I Need Some Advice, Please!

[phayao]

hope i m wrong

It sounds very weird: you (farang) live and work in the USA but he (Thai) lives and works in the UK ?

It's a formula for disaster. Why don't you take him to be with you?

I've met my TBF on 12th/Nov/91, I extended my stay in Thailand until Christmas; we got an apartment to live together and I came back on 2nd/January/92. On 22nd/January I took him with me to my country and we've been living together for...16 years !

We come back every year for some 1-3 months, depending on his/my holidays.

I followed the advice of an expat "old hand": take him with you or you'll loose him, he said.

We're legally married now and in the process of getting my nationality. He's 38, I'm 63. Miracles do happen! Don't loose your hope but be wise.

[scorecard]

Why didn't you mention much earlier in your many posts about paying off his families debt.

You now say something about 'he wants pay off the family debt. I't not too much money to me but seems to be important for him and his family'.

Small to you is very likely unscaleable mountain to his family. It's also posible the family have been under threats to come up with payment. If the debt is owed to a loan shark then interest is probaby mounting at 20% a month or something similar.

If He's genuinly in Englnad to earn money to pay off this debt, and you now seem to be saying just that, then I highly admire his values, and I hope he succeeds quickly in his endeavour, and finds real happiness.

You should think a bit more before you write.

[JonnieB]

Gab...

i think you are just in lust and want to get up your BF's butt (i am assuming you are a top here...or "gay king" as the thai boy's say) everynite...so the drastic life change you are contemplating. i think you should just continue to make money in farangland and come here on vacation and have the company of many rent-boys. even me, who have lived here years still prefers to take my choice any given nite of the week. keeps things nice and easy and fun and no muss no fuss. also keeps the butt-boys in their place

[neilrob]

i think you should just continue to make money in farangland and come here on vacation and have the company of many rent-boys. even me, who have lived here years still prefers to take my choice any given nite of the week. keeps things nice and easy and fun and no muss no fuss. also keeps the butt-boys in their place

To the last poster, it is possible to fall in love, not just in lust. Having tried both, in the long run love is much more satisfying for me. If you read what he says in his posts, I think that this would also be true for the OP.

Gabriel---please can you update us on what's happening?

[JonnieB]

it is possible to fall in love, not just in lust. Having tried both, in the long run love is much more satisfying for me. If you read what he says in his posts, I think that this would also be true for the OP.

i think you are living in a dream world...even within the same culture, 50% of relationships hit the skids at some point!!! what did guru say today...that the thai rate (inter-thai i assume) is now 27%. what do you think the odds are for alien culture relationships in the long term??

take off the bliders...enjoy thailand and thai boys but stay single. much more fun and no headaches too

[lazeeboy]

name='JonnieB' date='2007-09-28 17:11:30' post='1562843']

[

it is possible to fall in love, not just in lust. Having tried both, in the long run love is much more satisfying for me. If you read what he says in his posts, I think that this would also be true for the OP

i think you are living in a dream world...even within the same culture, 50% of relationships hit the skids at some point!!! what did guru say today...that the thai rate (inter-thai i assume) is now 27%. what do you think the odds are for alien culture relationships in the long term??

take off the bliders...enjoy thailand and thai boys but stay single. much more fun and no headaches too

[

wee bit more dangerous though more partners more chance of catching something

[JonnieB]

name='JonnieB' date='2007-09-28 17:11:30' post='1562843']

wee bit more dangerous though more partners more chance of catching something

what...and you are planning to be the first person in history to live forever

[neilrob]

i think you are living in a dream world...even within the same culture, 50% of relationships hit the skids at some point!!! what did guru say today...that the thai rate (inter-thai i assume) is now 27%. what do you think the odds are for alien culture relationships in the long term??

take off the bliders...enjoy thailand and thai boys but stay single. much more fun and no headaches too

There is nothing unrealistic about my comments. My Thai partner and I have been together for almost 33 years now and still counting---we met when we were both in our twenties. Both of us enjoy some lust on the side and the various opportunities that Thailand offers, but it is the love which endures. Even if a loving relationship does eventually finish, as many will, this does not mean that the relationship was not worthwhile. Better to have loved and lost....

Neil

[JonnieB]

There is nothing unrealistic about my comments. My Thai partner and I have been together for almost 33 years now and still counting---we met when we were both in our twenties. Both of us enjoy some lust on the side and the various opportunities that Thailand offers, but it is the love which endures. Even if a loving relationship does eventually finish, as many will, this does not mean that the relationship was not worthwhile. Better to have loved and lost....

congrats...i'm sure there are the odd examples where it works out but most of the couples i know (straight and gay) are miserable. also petty fighting, cheating, and no sex anymore, etc. why bother, just be single and enjoy life...variety if the spice...

[geriatrickid]

wee bit more dangerous though more partners more chance of catching something

Yay, someone paid attention to the health indicators. Multiple partners = greater likelihood of an STI and complications.

If you need a bigger incentive, the last guy you want swabbing your willy is my dawg Toby. He thinks he's scraping barnacles off of a keel.

Follow your heart, mister.

[krobbie]

wee bit more dangerous though more partners more chance of catching something

Yay, someone paid attention to the health indicators. Multiple partners = greater likelihood of an STI and complications.

If you need a bigger incentive, the last guy you want swabbing your willy is my dawg Toby. He thinks he's scraping barnacles off of a keel.

Follow your heart, mister.

Gabriel, I also say, follow your heart. The whole deal is a gamble (maybe a gambol). Percentages this, percentages that. Give it go. If it doesn't work in the long term, so what. Nobody died! Seems to me there's more +'s than -'s in this particular instance.

Choc dee to you and your bf, mai pen rai the rest:wai:

krobbie

Edited October 6, 2007 by krobbie

[Scott123]

I am 43 years old and also moving to LOS. However, I am not moving there for a bf, in fact, I have only one or two local friends there, no special someone, and I do not plan to date or settle down with anyone in Thailand.

I am tired of the corporate job and lifestyle in the U.S., and fortunately I have made and saved up enough money to retire even if I continue living in the U.S., with a moderate lifestyle.

I like the Thai manner: humble, modest and very little confrontation. and the big plus is the low cost of living: The same amount of money I would have spend in the U.S. will get me more in Thailand.

My plan is to live out in BKK for one year and see how I feel about it. If I don't like it, I will move back to the U.S., I still have a home in the U.S.

The only thing I worry is how to keep myself stimulated intellectually in Thailand. Any suggestion?

[popshirt]

I am 43 years old and also moving to LOS. However, I am not moving there for a bf, in fact, I have only one or two local friends there, no special someone, and I do not plan to date or settle down with anyone in Thailand.

I am tired of the corporate job and lifestyle in the U.S., and fortunately I have made and saved up enough money to retire even if I continue living in the U.S., with a moderate lifestyle.

I like the Thai manner: humble, modest and very little confrontation. and the big plus is the low cost of living: The same amount of money I would have spend in the U.S. will get me more in Thailand.

My plan is to live out in BKK for one year and see how I feel about it. If I don't like it, I will move back to the U.S., I still have a home in the U.S.

The only thing I worry is how to keep myself stimulated intellectually in Thailand. Any suggestion?

I have had a Thai bf for 3 years and our relationship is very very good. We live together.

BUT

I have found it important to me to spend some time at my California home for a variety of reasons, one of which is to be with my intellectually stimulating friends (I also have friends in this category in Bkk but not many).

I have The New Yorker delivered to Thailand and devour it every week.

I go to films/concerts at the Goethe Institut, Alliance Francaise, Thai Cultural Center, etc.

But I do miss the indie films, especially those from Latin America, Europe, Australia and I catch up on those when I return to California.

I think your plan is a good one. Don't burn bridges. Variety is important in my life and that is why I really like living in two places that are so very different.

I am just sorry US Visa restrictions are so nasty as I would love to introduce my bf to my life in the US. But we are working on that, in the meantime he is getting on with his career and doing well at it.

Because my income is in US dollars and prices have gone up in Bkk anyway, I don't find a great deal of difference in the cost of living here. For one year I lived "Thai style" paying under 10,000 baht/mo for an apartment and it was ok, a good experience, but have moved to what my bf calls a "hi-so" bldg with lots of space and a great view and enjoy it more. The rent is comparable to what I would pay in the US. That was my choice and worth it to me.

I also travel when I am in Bkk, for example a trip to the Middle East this past year. I love Thailand but find it a bit cloying if I don't get away from time to time. But that is just me. You will find your own preferences. Good luck.

[elkangorito]

I'm yet to find a BF .

I'm not one to follow rules (I detest them) & I really don't want to interfere with my potential partners ideaology. This makes things quite difficult. There are an enormous number of people, both straight & gay, who like to follow the "rules" (whatever they are). When they meet someone like me, for which there are no rules, they find me difficult to "categorise". They seem to not understand that I, along with the rest of the world, cannot be "categorised".

Whatever happened to trust, faith & love? These things seem to have become clouded/buried in/by the "rules".

[HB2010]

wee bit more dangerous though more partners more chance of catching something

Yay, someone paid attention to the health indicators. Multiple partners = greater likelihood of an STI and complications.

If you need a bigger incentive, the last guy you want swabbing your willy is my dawg Toby. He thinks he's scraping barnacles off of a keel.

Follow your heart, mister.

Gabriel, I also say, follow your heart. The whole deal is a gamble (maybe a gambol). Percentages this, percentages that. Give it go. If it doesn't work in the long term, so what. Nobody died! Seems to me there's more +'s than -'s in this particular instance.

Choc dee to you and your bf, mai pen rai the rest:wai:

krobbie

I have to follow my heart and of course, my gut feelings and past experiences. The first time I met my bf, I knew he was different. For a 26 year old, he acts and thinks much older than that number. He has goals and plans to accomplish those. I didn't at that age! Is it a "gamble"? Who knows at this point. I'm not going to "burn any bridges" and I can always come back to the States if things don't work out. But, I know living together is what we have to do for this relationship to work. I'm not good at being single and casual sex never appealed to me. Well, 2 months and counting and then we'll both be together in Bangkok. God, I wish Dec. 17th was tomorrow!

[FranklyNoMore]

I\'m yet to find a BF. I\'m not one to follow rules (I detest them) I really don\'t want to interfere with my potential partners ideaology. This makes things quite difficult. There are an enormous number of people, both straight and gay, who like to follow the rules(whatever they are). When they meet someone like me, for which there are no rules, they find me difficult to categorise. They seem to not understand that I, along with the rest of the world, cannot be categorised. Whatever happened to trust, faith and love? These things seem to have become clouded/buried in/by the rules.

I couldnt agree more. Those who have rules are basically insecure and fear the worst and the rules are their protection. Rules are obviously put in place when things go wrong but by having rules you are asking for trouble because you are not allowing love and trust and the relationship to blossom naturally and thats when things get clouded and start to go wrong. Do you make a decision from the heart or the rule book? When starting a relationship I always think that, what will be will be. If it works out then great and if it dont then great too. If guy enters my life and if it lasts a day, a week, a year or a lifetime then great. If things dont work out I can see if someone else want to walk with me.

[farang prince]

wee bit more dangerous though more partners more chance of catching something

Yay, someone paid attention to the health indicators. Multiple partners = greater likelihood of an STI and complications.

If you need a bigger incentive, the last guy you want swabbing your willy is my dawg Toby. He thinks he's scraping barnacles off of a keel.

Follow your heart, mister.

Gabriel, I also say, follow your heart. The whole deal is a gamble (maybe a gambol). Percentages this, percentages that. Give it go. If it doesn't work in the long term, so what. Nobody died! Seems to me there's more +'s than -'s in this particular instance.

Choc dee to you and your bf, mai pen rai the rest:wai:

krobbie

I have to follow my heart and of course, my gut feelings and past experiences. The first time I met my bf, I knew he was different. For a 26 year old, he acts and thinks much older than that number. He has goals and plans to accomplish those. I didn't at that age! Is it a "gamble"? Who knows at this point. I'm not going to "burn any bridges" and I can always come back to the States if things don't work out. But, I know living together is what we have to do for this relationship to work. I'm not good at being single and casual sex never appealed to me. Well, 2 months and counting and then we'll both be together in Bangkok. God, I wish Dec. 17th was tomorrow!

Good luck to you Gabriel. Remember, give 90% of your heart to your lover but keep 10% for yourself.

Edited October 16, 2007 by farang prince

[scorecard]

Scott123

You mentioned 'tired of corporate'. You also mentioned about keeping yourself inellectually stimulated.

Have you considered part time teaching? Could be:

- Part time English language teaching, but you need to note two points: there are good English language schools and rubbish schools in Bangkok. You would need to explore this and make your choice. You would need at least a bachelor degree which can be verified.

- If you have some type of strong corporate knowledge/skills and experience then you could possible get a job lecturing in a Thai university. Again you would need to do some good research, and a must would be to gain insights into how Thai universities work / the universities culture/hierachy, student expectations, etc. (Which is all quite different to the US or other farang countries). You would need some advanced education.