Just kinda on a bummer, married life.

[heyyoufarang]

I'd say you've got it backwards and it is indeed more of a geographical (or cultural) issue than a marital one. First of all, Thais work a lot. I think you mentioned she works for the governement. Not a lot of leeway there. The expectation seems to be government workers are going to work 6 or 7 days a week at up to twelve hours per day. If you're a Thai doing 8 hours a day for 5 days a week, and making decent money, then you're in the minority.

And secondly, the distance IS a factor. You'd have a lot more time with your girl if you were living closer to her workplace. Her not having to travel 50 km to see you equates to an extra hour in the morning and another one at night. Multiply that by 30 days and that's a lot more quality time over the course of a month.

Not trying to sound harsh or condescending. Just trying to offer a little perspective. Your situation is fairly normal. This is why I always tell people if you want to marry a Thai girl you should first decide if you truly enjoy living in Thailand.

Yes thank you, sound advice. This made me remember that my wife offered up the suggestion of moving closer to her. I didn't that would help because I was camparing distance from the States to where I am now. I am WAY closer now to her then I was. But when you add up the hours, in one month that is a lot as you pointed. I should rethink the proximity factor. Thank you very much for that. So simple but sometimes out of sight.

[heyyoufarang]

Thanks for the feed back and some perspective. I made a commitment to work in the town where I am. It is closer to her than the first town I lived in in Thailand, but still not close enough. I will starting talking to her about moving to the same town. Seems like such an easy thing, how could I overlook it? But life puts the blinds on you sometimes. Anyway, thanks.

[heyyoufarang]

Well the forum has personality, that's cool.

[bkkgooner]

It's your marriage though if you're not prepared to settle down in a town you don't like so you can see her on a daily basis maybe you should be reconsidering living in Thailand.

It seems like you are a bit lost in Thailand as well with nothing to do. How about working in a school close to her hospital somewhere that won't require a huge amount of effort on your part but it would keep you busy Mon - Fri?

[fredbasset]

I know you are going to ignore me but lets see if I have this right.

you moved from US to Thailand, to be with her,

"We are much closer than we were when I was still in the States"

then you moved to another town to be closer to her

" It is closer to her than the first town I lived in in Thailand"

and you are still 50kms away. And you need some one else to tell you this is still to far.

Serisouly is that right?

Nothing has made me laugh more than someone coming on thai fuckin visa for marital advice.

cheers buddy you have made my easter.

just for the record as soon as I told my wife - she said if you moved closer you are likely to find out about her Thai husband.

(sorry if you are genuiinely un happy, but dude, move fuckin' closer for christ sake. and dont ask the numbskulls on here for adivce about YOUR marriage, how <deleted> is you)

[surfinglife]

Thank you for reminding us of yet another reason why marriage is not an option:-)

[geronimo]

I think many have to live like this, the trick is to see how one can overcome it. You hit the nail on the head with this statement

"She is stressed due to work obligations and wants emotional support from me".

So, if I were you, I'd give her that emotional support and also find a way to deal with my own insecurities. It is what you make it, even when the situation is as you stated.

My better half works six days a week (live in) and when she comes home I don't allow her to do a single thing around the house. In fact, I wait on her and she loves it because she deserves it.

Give and take is what it's all about. I'm sure you can rise above this and change your perception of it.

[dotpoom]

I was in the same position. I fixed it by telling her to give up her job and I paid her the equivalent (just the average Thai wage). We had a fantastic time after that travelling near and far and sharing all experiences together. If you are in employment that would be a different story. I am retired.

[how241]

Could be worse, imagine if you were apart for only 8 hours a week! I bet many on this forum would give their left nut for that opportunity.

+1...ha ha

[FiftyTwo]

Move to the same town as her, or get a girlfriend (aka Gik).

[SOTIRIOS]

....something does not sound right here......

[Tatsujin]

Has this "working all hours" situation changed since you were married, or was it the same during your (I'm sure) lengthy dating/engagement/getting to know you period?

[sirchai]

Try to regularly have some dedicated quality time together, some common activities; plus trying to keep busy yourself might make it less difficult.

I think this very well could be the problem. I have not been busy the last month and a half. I am conditioned to keep busy and well too much idle time starts playing on my mind....Well I post threads regarding how kooky and depressed I feel. I need to get going on something to stay occupied, some thing where I feel progression is being made--not try to invent the wheel. It can be simple but positive, hopefully bring in a little money would be best.

Ever thought of being with the wrong woman? Married for six months. Stop watching so much porn! Oh my Buddha.

Edited April 17, 2014 by sirchai

[tingtongteesood]

You could go the way that many do and pay for everything so she doesn't have to work. Personally I think you are damn lucky she has a strong work ethic and doesn't sponge completely off you. I would like to find a woman like that myself.... Maybe you can agree a day a week that you both have off work so you have time together ?

[ChoakMyDee]

I have no great advice for you but I wish you the best. Perhaps you can find something online to keep you busy for a few hours a day...that's what I do.

[carib102]

Simple answer. Move where your wife is. You aren't bound to the town you're in now, so I can't see how you missed this simple answer. To be honest I can't see why you didn't move to the same town as her when you came to Thailand. I have been married for 8 years and aside from the first four months while we were waiting for her US visa we have been apart a total of three days. She also works the same as most Thais, 6 days a week and 10-12 hours a day, but we make the most of her time off. It is what it is. We have talked about her quitting, but honestly she would have nothing to do but watch lakorns all day long if she didn't work, so being apart while she works and maximizing the time we have together is a much better option. Plus, she is very motivated (as it sounds like your wife is), so making a career is very important to her. And I support her in that because I love her. You need to acclimate to life in Thailand dude. I sounds to me as if the problem here is more culture shock and lack of direction in your own life. Many couples here and in the west deal with being apart due to work/career obligations.

[godden]

her Thai husbands doing ok

[heyyoufarang]

Thank everyone. I think the bottom line here is just to move to her town, or just start to get busy again. Life is not in shambles here. I am only writing because I am lonely and wanted some friendly advice. Being a doctor takes a lot of time. I respect her deeply for her commitment and perserverance. She will start her specialty program next year, then after three years she will be able to work less hectic hours. Just in the interim her work keeps her more than busy. I love her so much and go to lengths to make her life more relaxed.

I don't feel lost, nor worry about her cheating on me blah blah negative BS some of you puke out, probably all over this forum. In California we say, 'beat it, kook." I digress. Despite the intelligent people here, I once again leave the retards to their negative lifes. Good bye Thai forum.

Edited April 17, 2014 by heyyoufarang

[blazes]

I've been married three times, and I have to say, from my own experience, the best recipe for a good marriage is when you give yourselves lots of space. My Thai wife works the usual Thai week and we get on famously cos I can spend all day reading ThaiVisa.com and all the newspapers of the world and write a few emails or talk on webcam. The day is never long enough for me. Then she comes home and I give her my undivided attention (if she needs it)...and so on and son.

Your wife is a doctor? I would give my right nut for a wife who is a doctor!!!! (But I am a hypochondriac).

You mentioned being closer to her when you were in the US. Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

Move, as we are all telling you, move move move, and don't be so selfish.

Also, look up CODEPENDENCE...you (but not your wife) may suffer from this affliction.

[heyyoufarang]

I have no great advice for you but I wish you the best. Perhaps you can find something online to keep you busy for a few hours a day...that's what I do.

Outstanding avatar name. I'm gonna start using that around town.

[nanapong]

You could go the way that many do and pay for everything so she doesn't have to work. Personally I think you are damn lucky she has a strong work ethic and doesn't sponge completely off you. I would like to find a woman like that myself.... Maybe you can agree a day a week that you both have off work so you have time together ?

Well , maybe you could take her off his hands a few days a week. She sounds a perfect wife for the cheapy charlies.

I mean , who'd want a wife you had to look after.

[heyyoufarang]

No, I was not closer to her when I was in the States. By proximity I am closer to her here now. I think codependency is going too far, perhaps. I mean when we see each other it's ON. We both want to be able to spend more time together. I am 50 klicks away and she is busy. It's really not a huge deal. It does put stress on us, but this is the life we choose. We talked about this before we were married, that she was going to be working all the time. I thought, wow, sweet, I'll have this free time. I guess I am never happy or the grass is always greener. If we were together often I would want 'my' time, now that we are apart I more 'our' time.

[heyyoufarang]

Has this "working all hours" situation changed since you were married, or was it the same during your (I'm sure) lengthy dating/engagement/getting to know you period?

When we met she was in school which was a full, full time commitment. School plus externing all night. When she started working two years ago they lay it on thick for the doctors. The gov sends them where they are needed and all they do is live in a dorm at the hospital and work. So our whole relationship has been like this thus far. We take time off for little getaways here and there, which is RAD.

Edited April 17, 2014 by heyyoufarang

[kingstonkid]

^{HEY YOU}

I too share a bit of your anxiety but only because the other half works until 9 at night 4 days a week and works Sat and Sunday. Then just wants to do cleaning and chat.

The solution that I think you have to look at is that it would in fact be better for you to move closer to her. Try it for a week or 2 meet some of her friends and co workers. you can always take a day that you are not teaching and go somewhere just ensure that she realizes that the nights and days she has off are to be spent together with you both doing things that you like.

you might have to pick up the slack with the house though I know that no farang can ever clean good enough for a Thai ladies satisfaction.

[ttthailand]

I think I see the picture you are trying to paint but not really spelling it out in writing. Your wife comes home and is tired from work and you want to play and do the wild thing but she wants to unwind and relax. ok I understand both of you and you are both normal.... solution: learn how to give a 30 minute relaxing oil massage with water based massage oil. During the massage which she will love and make her relax, slide your little hard animal into its wet home and get your relief and put her into a nice climax.... everyone happy and stress is gone. No one turns down a nice massage and after such a nice jester she will be happy to lay there and let you enjoy. just my idea

[ggt]

It's an issue that affects many first world couples.

What you need to do is sit down and have a nice chat to her....ask her if she is happy with the arrangement, and why does she continue like this. Maybe she is working towards a promotion and you both have to make the sacrifice now for a better future. Maybe she hates her job and would quit but fears your reaction. Maybe....maybe... just talk to her....but try and make it about her first, not you.

It is not subject, between her and I, that really needs to talked about delicately. We both know she works too much, but now it is starting to cause some issues. Oh, backtrack. I get what you mean. Yes, it is starting to cause me more grief and rather than come down on her that her job is making me feel a particular way, I should say because of of your job you...you...you.... That was supposed to come out funny, but it looks just mean now. Anyway, I just need to be more patient; it's just difficult being so in a foriegn country, or more difficult I should say. I am sure this would cause some stress at home too.

Find some other farangs to hang out with while the wife is at work...do some volunteer work in your local community...get a massage...and do not stress out over the hours the wife puts in at work...this is Thailand...most Thais do not work just an 8 hour day...and many are devoted to their work...

[Cricketnut]

Yeah only 6 months is right. I feel the same way. She lives at the hospital in a smaller town, one where I could not see myself spending more time then I have to. The town is about 50 klicks from where I am, but it's not the distance, it's the demand of the job. I guess there is no good answer for this one. I need to figure out something enriching to do for myself in the interim. We both believe it will not continue on like this forever. I suppose I am just being selfish--it's lonely ya know.

Your simply lonely mate. Men require support and need to feel useful as well. Try and talk it out as has been suggested, but remember, the first year is the hardest. Can you organise some hobbies or activities for yourself? Staying fit is a good one, and also let her know that you love her. It will be reciprocated in time. She may be feeling exactly the same as yourself. What ever you do, don't isolate yourself and turn to the booze. Pm me if you would like some other ideas hang in there champ.

[Sheryl]

I don't see why you do not look into renting a place right near her hospital, it sounds like your work is flexible enough/hours short enough to accomodate this. You will definitely see more of each other than way.

If she is a recent medical graduate, the situation now will not be permanent and her hours will improve once she has completed her required stint in govt facility. Improve, but .... hers will always be a demanding job. Ditto if she is a nurse. Either way, the reality is you are married to someone whose work is much more than a job, both in its demands and its rewards, and if you care about her and the marriage you need to accept this and, even, learn to take an interest in what she does, it's a huge part of her life and not merely a means of getting a paycheck.

[Hedghog]

Tell the wife not to visit so often.

[bushwacker]

After reading the non-problem, you have gotten some good solutions on the first page. So ... up to you.