After divorce. Best for kids

[apiwan]

So 2 years on from divorce. And kids with me. Their mom came here once to their school to see them.

After that nothing.

Now they are with me and doing very well in school and being looked after at home by my Friend of 25 years and her mom and dad.

The ? Is if/when I die what's the situation .

Can she just come and take the kids ? Or does she have to go to court even though she's their biological mother ?

If in UK the family court would be involved and to determine the best for kids.

For sure she will come back hoping that anything left by me for them will be come hers by default .

Which leaves me with not bettering my or there lives knowing she will get all.

Can I legally appoint my friend as the legal guardian ?

Hopefully I'll live until they've left school .

But just planning for whatever.

Hope this thread helps those planning on having kids here.or

Have kids here.

Thoughts

Thanks

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[benalibina]

Dont know the specifics of your familylife but i would surely enforce on your ex that she stays in touch with the kids. Also you need to talk with your kids on a regular basis about their mother.

Kids need both parents.

Write this because i am on the other side of the coin myself.

[Mario2008]

It depens if she has shared custody with you or if you have sole custody. If you have shared custody, she would automatically be the person who decides about the children and have sole custody over them since you would be dead.

If you have sole custody, you could make a will and in that will state who you want to take car of the children. That will go a long way with a judge, especially if the children are a bit older and agree with that person being the guardian instead of the mother.

If you have share custody, a will stating that will still be a good idea incase the mother is unwilling or uncapable.

[Showbags]

Leave whatever assets in your will to your kids but they cannot get hold of them to control themselves until they reach ?? age....in my will it is 30yo.

But, if you have income from those assets, they can have access to that income to pay for lifes expenses...for them and only them, home, school, carer, food etc........but with this you do need someone to manage those funds and make sure they are paid to whom and when required....no point letting the mother, if she is no good, to have that access if she may just waste it herself every month and kids end up growing up in hardship, but with assets waiting for them.

I have my lawyer back home nominated to do this and it is only required if I cark it while they are under age.

Death is a headache.

[apiwan]

Dont know the specifics of your familylife but i would surely enforce on your ex that she stays in touch with the kids. Also you need to talk with your kids on a regular basis about their mother.

Kids need both parents.

Write this because i am on the other side of the coin myself.

That's not gonna happen while I'm alive.

Life was ok until the youngest was born . Then she just changed into a complete cant.

The kids aren't to eager to run back to her. That's probably whole I'm around though

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[apiwan]

It depens if she has shared custody with you or if you have sole custody. If you have shared custody, she would automatically be the person who decides about the children and have sole custody over them since you would be dead.

If you have sole custody, you could make a will and in that will state who you want to take car of the children. That will go a long way with a judge, especially if the children are a bit older and agree with that person being the guardian instead of the mother.

If you have share custody, a will stating that will still be a good idea incase the mother is unwilling or uncapable.

thanks mate

I do have have sole custody.

They are totally in my care. She doesn't have a say in the matter.

The will is what I thought.

And will be talking to lawyer next week.

Will let you know how it goes

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[apiwan]

Leave whatever assets in your will to your kids but they cannot get hold of them to control themselves until they reach ?? age....in my will it is 30yo.

But, if you have income from those assets, they can have access to that income to pay for lifes expenses...for them and only them, home, school, carer, food etc........but with this you do need someone to manage those funds and make sure they are paid to whom and when required....no point letting the mother, if she is no good, to have that access if she may just waste it herself every month and kids end up growing up in hardship, but with assets waiting for them.

I have my lawyer back home nominated to do this and it is only required if I cark it while they are under age.

Death is a headache.

nice post mate

So I'm not the only one thinking ahead.

The smallest has insurance from kasikorn 50 K PA for 6 years . Cover for 15 years . Money back if no claim. if anything happens to me at least school will be paid until she finishes .

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[benalibina]

Dont know the specifics of your familylife but i would surely enforce on your ex that she stays in touch with the kids. Also you need to talk with your kids on a regular basis about their mother.

Kids need both parents.

Write this because i am on the other side of the coin myself.

That's not gonna happen while I'm alive.

Life was ok until the youngest was born . Then she just changed into a complete cant.

The kids aren't to eager to run back to her. That's probably whole I'm around though

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I hope for kids sake that she was not only a <deleted> to you but to them as well. If not to them.....you better think twice....she is still the 1 who gave birth to her.

Anyway....you know best and i am not having a go at you, so do not interprete my comments on the wrong way.

[apiwan]

Dont know the specifics of your familylife but i would surely enforce on your ex that she stays in touch with the kids. Also you need to talk with your kids on a regular basis about their mother.

Kids need both parents.

Write this because i am on the other side of the coin myself.

That's not gonna happen while I'm alive.

Life was ok until the youngest was born . Then she just changed into a complete cant.

The kids aren't to eager to run back to her. That's probably whole I'm around though

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I hope for kids sake that she was not only a to you but to them as well. If not to them.....you better think twice....she is still the 1 who gave birth to her.

Anyway....you know best and i am not having a go at you, so do not interprete my comments on the wrong way.

Have a go.everybody else does. 555

Me . What she done. I San take it.

But what she done to the kids is unforgivable.

What you say is a typical fallang reply.

Yet all the thais I have spoken to apart from them that was close to her. Say.

Wipe her out. Don't let her near them at all.

That really is a thai trait.

Not bashing. But the west went to soft on people acting the cant.

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[Showbags]

How old are the kids ?

Perhaps keeping asking them if they want to see her....not every week, maybe few times a year etc......then its up to them and if they say no, well and good, they cannot grow up later and blame you for not letting them see her.

Tis the future...ya never know which way it might roll

[oxo1947]

"Hopefully I'll live until they've left school .
But just planning for whatever".......................apiwan

What time does school get out ...........................??...........

[spermwhale]

You don't say where you live, so I'll assume you're in Thailand. If you really want what's best for your kids, get them out of this S***hole and raise them in a civilized society where they have real opportunities in life.

I'm stuck here myself because I have two kids here for whom I have joint custody. But if I could, I remove them from Thailand. They'll get a better education and can have a well-rounded life that includes sports and free time and they'll be in a safer environment than this dirty place where they can get run down by someone easily nobody will stop to help.

Go back and appoint someone as their guardian should you pass.

[Mudcrab]

You don't say where you live, so I'll assume you're in Thailand. If you really want what's best for your kids, get them out of this S***hole and raise them in a civilized society where they have real opportunities in life.

I'm stuck here myself because I have two kids here for whom I have joint custody. But if I could, I remove them from Thailand. They'll get a better education and can have a well-rounded life that includes sports and free time and they'll be in a safer environment than this dirty place where they can get run down by someone easily nobody will stop to help.

Go back and appoint someone as their guardian should you pass.

I'll ask the question if nobody else will.

Why did you have children in this unsafe environment, dirty place, where they can get run down easily and nobody will stop in the first place?

I pray for the day when an over 50 retirement visa includes a requirement of a certificate of vasectomy as well as the monetary requirements to stop a lot of these sob stories happening in the first place.

What are people thinking (not you Spermwhale, but generally) when they catch themselves a young Thai lady when they are in their 50's or older and then get them pregnant. A lot of men won't even see their children finish high school. That isn't love - that's a form of child abuse in my opinion.

I await the attacks.

bring it on!!!!

[apiwan]

You don't say where you live, so I'll assume you're in Thailand. If you really want what's best for your kids, get them out of this S***hole and raise them in a civilized society where they have real opportunities in life.

I'm stuck here myself because I have two kids here for whom I have joint custody. But if I could, I remove them from Thailand. They'll get a better education and can have a well-rounded life that includes sports and free time and they'll be in a safer environment than this dirty place where they can get run down by someone easily nobody will stop to help.

Go back and appoint someone as their guardian should you pass.

I'll ask the question if nobody else will.

Why did you have children in this unsafe environment, dirty place, where they can get run down easily and nobody will stop in the first place?

I pray for the day when an over 50 retirement visa includes a requirement of a certificate of vasectomy as well as the monetary requirements to stop a lot of these sob stories happening in the first place.

What are people thinking (not you Spermwhale, but generally) when they catch themselves a young Thai lady when they are in their 50's or older and then get them pregnant. A lot of men won't even see their children finish high school. That isn't love - that's a form of child abuse in my opinion.

I await the attacks.

bring it on!!!!

You make some valid points mate. No attacks from me

I'm 40 and my life was here now it's here and UK.

To go back to UK with my kids wouldn't be impossible . However I don't have nobody there to look after them.

Child care is mega expensive there

In UK if I leave them at home and go to work .social will have them in care straight away.

I didn't say I don't like here. It's got good points and bad. Just like UK.

As for 50 + having kids. I personally don't agree.

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[benalibina]

You don't say where you live, so I'll assume you're in Thailand. If you really want what's best for your kids, get them out of this S***hole and raise them in a civilized society where they have real opportunities in life.

I'm stuck here myself because I have two kids here for whom I have joint custody. But if I could, I remove them from Thailand. They'll get a better education and can have a well-rounded life that includes sports and free time and they'll be in a safer environment than this dirty place where they can get run down by someone easily nobody will stop to help.

Go back and appoint someone as their guardian should you pass.

I'll ask the question if nobody else will.

Why did you have children in this unsafe environment, dirty place, where they can get run down easily and nobody will stop in the first place?

I pray for the day when an over 50 retirement visa includes a requirement of a certificate of vasectomy as well as the monetary requirements to stop a lot of these sob stories happening in the first place.

What are people thinking (not you Spermwhale, but generally) when they catch themselves a young Thai lady when they are in their 50's or older and then get them pregnant. A lot of men won't even see their children finish high school. That isn't love - that's a form of child abuse in my opinion.

I await the attacks.

bring it on!!!!

Maybe in the agegroup you refer 2...only maybe....they had to choose between life or death (abortion) and chose ....life...etc etc....

I beg to believe that a few, very few...again in the agegroup you refer 2....came to thailand to have children... most of these people probably have already children back home...

[Beetlejuice]

You don't say where you live, so I'll assume you're in Thailand. If you really want what's best for your kids, get them out of this S***hole and raise them in a civilized society where they have real opportunities in life.

I'm stuck here myself because I have two kids here for whom I have joint custody. But if I could, I remove them from Thailand. They'll get a better education and can have a well-rounded life that includes sports and free time and they'll be in a safer environment than this dirty place where they can get run down by someone easily nobody will stop to help.

Go back and appoint someone as their guardian should you pass.

I'll ask the question if nobody else will.

Why did you have children in this unsafe environment, dirty place, where they can get run down easily and nobody will stop in the first place?

I pray for the day when an over 50 retirement visa includes a requirement of a certificate of vasectomy as well as the monetary requirements to stop a lot of these sob stories happening in the first place.

What are people thinking (not you Spermwhale, but generally) when they catch themselves a young Thai lady when they are in their 50's or older and then get them pregnant. A lot of men won't even see their children finish high school. That isn't love - that's a form of child abuse in my opinion.

I await the attacks.

bring it on!!!!

You make some valid points mate. No attacks from me

I'm 40 and my life was here now it's here and UK.

To go back to UK with my kids wouldn't be impossible . However I don't have nobody there to look after them.

Child care is mega expensive there

In UK if I leave them at home and go to work .social will have them in care straight away.

I didn't say I don't like here. It's got good points and bad. Just like UK.

As for 50 + having kids. I personally don't agree.

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Social services in the UK would not take the children into care if you had proper accommodation, a secure job and day care for the children, but it seems you are unable to provide any of that for them.

I would be interested to know what you actually do here in Thailand, how you make a living and what part is the mother playing in caring for the children?

Very sad and traumatic for the children. Their futures do not appear to be looking bright, does it?

[saroq]

You don't say where you live, so I'll assume you're in Thailand. If you really want what's best for your kids, get them out of this S***hole and raise them in a civilized society where they have real opportunities in life.

I'm stuck here myself because I have two kids here for whom I have joint custody. But if I could, I remove them from Thailand. They'll get a better education and can have a well-rounded life that includes sports and free time and they'll be in a safer environment than this dirty place where they can get run down by someone easily nobody will stop to help.

Go back and appoint someone as their guardian should you pass.

I'll ask the question if nobody else will.

Why did you have children in this unsafe environment, dirty place, where they can get run down easily and nobody will stop in the first place?

I pray for the day when an over 50 retirement visa includes a requirement of a certificate of vasectomy as well as the monetary requirements to stop a lot of these sob stories happening in the first place.

What are people thinking (not you Spermwhale, but generally) when they catch themselves a young Thai lady when they are in their 50's or older and then get them pregnant. A lot of men won't even see their children finish high school. That isn't love - that's a form of child abuse in my opinion.

I await the attacks.

bring it on!!!!

As you say it's your opinion and others have a different opinion. You don't have to read the sob stories if they get you so worked up.

[Andre0720]

Dont know the specifics of your familylife but i would surely enforce on your ex that she stays in touch with the kids. Also you need to talk with your kids on a regular basis about their mother.

Kids need both parents.

Write this because i am on the other side of the coin

I raised my son from age 3 to age 6.

He did not want to see his mother. Appears I was both a mother and a father at the same time. Getting him dressed in the morning, playing softball in the evening...

Something a mother cannot do, or not as well as a father can...

[benalibina]

Dont know the specifics of your familylife but i would surely enforce on your ex that she stays in touch with the kids. Also you need to talk with your kids on a regular basis about their mother.

Kids need both parents.

Write this because i am on the other side of the coin

I raised my son from age 3 to age 6.

He did not want to see his mother. Appears I was both a mother and a father at the same time. Getting him dressed in the morning, playing softball in the evening...

Something a mother cannot do, or not as well as a father can...

If your son of 3 years old did not want to see his mother, she must have been terribly bad to him before.

If the above is not the case than you better look at your own role in it.

A child of 3 years old cannot decide if he does not want to see the other parent. That can only be achieved by badmouthing from the caretaker parent.

Read up on Parental Alienation on this forum.

I hope that you take my comment not to personal. I dont know the specifics in your situation.

Children need both parents.

Edited May 2, 2014 by benalibina

[sirineou]

It is important that the kids grow up feeling loved and secure. What ever has transpired between you and their mom is just that,

between you and your Ex.

If it can be helped,Until the kids are old enough to understand, their mother is a saint, and and she is not with them for reasons beyond her control.

Unless you have legally established that she is a unfit mother,or it can be established after your death. in the event that you passed away, and if the mother wished to regain custody of her children, I think the courts will side with her.

[apiwan]

Dont know the specifics of your familylife but i would surely enforce on your ex that she stays in touch with the kids. Also you need to talk with your kids on a regular basis about their mother.

Kids need both parents.

Write this because i am on the other side of the coin

I raised my son from age 3 to age 6.

He did not want to see his mother. Appears I was both a mother and a father at the same time. Getting him dressed in the morning, playing softball in the evening...

Something a mother cannot do, or not as well as a father can...

If your son of 3 years old did not want to see his mother, she must have been terribly bad to him before.

If the above is not the case than you better look at your own role in it.

A child of 3 years old cannot decide if he does not want to see the other parent. That is called manipulation by the other parent.

Read up on Parental Alienation on this forum.

I hope that you take my comment not to personal. I dont know the specifics in your situation.

My kid of 3+ didn't and still don't want to see her mother.

No manipulation in my behalf.

There was no love lost when she was born.

In reply to beetle juice .

Without telling my life story on here

Can't provide .

I have 2 flats in London. 1 I live in. 1 u rent I bought years ago.

I drive a cab in London the money is exceptional .

Has I work nights it's not easy until my kids grow a little more.

I'm here most the time with them.

Also they all go to good schools.

Most of my friends here are all doing well with their own business or factories .

I've got a few quid and I'm the poor one when we go out. Lol

Being a parent is not easy but I do my best for them

It's easy to sit at a keyboard and be all self righteousness.

But unless you know the full story how can you be so critical when we don't live in an ideal world

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[Beetlejuice]

Dont know the specifics of your familylife but i would surely enforce on your ex that she stays in touch with the kids. Also you need to talk with your kids on a regular basis about their mother.

Kids need both parents.

Write this because i am on the other side of the coin

I raised my son from age 3 to age 6.

He did not want to see his mother. Appears I was both a mother and a father at the same time. Getting him dressed in the morning, playing softball in the evening...

Something a mother cannot do, or not as well as a father can...

If your son of 3 years old did not want to see his mother, she must have been terribly bad to him before.

If the above is not the case than you better look at your own role in it.

A child of 3 years old cannot decide if he does not want to see the other parent. That is called manipulation by the other parent.

Read up on Parental Alienation on this forum.

I hope that you take my comment not to personal. I dont know the specifics in your situation.

My kid of 3+ didn't and still don't want to see her mother.

No manipulation in my behalf.

There was no love lost when she was born.

In reply to beetle juice .

Without telling my life story on here

Can't provide .

I have 2 flats in London. 1 I live in. 1 u rent I bought years ago.

I drive a cab in London the money is exceptional .

Has I work nights it's not easy until my kids grow a little more.

I'm here most the time with them.

Also they all go to good schools.

Most of my friends here are all doing well with their own business or factories .

I've got a few quid and I'm the poor one when we go out. Lol

Being a parent is not easy but I do my best for them

It's easy to sit at a keyboard and be all self righteousness.

But unless you know the full story how can you be so critical when we don't live in an ideal world

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Is that a London black cab or a mini cab service? There is a world of difference between the two.

If you are a London black cab driver, then I have never met a poor one yet. Plus 2 flats in London.

Can she just come and take the kids ? Or does she have to go to court even though she's their biological mother ?

I am assuming your Thai wife is in the UK? You stated that you have custody of the children. Is this official, meaning as agreed by the court? If not, than any one parent can take the children until a court decides otherwise. If you officially have custody of the children, than no she can not.

If in UK the family court would be involved and to determine the best for kids.

The problem is that the rules regarding the rights of wives/girlfriends in the West has gone way over the top, to almost Fascist proportions in favour of the women:

Here are some facts regarding the feminist rights of Western women:

The woman controls whether you have sex or not. She controls whether she gets pregnant or not. She determines whether to have an abortion or not (even if the man or husband wants the child). She has the option to divorce her husband at any point during the marriage just on the grounds that she no longer wishes to remain with her partner and if there are children involved, in 99.99% of cases, she gets the family home and the kids, even if there is a new partner on the scene, plus child support and alimony. The woman gets paid even if she is the partner that dissolved the marriage and still gets paid even if the male partner and her don't legally marry.

I know of some men that had been completely destroyed by these Draconian Laws where their spouses have literally picked their bones clean

For sure she will come back hoping that anything left by me for them will be come hers by default .

You can bet on it. And if she is naive, there will be other Thais or some lawyer that will show her the way.

Can I legally appoint my friend as the legal guardian?

No. The mother of the children would have to agree, plus the matter will be required to go via the adoption process to establish whether or not your friend and his partner would be suitable candidates to adopt your children.

Your last question truly disgusts me. My kids getting adopted of given away to someone else not even related, OVER MY DEAD BODY. Sorry to be so harsh, but why did you not use contraception with your partner? As it appears by what you have described, that both you and your partner or totally unsuitable parents.

You claim to have custody over the children, plus a well paid job, 2 flats and a tenant renting business. If i was in that situation where accommodation and money was not a problem as you allege, I would somehow ensure that my children stayed with me no matter what. Ever heard of the saying; where there`s a will, there`s a way, or is there more to this that you`re not mentioning?

Edited May 2, 2014 by Beetlejuice

[socksy01]

She has seen the kids once in two years? Sounds like she is uninterested. Get sole custody and make plans for her to be taken of the guardians should you 'pop your clogs'.