Top Drawer One Liners

[george]

Top drawer one liners

My uncle just got struck off the medical register for having sex

with his patients, it's a real shame cause he's a really good vet.

Paul McCartney poem-: We lay upon the grassy bank, my hands were

all a quiver, I slowly undid her suspender belt and her leg fell in the

river.

Man says to wife 'I had a wet dream about you last night, I

dreamt you got run over by a bus and I pissed myself laughing'.

Boss has to lay off Ann or Jack. Ann walks into the office, boss

say's 'I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off.....Ann says...

'You better jack off, I've got a headache'.

Sorry I haven't been in touch, a friend was rushed to hospital

to have a dangerous mole removed from his penis...... he won't be shagging

one of those again!

A woman asked her hubby if he knew how she could make her bust

bigger. He said 'try rubbing toilet paper between your tits, it's worked

for your arse'.

Woman walks past a pet shop with a sign reading 'For sale

clitoris licking frog' She goes in and the shopkeeper say's

with a twinkle in his eye.....'Bonjour madame'.

Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too

much,it scared the s**t out of me. So today I decided I'm never reading

again.

Little girl gets lost in a Target store, security guard asks her

'what's your mum like?' Little girl replies 'Big cocks and vodka'.

A couple in a cafe in Llangollen, Wales asks 'Can you settle an

argument for us and pronounce where we are, VERY slowly?'

The waitress leaned over and said 'Burrr gurrr king'.

Larry la Prise who wrote the hokey pokey has died aged 93. The

worst part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, then

the trouble started.

It's important to keep fit as you get older, my granny started

walking 5 kilometres a day when she was 60. Today she's 97 and we don't

know where the hel_l she is!

Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of

tinsel.... They say it's only for the Christmas period.

A woman goes to her doctor with a bit of lettuce hanging out of

Her pussy. Doc say's 'that looks nasty'. She say's 'Nasty?, it's just the

tip of the iceberg!

Two newly weds turn up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon

suite, the receptionist asks 'do you have reservations?' The bride answers

'Yes, I won't take it up the arse'!

There now, it didn't really hurt to smile or even laugh out loud!!!!

[game4shame]

Little girl gets lost in a Target store, security guard asks her

'what's your mum like?' Little girl replies 'Big cocks and vodka'.

[udon]

Woman walks past a pet shop with a sign reading 'For sale

clitoris licking frog'

She goes in and the shopkeeper say's

with a twinkle in his eye.....'Bonjour madame'.

[CymruAmByth]

Excellent!

Thanks for a good laff on a shitty Friday...more if you got 'em.

[Artisan]

Woman walks past a pet shop with a sign reading 'For sale

clitoris licking frog'

She goes in and the shopkeeper say's

with a twinkle in his eye.....'Bonjour madame'.

[The Dan Sai Kid]

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

He wiped his arse!

[suegha]

Oh dear...

[binnsy]

picture this

you are travelling in a car

on the left hand side is valley

on the righthand side is a fire engine

behind you is a ambulance

in front of you is ice cream van

and you are all travelling at the same speed

HOW DO YOU GET OUT OF THIS SITUATION?

WAIT FOR IT

about time you grew up and got of the ROUNDABOUT (or are you pissed)

[Scott]

Delightfully refreshing. I just had to call the staff in for a not-so-pleasant staff meeting. Some of these jokes really loosed things up and made an otherwise bad day more enjoyable. Many thanks.