Problems with son of Thai girlfriend

[Scarpolo]

I thank all the people for their advise

Sure i know i have to make a decission

Nothing about be hard or soft.

Just about do i want have problems later, no i dont want have that.

When I have to run, it would be a run with respect for my gf and take my responsabilities.

Many guys just dumb an ex gf without even blink the eye.

My gf is not a bargirl but a widdowed one who has worked an office job for put money on the table.

She was always good for me but was unable to handle her son.

Never ever asked me for money in the 6 years i know her.

She is used to he is the boss in her life, maybe compensate him for not have a dad and allow him everything .

She is not a bad person, she has a nice family ( i like them all ) who is not agree with the kids attitude.

Maybe many of you think i am stupid think like this.

I am glad read all of your comments.

But not all comments are same. not all situations are the same and not all backgrounds are the same.

Now she know she made mistakes with him.

The boy is playing you and your wife against each other. He's seeing how far he can push things knowing that his mother will always cave in. He knew that before you arrived.

14 months isn't very long really, so he hasn't developed any kind of respect for you yet. Because he's 14, he probably doesn't have much respect for anyone, not even himself.

My wife is quite strict with her two daughters (13 And 11), I think she started from the day they were born. They are polite and well mannered. They pretty much do as they're told. Obviously they have their moments of disobedience and get themselves into a bit of trouble here and there, but that's normal, and there's nothing wrong with it if it's the exception rather than the rule.

If there are problems, or decisions to be made about their lives, we discuss them together. So far, we have not disagreed as I can see that she wants them to be responsible and respectful people.

I have to say, that in your situation, rather than looking for a strategy to deal with the boy, by yourself, I think you should be speaking with his mother and trying to work out how both of you address the problem together.

If you present a united front, then he will have no choice but to comply.

While you try the heavy hand and she doesn't support you, things will never change. He knows he can divide the two of you. That's what he wants to do. He wants his mummy all to himself.

If the two of you can show that you are together, you are fair, and you both say the same things, he will fall in line and be happier for it.

Good luck.

This is not the same situation as yours, as this kids father is dead.

We dont even know if it was murder, suicide, accident, loan sharks,

Maybe the kid witnessed it,

Maybe the mother has been a dishrag for men,

this is a bad situaiton, and will not improve,

call it, slow death

[bifftastic]

I thank all the people for their advise

Sure i know i have to make a decission

Nothing about be hard or soft.

Just about do i want have problems later, no i dont want have that.

When I have to run, it would be a run with respect for my gf and take my responsabilities.

Many guys just dumb an ex gf without even blink the eye.

My gf is not a bargirl but a widdowed one who has worked an office job for put money on the table.

She was always good for me but was unable to handle her son.

Never ever asked me for money in the 6 years i know her.

She is used to he is the boss in her life, maybe compensate him for not have a dad and allow him everything .

She is not a bad person, she has a nice family ( i like them all ) who is not agree with the kids attitude.

Maybe many of you think i am stupid think like this.

I am glad read all of your comments.

But not all comments are same. not all situations are the same and not all backgrounds are the same.

Now she know she made mistakes with him.

The boy is playing you and your wife against each other. He's seeing how far he can push things knowing that his mother will always cave in. He knew that before you arrived.

14 months isn't very long really, so he hasn't developed any kind of respect for you yet. Because he's 14, he probably doesn't have much respect for anyone, not even himself.

My wife is quite strict with her two daughters (13 And 11), I think she started from the day they were born. They are polite and well mannered. They pretty much do as they're told. Obviously they have their moments of disobedience and get themselves into a bit of trouble here and there, but that's normal, and there's nothing wrong with it if it's the exception rather than the rule.

If there are problems, or decisions to be made about their lives, we discuss them together. So far, we have not disagreed as I can see that she wants them to be responsible and respectful people.

I have to say, that in your situation, rather than looking for a strategy to deal with the boy, by yourself, I think you should be speaking with his mother and trying to work out how both of you address the problem together.

If you present a united front, then he will have no choice but to comply.

While you try the heavy hand and she doesn't support you, things will never change. He knows he can divide the two of you. That's what he wants to do. He wants his mummy all to himself.

If the two of you can show that you are together, you are fair, and you both say the same things, he will fall in line and be happier for it.

Good luck.

This is not the same situation as yours, as this kids father is dead.

We dont even know if it was murder, suicide, accident, loan sharks,

Maybe the kid witnessed it,

Maybe the mother has been a dishrag for men,

this is a bad situaiton, and will not improve,

call it, slow death

Where did I say that the situation was the same as mine?

Loan Sharks? What are you smoking?

[Scarpolo]

I thank all the people for their advise

Sure i know i have to make a decission

Nothing about be hard or soft.

Just about do i want have problems later, no i dont want have that.

When I have to run, it would be a run with respect for my gf and take my responsabilities.

Many guys just dumb an ex gf without even blink the eye.

My gf is not a bargirl but a widdowed one who has worked an office job for put money on the table.

She was always good for me but was unable to handle her son.

Never ever asked me for money in the 6 years i know her.

She is used to he is the boss in her life, maybe compensate him for not have a dad and allow him everything .

She is not a bad person, she has a nice family ( i like them all ) who is not agree with the kids attitude.

Maybe many of you think i am stupid think like this.

I am glad read all of your comments.

But not all comments are same. not all situations are the same and not all backgrounds are the same.

Now she know she made mistakes with him.

The boy is playing you and your wife against each other. He's seeing how far he can push things knowing that his mother will always cave in. He knew that before you arrived.

14 months isn't very long really, so he hasn't developed any kind of respect for you yet. Because he's 14, he probably doesn't have much respect for anyone, not even himself.

My wife is quite strict with her two daughters (13 And 11), I think she started from the day they were born. They are polite and well mannered. They pretty much do as they're told. Obviously they have their moments of disobedience and get themselves into a bit of trouble here and there, but that's normal, and there's nothing wrong with it if it's the exception rather than the rule.

If there are problems, or decisions to be made about their lives, we discuss them together. So far, we have not disagreed as I can see that she wants them to be responsible and respectful people.

I have to say, that in your situation, rather than looking for a strategy to deal with the boy, by yourself, I think you should be speaking with his mother and trying to work out how both of you address the problem together.

If you present a united front, then he will have no choice but to comply.

While you try the heavy hand and she doesn't support you, things will never change. He knows he can divide the two of you. That's what he wants to do. He wants his mummy all to himself.

If the two of you can show that you are together, you are fair, and you both say the same things, he will fall in line and be happier for it.

Good luck.

This is not the same situation as yours, as this kids father is dead.

We dont even know if it was murder, suicide, accident, loan sharks,

Maybe the kid witnessed it,

Maybe the mother has been a dishrag for men,

this is a bad situaiton, and will not improve,

call it, slow death

Where did I say that the situation was the same as mine?

Loan Sharks? What are you smoking?

You offered your example for what reason exactly?

to show the OP things can work out?

And, loan sharks are a fact of life in thailand and they murder people on a regular basis, fact

[bifftastic]

I offered my example to show that the mother is key to the behaviour of her children. Especially when a new step-father has recently arrived.

Yes, I am aware that loan sharks operate in Thailand.

I am also aware that loan sharks are bad people.

Quite why you need to project the possibility of murder and death on this situation without knowing anything about it is quite puzzling.

Please stop quoting me and asking me silly questions.

I was addressing the OP, not you.

[Scarpolo]

I offered my example to show that the mother is key to the behaviour of her children. Especially when a new step-father has recently arrived.

Yes, I am aware that loan sharks operate in Thailand.

I am also aware that loan sharks are bad people.

Quite why you need to project the possibility of murder and death on this situation without knowing anything about it is quite puzzling.

Please stop quoting me and asking me silly questions.

I was addressing the OP, not you.

I brought it up because the girl I was with for 5 months, older brother was left floating in the Mekhon River for an unpaid gambling debt.

I didnt think I quoted you

[bifftastic]

I offered my example to show that the mother is key to the behaviour of her children. Especially when a new step-father has recently arrived.

Yes, I am aware that loan sharks operate in Thailand.

I am also aware that loan sharks are bad people.

Quite why you need to project the possibility of murder and death on this situation without knowing anything about it is quite puzzling.

Please stop quoting me and asking me silly questions.

I was addressing the OP, not you.

I brought it up because the girl I was with for 5 months, older brother was left floating in the Mekhon River for an unpaid gambling debt.

I didnt think I quoted you

Sorry to hear about that, but what has that got to do with this thread?

You're derailing this thread and making it about what has happened to you, instead of offering advice that might be of help.

You quoted me when you asked me about my post.

[Scarpolo]

I offered my example to show that the mother is key to the behaviour of her children. Especially when a new step-father has recently arrived.

Yes, I am aware that loan sharks operate in Thailand.

I am also aware that loan sharks are bad people.

Quite why you need to project the possibility of murder and death on this situation without knowing anything about it is quite puzzling.

Please stop quoting me and asking me silly questions.

I was addressing the OP, not you.

I brought it up because the girl I was with for 5 months, older brother was left floating in the Mekhon River for an unpaid gambling debt.

I didnt think I quoted you

Sorry to hear about that, but what has that got to do with this thread?

You're derailing this thread and making it about what has happened to you, instead of offering advice that might be of help.

You quoted me when you asked me about my post.

I see it as valid as, there is no father in the picture and we dont know what other trauma other than separation has occured.

these issues are individual, yes, but,

thailand has its own uniue set of repetitive circumstances, similar to blacks in america,

many times the stories of the thai family sounds like the story of black america, without the food stamps and welfare

[MonkeyLoo]

EDUCATION!!!!

Sent from my GT-N7100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[harryfrompattaya]

...think carefully....

....realize....you will never be her priority......

...secure your assets.....

...and be very careful......

....sorry to say...you may be more valuable dead than alive.....

Leave Remember what happens when he has wife and children who will support them. Leave now it will get worst when he has wife and he has rich father ie your so Thai girl will love him and you will be giving him more money

[IMA_FARANG]

He's to young for the yearly military lottery.

To bad, because a few thousand baht in the right hands could make sure he was selected to "join the Army now".

Does she have any family upcountry?

Learning to be a rice farmer might teach him a lesson.

When I was 14 years old (in the U.S.) my father informed me that it was time for me to start working to help pay my expenses or be prepared to move out of our house.

I thought he was joking.

He wasn't.

So I started working (odd jobs at first) 2 months before my actual 14th birthday.

Now I'm 67 years old, but I now understand what he taught me .... to expect that I had to work to pay my own bills .... was one of the best things he ever did. for me.

Of course mom insisted that all the children had to work, and go to school also.

In my case, since they knew I could handle it, I was also expected to go to college at the same time too.

It wasn't easy, but it was required of me. No "student loans" or "credit cards" to use then for me.

I survived.

I actually picked tobacco in a rocky field on my knees with only a pair of canvas kneepads on my knees to earn money for school.

My knees hurt like h-ll from those rocks in that da-n rocky tobacco field.

That was long ago, and such a thing would be unheard of nowadays.

My advice therefore ..... it time to start that boy growing up.

[dutchman]

Last report

After 3 months i took them back inside my life.

Had a good clear talk with him and his mother about his behaviour and about she was not back me up.

He promisses the same old story to better him self.

But nothing changed really.

He still do what him want and disrespect his mother and me same.

So after 3 months again i send them out now defenately.

No more come back.

Try to put my life straight and try enjoy my life again and forget the missery i have had.

Not easy when you love the mom but it has no future.

Thanks for the advises you gave me and many of you were right.

We all must make experiences by our selves so i told you so doesnt apply in all cases.

Edited December 4, 2014 by dutchman

[inbangkok]

Two things..... A 14 year old boy can only ruin your life if you allow him too.

Second, you are not his Dad and I find it strange that you are surprised about the dynamic between the two of you. Did you really think a Thai teenager is going to obey you as if you are his father?

[Baa_Mango]

try not to father someone who isn't your son

[EmptyHead]

Why bother?