Just kinda on a bummer, married life.

[heyyoufarang]

This may not even completely only relate to living in Thailand, but since I do here are my woes.

My wife works ALL THE TIME. Why am I bitching, right? We don't even live in the same town, fairly close to each other but certainly not with each other. Here is kind of the my married life goes. She gets off work, drives to visit me. She arrives around 8-9pm exhausted; I am tired too at that point. She leaves at 7am to go back to work. This is out awesome routine and we enjoy sometimes twice a week.

What does this add up to? About 8 hours of awake time per week. It's tough you know, having such little time with your sigfig other in a new land. I do OK on my own, but I get bored and simply miss being with my girl. I mean we're becomming aquaintences more than growing as a couple. And of course she needs to reserve time for the family. She is stressed due to work obligations and wants emotional support from me, but the less I see her the less invested I feel in the relationship. I almost feel resentful, and I know its because we do not spend enough time together, it's that simple.

I suppose this is more of a maritial issue than a geographical one, but I am here in this marriage so there it is. Anyone deal with this similar type of agreement?

[benalibina]

A baby maybe ?

[sdanielmcev]

You're too tired? Maybe a nap after work?

Anyways, cherish the time you do have together. More than one couple has had your dilemma.

Edited April 17, 2014 by sdanielmcev

[Seastallion]

It's an issue that affects many first world couples.

What you need to do is sit down and have a nice chat to her....ask her if she is happy with the arrangement, and why does she continue like this. Maybe she is working towards a promotion and you both have to make the sacrifice now for a better future. Maybe she hates her job and would quit but fears your reaction. Maybe....maybe... just talk to her....but try and make it about her first, not you.

[Neeranam]

How long have you been married?

[heyyoufarang]

It affects many first-world couples as opposed to non-first-world couples, or are you simply stating that this happens a lot in first world countries? Not clear on what you mean by that statement. Yeah she's not really happy with this arrangement either, but this is the road she has chosen to navigate, as have I. The GOV works'em hard. I'm just on a bummer right now. It'll either work out or it wont. We're both still young, and things will get better whether we are together or not, I suppose.

Neither of us are sure we want babbies. And as for a maybe baby, nooooo way, Jose.

[heyyoufarang]

Been married for 6 months.

[heyyoufarang]

It's an issue that affects many first world couples.

What you need to do is sit down and have a nice chat to her....ask her if she is happy with the arrangement, and why does she continue like this. Maybe she is working towards a promotion and you both have to make the sacrifice now for a better future. Maybe she hates her job and would quit but fears your reaction. Maybe....maybe... just talk to her....but try and make it about her first, not you.

It is not subject, between her and I, that really needs to talked about delicately. We both know she works too much, but now it is starting to cause some issues. Oh, backtrack. I get what you mean. Yes, it is starting to cause me more grief and rather than come down on her that her job is making me feel a particular way, I should say because of of your job you...you...you.... That was supposed to come out funny, but it looks just mean now. Anyway, I just need to be more patient; it's just difficult being so in a foriegn country, or more difficult I should say. I am sure this would cause some stress at home too.

[chrisinth]

Why not move closer to where she is working? Even if you own your own house, renting a second place would be the way to go. Where does your wife stay when she doesn't come home?

Or are you committed to being where you are due to your job, and if so, how permanent is your job?

No offence, but only six months into a marriage with problems arising so soon isn't a good sign unless someone changes their routine.

IMHO of course.

[heyyoufarang]

Yeah only 6 months is right. I feel the same way. She lives at the hospital in a smaller town, one where I could not see myself spending more time then I have to. The town is about 50 klicks from where I am, but it's not the distance, it's the demand of the job. I guess there is no good answer for this one. I need to figure out something enriching to do for myself in the interim. We both believe it will not continue on like this forever. I suppose I am just being selfish--it's lonely ya know.

[heyyoufarang]

I do private turtoring but don't really need to work. I could not see myself teaching full time, not in the LOS anyway. I bet a close network of friends would be very helpful. I do not lean on her to make my life better, in fact it is the opposite. I start to push her away as a result of time passing between visits.

[heyyoufarang]

Wow my English is getting sloppy.

[BB1955]

Been married for 6 months.

In 6 years your attitude might change a little

[daveAustin]

Could be worse, imagine if you were apart for only 8 hours a week! I bet many on this forum would give their left nut for that opportunity.

[Nautilus05]

I think you may want to prepare yourself for the fact that your wife has someone else in her life.

[Morakot]

Try to regularly have some dedicated quality time together, some common activities; plus trying to keep busy yourself might make it less difficult.

[villagefarang]

I have had friends who’s main criteria for a wife or girlfriend was that they work, for two reasons. First so they wouldn’t have to support them and second so they wouldn’t be around much, leaving them with lots of free time to do as they wished.

I always thought that was crazy because I got married for love and companionship. Even after 17 years, I hate spending more than a day away from my lovely wife.

Perhaps your priorities are different but I couldn’t live the way you are living now. One way or another you will work it out, I suppose. The question is whether or not your relationship survives.

[Jack Mountain]

Try to stay with eachother 72 hours in a row, it will cure you ...

[Seastallion]

I think you may want to prepare yourself for the fact that your wife has someone else in her life.

It was going to be something along those lines or something about her "job" that was bound to be brought up.

It's quite sad the number of cynics in this forum.

But then, I understand how some have been bitten and are now resentful of those that have good relationships with good women.

It's a pity though that when a genuine guy like the OP has to take these depressing kinds of statements when all he really wants is some advice and to be allowed to vent.

[eldragon]

I'd say you've got it backwards and it is indeed more of a geographical (or cultural) issue than a marital one. First of all, Thais work a lot. I think you mentioned she works for the governement. Not a lot of leeway there. The expectation seems to be government workers are going to work 6 or 7 days a week at up to twelve hours per day. If you're a Thai doing 8 hours a day for 5 days a week, and making decent money, then you're in the minority.

And secondly, the distance IS a factor. You'd have a lot more time with your girl if you were living closer to her workplace. Her not having to travel 50 km to see you equates to an extra hour in the morning and another one at night. Multiply that by 30 days and that's a lot more quality time over the course of a month.

Not trying to sound harsh or condescending. Just trying to offer a little perspective. Your situation is fairly normal. This is why I always tell people if you want to marry a Thai girl you should first decide if you truly enjoy living in Thailand.

[eldragon]

I think you may want to prepare yourself for the fact that your wife has someone else in her life.

Maybe. I'm not certain, but I think the OP said he sees his wife twice a week. I'd be a little suspicious of a Thai woman I was married to that was okay with that.

[bkkgooner]

You're married to her and you don't have a full time job surely you should just move close to the hospital? If you don't like the town well sorry mate but you're married to her seems like its time to get your priorities in order.

You are married and only seeing each other twice a week would be a serious cause of concern for me.

[donniereadit]

That's how the majority of folks live...

Unless you are retired or work from home most couples need to goto work during the week, have a couple hours in the evening then sleep together, rinse and repeat.

That often includes a commuting to and from work and being tired a the end of the day.

What are you looking for?

[HeavyDrinker]

I'm afraid the fault is clearly with you here.

You don't like the town, but imagine your wife being able to finish work and have a 5 minute walk or motorbike ride to your place near her hospital instead of a 50KM one hour cross country drive, not to mention the removal of two 7am starts to gruelling days being removed from her week.. The extra time and removal of the extra effort on her behalf would probably make all the difference on the days you are together and even re-open some lines of communication.

She probably arrives at your place thinking; 'what has he been doing all day while I've been working my backside off and dragging myself across country?" so maybe your evenings together don't start with her in the best frame of mind. A simple gesture or sacrifice on your part to rectify the situation would probably go a long way.

[donniereadit]

It's an issue that affects many first world couples.

What you need to do is sit down and have a nice chat to her....ask her if she is happy with the arrangement, and why does she continue like this. Maybe she is working towards a promotion and you both have to make the sacrifice now for a better future. Maybe she hates her job and would quit but fears your reaction. Maybe....maybe... just talk to her....but try and make it about her first, not you.

In other words, will you support me financially.

[heyyoufarang]

I think you may want to prepare yourself for the fact that your wife has someone else in her life.

Seriously, bro? Gimme a break. Next...

[heyyoufarang]

Try to regularly have some dedicated quality time together, some common activities; plus trying to keep busy yourself might make it less difficult.

I think this very well could be the problem. I have not been busy the last month and a half. I am conditioned to keep busy and well too much idle time starts playing on my mind....Well I post threads regarding how kooky and depressed I feel. I need to get going on something to stay occupied, some thing where I feel progression is being made--not try to invent the wheel. It can be simple but positive, hopefully bring in a little money would be best.

[heyyoufarang]

I have had friends who’s main criteria for a wife or girlfriend was that they work, for two reasons. First so they wouldn’t have to support them and second so they wouldn’t be around much, leaving them with lots of free time to do as they wished.

I always thought that was crazy because I got married for love and companionship. Even after 17 years, I hate spending more than a day away from my lovely wife.

Perhaps your priorities are different but I couldn’t live the way you are living now. One way or another you will work it out, I suppose. The question is whether or not your relationship survives.

Yes we do love each other, I mean that's why we got married. I could have married several times over but declined, mostly due to maturity issues. We are much closer than we were when I was still in the States. We actually had a long distance relationship for almost two years. I can't really believe it myself. But we did, and it is the real deal. We are both grateful that I am here and that I am not flip city from the darastic change that is moving from Western culture to this one. I acclamated pretty well, I feel. It's this damn idle time coupled with the stress caused to both her and I wanting to be closer. Her job just will not allow that, however.

[donniereadit]

Try to regularly have some dedicated quality time together, some common activities; plus trying to keep busy yourself might make it less difficult.

I think this very well could be the problem. I have not been busy the last month and a half. I am conditioned to keep busy and well too much idle time starts playing on my mind....Well I post threads regarding how kooky and depressed I feel. I need to get going on something to stay occupied, some thing where I feel progression is being made--not try to invent the wheel. It can be simple but positive, hopefully bring in a little money would be best.

Time for the if your bored it's your fault crowd to chime in.

[heyyoufarang]

I think you may want to prepare yourself for the fact that your wife has someone else in her life.

It was going to be something along those lines or something about her "job" that was bound to be brought up.

It's quite sad the number of cynics in this forum.

But then, I understand how some have been bitten and are now resentful of those that have good relationships with good women.

It's a pity though that when a genuine guy like the OP has to take these depressing kinds of statements when all he really wants is some advice and to be allowed to vent.

Yes thanks, mate. When I read that it didn't even make sense to me at first. I just felt pissed off. The deal is she is a medical doctor. I thought I was prepared to handle the stresses of being married to a person with that much responsibility. I respect ther so very much and I deliberately do things for her that make her life as pleasent as i can. But it's hard. She gone a lot, tired on the time she has off. She is young and must have so much stress but hides it well. She has to balance me with her family and career. I don't know what i expected to get from anyone on this forum. I don't have many people to really talk to around here, and I just want to get some things out in writing I guess.