How to deal with a bad Thai Mother

[Ryancr]

My Son who lives in Thailand with his partner and 2 children .

His partner has become very lazy and will not do any work or cooking for the family

She demands money all the time and when he gives her money for food she stays out all night gambling and returns to the house when the money has gone.

She borrows money from loan sharks and expects my son to pay her debts .

My son refused to pay her debts but the loan sharks marched him to the nearest ATM and made home draw out the money for them.

They threaten him with violence if he does not pay them.

He is now paying 5000 Bht per month interest on her loans.

She stays out all night so my son has to feed the children, wash and iron their cloths and take them to school and collect them after school.

He is an English Teacher in a local Government School and it is causing him embarrassment within the School.

He has asked her to leave and go back to her family but they do not want her with them .

He got her to sign papers through the courts so he has sole custody of the children but he had to pay her to do it.

He has tried to lock her out of the house when she goes off gambling but she has smashed the doors and windows with a hammer and threatens to set fire to the house during the night.

She has sold a lot of my sons possessions to feed her habit and also thrown his phones in water if he does not give her more money.

He has tried to report her but they say it is a domestic problem and will not help as it is not the Thai way.

She will not sign any papers for my son to get a passport for them so he can bring them to see us in the UK .

Any ideas will be appreciated .

[hellstens]

my friend had the same problem, my only solution is, WALK AWAY NOW and take the kids with you, Move so your wife or Sharks dont find you, or stay and live in Hell, up to you.

My friend Leave, and go back to his country, and take the kid and wife's passport with him when she was out on a Night trip

Oh yes he put 5000b in the freezer thats it, Gone with the wind. Save his life I think

Edited April 12, 2014 by hellstens

[realenglish1]

Yes this is simple Go to the police and file a complaint. If she does smash a window or do something destructive then you can put her in jail

And I dont want to here the excuse "well it s the children's mother. At this point she is so destructive it is hurting the kids

Good luck

[Costas2008]

"He got her to sign papers through the courts so he has sole custody of the children but he had to pay her to do it."

OP, if your son has the sole custody, why doesn't he get his sons and run away from this horrible situation?

He can relocate to another city, find a job as a teacher and eventually obtain passports for the kids.

May be you have to help the situation financially from your country till he finds a job.

[Ryancr]

Thanks for your advise

I have moved them now to a small Hotel until the end of Sonkran then will try to find somewhere else to live but she will sell all of the furniture and anything else they have.

He wants to stay at the School where he works and find somewhere local to live away from her.

Her name is on the rental agreement so he is not tied to that but he will not get his deposit back as she has wrecked the house

She took his motor bike but he managed to find it now.

[rhodie]

What a nightmare. Luckily he has your help.

Get him far away.

[Showbags]

If he has sole custody I believe he can get the passports alone.

So go do it and leave for awhile.

[AhFarangJa]

Thanks for your advise

I have moved them now to a small Hotel until the end of Sonkran then will try to find somewhere else to live but she will sell all of the furniture and anything else they have.

He wants to stay at the School where he works and find somewhere local to live away from her.

Her name is on the rental agreement so he is not tied to that but he will not get his deposit back as she has wrecked the house

She took his motor bike but he managed to find it now.

I know it is non of my business, but no matter how much he likes the local school, surely staying there and finding a place nearby is not a good idea. Thai village drums will beat, and he will not escape the torment. As Costas said, move away, the sooner the better. I wish you luck and also think he is lucky to have your help.

[ozsamurai]

move away, far away. No job is worth that...does he have to wait until his legs are broken or worse to get that message?

Oz

[ianf]

I have seen this so many times in Thailand. Par for the course? Not just Issan girls, hi-so too. There are some good people here, but they are in a minority. With children it's difficult to just walk away. In the end, I walked away from a son who was as bad as his mother -sociopathic. I then had peace and the only regret I have is meeting her in the first place. Tell your son, if he can't leave the kids, just move elsewhere, such as Chiang Mai. There are plenty of teaching jobs here and I'm sure someone can take care of the kids whilst he works.

[Ryancr]

If he wants to get a visa for the children she has to sign the form as well which she will not do so he has been told to go back to the Courts to get a letter from them permitting him to get the passports without her signature but this will take a few months to set it up.

[Showbags]

^^ Well how much will that cost ?

I was of the opinion that if he has sole custody, then she is not needed for signing anything.

But anyway...if it costs say 20k for courts stuff....offer her 5k to sign....if she has a gambling habit, she will need the cash and 5k will be a sweet deal for her......if she says no today...next week might be a different story.

[recycler]

A terrible situation that can only be ended by cutting her out of the picture. Gambling addictions are almost impossible to cure, far worse even than alcohol or drugs!

Try to get passports for the kids, with sole custody this should be possible, or get them out of the country by whatever means, on the long run they are not safe in Thailand.

The longer you wait the more the damage to the kids.

[rucus7]

Sounds as if he married a live one. How many kids later did he find out? If this is a real post ,then the best advice I have seen is to just disappear with the children. No need to look back, she can self destruct without his help.

edit for syntax

Edited April 12, 2014 by rucus7

[Wordworx]

Thanks for your advise

I have moved them now to a small Hotel until the end of Sonkran then will try to find somewhere else to live but she will sell all of the furniture and anything else they have.

He wants to stay at the School where he works and find somewhere local to live away from her.

Her name is on the rental agreement so he is not tied to that but he will not get his deposit back as she has wrecked the house

She took his motor bike but he managed to find it now.

I know it is non of my business, but no matter how much he likes the local school, surely staying there and finding a place nearby is not a good idea. Thai village drums will beat, and he will not escape the torment. As Costas said, move away, the sooner the better. I wish you luck and also think he is lucky to have your help.

*********************************

Indeed. Only solution is to get far, far away - ASAP.

[Thaiready]

Take out the loan shark thugs.....just kidding.

take the kids and leave

Edited April 12, 2014 by Thaiready

[empireboy]

What ever you do... Take control. Be decisive. Be final!

[asdecas]

Here are some steps that your son should take urgently:

1. Arrange another teaching job far away. Only after that is done and a start date agreed should he quit his present job. Do NOT leave a trail of any kind, either for the wife or her creditors to follow. This includes email, phone numbers, friends in common, relations and so on.

2. You say he has sole custody - once step 1 has been accomplished and his and his children's lives are established anew in a safe location, your son needs to consult a lawyer to be sure of his legal position vis-a-vis passports for his sons and taking them abroad.

3. It is imperative that your son is pro-active in this and he may need a lot of emotional support to accomplish the above in what will surely be a stressful few weeks; the type of situation in which your son finds himself can only go in one direction, and your son and his children will bear the physical and psychological consequences more and more if he does nothing.

Edited April 12, 2014 by asdecas

[dotpoom]

I think your son is extremely blessed to have a caring Father such as yourself. There was a time I needed the support of my Father (Mother dead) when I got into a similar situation in my youth but his attitude was "You made your bed now lie in it". I am now 65 and have come to realize that the lack of a supporting family in my youth took it's tool on my personality. I find myself being very cynical when I come across people who cannot solve their own problems. I only realized that lately when I listened to people talking on the radio about how they would never have got through life (addictions) problems without the support of their family.

I have no right to advise anybody but if it were me I couldn't care less about the loss of furniture or money, they can always be replaced. But your son's welfare is of the upper most importance...I would get as far away as possible and pray for God's grace for the situation to be resolved.

Bitterness towards the lady is not helpful either...she sounds like she is a sick person and also needs to be helped.

[benalibina]

I think your son is extremely blessed to have a caring Father such as yourself. There was a time I needed the support of my Father (Mother dead) when I got into a similar situation in my youth but his attitude was "You made your bed now lie in it". I am now 65 and have come to realize that the lack of a supporting family in my youth took it's tool on my personality. I find myself being very cynical when I come across people who cannot solve their own problems. I only realized that lately when I listened to people talking on the radio about how they would never have got through life (addictions) problems without the support of their family.

I have no right to advise anybody but if it were me I couldn't care less about the loss of furniture or money, they can always be replaced. But your son's welfare is of the upper most importance...I would get as far away as possible and pray for God's grace for the situation to be resolved.

Bitterness towards the lady is not helpful either...she sounds like she is a sick person and also needs to be helped.

On your last sentence.....thats easy to say and probably true in this case but he is a foreigner living in Thailand and eventhough he has control...he does not have it. Trying to do good is a weakness and the irrational behaviour of the kids mom without being corrected by her family is not helping. So bitterness is a normal reaction. Only she can change it by straightening up, nobody else. Without the help of her family or the law it just wont happen. Edited April 12, 2014 by benalibina

[ggt]

she has smashed the doors and windows with a hammer and threatens to set fire to the house during the night.

First seek the advise of an attorney...see what are his legal options...

He may need to hire private security...for awhile...to keep her away from the house...

This woman is out-of-control...deal with this now...before she actually does some harm to hubby and kids...

[onni4me]

1st: Get him and the kids as far as possible from her and cut off all contact, change the numbers etc. NO CONTACT! If there needs to be something sorted out, do it through the lawyer.

2nd: Your son has already let some seedy characters walk allover him on the way to ATM. Big mistake! Now he has actually gotten involved and bent over so they regard him as somehow responsible for the debt. Might be life-threatening in the long run.

3rd: Forget the local school and get as far as possible. Preferably leave the country. She will appear demanding more money and can certainly make a scene to make your son loose the face what's left and maybe loose something else too. The goons know where he is also which makes his life living hell IMHO.

4th: What would it be continuing this farce? Allowing children to live with a potentially dangerous mother and her mafia like surroundings? She has already waved a hammer and more than likely the children will be next target for extortion, even for possible "kidnapping".

I don't know why people let things to get this far. They must be either very foolish or deluded. I personally think no Thai would oppose him giving her a special treatment and I am not talking about any Spa. When allowing this kind of thing go to this point is extremely dangerous. I am by no means violent man but sometimes it is only option if not do the disappearing act. I recommend the latter.

[Eloelo]

I had to Raise my son alone for 15 years due to a similar problem, it is a sickness, the woman will not see the light of day until after she has lost her children,and even then it may take a few years, the children sadly should be the priority the wife has become a liability and the children will not benefit having her around. leave now any way you can and resettle with the children where ever you can and best if you have a strong support network,, it will be tough going but sticking around is a waste of time man up head off and embrace change ,the heart will recover stay where you are may lead to your demise and the childrens future will be bleak indeed.!

[saroq]

my friend had the same problem, my only solution is, WALK AWAY NOW and take the kids with you, Move so your wife or Sharks dont find you, or stay and live in Hell, up to you.

My friend Leave, and go back to his country, and take the kid and wife's passport with him when she was out on a Night trip

Oh yes he put 5000b in the freezer thats it, Gone with the wind. Save his life I think

Agree. There's no getting through to her because she's incapable of rational thought. Your son can leave or stay and live in hell, it won't change.

[Toscano]

To be quite honest , your son is a fool to put up with it , children or no children , he should pack his bags and leave .

[sirchai]

He is an English Teacher in a local Government School and it is causing him embarrassment within the School.
He has asked her to leave and go back to her family but they do not want her with them .

​I've seen something similar quite a few times. Helped a"friend" together with his younger brother, who was here on a holiday, that she left the house. Unfortunately, he phoned her after only two days that he'd love and miss her soooooooooo much.

That went on and on and on until she stabbed him. He came bleeding with his little daughter on his arm to us and we had to help again and again.

. Sorry, but it seems that your son is a little bit helpless, do you really think Thai guys would play such a game? ( They'd play games, not that witch.)

I know that you're helping your son out, which is understandable,but in this case,wrong.

Stop sending him money, as he'll continue to support her as well.And believe me, he's mot telling you the whole truth, if he wants to stay at this school.

You can buy people here who witness that your son had raped a little girl, some drugs could be found at his place, etc...I guess you don't want to visit your son in prison, right? Be aware.

The only way to make sure that he'll be successful would be to move far away. I don't think that she'd become lazy just recently, your son had decided to stay with her and I'm pretty sure that he'd told you the story now, because he needs you. ( Your money).

You could take that evil woman to court, but she could come back, send somebody to harm him, etc....

The only thing he can do is to leave that place over night with his kid(s). The fact that he's got sole custody makes it pretty easy.

Tell him to move to a place far away, find a job there and start over again.Anything else would be a lie.

A new phone number, no facebook activities, etc...Life's too short for such bullish- it, where even relatives are actively involved.It's almost like an alcoholic, or a drug addict, who gives his problems to others.

He seems to be old enough to understand that. If not, please tell him your view of it.

P.S. Even the school will soon get rid off him, if he doesn't react now. It doesn't work like that, to live in the same place with her.

See it as cancer, cut it out and get rid off it, before it kills you. Good luck.-

Edited April 12, 2014 by sirchai

[kennypowers]

I have seen this so many times in Thailand. Par for the course? Not just Issan girls, hi-so too. There are some good people here, but they are in a minority. With children it's difficult to just walk away. In the end, I walked away from a son who was as bad as his mother -sociopathic. I then had peace and the only regret I have is meeting her in the first place. Tell your son, if he can't leave the kids, just move elsewhere, such as Chiang Mai. There are plenty of teaching jobs here and I'm sure someone can take care of the kids whilst he works.

Just for the record Ian, the Northeast does have an upper class. There are hi-so Isaan, middle class Isaan and poor Isaan. There are many rich business men and women, singers and superstars and elite families from the Northeast. Not all Isaan girls are uneducated ladies of the night.

[sirchai]

I have seen this so many times in Thailand. Par for the course? Not just Issan girls, hi-so too. There are some good people here, but they are in a minority. With children it's difficult to just walk away. In the end, I walked away from a son who was as bad as his mother -sociopathic. I then had peace and the only regret I have is meeting her in the first place. Tell your son, if he can't leave the kids, just move elsewhere, such as Chiang Mai. There are plenty of teaching jobs here and I'm sure someone can take care of the kids whilst he works.

Just for the record Ian, the Northeast does have an upper class. There are hi-so Isaan, middle class Isaan and poor Isaan. There are many rich business men and women, singers and superstars and elite families from the Northeast. Not all Isaan girls are uneducated ladies of the night.

And not to forget women like my wife.It's sometimes the guy's own stupidity to "fall in love" with a bar girl. She's a farmer's daughter, so not middle class, but she's cool and everybody respects her.

You don't have to be from middle class, or a hiso to be good to others.

Yep, you can get that thing outta bar, but not the bar out of her.Would you marry a whore from the UK,Kirghistan, Germany, or elsewhere, if you know all about her?

[lostinisaan]

Bai gai gai reo reo Nong. Piss off, pretty fast. Not more, not less.If she doesn't leave, than he has to go.

[benalibina]

I have seen this so many times in Thailand. Par for the course? Not just Issan girls, hi-so too. There are some good people here, but they are in a minority. With children it's difficult to just walk away. In the end, I walked away from a son who was as bad as his mother -sociopathic. I then had peace and the only regret I have is meeting her in the first place. Tell your son, if he can't leave the kids, just move elsewhere, such as Chiang Mai. There are plenty of teaching jobs here and I'm sure someone can take care of the kids whilst he works.

Just for the record Ian, the Northeast does have an upper class. There are hi-so Isaan, middle class Isaan and poor Isaan. There are many rich business men and women, singers and superstars and elite families from the Northeast. Not all Isaan girls are uneducated ladies of the night.

And not to forget women like my wife.It's sometimes the guy's own stupidity to "fall in love" with a bar girl. She's a farmer's daughter, so not middle class, but she's cool and everybody respects her.

You don't have to be from middle class, or a hiso to be good to others.

Yep, you can get that thing outta bar, but not the bar out of her.Would you marry a whore from the UK,Kirghistan, Germany, or elsewhere, if you know all about her?

Generalization vs generalization.

You should know better or rephrase it........