Living With The Family--HELP!--Get Me OUT OF HERE!

[anon11]

Tough call for you to make all I can say LOOK AFTER YOURSELF

[oneday]

You know the answer is divorce and it does not take, but one person to start it. If you didn't get married in the US and you don't have kids (don't remember if you mentioned any) then I'd pack up and just leave if she does not agree to a divorce. You are absolutely right, you are wasting your life and don't put anymore money into the house.

Adios all you'all moth.r...<deleted>..k..rs!

[rotary]

A good lesson in staying away from family I would say. watch out if you finish a new house they will move in there with you. Why does it take a year to build a house. We built a small 85 sq meter house in about 3 or 4 months.

Good luck, you will need it

[dao16]

Well, this seems like a hardcore case of the family blues. One thing that has never been answered (at least from what I remember reading here) is why they hate you. Why does the sister dislike you? Why does the brother hate you? Are they just bad people? Have you done something that doesn't work culturally or have you done something wrong? It just seems like that should be addressed.

Just go to the nearest town and rent place. You can get rooms for 2-6kill, a month, so it is not that difficult to find another place until your house is built. Still, I don't see how the new home will make much of a difference if you don't address the underlying problems. Good luck.

[stickylies]

and once again, i wonder, why do western men marry a thai woman ?

farang mai kaowjai... loei!

[gtm2k]

Razer64,

i feel your biggest problem is that you are living In / around / same vicinity as your in-laws / extended family.

Get away from them with your wife ( out of sight - eventually out of mind ! )

You did a wise thing by shutting down the CASH supply, and that has altered the micro economics of the affection they had for you, although i would still say this is only a secondary issue.

If you are living with ur wife's extended family (or even within line of sight) , anyone elder will attempt to exercise their right over you (yes, in a feudal manner where you will be expected to only return / reciprocate family obligations). As long as you were sending cash, you were reciprocating, since that stopped - now you are completely giving a sh*t about them , which equals disrespect for them !

The best thing to do - take you missus and return the states if you can ! Unless you really want to enjoy your time in LOS, just get away from the current location to somewhere you cannot be found and you are the captain of your own boat !

Wish you luck !
gtm2k

[HerbalEd]

In spite of what you've convinced yourself of, you sound the opposite of "indifferent" towards your wife's family. In fact, you sound quite hostile.

Also, it takes two to tango. I don't know any details and only hear your side here, but, you and they being human, I'm sure you are as much of the problem ... more or less ... as they are.

Best solution? Get out of there and move into temporary quarters until your new home is finished. No matter how much trouble or cost, or how much your wife objects, just do it. There's no price for peace of mind.

[user82374298374]

But it's not like she's not willing to negotiate. It's not like we're low-life animals and can't work things out.

Actually, that's exactly what it sounds like, at least as far as your 'wife' and her family are concerned.

Assuming you aren't a troll, what's wrong with you?

Walk away.

You can always make more money. You can't make more time.

I'd rather dig ditches than live as you've described. Where's your sense of self-respect?

Also, in your original post, you said, "My wife tells me that her primary concerns in life are as follows, in this particular order: her son first, her family second, our business third, and I am last in line. And that’s that. It’s not negotiable."

Welcome to Asia.

You should've done your homework before you got caught up in the Asian family dynamic. You didn't, so now you're in an intolerable situation.

So, stop tolerating it. Get out, and start again - somewhere else, either alone or with someone else who isn't tied into Asian family dynamics.

[djvolak]

I need to find a different place to live while our house is being built

Sorry to sound crass but I fail to see what is stopping you? I'm afraid I couldn't read through all that. Far too early, and I've not had my tea yet.

I think you need to "man up" and get tough with your wife, be Tarzan, pick her up, tuck her under your arm, carry her out of the house, bung her in a cab to the nearest train/bus station and get out of there....You can rent a pleasant place for 20K THB almost anywhere.

When her sister visits you at your new home, be sure to treat her as she did you.

That will never happen. Wife will never leave Sister. That is out of the question. Besides, I'm just not built that way. People will do what they will do. There is no point in forcing anyone. All that will ever do is backfire on the one doing the force. Never fails.

You do make a great point however. Every now and again, I get sick and tired of it and pack a bag and walk on out of here. Wife always comes looking for me. I think that is sub-conscious on my part. I want to see if she really cares enough to want to come find out where the bloody hell I'm at and try and work things out. She always does. Then, she always sweet talks me back into this hell.

But one of these days, and it won't be long, I am going to pack my bags and head out where she simply will not be able to locate me. I can so not be found if I want to. But the other problem with leaving is the money. Most of what we have is tied up in the new house and other things. If I leave, I can kiss all of that goodbye and say hello to starting over.

Thanks for raising your point. It made me think.

You kissed all that goodbye when you signed the contract to build. You did know that when you started building right. I mean her name on the land, her name on the house, probably her name on the car or truck. That is how mine is and I knew going into buying each of the house we have here that if we split she gets everything and I get nothing. 3rd house we bought the guy at the government office pulled me aside and told me, you know you can not put name on house? I thought it interesting that he would pull me away from my wife to ask. Good guy. I told him that everything I did here in Thailand was to set things up so my wife and her son from another marrige would not have to worry about paying the bills if something happened to me. They would also not have to worry about my family trying to take stuff from her that I had basically bought for her. I am from the US too but like it here. My wife's family seems to care a great deal about me and they all are comfortable so they do not need me spending money on them. A loan sometimes but always paid back in good order. If my life was as bad as yours sounds now I would have already been gone and not gave 2 shts about the money spent as it was gone already. You have Viet Nam right next door and the phils a short flight away. Cambodia, China, Lots of choices in places to live cheap. Sounds like you need a younger model that would appreciate you taking care of her. Just don't fall into the same game on the next round. Hard to make that step but you sound like your getting close. Go get on a plane and visit the phils or cambo for a month. Do not tell her where you are going just go play for a month. Different girl every night. Or every other night at least. Should set your mind right. Then come back after the month Vacation and act like nothing has changed or get the rest of your stuff that you can take and get on with the living YOUR LIFE. Why live hers and her family's. Just a thought.

[martijn12345]

Pretty sad story. I feel for you man. I agree 13 years is not something to piss down the drain. And if your lady simply wanted to rip you off, you would have know before or right after you cut off the money. So I believe you that you have something going on that has (had) a lot of good in it. So I'll try to give my best and honest advise without any trolls, you went through a lot posting it all.

Life is never stable, everything is constantly changing and I think your life, relationship and living situation are clear examples of that. I can see the trouble you have with your wife with regards to her family. You gotta appreciate her honesty in the way she sums up what's important to her and in which order.Personally for me... I do not want to be with somebody who names me as 4th most important thing in her life. Anybody naming their selves, sure, your kid, straight. But after that, it should be me, and that will work both ways. But it's something you have probably known and accepted a long time already. So if this is just about the family and not really about you and your wife, try to find a way to deal with the next year. A place around there. I wouldn't worry about my your ladies face. Just explain her you love her a lot, and that is why you will take a step back now, you don't wanna cause a problem between her and her family, you don't want to put her in a spot where she has to chose. She's more than welcome to come and stay with you, but if she chooses to stay with the family, that's okay too, it's her priority over you and perhaps the business situation. Just make sure she understands you living by yourself does not mean you don't love her, but actually the opposite, you do it so this train is not gonna wreck completely in the next year and cause repairable damage.

Good luck

[laobali]

Money doesn't appear to be the major problem here, it's the people around you. Tell your wife you will only remain in Thailand if you can immediately move into in a place of your own - with or without her. Then rent something some distance away from the rest of them and move in. Make it a non-negotiable ultimatum.

[larsjohnsson]

Agree with onni4me:

Are you a masochist? If not why would you stay and live your life like this. About everyone hates you. And you hate them.

[uffe123]

Welcome to thailand, you have just been scammed.

[ggt]

Why in the hell...do you subject yourself to this dysfunctional family...all the hate...the drama...?

Do you still have any balls...pack your balls in a pair of jeans...take a suitcase...and never look back...

Why on earth...would anyone in their right mind...live in that environment...?

[thepool]

There is an old tale which goes along the lines of "making a bed and lying in it" !

What to make life better ?

Get out of the bed

[kimbathewhitelion]

Hilarious...the modern version of "The Waltons". If anything, I'm convinced not to move to the sticks to my wife's family home.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[Water Buffalo]

This should serve as a warning to any guy who's GF's family seem to be too interested in your cash. When the money runs out so does the "love". If you think the family seems to be a bit this way then you probably should consider whether it is wise to continue.

I think any guy should a few years getting to know the family before marrying the girl.

[ginglee]

If a woman told me I was 4th in line behind the business, I hope I would have the courage and self respect to walk away. The familly hate you becauuse you've stopped the money, your wife is being civil towards you because you haven't finished the house, and no doubt she has a good life style- thanks to you. Plenty of cute ones out there, I can't see any reason for you to stay with this one...

[DLP]

If you are not happy with the situation you are in, then i would say cut your losses and run.

Your wife puts you at number 4 on her list and the whole family seems to be against you for some reason.

Write a book about this and make some money out of the situation you are in.

[ozyjon]

You are just like many of the falangs that come here,,great while the money river is flowing but what happens when the money stops,, it's all about the money.

[kimbathewhitelion]

This should serve as a warning to any guy who's GF's family seem to be too interested in your cash. When the money runs out so does the "love". If you think the family seems to be a bit this way then you probably should consider whether it is wise to continue.

I think any guy should a few years getting to know the family before marrying the girl.

Then what would be the point of marrying the girl when you can marry her mom.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[eezergood]

Stop the house being built, assure the rest of the family you are going no where.

Invite a coach load of farang over every weekend for a party - see how long before your wife is hurrying you up to finish the new face making house!

[Water Buffalo]

This should serve as a warning to any guy who's GF's family seem to be too interested in your cash. When the money runs out so does the "love". If you think the family seems to be a bit this way then you probably should consider whether it is wise to continue.

I think any guy should a few years getting to know the family before marrying the girl.

Then what would be the point of marrying the girl when you can marry her mom.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Why would you want to marry her mum?

[sead]

Without you the son would not have what he have. Her family would not get from your wife if she didnt get it from you. And the business i also think comes from your pocket. I cant help you out. Only you can and i hope you didnt pay to much for the house. Theres a reason sister smiles sarcastic because she knows more than you what is coming to you.

[Slinky1958]

In the same boat am I allowed to give you my tel number got kots of advise from a lawyers

[kimbathewhitelion]

This should serve as a warning to any guy who's GF's family seem to be too interested in your cash. When the money runs out so does the "love". If you think the family seems to be a bit this way then you probably should consider whether it is wise to continue.

I think any guy should a few years getting to know the family before marrying the girl.

Then what would be the point of marrying the girl when you can marry her mom.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Why would you want to marry her mum?

Well if I spent more time getting to know the family rather than the girl, I'd take the family & the mom would be the closet thing to becoming part of it, after all not everyone prefers the younger women.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[jimmym40]

I need to find a different place to live while our house is being built

Sorry to sound crass but I fail to see what is stopping you? I'm afraid I couldn't read through all that. Far too early, and I've not had my tea yet.

I think you need to "man up" and get tough with your wife, be Tarzan, pick her up, tuck her under your arm, carry her out of the house, bung her in a cab to the nearest train/bus station and get out of there....You can rent a pleasant place for 20K THB almost anywhere.

When her sister visits you at your new home, be sure to treat her as she did you.

That will never happen. Wife will never leave Sister. That is out of the question. Besides, I'm just not built that way. People will do what they will do. There is no point in forcing anyone. All that will ever do is backfire on the one doing the force. Never fails.

You do make a great point however. Every now and again, I get sick and tired of it and pack a bag and walk on out of here. Wife always comes looking for me. I think that is sub-conscious on my part. I want to see if she really cares enough to want to come find out where the bloody hell I'm at and try and work things out. She always does. Then, she always sweet talks me back into this hell.

But one of these days, and it won't be long, I am going to pack my bags and head out where she simply will not be able to locate me. I can so not be found if I want to. But the other problem with leaving is the money. Most of what we have is tied up in the new house and other things. If I leave, I can kiss all of that goodbye and say hello to starting over.

Thanks for raising your point. It made me think.

Be careful. After the new house is built and finished, you may be booted out. That's what this all sounds like to me.

[Noi657]

Get out now! While your still sane!

[benalibina]

If OP is truthfull with his story....better be careful not to make his wife pregnant......

[Water Buffalo]

This should serve as a warning to any guy who's GF's family seem to be too interested in your cash. When the money runs out so does the "love". If you think the family seems to be a bit this way then you probably should consider whether it is wise to continue.

I think any guy should a few years getting to know the family before marrying the girl.

Then what would be the point of marrying the girl when you can marry her mom.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Why would you want to marry her mum?

Well if I spent more time getting to know the family rather than the girl, I'd take the family & the mom would be the closet thing to becoming part of it, after all not everyone prefers the younger women.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Well, each to their own.