Phantom Marriage?!?!?!

[xix]

Meet a bar girl from Isaan - same age as me, spent some time together, went traveling around to a few neighbouring countries, spent around 2 months.

Decided to go back to her place in Isaan. Stayed in the same room as her in parents house. No issue I thought...

She tells me that I may as well be her husband now as in Thailand if you sleep together and the parents / family know than it shows you are a committed couple and will marry.

Bit taken aback by that to say the least!!

Any truth in this?

[bina]

yes in old fashioned families sleeping with someone in the same bed in their parents house could be taken as a 'committed couple', as formal wedding is not needed.

however, caveat emptor... while that is true, yu had better make some decisions because the next step is she will be asking for money for support as your 'fan' (partner)... and/or wedding registration.

also depends on her background. if she is not city wise , very possible that she felt that because you were with her steadily for two months then u are interested in her as a wife or she might not have spent all that time with you.

if she is city wise (my euphism for a woman who is /has been around a bit) , then this is just a nice way of asking for monetary maintenance.

then the next step would be her declaring she is pregnant so i hope u had enough sense to cover up and not rely on her.

waiting for all the doubters, cynics, nay sayers...ah... bar girl... well , second set of sentences stands... caveat emptor once again.

[meatboy]

stand back and take a deep breath,dont let on in any way that you might be interested getting married,wait for any responses from her and her family,if they see that you might I say might not be interested then see if her and the family change for the worst,as most would see their atm.card not finding its way into their pocket.on the other hand if she gf.plays it cool and there is no pressure from her parents take a step in the right direction.if you have the nessersary to look after her and the family you should be prepared for the cost.if you are looking for a gf.with no strings attached well Thailand is not the place for you.

oh by the way working or retirered.

[cooked]

I think that what you might be looking at, short term, is going through a village wedding which has no legal status. Sleeping with a virtuous girl (yes they exist in Isaan) would mean that you should marry. The whole village will know that you have a bar girl so will laugh at you behind your back.The wedding itself can be expensive and will of course add to the prestige of the family. We did ours for ฿20 000.- but you hear of hundreds of thousands being paid. Don't pay sin sot for a bar girl!

Edited May 15, 2014 by cooked

[meatboy]

I think that what you might be looking at, short term, is going through a village wedding which has no legal status. Sleeping with a virtuous girl (yes they exist in Isaan) would mean that you should marry. The whole village will know that you have a bar girl so will laugh at you behind your back.The wedding itself can be expensive and will of course add to the prestige of the family. We did ours for ฿20 000.- but you hear of hundreds of thousands being paid. Don't pay sin sot for a bar girl!

I can beat you cooked,300bht on taxis,3,750 food bill at tam-nak-thai[bkk] oh and not forgetting a gbp.coin for the registar at the amphur.

taff not Charlie

ah but she's different he's already done the sort term.maybe she was a virgin which in Thailand is priceless,maybe she did work behind the bar but only serving,but never mind what advice we give the op.he should be old enough to make up is own mind.

[NeverSure]

What some guys will do to get some tail.

[thehelmsman]

So, you didn't talk about things, about your intentions when you were traveling around??

Marriage isn't a must but a show of commitment is most likely anticipated.

Can always do a runner..............

[KaronSteve]

Ask to borrow some money from the family as you are skint...that should resolve the issue.

[DILLIGAD]

The lack of a follow-up post speaks volumes ( or he hasn't stopped running yet??)

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[mickemus]

A Thai man don’t pay sin sod for a bar girl, girl with a baby or been married before only Farang do.

The only exemption to this if the Thai girl’s family are rich .

A Thai man check his girl friend family first and then he Decide if he going to married her, Farang don´t.

A Thai man never sleep at his girl friend house (same rom ) only farang do.

If you sleep with your girlfriend in same room at her family house you have 2 choices run or pay the fee...........good luck

[SlyAnimal]

Yeah by Isaan/Thai tradition if you sleep in the same room, in her hometown (Doesn't have to be in her parent's house, even in a hotel at/near her village) then you'll be considered married.

A lot of people in my wife's hometown considered us married after we got engaged and I then moved in with my fiance. They were a bit surprised when we told them earlier this year that we were getting married and that all of my family were coming over, as they'd already considered us married since we had been living together for over 2 years.

For the OP, I wouldn't worry too much. If she says that you're married, then that's just married via village/Isaan style, if you want to get more serious later you can go down to the Amphur and make it official, or have a proper wedding. At the moment, if you want to end it at some point, then you can, since you're not legally married. If she asks you to get married or pay Sin Sod, you can tell her that you're already married because you slept together in her hometown, thus it's already "Isaan Official" lol.

She should have told you that by sleeping in the same room in her hometown, that the village/her family would consider you guys married, and thus cause loss of face for her if you guys break up in the future. Although your wife isn't going to really lose face if you guys were to break up, not unless she's exaggerated the sincerity/depth of your relationship to her friends/family, since everyone in her town/village will know that she works in a bar and that your relationship isn't necessarily the result of a deep and meaningful relationship (Although of course it might be, only time will tell).

[HooHaa]

never understood why anybody in their right mind would go to stay with the folks if it wasn't serious.

Even then id get a hotel nearby.

Edited May 16, 2014 by HooHaa

[swissie]

Nevermind what the "Isaan-Family" thinks as far as legal matters is concerned. (They probably don't even know that their land is basically worthless without any sort of "Land-papers".)

The point: If a couple lives together for the duration of 5 years, this will be considered as "a married-couple", even if there were never any official or half-official (Temple) marriage=procedures performed.

At this point, all legalities apply, in the same way as "officially" married couples. But not before.

OP: Tell "the Family" to go suck a lemon, and get the h*ll out of there.

Cheers