Married a Thai and appear to do nothing right !

[4dyg]

she says thais dont do this or thais dont do that

say "thais engage in aggravated domestic violence, should i start doing that?"

or "you want to marry thai, why you marry farang?"

[Don Aleman]

A Thai " University graduate " has the equivalent to the average Western 10 yr. old and she acts like it. Just trash her and buy another "wife" !

[Igor]

Funny. My ex in Aberdeen used to get mad at me for NOT going out drinking.

Some women just can't be pleased.

[HasipHasip5]

After reading posts on this site, most farang on this site are very jaded, and quite frankly arrogant, when it comes to being in a relationship with a Thai woman. I'd take all their advice, including mine, with a grain of salt. My parents (American father and Thai mother) have been married for 45 years. It can work. Like any relationship, it takes a lot patience and compromise. Learn more about Thai culture. In your example, when you raise your voice you cause her to lose face. It may seem silly to you, but it's really important to her. Did you not know that Thai people are very set in their ways and slow to change? They have a certain way of doing things that tend to boggle the "logic" that farang claim to possess. In many of my friends' relationship, the women like to have a Thai opinion on matters. The knowledge you bring is foreign to them. It's only natural to do things the way a person is familiar with. I'm not an apologist. Sometimes a guy just needs to "man up", but with your given example it really sounds like you need to teach each other more about your given cultures. In my opinion, compromise and communication are key factors to a happy cross-cultural relationship.

[smotherb]

OP, join the club.......

If I fix something that now works it seems I did it wrong.................. .........................

I talk to myself now cos I don't answer back...............

I really feel for you and the ones who liked your post. What a miserable existence that must be.

[teebe]

This topic is inflammatory, men against women is an old statement.

It may be that 5,000 years back, in the same area there was a similar conversation.

Maybe it's the red herring of the forum, but in my opinion OP is doing well, and more, he is a lucky man, as he can touch the real problem of the human mind, why the gender makes us so different?

Someone said ocean fools and women are all together in same box, a perfect challenge for a human being in my opinion. Who run away from this match is a loser.

The big issue of split stimulus feeling in gender has been addressed by all authorities of the history without much success: priests, dictators, chairmans all gave their interpretation without a clever solution.

What remains is the mystery of the mind, the cognitive experience and the reproduction flow, two different projects, orthogonal. You can define this gap in terms of competition, complementarity or the gender enemies but sometimes all is left behind and you can work with your hands, an action super-complicated only possible because the products of both projects are cooperating. Sometimes, as for the artists, the results are amazing beautiful and easily recognizable.

But this is OT.

I suggest OP to sail with wife and a couple like them.

[Pralaad]

OP.Does she work?

sure does 5 days a week thats why I dont mind helping out up to a point

This is may be where you going wrong . You should do it Thai way. And Thai way is woman looks after the house, cleaning and cooking. And after she is done , she is off to mother in law house to do the same and no one really cares if she is tired or bored or sick.

She wants it Thai way, so do it Thai way. You enjoy watching tv or playing games while she cleans and cooks till sun down after work

Edited May 28, 2014 by Pralaad

[rotary]

Once you let a woman get on top your screwed.

[sauvagecheri]

You are a man right?

highly unlikely

Just because some people sit around all day drinking piss and expect their wife to do everything doesnt include me

There are laundries everywhere ,and they iron for you ,

Hire a maid ,preferably a cute one ,and a house cleaner ,

Take some classes at some university you may find some other cutie there ,nothing like a bit of competition

Also learn about co dependency ,

Ironing laundry and house cleaning are not the job of a man especially in Asia ,she thinks you are a patsy >

[mrfaroukh]

Well what you expect she must do? You probably got a husband by mistake.

[manarak]

Who knows, maybe she just married you for the money .

from the OP, it may be the other way around... OP is probably a troll though.

[Greg Nixon]

There are two important aspects of a successful marriage. MONEY and SEX . If the money is good, time to get out the old Kama Sutra - you can see it on the net and experiment.

I doubt very much if your wife always dreamed of having a foreign servant or is your wife a guy ?

[Phoenix1312]

Hi Tracker1,

Have you lived in Thailand long? Are you able to function on your own here? Do you live in a large city, or out in the boonies? Do you have any farang friends?

I would say, on the face of it, with so little info, that you married someone who was looking for money, she got it, now you are getting a more realistic version of her or of how she feels about you. My feeling about a lot of relationships with Thai people, is that they are not good at equal relationships, they either are deferential people-pleasers, and when they feel a power shift in their direction, become "not so nice" to put it mildly. Okay, maybe not all, not in every kind of relationship, but it seems to me, in family or family-ish things, love/fake love relationships??

At the very least, let us say that people who come to us, because they want money basically ....after they get the majority of what they expect, things change. You could try throwing out a large carrot, and see if suddenly, she is more able to control her feelings? Tell her someone died in your family, and you are expecting a huge payout and see what happens?

Keep delaying the carrot, come up with stories, etc. You don't even need to be a good liar here ...at least according to the lies I have heard over the years. But I would start setting myself up for independence, and see/think about how you can make a good life for yourself, without her. Put your plan into action, take the time you need ...travel a bit, find some friends, start living like you will be alone. That alone, might make things a bit better. However, don't fall for it, if she starts being nice again, while she believes in the "carrot" ...continue to make plans, and put those into action when you are able to.

Do things for YOURSELF, and yourself ONLY, and you will start to feel better. Remember that the competent person you were before Thailand ...you are still that person! And sorry for all the somewhat rude comments you got from many people here today. You don't need a job to be a husband, or have a life. Or to be a man. You might need money though, which it sounds like you have ...as I would assume most of us here, are retired, I don't know why so many people made certain kinds of comments. Knee jerk reactions. I am a woman here, and I think, I would be more than happy to live with a person like you ...but I am not looking for a cash payout!

If I HAD to live with a Thai guy that I mostly disliked, which I mostly would dislike most Thai guys, I would be a raving bitch too! In fact, living with Thai staff, that mostly drove me crazy for numerous reasons, made me quite hate life a lot more than I do now! I also hate cleaning in this heat but it is the better option for me. Things can get better for you I am sure!!! Good Luck and get busy please.

No havent lived here long but been back and forth for years living in Chiang Rai have 1 good buddy here as I only drink to be sociable can I function on my own presumably yes

Well said Tracker 1. Start to believe in yourself again. You sound like a very nice man and don't deserve this treatment. She just wants that carrot. Please do your self a favour and leave. You will be so much better off. You tell yourself you are better than that. I wish you all the best and good luck.

[Phoenix1312]

Just because some people sit around all day drinking piss and expect their wife to do everything doesnt include me

Maybe a farang wife would appreciate your being the house husband, but believe me, Thai women ... no matter what they may say ... will not respect you as a man when you're doing what they culturally believe to be woman's work. Actually I had to re-read your OP to make sure I hadn't misread and you were actually a woman. No offense meant here, just saying what it looks like to me.

I'm a farang woman. And I most certainly wouldn't appreciate a house husband unless I was a lawyer etc with small children. Where do you get off generalising us farang women. Don't think that we are beneath any race. We like our men to be men just like any woman. If she is always angry at him then there are issues and he needs to sort them out with her.

Dear Cheated, I feel you are contradicting yourself a bit ...and while not "appreciating" someone generalizing about what farang women would like, you go ahead and state that "we like our men to be men just like any woman." I am a bit shocked by this to say the least! I am pretty sure that many farang women, do NOT feel like many non-Western women feel, at all, not even close! We don't think like them, we don't have the same expectations towards family, towards husbands, towards dating, etc! You seem to be saying, really, that IF YOU had a lot of money, than you wouldn't mind a man who stayed home. But I guess you are assuming that men who stay home, or people, don't have any money for one thing. And that women do need men to make/have money ...obviously?? I find that a bit shameful from a younger-ish ( by that I mean, not my 92 year old Grandmother who still doesn't think like you, but whatever) Western woman, who I think is self-supporting, right?

So, your love, your husband, your whatever, MAN, gets sick, can't work, for a while, or forever, and now he is not a man? Not your love? Or he retires ...like many people on this forum ... then what? I think a PERSON who contributes to the best of their ability is a good man/woman/person ..in general. Sounds like this poster is doing his best to contribute, and now since you wrote this, we know he contributes financially ...and really how could you expect less in Thailand ...??

And your comment about" being beneath any race" ... well, I just have no idea what you are trying to say here, maybe some text got deleted by accident?? Women around the world are socialized in very many different ways, but in a lot of the world, very much the same way ...a way that we Western ladies are no longer totally sucked into. We are so very lucky to have the chance to think differently and mostly to have the choice to LIVE differently, and to thank that fact, by putting down men who are not living like third world men ...well that is just so SAD to hear!

I strongly suspect, that you haven't had the pleasure of a relationship with a real MAN yet, but you could try to find it in Thailand as there are many REAL MEN here! I also suspect that you haven't really gotten to know women in a different culture, non-Western culture, very well yet either. I mean, ladies who are your social equals, but live in India let's say, and get a better idea of our differences.

You totally misunderstood me. I meant that men staying home for family reasons is quite acceptable. Especially if the woman has a job that is very demanding and they agree that if they can afford it then great.

I have always been the bread winner in my marriage and my husband decided he didn't need to work anymore. No children to look after just lazy and an opportunist. I didn't like it. Some people here believe that farang women are the lowest of low. I am going back to previous posts and it is annoying.

We are the same as any other nationality and we don't deserve to be belittled by some bitter angry men here.

I feel very sorry for the op. He sounds like his life is awful. Some people here are very negative.

BTW. My name is Phonenix.

[hgma]

I keep my laundry on our premise.

Edited May 28, 2014 by hgma

[iancnx]

So go on OP.... Give us the rest of the story.... Whose house? Land? Condo? How much Sinsod? And what does her old man do?

Add to that does she have a car? And where does she shop, and how old are the two of you?

her home and land, Sinsod 1 million baht Father is a farmer we both have a car she is 46 and in a high position Government job im 62 early retirment living on my super,she has never married before Shopping anywhere Central, Big C Town whatever takes her fancy Bangkok where ever we are mmm anymore info required

OK, so my earlier advice remains.

1. Hire a housekeeper - you can afford it.

2. Take up a hobby, or a number of hobbies which will make you far too busy to worry about the house or her.

3. Subtly start exposing her poor education by engaging in conversation / debate about international affairs, science, geography, natural history. Put her in her place by getting her to understand her inadequacies.

4. If the above doesn't work, make sure the housekeeper is under 30 and is open to some overtime and extracurricular activity.

[socksy01]

A Thai degree well that's something to brag about. Basically what she is saying Thai's know everything and are always right - we are just stupid Ferrangs.

[kerrysum]

instead of being an unpaid paying servant

All things considered, she appears to have married beneath her own class and realizes the dreadful mistake she made. What did she original find attractive in you? ... aside from the fact that you apparently do windows.

The class may only be in her brain.... Hate to tell you, some are strong on ego, and short in brain power..... Never let the snapper, control what your little head thinks..... Maybe one will be happier.......

[MILT]

Grow a pair! <deleted>

[benalibina]

One wonders why after a life of work and settling in another country, people want to get married and be made miserable by their partner. I guess it must be fear of.......

[wprime]

One wonders why after a life of work and settling in another country, people want to get married and be made miserable by their partner. I guess it must be fear of.......

We spend our lives working so that we can afford liberty, only to give it away in the hope of happiness.

[peterquixote]

Here is a kind thought for your Tracker 1. Lets hope fortune shines on you soon,

I admire your courage of reaching out in a difficult situation

You have been able to see other posters who do all the work and all the paying, in a marriage and we reflect on this.

My Thai Wife came to New Zealand and sometimes would tell me about the Thai way of doing things.

I look at her, blink twice, sometime three times, and say, this is bloody New Zealand woman not Bangkok .

Then I tell her that it is not satisfactory for her to play on Internet all day and I do all the work.

But frankly if we Farang marry younger women,

there is often a clear difference in the competence in performing many domestic, and household tasks, as well as the willingness .

Quite frankly I do agree with the posters who state here that perhaps you could give a lot more of life to yourself.

My punt , based on your sincere writing and replies is that it could be time is time for you to find a new life ,'

I do not say this lightly.

I have known many men including myself who stayed to suffer pain in a relationship that the woman had already left emotionally.

Again Tracker food fortune to you

[balo]

The best thing you can do in Thailand is not getting married, just enjoy your life and if you need something you know where to find it.

[A1Str8]

I married a so called university educated woman who now appears to think I do nothing right, every time things happen she says thais dont do this or thais dont do that eg raise their voice, starting to really piss me off I work from sun up to sun down doing washing, washing up, repairs around the home,cooking maybe I should get out and start drinking and socializing instead of being an unpaid paying servant and stay at home husband! and the stupid comments she makes are just plain annoying

I agree with you. You should start going out start socializing and find yourself a woman you deserve because this one is clearly an insecure little girl trying to live up to others expectations...watching what they would do what they wouldn't do etc..trying to tell you what you should do what you should not do how to act etc

Life is too short to live it in a way that doesn't please you but only causes pain and anger.

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[cosmont]

Sorry Mate but life is not beeing a slave servant of your wife, it is time to wake up.

Remember, life is short.

[Gina Monash]

I was attached to the old Nissan, but it just started giving me trouble, so I traded up to a Toyota and haven't looked back.

[davidst01]

Sounds like she is the controlling type... Next time she tells you to do something say to her 'control is the opposite of love'

[NCFC]

I see exactly the same behaviour between my brother and his western wife, I don't think you are facing a Thai cultural issue. She earns a big salary in a high-powered job, much more than he does. As she's working longer hours her does a greater share of the housework. But she complain incessantly about him and the way he does things.

My advice to him, and you, is to find out what you want to do with your time (hobbies, interests or whatever) and then stand up for your rights to do what you want to do. Point out that if she doesn't like the way you are doing things then either accept it or find someone else to do the cooking, cleaning etc. If you are going to do it, then it has to be done your way or no way.

If she doesn't respect your rights, then tell her you're considering moving on.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

I see exactly the same behaviour between my brother and his western wife, I don't think you are facing a Thai cultural issue. She earns a big salary in a high-powered job, much more than he does. As she's working longer hours her does a greater share of the housework. But she complain incessantly about him and the way he does things.

My advice to him, and you, is to find out what you want to do with your time (hobbies, interests or whatever) and then stand up for your rights to do what you want to do. Point out that if she doesn't like the way you are doing things then either accept it or find someone else to do the cooking, cleaning etc. If you are going to do it, then it has to be done your way or no way.

If she doesn't respect your rights, then tell her you're considering moving on.

My western wife did the same thing when she was thinking of divorcing me.

Insisting I do more home chores, then complaining about the way I did them.

It would have been better if I have used my time going out with my mates and done nothing at home.

Once they want rid, nothing you do will be right.

[NCFC]

I see exactly the same behaviour between my brother and his western wife, I don't think you are facing a Thai cultural issue. She earns a big salary in a high-powered job, much more than he does. As she's working longer hours her does a greater share of the housework. But she complain incessantly about him and the way he does things.

My advice to him, and you, is to find out what you want to do with your time (hobbies, interests or whatever) and then stand up for your rights to do what you want to do. Point out that if she doesn't like the way you are doing things then either accept it or find someone else to do the cooking, cleaning etc. If you are going to do it, then it has to be done your way or no way.

If she doesn't respect your rights, then tell her you're considering moving on.

My western wife did the same thing when she was thinking of divorcing me.

Insisting I do more home chores, then complaining about the way I did them.

It would have been better if I have used my time going out with my mates and done nothing at home.

Once they want rid, nothing you do will be right.

Good post. Doing the chores doesn't make one a doormat. In fact it can be quite noble. But when they don't respect what you bring to the table (no pun intended) then it's time to move on.