popular pyramid scheme? I have seen a gazillion of these over the years and people ALWAYS end up getting ripped off. Sounds like its your turn this time

The people who start them aren't always dodgy, usually just dont' understand the concept and everyone ends up screwed. Every single time.

google pyramid schemes and you will see what I mean.

People do foolish things but my concern would be that he put your name forward so easily as having the money to honour the debt. The people involved DO NOT take kindly to money not being paid & he has potentially put you in danger.

no not the pyramid stuff, that i wouldnt fall for ever;

its the thai lek (lottery) illegal style that workers here run on their own

he didnt do it on purpose but with lack of thought (he is impulsive extremely so)... also did bad in grade school,he's the one the teachers and parents always were beating to knock sense in to his head; nowadays he would be given ritilin and psychological counselling for behavior modification (like my son ) who is attention deficit and impulsive to the point of dangerous behavior sometimes (they have to be taught to think thru things before acting/reacting).... anyway.... yes these men could be potentially dangerous, hence the third party influence and jai yen requests... but they are still here on visas and i am a citizen so the balance of course is on my side although mly good name could be ruined.... but definately put up warning buzzers about my bf (his lack of thinking things thru to the end and reacting always in a panic; but i m the jai yen cool personality between the two of us, and the older).

could u imagine some business deal in thailand and our food/housing was dependant on it and he said/did something dumb???? YES i am thinking twice before i move to muubaan #4 in the boonies with no money and no backup for me ...... and definately getting IUD put in again so dont worry about babies (he wants, i dont, no money to support one... )

i apologized profuesly to the potential mofia types sent the requested $$$ with a lotus flower attatched and leave it to the third party to help sort out things which really is the thai way; the israeli way is to call in the guard as it were and yell and bang on tables, not my style really, talking works better i think

fortunately for us women, we dont think with the second head quite as much as the men do (read their women scam stories??) since we dont have that organ, and frankly, im thankful, will now move the love fuzz from my brain and scrutinize the situation a little more clearly....

but of course, i still love him, but am not dependant on him at the moment fortunately and if it doesnt work out, will not self destruct, im past that age already.....

no not the pyramid stuff, that i wouldnt fall for ever;

its the thai lek (lottery) illegal style that workers here run on their own

he didnt do it on purpose but with lack of thought (he is impulsive extremely so)... also did bad in grade school,he's the one the teachers and parents always were beating to knock sense in to his head; nowadays he would be given ritilin and psychological counselling for behavior modification (like my son ) who is attention deficit and impulsive to the point of dangerous behavior sometimes (they have to be taught to think thru things before acting/reacting).... anyway.... yes these men could be potentially dangerous, hence the third party influence and jai yen requests... but they are still here on visas and i am a citizen so the balance of course is on my side although mly good name could be ruined.... but definately put up warning buzzers about my bf (his lack of thinking things thru to the end and reacting always in a panic; but i m the jai yen cool personality between the two of us, and the older).

could u imagine some business deal in thailand and our food/housing was dependant on it and he said/did something dumb???? YES i am thinking twice before i move to muubaan #4 in the boonies with no money and no backup for me ...... and definately getting IUD put in again so dont worry about babies (he wants, i dont, no money to support one... )

i apologized profuesly to the potential mofia types sent the requested $$$ with a lotus flower attatched and leave it to the third party to help sort out things which really is the thai way; the israeli way is to call in the guard as it were and yell and bang on tables, not my style really, talking works better i think

fortunately for us women, we dont think with the second head quite as much as the men do (read their women scam stories??) since we dont have that organ, and frankly, im thankful, will now move the love fuzz from my brain and scrutinize the situation a little more clearly....

but of course, i still love him, but am not dependant on him at the moment fortunately and if it doesnt work out, will not self destruct, im past that age already.....

I don't think I would be in a hurry to move to live in Thailand with this guy. Least of all in some rural location. I'd keep him on our own turf (country) until you are 99% sure.

definately ;

we are also time/out for the next while to see what happens.... am angry with him, but cant really figure out why im not furious... am now waiting to see what will happen.... i have told him we are not to see each other for a while, let things cool down and re organize.... for all i know, these guys could look for him in his hometown also in a year.... so at moment not going anywhere, laying low, summer tourist season anyway and busier, will go back to being a single mom w/no real boyfriend...not going to continue for visa stuff, etc....

but since im busy now thats less lonely kind of... meantime also have preparations for youngest daughter's 13 year (bat mitzva year) which is very time consuming on kibbutz it will keep me busy and mind off things

im a pragmatic person so depressed, tired, 'aged' and upset, will not die from this; if things work out, ok,. if not... well, back to the drawing board of singles again....

have jtold my friends (whom all really liked him and trusted him) that he has run into some problems and we are time/out for a while....

he is in worse shape since he has no one to talk to or confide in at all; and lonely, and always wondering if someone is coming to 'get' you or not.... but he says he brought it on himself, he takes responsibility to deal....

this wasnt a scam to steal my money or whatever, just stupidity (to catch a tiger with empty hands as the thai say) to make money for us he says... he has been honest in every other way up til now....

but now i have to add myself to the list of 'thai men' caveat emptor'..... (could be men of any nation there are italian charmers, french seducers, israeli wild types, etc etc etc)....

It's always sad when the "gloss" comes off of a lover. I recall my now husband doing something which took him off the pedastal I had put him on. In many ways he seemed too good to be true & it turned out he was The thing with a real relationship is you take the good AND the bad, no one is perfect & as you say, your not a child. You must make your own descisions about the future. You are in an unusual position & I think you know you have to look out for yourself more than other women may have to (financially).

The only thing to do is to make him aware that this kind of thing is unacceptable & any plans for your future will have to include some kind of "get out emergancy" fund for you.

All the best

Addiction to gambling is VERY common in Thailand....is this the first indication that he has a bent in that diretion or have there been others? If so the prognosis is not good...the problem is that such people always believe the next scheme will work and go ahead and take risks in the conviction that they're not risks as it's a "sure thing"....

To me, the fact that he got involved in this scheme would be reason not to trust him with anything of a financial nature in future and to be sure to secure your own resources. But the fact that (if I understand the situation correctly) he put you up as collateral without telling you goes beyond the pale...issues of honesty as well as judgement. Failing to tell someone/ask permission about something of this magnitude is the same as lying, and a person who will lie about one thing will lie about another...

If it were me, this would be a decisive deal-breaker. But it's not so .... my condolences, I know it's painful and you'll make your own decision in due course, and we'll all be here for moral support no matter what you decide. Good luck!

thanx sheryl et al

no, he doesnt eveer ever gamble.... his sister in thailand i think runs a 'racket' and gave him the idea... he has no grip whatsoever on statistics as in: he didnt even think anyone would actually win.... here i think it is a fright/flight or fight male testerone response which made him go for a stupid idea....

and i tend to give people more then one chance, having worked with 'last ditch' teenagers from the u.s. sent to israel boarding school (i was a house mother) i know how important one more chance can be and often the deciding one....

i'm not a great risk taker in many things but do take risks with people (not afraid to fall in love etc etc). otherwise i would marry a 'nice jewish doctor', sit in an office, and probably wouldnt have moved to israel!!! in the first place and end up working with large animals and helping thai migrant workers etc etc..... my life is a bit harrowing at times, but always interesting and as the thai say agian: in life there is sweet, sad, sour and glad (loosely translated /interpreted more or less) ...

btw, unkike a large percent of the kibbutz women here, i dont suffer from many of the 'bored housewife' maladies (even though they work, their lives are self contained in house/service job/kibbutz gossip/etc) such as unidentified aches, pains, headaches, depressions, etc...

i'm quite aware i might not ever get him a visa for here, and i might not move to thailand, but in the interem, he has been there for me when i have been ill, upset etc... takes an active role in my house when he is here, worries about me and is affectionate, sexy, fun, and interesting....any small amount of money he earned he gave to me (mostly to cover food/etc costs) etc and i miss him terribly ( i never missed my ex, for example)

ONE MORE CHANCE for him... if not, i will come back to the forum and cry..........

and i thank everyone here on the board for listening to me babble away and givng me support etc... u all give better posts then the men do to eachother when they have similar problems ....

bina

Good luck!! And let us know how it's going

All the best