Living With The Family--HELP!--Get Me OUT OF HERE!

[larsjohnsson]

Stop the house being built, assure the rest of the family you are going no where.

Invite a coach load of farang over every weekend for a party - see how long before your wife is hurrying you up to finish the new face making house!

And you belive he can get a coach load of Farangs to stay in that house every weekend

[bigbamboo]

You should be an author,I'd buy your books.

Little House on the Thai Prairie.

[larsjohnsson]

Oh you silly boy, fell into the Farang Trap. YOU HAD A HOUSE BUILT FOR HER, she rich lady now, got caught hook line and sinker, goodbye farang it was nice knowing you ha ha !! why the hell do all you guys want to BUY - BUILD them houses, it is beyond me, whats is wrong with renting,?? you can run away quicker. i have just looked at a NEW HOUSE UNFURNISHED in Chiang Mai for 7,000 baht, a month rental. spend your bloody money on enjoying yourself this aint no "dress rehearsal" this is the "real deal" when your dead your dead, no-one has come back yet to say how good it is

Perhaps some guys want something for their children.

Then do it when you have children. And not before you even know if you will have any children with the girl

[HeavyDrinker]

Seems like you're coming to the conclusion albeit long windedly; ergo that if it boils down to "you or her family", her family will win every time, so far this marriage you put so much stock in isn't worth a bean in the eyes of your wife so there's your answer staring you right in the face.

[sz1a]

Just like in nature, action trumps inaction. I guarantee you your situation won't change. Your long op is a testament to years of misery. Whether your wife is hot is irrelevant unless you value the attention she gets. The looks wear off quickly enough, revealing what could be a bad personality. It sounds like you are longing for a normal relationship where life isn't a constant culture shock.

Prescription: leave for a "business" trip. In reality, spend 2 weeks meeting friends/relaxing alone and finding yourself again. After 2 weeks you will hopefully build enough confidence to deal with the situation at home.

[GunterChiangMai]

I changed my mind. Could I ask for 40 bucks?

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[DLP]

blah blah blah blah.....why are you a write for soap operas in thailand.....or better yet....why not just take your own life and put a stop to the money train.

The family loves you as much as any walking wallet.....hope you figured it out by now....your wife included.

I am always completely stupefied by foreigners who think they can find money by throwing around money....

I've never been involved in a soap opera before. I've always kept to myself. This is my first one. Which is, no doubt, the reason for my shock and surprise. I can't believe this crap is happening. And when someone says, "I can't believe it", when those words come out of your mouth, it means only one thing: I wish this were not true. So true. I wish none of this were true. I wish I could just grab up Wife and tuck her under my arm and walk the hell out of here. They can have it all. I don't care. But that is much easier said than done.

Talking about the situation on the forum in words is very therapeutic for me, and much more productive than picking Sister up over my head and heaving her into the lagoon and walking out of here. I am surprised at and do sympathize with other men who have been in similar situations. Some of them have had it much worse and much tougher than I. My heart goes out to you all, and I hope things work out for you.

Most of my problems here are emotional, not financial. I am hurt and confused (though having made a huge effort over the past several days to understand all of this and get through it is, to my credit, the gutsiest thing I could possibly do right now). Walking out of here will be easy. Walking away and doing nothing is for losers. I will win this. I'm not going anywhere until I do. I've always lived a fast, adventurous lifestyle. I am introverted and keep away from other people. I always do my own thing, independent of others. And so when I must deal with others, I'm afraid I am a bit inept. Sometimes, for me anyway, running into a person is like running into a wall. Thanks in part, to this forum, and all the cool comments, yes, even the nasty ones, I am learning. I am growing.

I am better than they are. I am Apache by nature. I know how to hide and wait, to keep still, to keep looking out at them while they cannot see me at all. I am incredibly patient. I will wear them all out with my indifference. They will exhaust themselves physically and emotionally trying to figure out what I am all about. I can live off of apples and tepid tea until the cows come home. They think they are brilliant strategists with their straight faces and their lauhging, insidious comments toward me. But it is I who knows that it is the straight face that reveals much more than any other. They've all been read like a book. They've all been written into my book. I own them. The way of the monkey is to play the fool. While you laugh at and fear his antics, he bites you from behind. Unmask his overblown ego, and you expose a coward, hiding as a monkey, or a boss, or a matriarch, or a sister.

But, at the same time, this is their property, their home. If Sister came to my hut in America for a visit, for example, and started in the way she does here, I would probably try to make her feel at home. I would even go as far as to make her feel like the boss. But she has failed to treat me with any respect, while I have done nothing to deserve this treatment. All I have ever done is be kind to her and help her and her family get where they wanted to go. She has rejected me at every turn since my arrival here. That will not go unnoticed. I have done nothing to deserve this treatment. Nor am I her victim.

I am last on my wife's list each day, true enough, but at the same time, she is a very busy person, with many other people making demands on her. I am a big boy and can take care of myself. I don't need much. She appreciates that. She appreciates that because she knows Sister and son and the rest of the family, are completely dependent on her person and her talents. Were it not for Wife's persistence and personality--the family would have no business together at all. She depends on me a lot for back-up. She needs someone on her side. Were it not for me, there would be no one on her side. I take care of a ton of her dirty work without complaint. I don't mind. That is my talent. I got two big, quick, powerful hands, and I'm not afraid to get them dirty or bloody. I get a kick out of the straight-faced, phony, soft-spoken, perfect "Thai gentlemen" who come here sniffing around after her, empty-handed of course, looking for a place to rest on their haunches and have an easy life while being carried on her back. She does not need another person riding her back. I am here to watch her back and see to it that does not happen. But family is family. Even if they are just a bunch of overgrown, spoiled little children. She will do for them. But that is her choice. She puts herself in that position. They only difference is that now I no longer willing to help her do for them. She is not torn between I and them. I would never put her in that position, like they would do to her in a heartbeat. I will just walk away, no hassles, no regrets, no debts.

Thus, I don't make any demands here. I ask for nothing. I want nothing. I don't care what they do here. I have no interest. That's another thing Sister can't stand about me. I do not envy her. I do not kiss her butt and ask for things, like her family and workers do. She would like for me to be a beggar with a begging bowl and bow down and ask for some crumbs. No. I pay my own way. I do as I please, independent of everyone. I do not need her. I am not indebted to her. She can't figure out how to get the advantage over me. She cannot figure out how to get the angle on me. She does not realize that there is no angle. I am not susceptible to her way of doing things. I will not fall victim to her. This she cannot stand. I have found that one of the ways of this country is corruption. This corruption is ingrained in the very psyche and into the social fabric of these people. It is, literally, their way of life. Same with the Chinese, for another example.

As far as money goes, it's not like I don't have my home and property in America, too. I do. All of it is in my name. All of it is free and clear. No debts, no obligations, except the bloody taxes, of course. Wife contributed much to that cause over the years. It's not like I am wandering around Thailand destitute and screwed over, like some of the comments here imply. But, like I said, so long as their money isn't my money, my money isn't their money either. Screw you, family. If we're all going to drink from the same well, everyone needs to ante-up. You talk the talk, but you don't walk the walk. You want me to do as you say, but not as you do. To hell with you. Screw that noise. Wife is smart and understands this. Overgrown, spoiled, childlike Sister does not. To her mind, she's the boss, and that's it, right or wrong, make or break it, win or lose, everybody needs to mind her. She's got another thing coming. She's out of her mind.

I don't throw money around. I invest it. I invested in Wife. I'm not bad with money, but it just so happens that she's a little better and more productive with it than I am. I don't have a problem with that. Nor do I understand why some of the Western men who think they have been taken in by these sly Thai female devils would want it any other way. Did your woman not take control of the finances and make something of them for all to share in? And what is wrong with that? Let her do what she does best. That's all she's asking. Yeah, sometimes they take a little more, sometimes a lot more than they should, but that goes with the territory. Oh, well.

My wife? Spoiled brat, yes, she is. But that is my fault as much as it is hers. I do enable her sometimes. Like some of the comments here have said, it takes two to tangle. I'm crazy, I'm adventurous, a businessman willing to take a calculated risk any day of the week -- I'm not stupid.

I have learned more about these people and this country in the short time I have been here than most people who come here will learn in ten years. And I've done it without even learning the language "fluently".

I don't go to bars. I don't "raise a Chang" to anything. I don't have my brain cells soaked in alcohol or get led around by my prick by bar girls. That's not an option for me. Sorry to disappoint all of you.

Well you have already written the book, just the movie to make now.

[Razer64]

A movie? A book? Good ideas.

I suppose I'd better stop writing then, since even people who seem to hate it are reading all the way through and loving it. I'm giving my whole story away before I've even made my first buck! This will not do!

[larsjohnsson]

I need to find a different place to live while our house is being built

Sorry to sound crass but I fail to see what is stopping you? I'm afraid I couldn't read through all that. Far too early, and I've not had my tea yet.

I think you need to "man up" and get tough with your wife, be Tarzan, pick her up, tuck her under your arm, carry her out of the house, bung her in a cab to the nearest train/bus station and get out of there....You can rent a pleasant place for 20K THB almost anywhere.

When her sister visits you at your new home, be sure to treat her as she did you.

20K THB!!!??? Whatthefudge. Why do i see these insane rents all the time on here - sub-10K is more than enough out in real Thailand. I pay 6,000 for a modern duplex 2-bed house with an air-con and gardens etc - come to economical Isaan ! :-)

Yes we can all see and hear about the "economical Isaan"

About 50% of the Isaan Farangs have to spend all their money on houses and land for their Isaan girl and her 20 relatives

[Greg Nixon]

Simple. Rent a property for $80 / month. If she wants your money she will have to come to you. Furnish it with the furniture you were going to buy for your new house. Perhaps that will rekindle the marriage. Just as women need to be bought and paid for but deny this to the end, men need to have women fall for their wiles be that money, lifestyle or their great masculine bodies. If she does not come to live with you forget her and move on.

Have you ever considered your masochistic tendencies. I have seen on the lawyer forum that you can get your property back even if it is in your wife's name. I would never bring a large sum of money to Thailand unless it was an excellent investment. Even then I would have to carefully consider that.

[cardinalblue]

You answered your own question..Living apart my be the only thing to save your relationship if it's worth saving? Only you can answer that...In the mean-time, you should welcome an opportunity to move to the States or elsewhere like NZ as a needed break from Thailand and the so-called family. But if I moved, might not come back...

I am sorry but so many western male - Thai female relationships are driven by money. This part about everyone loving everyone else is a little delusional or wishful thinking.. It was always about money and nothing else as you have discovered...

If you can afford to re-locate for a period of time, do it...

CB

Edited April 1, 2014 by metisdead
Bold font removed.

[BritManToo]

The best moment in a relationship is when you first meet a girl and have sex.

After that it's downhill all the way, with only the steepness of the hill changing.

Time to climb a new hill.

[Razer64]

You answered your own question..Living apart my be the only thing to save your relationship if it's worth saving? Only you can answer that...In the mean-time, you should welcome an opportunity to move to the States or elsewhere like NZ as a needed break from Thailand and the so-called family. But if I moved, might not come back...

I am sorry but so many western male - Thai female relationships are driven by money. This part about everyone loving everyone else is a little delusional or wishful thinking.. It was always about money and nothing else as you have discovered...

If you can afford to re-locate for a period of time, do it...

CB

New Zealand? Never been there. I am due for a trip and was planning another to Hong Kong this afternoon. I absolutely love Hong Kong! Never thought of going to New Zealand. What's it like? Have you ever been there? Do tell me more, please.

[Razer64]

The best moment in a relationship is when you first meet a girl and have sex.

After that it's downhill all the way, with only the steepness of the hill changing.

Time to climb a new hill.

I don't find this to be true at all. I have always found the sex gets better and better the more you do it with someone. Of course, it peaks at some point and it gets to be business as usual, but business as usual is good, too. Fantastically wonderful, matter of fact. I love business as usual.

I usually find first time sex with a woman I am attracted to a little awkward the first couple of times. And if the mutual attraction holds past the first couple of times, desire increases, and then we both have to look out! Cos' things are about to get really good!

You sound like a lot of men, who are led around by their sensitive little prongs, dying to spurt and empty their blue balls onto the first female thing who is willing.

I know what you're going through. Often, even now, at the tender age of 49, I still find myself sometimes having to ejaculate three times per day. That's just my nature. It's just the way I'm built. Everyone is different. Everyone's needs are not the same.

If Wife isn't available, I can go to another reliable partner. If no one is available, I can take care of it myself. No problems getting the juice out here, my friend. I will always find a way to get the job done, when nature calls.

"Climb a hill"? Sounds like a lot of nonsense to me. I climb ditches for a couple of hours per day when doing my workouts. Is that what you mean? I love the workouts my legs get from ditch climbing. I'd climb hills, but there aren't any around here where I live.

Women aren't for conquering. They're not goals I have to reach. They're not game. They're just people, like everyone else. And everyone is struggling to make his or her way through this world. I find it best to be kind and polite. I tell them the truth in plain words, though not nasty words however. If they find that offensive, that reveals something about them, not me. Any woman not mature enough to have an intelligible conversation with me about sex, when appropriate, is likely not a woman I want to talk to at all, for any reason. I don't need to climb up and over anyone, or lie to them to get into their pants. Waste my time. Those are all games bashful teenagers play.

I have never looked at it the way you do. I have always seen it as a mutual pleasure thing. I want it. She wants it. And if that is not the case, we don't have anything to talk about, really.

Prostitutes are great, too. But it is just as hard to find a good, solid, clean, drug-free, drama free, professional, reliable working girl who knows how to get the job done right and who can be there when you need her. Those lovers cost lots of money. I don't mind spending the money. But they are also few and far between.

Sex isn't as easy as climbing a hill. There is no comparison, matter of fact. Sex is too bloody important and too bloody wonderful to waste it playing silly games.

[BritManToo]

You sound like a lot of men, who are led around by their sensitive little prongs, dying to spurt and empty their blue balls onto the first female thing who is willing.

I am beyond wanting sex with anyone, not all that keen on female company at any time for any reason.

Old men chasing after sex is a little bit sad IMHO.

Cup of tea while sitting in the sun reading a book is about as exciting as it gets for me these days.

Sounds like you would be happier acting your age.

PS

Mutual pleasure!

No woman, of any age, wants sex with a 50 yo man for pleasure, she wants your money, that's what she wants.

Edited April 2, 2014 by BritManToo

[Razer64]

You sound like a lot of men, who are led around by their sensitive little prongs, dying to spurt and empty their blue balls onto the first female thing who is willing.

I am beyond wanting sex with anyone, not all that keen on female company at any time for any reason.

Old men chasing after sex is a little bit sad IMHO.

Cup of tea while sitting in the sun reading a book is about as exciting as it gets for me these days.

Sounds like you would be happier acting your age.

PS

Mutual pleasure!

No woman, of any age, wants sex with a 50 yo man for pleasure, she wants your money, that's what she wants.

And what's wrong with her wanting my money? Isn't getting money a pleasure? Isn't that what she wants? Isn't that what I want? Why can't everybody have what they want? What's the hangup, fella? I don't want her to care about me, I want her to screw me, and screw me well. It's there for the taking, what's the fuss you're making? I am not the least bit concerned about what she wants from me. When I walk into a store to buy goods, I have no concern about what the proprietor thinks of me or if they care about me or not. My concern is that she gives me what I want for my money. With women, that can indeed be a challenge.

"Cup of tea while sitting in the sun reading a book is about as exciting as it gets for me these days." Are you boasting or complaining?

If acting my age means growing a fat, soft belly, mushy limbs, brittle bones, and sitting around reading drivel, instead of writing, creating, moving, changing, growing, having the company of beautiful women, and doing whatever I darn well please -- you can rest assured that I want nothing to do with "acting my age" Whatever that is supposed to mean.

[Razer64]

You sound like a lot of men, who are led around by their sensitive little prongs, dying to spurt and empty their blue balls onto the first female thing who is willing.

I am beyond wanting sex with anyone, not all that keen on female company at any time for any reason.

Old men chasing after sex is a little bit sad IMHO.

Cup of tea while sitting in the sun reading a book is about as exciting as it gets for me these days.

Sounds like you would be happier acting your age.

PS

Mutual pleasure!

No woman, of any age, wants sex with a 50 yo man for pleasure, she wants your money, that's what she wants.

"I am beyond wanting sex with anyone, not all that keen on female company at any time for any reason." Sounds pretty pathetic to me. To each his own. Enjoy.

"Old men chasing after sex is a little bit sad IMHO." As I have demonstrated, "chasing after sex" is not necessary.

"Cup of tea while sitting in the sun reading a book is about as exciting as it gets for me these days." Is this a boast, or a complaint? If you wish for more, you can certainly get up off your tail and go get it. "Chase after it", if you will. There's nothing like a good chase. I remain certain you watch a lot of them on television and read them in your books. I've never been a good spectator. Thinking and action -- that's the life for me!

"Sounds like you would be happier acting your age." If sitting around, growing a fat, soft belly, brittle bones, ugly hairs, a bad attitude, and reading lots of drivel is "acting my age", then you can rest assured I want nothing to do with acting my age. Whatever that's supposed to mean.

Mutual pleasure indeed. I find it sad that you don't want the company of women for fear of them only wanting your money. Look who needs to start acting his age. Of course they only want your money. What else did you think they ever wanted? And what is wrong with them wanting your money? Since when is getting money not a pleasure? I laugh my head off at all these hot, good looking young men with no money trying to get "love" and attention from women who only want their money. I whip out a wad of baht, and the ladies pick ugly, old me every time. Youngster goes home with his prong in his hand.

Tell all the women you meet you have no money. See where that gets you. See what kind of "love" you end up with there. And do come back to this thread and tell us all about it.

You make fun of money, and imply it's not important. You make fun of women who love for money, and imply they're not important. You make a mockery of sex, and imply it's not important. You're unkind. You're very rude. You sound bitter and angry at the facts of life.

Sounds to me like you need to get off the books, get yourself cleaned up, get dressed, and go out and get laid once in a while. I think it would do you good. If you're really lucky, you might find a girl who will not charge you for the sex. Personally, I hope you do. It might make you a nicer person.

[CWMcMurray]

Razor...

You mentioned that you have been married for a number of years... And seemed to be happy years, while living in the US

Before throwing it all away and telling your wife you want a divorce , why not tell her that you have tried, but just can't seem to find any happiness living in Thailand and honestly not sure how much more you can last

Ask her what she thinks can be done and see what she says.

Don't go crazy or get angry but just calmly tell her that you love her but are not happy staying in Thailand

Who knows, maybe she would be willing to move back to the US and then just come and visit Thailand a few times a year...

If so, sounds like you may be ok with things "going back the way they were "

After all, what do you have to loose? If she says no, then you can always escalate to divorce and will then also know that you at least tried to find a solution

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Razer64]

Thanks, CWM. Great comments you have there, worthy of every consideration.

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[CWMcMurray]

Would also recommend not to get baited into saying anything negative about her family during that conversation ... As that will just put your wife into an emotional tailspin...

Would just tell her you miss the life you had while living in US and can not adjust to life in Thailand and want you both to go back to the way it used to be

You know the real truth and I am sure she does as well, but Thai style is to not come out and say it... In fact you should completely avoid it as the reason ... Even everyone in the family and the entire village know it's the reason

As that would cause loss of face ....

The Thai way, which will get you what you want (maybe) and still save face (not important to you but will be important to your wife).. Is to say.. You want to go back because the weather is too hot or the food too different or miss your family (even if you only saw your family once a year while living in the US) or can even be something as silly as missing going to watch baseball games...

Any silly or ridiculous reason is better than the truth... You just need to decide if you love your wife enough to go along with it in order to give her a face saving exit (assuming she is willing)

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Edited April 2, 2014 by CWMcMurray

[Razer64]

Agreed.

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[Razer64]

Agreed.

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[slipperylobster]

I was thinking.....what a painful situation you have.

What in the world are you doing there with all those folks getting in the way?

Surely you and your wife can afford to rent a home far away from that ugly scene. It just isn't working for you.

A sad, sad book indeed....one I would not want to read.

[bina]

i skipped through lots of blablbalb....

and i cant help but wonder: when people marry, do they not know about the other person's culture? background? how far they are willing to go out on a limb and when to draw the line?

they didnt speak to you about your wedding anniversary? why should they? its not important to them. ihavent met thais yet that do that but i do run in the poorer circles. same as birthdays, if i want a birthday party, i do it. if not, there isnt one. hubby forgets that he has birthdays or wedding aniversaries. there is mothers day and fathers day. thats it.

as far as living within the family? thats called collective living and usually there are tacit rules that u probably dont know about. in my husband's family, the mother makes the decisions. if we give gifts, we give them to her and let her decide who gets what. its easier that way. we ahve an extra smartphone now, i suggested that we give it to the family... but to whom? then i told hubby to give it to his mother and she would decide. she herself wouldnt know how to work one. but hubby was glad with the suggestion.

hwo do u know what they really think about you?

if you want to get points across, you should try going through one of the major family members and not with force but with brains.

really, men think only with strenghth. ifu push a billy buck on the head he just pushes back. but if you put down some good food or bring in a nanny goat, he comes running real quick. much easier that way. obviously u lived with 'family all over the usa but not real close' so u dont know how ot work in a communal situation that someone else also mentioned here.

if it doesnt fit, find a reason to move out to somewhere nearby, and visit on weekends, and all wil save face. there are more ways to skin a cat than just doing it straight out.

[benalibina]

i skipped through lots of blablbalb....

and i cant help but wonder: when people marry, do they not know about the other person's culture? background? how far they are willing to go out on a limb and when to draw the line?

they didnt speak to you about your wedding anniversary? why should they? its not important to them. ihavent met thais yet that do that but i do run in the poorer circles. same as birthdays, if i want a birthday party, i do it. if not, there isnt one. hubby forgets that he has birthdays or wedding aniversaries. there is mothers day and fathers day. thats it.

as far as living within the family? thats called collective living and usually there are tacit rules that u probably dont know about. in my husband's family, the mother makes the decisions. if we give gifts, we give them to her and let her decide who gets what. its easier that way. we ahve an extra smartphone now, i suggested that we give it to the family... but to whom? then i told hubby to give it to his mother and she would decide. she herself wouldnt know how to work one. but hubby was glad with the suggestion.

hwo do u know what they really think about you?

if you want to get points across, you should try going through one of the major family members and not with force but with brains.

really, men think only with strenghth. ifu push a billy buck on the head he just pushes back. but if you put down some good food or bring in a nanny goat, he comes running real quick. much easier that way. obviously u lived with 'family all over the usa but not real close' so u dont know how ot work in a communal situation that someone else also mentioned here.

if it doesnt fit, find a reason to move out to somewhere nearby, and visit on weekends, and all wil save face. there are more ways to skin a cat than just doing it straight out.

Mutual understanding works both ways.

[bluskye]

Hey Razer64

Can't believe I just spent so much time reading about your plight and most of the suggestions and advice.

But here's the thing I think that you've answered the problem yourself. Been down that road myself. There's no way out but the highway.

Do you honestly think that things are going to be better a year from now, two years from now, ten years from now. This is only the beginning.

My advice is to either get out ASAP or ride the storm and see where it takes you.

P.S. Can I too get a copy of your book?

Edited April 2, 2014 by bluskye

[Razer64]

i skipped through lots of blablbalb....

and i cant help but wonder: when people marry, do they not know about the other person's culture? background? how far they are willing to go out on a limb and when to draw the line?

they didnt speak to you about your wedding anniversary? why should they? its not important to them. ihavent met thais yet that do that but i do run in the poorer circles. same as birthdays, if i want a birthday party, i do it. if not, there isnt one. hubby forgets that he has birthdays or wedding aniversaries. there is mothers day and fathers day. thats it.

as far as living within the family? thats called collective living and usually there are tacit rules that u probably dont know about. in my husband's family, the mother makes the decisions. if we give gifts, we give them to her and let her decide who gets what. its easier that way. we ahve an extra smartphone now, i suggested that we give it to the family... but to whom? then i told hubby to give it to his mother and she would decide. she herself wouldnt know how to work one. but hubby was glad with the suggestion.

hwo do u know what they really think about you?

if you want to get points across, you should try going through one of the major family members and not with force but with brains.

really, men think only with strenghth. ifu push a billy buck on the head he just pushes back. but if you put down some good food or bring in a nanny goat, he comes running real quick. much easier that way. obviously u lived with 'family all over the usa but not real close' so u dont know how ot work in a communal situation that someone else also mentioned here.

if it doesnt fit, find a reason to move out to somewhere nearby, and visit on weekends, and all wil save face. there are more ways to skin a cat than just doing it straight out.

Like I said already, in so many words, I have everything I need in America, bought and paid for. I don't need these people. I want my wife.

I agree, setting to work finding a place for me to live away from these premises is paramount.

And, as far as the goods go, everyone in the precious family all has cars and homes, bought and paid for with help from the sweat of my brow. Where's mine? If they want something, they go to Sister and get a helping hand and a handout. If I want something, I'm scoffed at and ignored. I've given mucho to the family. The family needs to ante-up now. My turn.

And ante-up they will. I'm not going away until they do.

Sister grinned and smirked at me as I packed my bag the other day and left. She could have cared less if she ever saw me again. In fact, she thought that was the case and was mighty glad of it. It's the cheap way out for her. And that's the only thing the family's good at when it comes to me: being cheap.

When I came back, the look on her face was one of grave disappointment, and the only thing out of her mouth was more scowling and yowling. I now know everything I need to know about Sister.

Why is it I am the only one who must adjust?

"Communal living?" I know what you mean about that. It doesn't work. I don't agree with it. And I have decided that we're not going that route anymore. I'll take what's mine and Wife's and move on, and Sister and the rest of them can have theirs, all they want, only no longer will they have any of it at my expense. What's wrong with that? Nothing. So much for "communal living", the old, great generalization and complete nonsense. There is no such thing as "the common good", nor can there be any such thing. Do your math.

Interesting thing I learned last night... I was at a dinner party with Wife and good friends, and they are aware of this problem with myself and Sister. My best friend was not sympathetic. He laughed at me, and told me this story about his sister. She owns a home directly behind his, keeps it spotlessly clean, visits it daily. But she lives and sleeps in his house. She runs her business out of his garage. She parks her car in his driveway, and he parks his truck in the street to make way for her. She hates his guts and does not speak to him, ever. He didn't even bat an eye at telling me this. He just casually stuffed another bite of food into his mouth and shrugged.

I am amazed at this behavior. Where I come from, Sister would be ever so grateful for my generosity in the first place, and if she showed me any disrespect whatsoever, Sister would be out on her ear, first thing. Where I come from, ignoring someone who is speaking directly to you, like they do here, is considered incredibly rude and offensive, and you might get your butt kicked or your face slapped for it. Do that in the workplace and you might even lose your job. At the very least you will be called out on the matter and confronted and corrected. Quick.

There's no reason in the world to be rude. Not in any "culture". Especially toward those who have done and who continue to do for you.

Sure, I did my homework on the "culture" as best I could before coming here. But reading about it in books and on the Internet is one thing, even learning the language is one thing, but being here and living it in real time is quite another.

If the "culture" of Thailand is so wonderful and this "communal" style of living is such a wonder to behold, I have to wonder how it is I see this beautiful place and these beautiful people on the daily news, falling to pieces with every day that passes.

Looks to me like much of Thailand needs to be rid of some aspects of their "culture" -- and grow up.

Oh, I know what you're thinking and what you're going to say: "Well, that's the way it is here, so if you don't like it, get out!"

Hmmmm... no, I don't think so. I see the Thai, and many other peoples of the world, flooding into 'my country' by the hundreds of thousands each month, doing as they darned well please, refusing to learn English, overstaying their welcome and laughing about it, committing crimes, starting businesses without permits, running wild, causing accidents because they don't know the rules and don't know how to drive in the first place. And they do it all without so much as a haughty, "How'd you do?"

No. I am not the least bit worried about conforming to the "culture" or getting in line behind other members of the family. Nor will I worry about them conforming to my way of doing things. I will just keep taking care of business, keep taking notes, and keep my eye on the ball, on reality, on that which is right and that which is wrong. And I will win.

[KonaRain]

Priceless stuff..My lady friend PhD, was receiving hospice care from me and Her 'adopted' Thai family..I had a hard time eating with them, but I found it was okay, as long as nobody gets an ulcer..forgiving is hard, for them and us foreigners. So many alcoholics make it kind of strange..N.Z. is awesome, getting winter down there, though..Alohz from Kona!

Sent from my GT-P3113 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[eezergood]

You sound like a lot of men, who are led around by their sensitive little prongs, dying to spurt and empty their blue balls onto the first female thing who is willing.

I am beyond wanting sex with anyone, not all that keen on female company at any time for any reason.

Old men chasing after sex is a little bit sad IMHO.

Cup of tea while sitting in the sun reading a book is about as exciting as it gets for me these days.

Sounds like you would be happier acting your age.

PS

Mutual pleasure!

No woman, of any age, wants sex with a 50 yo man for pleasure, she wants your money, that's what she wants.

PS ask the scores of women that drool over Clooney, Pitt & Depp about that!!! All 50 or over.....

[eezergood]

i skipped through lots of blablbalb....

and i cant help but wonder: when people marry, do they not know about the other person's culture? background? how far they are willing to go out on a limb and when to draw the line?

they didnt speak to you about your wedding anniversary? why should they? its not important to them. ihavent met thais yet that do that but i do run in the poorer circles. same as birthdays, if i want a birthday party, i do it. if not, there isnt one. hubby forgets that he has birthdays or wedding aniversaries. there is mothers day and fathers day. thats it.

as far as living within the family? thats called collective living and usually there are tacit rules that u probably dont know about. in my husband's family, the mother makes the decisions. if we give gifts, we give them to her and let her decide who gets what. its easier that way. we ahve an extra smartphone now, i suggested that we give it to the family... but to whom? then i told hubby to give it to his mother and she would decide. she herself wouldnt know how to work one. but hubby was glad with the suggestion.

hwo do u know what they really think about you?

if you want to get points across, you should try going through one of the major family members and not with force but with brains.

really, men think only with strenghth. ifu push a billy buck on the head he just pushes back. but if you put down some good food or bring in a nanny goat, he comes running real quick. much easier that way. obviously u lived with 'family all over the usa but not real close' so u dont know how ot work in a communal situation that someone else also mentioned here.

if it doesnt fit, find a reason to move out to somewhere nearby, and visit on weekends, and all wil save face. there are more ways to skin a cat than just doing it straight out.

Like I said already, in so many words, I have everything I need in America, bought and paid for. I don't need these people. I want my wife.

I agree, setting to work finding a place for me to live away from these premises is paramount.

And, as far as the goods go, everyone in the precious family all has cars and homes, bought and paid for with help from the sweat of my brow. Where's mine? If they want something, they go to Sister and get a helping hand and a handout. If I want something, I'm scoffed at and ignored. I've given mucho to the family. The family needs to ante-up now. My turn.

And ante-up they will. I'm not going away until they do.

Sister grinned and smirked at me as I packed my bag the other day and left. She could have cared less if she ever saw me again. In fact, she thought that was the case and was mighty glad of it. It's the cheap way out for her. And that's the only thing the family's good at when it comes to me: being cheap.

When I came back, the look on her face was one of grave disappointment, and the only thing out of her mouth was more scowling and yowling. I now know everything I need to know about Sister.

Why is it I am the only one who must adjust?

"Communal living?" I know what you mean about that. It doesn't work. I don't agree with it. And I have decided that we're not going that route anymore. I'll take what's mine and Wife's and move on, and Sister and the rest of them can have theirs, all they want, only no longer will they have any of it at my expense. What's wrong with that? Nothing. So much for "communal living", the old, great generalization and complete nonsense. There is no such thing as "the common good", nor can there be any such thing. Do your math.

Interesting thing I learned last night... I was at a dinner party with Wife and good friends, and they are aware of this problem with myself and Sister. My best friend was not sympathetic. He laughed at me, and told me this story about his sister. She owns a home directly behind his, keeps it spotlessly clean, visits it daily. But she lives and sleeps in his house. She runs her business out of his garage. She parks her car in his driveway, and he parks his truck in the street to make way for her. She hates his guts and does not speak to him, ever. He didn't even bat an eye at telling me this. He just casually stuffed another bite of food into his mouth and shrugged.

I am amazed at this behavior. Where I come from, Sister would be ever so grateful for my generosity in the first place, and if she showed me any disrespect whatsoever, Sister would be out on her ear, first thing. Where I come from, ignoring someone who is speaking directly to you, like they do here, is considered incredibly rude and offensive, and you might get your butt kicked or your face slapped for it. Do that in the workplace and you might even lose your job. At the very least you will be called out on the matter and confronted and corrected. Quick.

There's no reason in the world to be rude. Not in any "culture". Especially toward those who have done and who continue to do for you.

Sure, I did my homework on the "culture" as best I could before coming here. But reading about it in books and on the Internet is one thing, even learning the language is one thing, but being here and living it in real time is quite another.

If the "culture" of Thailand is so wonderful and this "communal" style of living is such a wonder to behold, I have to wonder how it is I see this beautiful place and these beautiful people on the daily news, falling to pieces with every day that passes.

Looks to me like much of Thailand needs to be rid of some aspects of their "culture" -- and grow up.

Oh, I know what you're thinking and what you're going to say: "Well, that's the way it is here, so if you don't like it, get out!"

Hmmmm... no, I don't think so. I see the Thai, and many other peoples of the world, flooding into 'my country' by the hundreds of thousands each month, doing as they darned well please, refusing to learn English, overstaying their welcome and laughing about it, committing crimes, starting businesses without permits, running wild, causing accidents because they don't know the rules and don't know how to drive in the first place. And they do it all without so much as a haughty, "How'd you do?"

No. I am not the least bit worried about conforming to the "culture" or getting in line behind other members of the family. Nor will I worry about them conforming to my way of doing things. I will just keep taking care of business, keep taking notes, and keep my eye on the ball, on reality, on that which is right and that which is wrong. And I will win.

Stop the house being built - watch the change!

You are the paymaster, act accordignly....