Que for TV dot com dads: new baby on the way... Live near her parents or move far away

[bbabythai]

Hi thai visa family man....

My lovely lady has a baby in her belly.

I need your opinions on whether we should live near my ladies parents (which is where we are now) or move away from them. The family seem ok- not that I can talk to them due to language barriers but the problem is we live 'up country' and Im a beach guy.

I miss the ocean and the beach life. She works in a hospital and can get work anywhere in Thailand- and earn huge money

In the first year or so of having a bub did you rely on your wife's parents for help? Was she reliant on them as a support mechanism?

My lovely lady is close to her family as most thai's are. My instincts tell me that we should stay put for the first year perhaps. I worry that if we stay for the first year her parents will try and influence her to never leave; as the grandparents will not want to be away from the little ones. I know as a farang her parents will always come first and when the baby pops out I will be n.o 3.

I do miss the beach and feel selfish about wanting to move away but I want to be happy in LOS as well starting up my new family.

Thanks in advance for sharing your thoughts.

[ozsamurai]

begin as you intend to continue..

Oz

[namdocmai]

The parents will raise the baby, Thai love that. The baby will be very spoiled, a tv junky and never see the world outside the house. If that's what you want then stay.

[seajae]

mate, I know when we lived near my wifes parents they wouldnt leave us alone, everytime I turned around they were there. The baby is your wifes and yours, not the families, I know I am old fashioned in that I believe the mum and dad should take care of the baby and should not expect family to do it so they can have a life, if you are good enough to want to have a baby then you are good enough to give things up to take care of it. You also have to realize that the bonding process will take place and if you and your wife are being suplanted by her family this will not happen, do you want your child to want to be with you or them, do you want to be the one that shows the baby love or have them do it for you.

To the beach bit, you need to talk this over with your wife not tv members.I am happy where I am but I would like to be near to the ocean(one that is clean and fishable, unlike the one close to us now), my wife understands this but the finances stop us plus her job. I accept this, if you are capable of accepting it also fine but I would definitely worry about having family in your house constantly, you need space for just the 3 of you to get to grow together, family has to accept this, if they cannot give you the space then leaving is an option, I would definitely be telling them that if they are at your home all the time, you will move away to have some space. You can always do trips to the coast if needed until you find somewhere you both want to live.

[chickenslegs]

Move to the beach and take the in-laws with you.

[CharlieH]

They will do your head in ! You think you know thai people , wait til you live with them, the frustrations and lack of communication, dominance of the Mother etc.

Make your own life your own way.

[tartempion]

We live 1km from the Gf's parents and they rarely show up here, say 5x/year.

Daughter is 3 now and she just refused a minute ago to go and visit her grandmother (grandfather passed away last November) as she mostly does, she visits the family once a week.

Thus it will mostly depends how you agree on this with your wife, but note we don't work.

[rwdrwdrwd]

We spent the first year of my son's life in my wife's hometown which is about 60km inland with the closest what I would consider 'nice' beach about 2 hours away, she has two sisters who have amongst them 3 babies/toddlers - it was OK to be honest, we lived in a very middle class Thai secured village of semi detached style houses, about a 10 min dirive from most other family members so we had a nice enough place and family weren't there all day every day - my wife used to go visit one sister or another once or twice a week, and we'd generally meet up all together once a month or so.

Mother in law is not 'dominant' as such, though she is very respected. She in fact now lives in the next province and all her children live their own lives. Family members have backed me up with my wife on a number of occasions, even in regard to moving 3 hours away which we did a couple of months back.

Like you, I prefer living near the sea so all the way through, before and after we moved and my son was born, I made clear that we would be moving away from the hometown to the beach after a year - since this was always mentioned, we managed to do this with few complaints from other family members, and they have since been to visit us for a weekend . Of course they would prefer we lived in the home town, but they accept that we have to have a balance for everybodies happiness (a 3 hour drive is not the end of the world, it's closer than the UK where we were originally going to be living) - I'd anticipate that we'll be meeting up with family once every 2 or 3 months, sometimes with them coming here (it's quite nice for all the other family kids to have a couple of days at the beach and for the adults to have access to easy fresh seafood, after all)

So in short, my experience was that it was fine, and it was nice to have the support, particularly all the help and support around the time of the birth and the first 3 months. They didn't attempt to 'raise' my son and respected my opinions (ie they all - even the mother in law, must wear seatbelts in my car, my son always is in the child seat, he does not go on motorbikes, etc). Yeah they think I am overbearing I am sure, but I don't mind them thinking that, prefer that to being considered irrelevant.

If your wife would prefer to be near family during the late stages of pregnancy, for birth and for the first few months, she'll be a lot happier if you agree - perhaps make sure you are on the same page regarding moving after a year or so, and make sure this is relayed to grandparents and that they are prepared for it.

[pistachios]

Earn huge money working in a hospital? As an experienced doctor in a private international hospital, maybe... otherwise salaries are crap in most of them and there is a very high competition to land one of the jobs offered.

[Thongkorn]

whats a baby in her belly, Horses have belly's, people get pregnant and have babys. You should learn about Thai culture, they are very family orientated.

[EyesWideOpen]

Move as far away as possible, and raise the child YOUR way. Otherwise you will be dealing

with a dominant grandmother that your wife must listen to. Also being far away frees you from

the silly superstitions in the village. I live 10 hours away from my wife's family which is perfect.

My wife takes our daughter back to the village a couple times a year. The times I have visited

there, I am always amazed by the village kids with rotted out teeth. Apparently in the village

they think candy and cola is great for a child, and readily hand it out to be " kind" to the child.....

[benalibina]

All depends on what u want for ur child, how to raise him/her.

U refer that u like beaches so i can assume that u have been/are a sort of longterm tourist. For me, when my children were born and grew up i started to look differently towards thai society. Especially the interference at the kindergarten schools and familymembers trying to raise/teach kids on their way, made me cringe sometimes.

U state that ur wife/gf works at a hospital so she has more than 6 years of education. Also u state that u cannot communicate with her inlaws. I suggest that u start to learn the thai language asap to gain more knowledge about her familys way of thinking.

As another poster stated....u start as u means to go on. This is esp true related to having kids. Bear in mind for most thais there is only 1 way......The thai way ! With ur child.....it should be foremost ....ur way.....whilst benefiting in balance the good sides of the thai familyculture.

Remember.....u decide....if u want to move play it smart with ur wife....i u want to stay....bear the possible negative consequences after many years.

Good luck.

[Puyai]

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We live 1km from the Gf's parents and they rarely show up here, say 5x/year.

Daughter is 3 now and she just refused a minute ago to go and visit her grandmother (grandfather passed away last November) as she mostly does, she visits the family once a week.

Thus it will mostly depends how you agree on this with your wife, but note we don't work.

A 3 year old that already rules the roost by the looks of it!

[ding]

I talk stuff over with my Thai wife. She's very reasonable. Let her know what you feel would make you happy - is my suggestion. There may be a formal agreement - like live in the village for the first 8 months and plan a relocation. I dunno, it may be easier, given your situation which I don't fully know, to head straight for your new life at the beach.

For me, I raised my own child. I did even as a single dad for years - and am glad I did. Best thing ever.

Chok dii!

[eezergood]

I would move away ASAP - they will harp on at you to respect Thai culture & tradition whilst totally ignoring yours. The little one will be enldessly subjected to a parade of, well wishing, yet noisy and intrusive neighbours..... you will not be best pleased. I truly believe the first year is the time you 3 should spend together. NOt you 3 + the village.

[Showbags]

Move...raise the child yourselves....get a nanny/maid to do all the dirty work and that frees you up to enjoy all the more good stuff....