Friendship / Romance / What The.....

[f1sh]

Did you already read the book;

"Private dancer" from Steven Leather

http://www.stephenleather.com/unpub.html

free download (at least a part of it)

[Jai Yen Yen]

Did you already read the book;

"Private dancer" from Steven Leather

http://www.stephenleather.com/unpub.html

free download (at least a part of it)

^^ And hopefully her name is not "Joy".

I'll do you a favour KC Phil - PM me her nick name and where she works and I'll check her out. Can't say fairer than that.

[Totster]

Did you already read the book;

"Private dancer" from Steven Leather

http://www.stephenleather.com/unpub.html

free download (at least a part of it)

^^ And hopefully her name is not "Joy".

I'll do you a favour KC Phil - PM me her nick name and where she works and I'll check her out. Can't say fairer than that.

Ahhh.... you're all heart... !

totster

[thaibebop]

Phil, you are a Show Me Stater, yes? Or maybe you are on the other side of the state line, if so I am sorry. Either, you know that the best way to find out anything is to find out yourself, to be shown the truth. I wouldn't listen to to many other people tell you what they think. People here will give you things to think about and they should be thought about, but in the end, it's up to you to decide what you want and her to show you what she wants. You need to give her that chance, for her sake as well as yours.

[mogoso]

One girl said "No problem", married now 9 years since then, her family tested me though and i told

them to get F###ed, thats about it. Oh and i get a lot of jealous/angry looks from lady farangs.

I love to see the looks on the farang women when my wife and I are out and about. The husbands just loook a bit goggled eye at my baby, but the women's looks are just priceless. My wife always has a good grip on me, holding on to me as though I'm some Adonis ( those years are past when ere I looked thataway)

But theres something to be said to have a great looking lady 25 years younger than you putting out a massive amout of PDA on you, brings to mind "if looks could kill", but not quite that far. They seem more than a bit taken back/ or put out by our presence. I love it

[barryofthailand]

I live in Thailand. Thai girls take courting and dating very slowly. If she did not truly like you, you would not hear from her again. If you truly like her and want to get to know her much better then tell her so. When you come to Thailand this time meet her family. Bring some pictures of your family. Thais are very family oriantated. If your friendship blosums into a romantic relationship, and the both of you are thinking of marriage, you don't have to move to thailand. You can apply for a fiance visa and bring her to America. You would then have to marry in America 90 days after she enters the country. The both of you can take trips back to Thailand to visit her family.

Barry

what terrible advice. don't go anywhere near her family. if you go to see a thai girl's family then they will EXPECT you to be getting married. you don't just pop around for tea and biscuits in thailand.

keep the relationship just to you and the girl and then if anything goes wrong her family won't know and she won't lose face and be viewed as 'used goods' by everyone else.

Obviously leftcross you have no idea of Thai culture. Read some books on Thai culture.

Barry

[Ulysses G.]

I'll do you a favour KC Phil - PM me her nick name and where she works and I'll check her out. Can't say fairer than that.

I'm willing to check her out as well.

[leftcross]

Obviously leftcross you have no idea of Thai culture. Read some books on Thai culture.

Barry

thanks for the advice. maybe i could ask my thai wife and her family, my thai boss or all of my thai friends and neighbours about thai culture?

meeting a girl's family is a big no-no for a respectable thai girl. thai girls don't have casual boyfriends (that their family knows about anyway). if you go to the family's house then you need to have serious intentions.

i didn't meet my girlfriend's family for eight months and when i did the talk was about marriage, which is what i understood and expected would happen.

it might be different if you are going to see the family of a bar girl, who has no reputation to protect, but you should tread very carefully for a normal girl. a westerner can walk away without any problem but the girl cannot. westerners need to be aware of that cultural difference.

[kc_phil]

Phil, you are a Show Me Stater, yes? Or maybe you are on the other side of the state line, if so I am sorry. Either, you know that the best way to find out anything is to find out yourself, to be shown the truth. I wouldn't listen to to many other people tell you what they think. People here will give you things to think about and they should be thought about, but in the end, it's up to you to decide what you want and her to show you what she wants. You need to give her that chance, for her sake as well as yours.

I am a Missouri guy. Kansas gives me the a case of the creeps every time i go there.

I appreciate the great input i have gotten from people. I really wanted to know what type of ground i was standing on with this girl.

I thought it was really strange when she brought her mom into the picture because i know about the "reputation/face saving' stuff in relationships and respectable families...

truth be told i am chomping at the bit to get back to thailand. I am waiting for either a job offer or a contract on my house and then i leave the midwest in my rearview mirror...waiting sucks. It will be interesting to see how this whole thing plays out.

and in other news, i ate in a Thai restaurant in LA tonight that had Khao Kaa Moo on the menu. I wanted to do back flips down Hollywood Blvd!

[moonoi]

Obviously leftcross you have no idea of Thai culture. Read some books on Thai culture.

Barry

thanks for the advice. maybe i could ask my thai wife and her family, my thai boss or all of my thai friends and neighbours about thai culture?

meeting a girl's family is a big no-no for a respectable thai girl. thai girls don't have casual boyfriends (that their family knows about anyway). if you go to the family's house then you need to have serious intentions.

i didn't meet my girlfriend's family for eight months and when i did the talk was about marriage, which is what i understood and expected would happen.

it might be different if you are going to see the family of a bar girl, who has no reputation to protect, but you should tread very carefully for a normal girl. a westerner can walk away without any problem but the girl cannot. westerners need to be aware of that cultural difference.

I'm sorry leftcross but I have to agree with Barry, perhaps your circumstances are unique

My gf is not a a bg (doesn't even like bars or alcohol infact), shes well educated (degree) and has a very well paying job in the software industry, I met her family after about 4 months and it was just that...to meet the family not discuss marriage....her words at the time in fact were "they have to get to know you before they will accept you"

1 year in and I'm like part of the family now, but still no discussion of marriage. I get the impression that its still too soon for her parents to entertain the idea. She has to at least get a masters degree first and I have to prove to them that I can look after there daughter first.......

seems to me that things here move at a way slower pace than Europe

or maybe I found a unique girl

[thaibebop]

Phil, you are a Show Me Stater, yes? Or maybe you are on the other side of the state line, if so I am sorry. Either, you know that the best way to find out anything is to find out yourself, to be shown the truth. I wouldn't listen to to many other people tell you what they think. People here will give you things to think about and they should be thought about, but in the end, it's up to you to decide what you want and her to show you what she wants. You need to give her that chance, for her sake as well as yours.

I am a Missouri guy. Kansas gives me the a case of the creeps every time i go there. Tell me about it, I live there! I am a Missouri man but because of Karmic debt (I guess) I am stuck in Kansas. One day though, one day...

I appreciate the great input i have gotten from people. I really wanted to know what type of ground i was standing on with this girl.

I thought it was really strange when she brought her mom into the picture because i know about the "reputation/face saving' stuff in relationships and respectable families...

truth be told i am chomping at the bit to get back to thailand. I am waiting for either a job offer or a contract on my house and then i leave the midwest in my rearview mirror...waiting sucks. It will be interesting to see how this whole thing plays out.

and in other news, i ate in a Thai restaurant in LA tonight that had Khao Kaa Moo on the menu. I wanted to do back flips down Hollywood Blvd!

It sounds to me that this is a good lady and I would trust what you are feeling above all. If you are wrong, that's life, roll with it.

[britmaveric]

I'll do you a favour KC Phil - PM me her nick name and where she works and I'll check her out. Can't say fairer than that.

I'm willing to check her out as well.

PM her name/hotel she works - I could use a good massage.

[leftcross]

I'm sorry leftcross but I have to agree with Barry, perhaps your circumstances are unique

My gf is not a a bg (doesn't even like bars or alcohol infact), shes well educated (degree) and has a very well paying job in the software industry, I met her family after about 4 months and it was just that...to meet the family not discuss marriage....her words at the time in fact were "they have to get to know you before they will accept you"

1 year in and I'm like part of the family now, but still no discussion of marriage. I get the impression that its still too soon for her parents to entertain the idea. She has to at least get a masters degree first and I have to prove to them that I can look after there daughter first.......

seems to me that things here move at a way slower pace than Europe

or maybe I found a unique girl

my circumstances aren't unique as many of my friends had the same situation.

my wife is degree educated too, her dad is a special forces instructor and mum a teacher. most of the rest of the family are soldiers or police.

my girlfriend, as she was then, had never had a boyfriend before because the family wouldnt allow

it. i met her through my job in thailand.

meeting the family was off-limits until she graduated from uni (a year after she finished the course). she told her mum about me but nobody else.

when i eventually met them, after eight months, me and GF flew up to her home in chiang mai for five hours just to meet and talk at a restuarant near the airport. it didn't help my nerves much that her dad was strapped with an automatic pistol!

it was quite funny really as i had to take all my qualifications and documents from the UK as well as photos of my my family back home. it was like an interview.

i was very lucky that i got on with her dad very well, he's a top bloke.

i told them i would love her and take care of her forever and they accepted that and we were married a few months later.

however, i also have friends who have been dragged to some isaan village and paraded around like a monkey as soon as they hook up.

i guess it is about social levels.

i agree that things move at a much slower pace than in Europe, which i like too. it forced me to 'court' her, which i hadn't had to do since i was about 13!!!!!

[jayenram]

However, I also have friends who have been dragged to some Isaan village and paraded around like a monkey as soon as they hook up.

I guess it is about social levels.

Could I ask why you specifically mention Isaan?

[barryofthailand]

Obviously leftcross you have no idea of Thai culture. Read some books on Thai culture.

Barry

thanks for the advice. maybe i could ask my thai wife and her family, my thai boss or all of my thai friends and neighbours about thai culture?

meeting a girl's family is a big no-no for a respectable thai girl. thai girls don't have casual boyfriends (that their family knows about anyway). if you go to the family's house then you need to have serious intentions.

i didn't meet my girlfriend's family for eight months and when i did the talk was about marriage, which is what i understood and expected would happen.

it might be different if you are going to see the family of a bar girl, who has no reputation to protect, but you should tread very carefully for a normal girl. a westerner can walk away without any problem but the girl cannot. westerners need to be aware of that cultural difference.

I'm sorry leftcross but I have to agree with Barry, perhaps your circumstances are unique

My gf is not a a bg (doesn't even like bars or alcohol infact), shes well educated (degree) and has a very well paying job in the software industry, I met her family after about 4 months and it was just that...to meet the family not discuss marriage....her words at the time in fact were "they have to get to know you before they will accept you"

1 year in and I'm like part of the family now, but still no discussion of marriage. I get the impression that its still too soon for her parents to entertain the idea. She has to at least get a masters degree first and I have to prove to them that I can look after there daughter first.......

seems to me that things here move at a way slower pace than Europe

or maybe I found a unique girl

That's exactly my point Moonoi. Romance does move slowly in Thailand, as a matter of fact all over Asia. Thank you for your Thai experiences, and good luck with your girl friend.

Barry

[kc_phil]

Romance does move slowly in Thailand, as a matter of fact all over Asia.

Is that why all the brothels started? The question may be in poor taste but i had to ask....

[leftcross]

Could I ask why you specifically mention Isaan?

because that is where it normally happens! you know, poor uneducated farm girl meets (comparativly) wealthy educated westerner. he is a massive 'catch', whereas in more affluent parts of the country a westerner is not considered so.

[Totster]

Could I ask why you specifically mention Isaan?

because that is where it normally happens! you know, poor uneducated farm girl meets (comparativly) wealthy educated westerner. he is a massive 'catch', whereas in more affluent parts of the country a westerner is not considered so.

Hmmm... generalisation..

There's plenty of uneducated girls in all parts of Thailand, including the area your wife comes from. There is no need to specifically mention Isaan as it is not the only place this kind of thing happens. Social Levels apply to the whole of Thailand and not just one stereotyped area (normally stereotyped by snobbish others)

totster

[toptuan]

Romance does move slowly in Thailand, as a matter of fact all over Asia.

Is that why all the brothels started? The question may be in poor taste but i had to ask....

He said ROMANCE.

Not wild, unbridled, knock-em-up lust.

There IS a difference, I suspect.

[leftcross]

Hmmm... generalisation..

There's plenty of uneducated girls in all parts of Thailand, including the area your wife comes from. There is no need to specifically mention Isaan as it is not the only place this kind of thing happens. Social Levels apply to the whole of Thailand and not just one stereotyped area (normally stereotyped by snobbish others)

totster

yes it is a generalisation and there are exceptions to the rule. but isaan is the poorest area of thailand and isaan people make up the vast majority of unskilled workers in thailand.

that, rightly or wrongly, is pretty much undisputable.

[Totster]

but isaan is the poorest area of thailand and isaan people make up the vast majority of unskilled workers in thailand.

that, rightly or wrongly, is pretty much undisputable.

I don't recall disputing that...

totster

[Heng]

Whoever mentioned that you generally don't meet the parents until the relationship is fairly serious is correct. Naturally, one's results may vary because for some folks (both local and foreign), the local gal or guy in question might be "serious" about you right off the bat. For most normal (again, a generalization but let's say normal in this case means the majority of Thai-Thai relationships where people get to know each other through work or study) relationships though, you date for awhile, often years and THEN finally visit the family home for the first time. (in other words, there often isn't the "have my child home before midnight" on prom night scene, like you have in say the US...)

[Dakhar]

I am thinking this girl is ligit. For one, look at her actions.... She is reacting like a typical puppy love Asian girl.

What I mean is, if you carry an Asian girl's books home from school, that means you are her true love. This type of girl will show her man true loyalty until death.

If she was not a typical girl, she would have known your actions do not mean much in western cultures, and I don't believe she would have responded in the manner she did.

But that is just my gues.

And yes, Left Cross and Heng are correct.

I once knew a Vietnamese girl that was 21 years old, and she recieved a beating because a guy showed up to her house without being invited first. (Nope not me) Meeting the folks is a big deal, and a ritual in some respects. Take it easy take it slow and good luck to you.

[a2396]

Give her my litmus test, tell her:

1) ###### i lost all my $$$$ (make up some sob story)

2) I am kicked out of America, that darn Bush kicked me out, can never go back (or take you back)

3) I need you take care of me, can i stay with you etc til i find work

4) It might be a longtime til i find work, i might make 20,000 bt a month if i am lucky

Basically thats what i did, this story sent the gold diggers and greencard dreamers heading

to the hills. I stongly sugest you do this, especially since its a massuese from Phuket.

One girl said "No problem", married now 9 years since then, her family tested me though and i told

them to get F###ed, thats about it. Oh and i get a lot of jealous/angry looks from lady farangs.

I agree with you. Proceed with caution and downplay any ideas about goldmine Farangs. I think it is often difficult to determine what these various ladies intentions really are. Communication is often clouded with vague "Thaispeak". This is sometimes clarified when you start putting more money on the table, but I don't think you want a relationship with its primary foundation as money.

I think there is a double standard here with regard to sex with Thai ladies. They seem to have no problem having sex with Thai men, who have multiple and simultaneous girlfriends, but when a Farang enters the picture, the woman expects he should have serious intent toward marriage. As soon as I smell this, they are history. But, it is often very difficult to determine the facts regarding any other relationships the lady may have. Most of them are accomplished liars.

[a2396]

Whoever mentioned that you generally don't meet the parents until the relationship is fairly serious is correct. Naturally, one's results may vary because for some folks (both local and foreign), the local gal or guy in question might be "serious" about you right off the bat. For most normal (again, a generalization but let's say normal in this case means the majority of Thai-Thai relationships where people get to know each other through work or study) relationships though, you date for awhile, often years and THEN finally visit the family home for the first time. (in other words, there often isn't the "have my child home before midnight" on prom night scene, like you have in say the US...)

I think the lady the PO is referring to is not on the palace social registry. I think other "rules of the road" apply to his situation.

[a2396]

I'm sorry leftcross but I have to agree with Barry, perhaps your circumstances are unique

My gf is not a a bg (doesn't even like bars or alcohol infact), shes well educated (degree) and has a very well paying job in the software industry, I met her family after about 4 months and it was just that...to meet the family not discuss marriage....her words at the time in fact were "they have to get to know you before they will accept you"

1 year in and I'm like part of the family now, but still no discussion of marriage. I get the impression that its still too soon for her parents to entertain the idea. She has to at least get a masters degree first and I have to prove to them that I can look after there daughter first.......

seems to me that things here move at a way slower pace than Europe

or maybe I found a unique girl

my circumstances aren't unique as many of my friends had the same situation.

my wife is degree educated too, her dad is a special forces instructor and mum a teacher. most of the rest of the family are soldiers or police.

my girlfriend, as she was then, had never had a boyfriend before because the family wouldnt allow

it. i met her through my job in thailand.

meeting the family was off-limits until she graduated from uni (a year after she finished the course). she told her mum about me but nobody else.

when i eventually met them, after eight months, me and GF flew up to her home in chiang mai for five hours just to meet and talk at a restuarant near the airport. it didn't help my nerves much that her dad was strapped with an automatic pistol!

it was quite funny really as i had to take all my qualifications and documents from the UK as well as photos of my my family back home. it was like an interview.

i was very lucky that i got on with her dad very well, he's a top bloke.

i told them i would love her and take care of her forever and they accepted that and we were married a few months later.

however, i also have friends who have been dragged to some isaan village and paraded around like a monkey as soon as they hook up.

i guess it is about social levels.

i agree that things move at a much slower pace than in Europe, which i like too. it forced me to 'court' her, which i hadn't had to do since i was about 13!!!!!

Who is the monkey in this story? Sounds like you are dancing to thier music. How much is the dowery?

[Heng]

Whoever mentioned that you generally don't meet the parents until the relationship is fairly serious is correct. Naturally, one's results may vary because for some folks (both local and foreign), the local gal or guy in question might be "serious" about you right off the bat. For most normal (again, a generalization but let's say normal in this case means the majority of Thai-Thai relationships where people get to know each other through work or study) relationships though, you date for awhile, often years and THEN finally visit the family home for the first time. (in other words, there often isn't the "have my child home before midnight" on prom night scene, like you have in say the US...)

I think the lady the PO is referring to is not on the palace social registry. I think other "rules of the road" apply to his situation.

Of course, I was merely offering another point of view, as some posts go the way of "it's always like this.... the locals don't do that..." without any other moom mong.