Dowry

[Robert24]

I like your idea with the house. Suggest you agree with her mother to pay the amount for the house as sinsod and she gives it back to you after the wedding so you can build the house.

As long as you can trust her parents, this is no problem. If you don't trust them, don't do it and think again whether you want to marry her.

[slipperylobster]

She is going to get the money out of you anyways. That down payment you make on the house is going to marked as her money. All she has to do is buy the house/land....and get a second mortgage out. Same same.

[bangkoklasse]

I'm against the sinsod and house as a sinsod. It's obvious they are after you money. The max 50k sinsod will cost a lot more with this house.

You say that you are over 60 years and that you will not live forever. And still you say that you will not be living in this "really high standard house" for at at least another 5 years. So you are planning to build a very high standard house on her parents land (in the countryside) and move to that house when you are 70+ years ??

Edited June 10, 2014 by bangkoklasse

[shadmo63]

OP (Keith) has your gf been married before? Any children? Is she 35+ as alluded to above?

If yes to ANY of these questions i would not even contemplate sin sod (it is not dowry, thats Indian).

If NO to all 3 questions then you can think about sin sod as a mark of respect to her family. 50,000 sounds very very reasonable.

Its a shame when you can not trust your wife or girlfriend. I understand as my first wife was an untrustworthy cheating stealing gambling adulterous liar, so now my first criteria in a partner is being honest and trustworthy to a fault. There are plenty of lovely goodhearted honest Thai girls who would never ever do the wrong thing like suggested. If I could not trust my lady I would not marry her, but that was a lesson hard learned.

[AYJAYDEE]

The dowry is for the PARENTS , not for the bride. The HOUSE is for the bride and groom.

[slipperylobster]

The dowry is for the PARENTS , not for the bride. The HOUSE is for the bride and groom.

No it's not. You can do whatever you like. Some say they get it all back, some say they get nothing back, some never get laid and the girl runs away at the last minute, some say the mom uses it for a party and then buys you something. I just know many Thai's who simple don't do it. They run off and get married (perhaps just a buddha wedding) and give a bit later. Somehow, your money is going to be collected... I would forget sin sot and just give a bit every month to the family treasure trove. Keep it the same every month, and just wait for all the other collections (funerals, business loans(grants)/etc.

Live in with the girl...you probably slept with her already anyways....just keep doing that.

[Somsrisonphimai]

It sounded more like a business relationship than love relationship, so what is the point of getting married?

[bangkoklasse]

The dowry is for the PARENTS , not for the bride. The HOUSE is for the bride and groom.

The house is for the bride and her parents. Built on their land. NOT for him. If he is lucky he can spend 10 years in that house. He will be about 70 years when moving in to this house. If not lucky he will lose it after a few weeks or months

Edited June 10, 2014 by bangkoklasse

[mihalis]

Sin sod is not scam, Thai men pay too... If you dont like it, then go look elsewhere, simple.. Its part of their culture, same as other ethnic groups have the brides family pay for everything..

[AYJAYDEE]

The dowry is for the PARENTS , not for the bride. The HOUSE is for the bride and groom.

No it's not. You can do whatever you like. Some say they get it all back, some say they get nothing back, some never get laid and the girl runs away at the last minute, some say the mom uses it for a party and then buys you something. I just know many Thai's who simple don't do it. They run off and get married (perhaps just a buddha wedding) and give a bit later. Somehow, your money is going to be collected... I would forget sin sot and just give a bit every month to the family treasure trove. Keep it the same every month, and just wait for all the other collections (funerals, business loans(grants)/etc.

Live in with the girl...you probably slept with her already anyways....just keep doing that.

and shame your new in laws in front of the whole village! great way to start a marriage! lol. the dowry is for the parents, plain and simple. if they return some, all to the good.

[NoshowJones]

you would be making a large mistake. at your age, you are being taken for a ride. dowry? i guess you mean sinsod. i don't know anyone, Thai or farang, who has ever paid such a thing. find a lady closer to your own age who likes you for who you are, and not what you can do for her and her family.

how does this relate C.M. anyway?

why do you "pay towards her family already"???

Very good question Oscar.

[bangkoklasse]

Sin sod is not scam, Thai men pay too... If you dont like it, then go look elsewhere, simple.. Its part of their culture, same as other ethnic groups have the brides family pay for everything..

Farangs that already have paid sinsod will always try to get others to pay also. It feels better not to be alone. None of my thai friends in Bangkok have paid sinsod here. And 20 years from today no one will do it.

[AYJAYDEE]

Sin sod is not scam, Thai men pay too... If you dont like it, then go look elsewhere, simple.. Its part of their culture, same as other ethnic groups have the brides family pay for everything..

Farangs that already have paid sinsod will always try to get others to pay also. It feels better not to be alone. None of my thai friends in Bangkok have paid sinsod here. And 20 years from today no one will do it.

you obviously know little of village life

[AYJAYDEE]

Sin sod is not scam, Thai men pay too... If you dont like it, then go look elsewhere, simple.. Its part of their culture, same as other ethnic groups have the brides family pay for everything..

Farangs that already have paid sinsod will always try to get others to pay also. It feels better not to be alone. None of my thai friends in Bangkok have paid sinsod here. And 20 years from today no one will do it.

you obviously know little of village life

[ljd1308]

When it came to sin sod with my in-laws I sat down with them and discussed it reasonably.

They said if I respected their culture I should pay it, I agreed with this. I then asked if they respected my culture and they said they did.

We then negotiated how much sin sod for me to pay(100k) and once that was done I gave them the bill for the wedding(350k) and advised as part of my culture the father of the bride pays for the wedding....they never asked about the 100k again.

[Somsrisonphimai]

OP (Keith) has your gf been married before? Any children? Is she 35+ as alluded to above?

If yes to ANY of these questions i would not even contemplate sin sod (it is not dowry, thats Indian).

If NO to all 3 questions then you can think about sin sod as a mark of respect to her family. 50,000 sounds very very reasonable.

Its a shame when you can not trust your wife or girlfriend. I understand as my first wife was an untrustworthy cheating stealing gambling adulterous liar, so now my first criteria in a partner is being honest and trustworthy to a fault. There are plenty of lovely goodhearted honest Thai girls who would never ever do the wrong thing like suggested. If I could not trust my lady I would not marry her, but that was a lesson hard learned.

NO, 50,000 baht is not enough especially if the groom is a white man. It is 200,000 baht minimum now.

[Somsrisonphimai]

OP (Keith) has your gf been married before? Any children? Is she 35+ as alluded to above?

If yes to ANY of these questions i would not even contemplate sin sod (it is not dowry, thats Indian).

If NO to all 3 questions then you can think about sin sod as a mark of respect to her family. 50,000 sounds very very reasonable.

Its a shame when you can not trust your wife or girlfriend. I understand as my first wife was an untrustworthy cheating stealing gambling adulterous liar, so now my first criteria in a partner is being honest and trustworthy to a fault. There are plenty of lovely goodhearted honest Thai girls who would never ever do the wrong thing like suggested. If I could not trust my lady I would not marry her, but that was a lesson hard learned.

NO, 50,000 baht is not enough especially if the groom is a white man. It is 200,000 baht minimum now.

[AYJAYDEE]

When it came to sin sod with my in-laws I sat down with them and discussed it reasonably.

They said if I respected their culture I should pay it, I agreed with this. I then asked if they respected my culture and they said they did.

We then negotiated how much sin sod for me to pay(100k) and once that was done I gave them the bill for the wedding(350k) and advised as part of my culture the father of the bride pays for the wedding....they never asked about the 100k again.

and youre proud you shamed them?

[larsjohnsson]

Sin sod is not scam, Thai men pay too... If you dont like it, then go look elsewhere, simple.. Its part of their culture, same as other ethnic groups have the brides family pay for everything..

Farangs that already have paid sinsod will always try to get others to pay also. It feels better not to be alone. None of my thai friends in Bangkok have paid sinsod here. And 20 years from today no one will do it.

Very true. None of my Thai male friends from Bangkok and the Khon Kaen area have paid any sinsod either.

[keithkarmann]

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you would be making a large mistake. at your age, you are being taken for a ride. dowry? i guess you mean sinsod. i don't know anyone, Thai or farang, who has ever paid such a thing. find a lady closer to your own age who likes you for who you are, and not what you can do for her and her family.

how does this relate C.M. anyway?

why do you "pay towards her family already"???

Very good question Oscar.

My girlfriend wants to go out to work to get her own money (she has always had jobs to support her family before she met me) but I want her at home with me so I give her an allowance out of which she gives her parents some money. As long as she does not give them too much I am ok with that. I have put the house idea to her and she says her parents are ok with that.

[AYJAYDEE]

OP (Keith) has your gf been married before? Any children? Is she 35+ as alluded to above?

If yes to ANY of these questions i would not even contemplate sin sod (it is not dowry, thats Indian).

If NO to all 3 questions then you can think about sin sod as a mark of respect to her family. 50,000 sounds very very reasonable.

Its a shame when you can not trust your wife or girlfriend. I understand as my first wife was an untrustworthy cheating stealing gambling adulterous liar, so now my first criteria in a partner is being honest and trustworthy to a fault. There are plenty of lovely goodhearted honest Thai girls who would never ever do the wrong thing like suggested. If I could not trust my lady I would not marry her, but that was a lesson hard learned.

NO, 50,000 baht is not enough especially if the groom is a white man. It is 200,000 baht minimum now.

it depends on the wealth and status of the bride and her parents

[keithkarmann]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

OP (Keith) has your gf been married before? Any children? Is she 35+ as alluded to above?
If yes to ANY of these questions i would not even contemplate sin sod (it is not dowry, thats Indian).
If NO to all 3 questions then you can think about sin sod as a mark of respect to her family. 50,000 sounds very very reasonable.

Its a shame when you can not trust your wife or girlfriend. I understand as my first wife was an untrustworthy cheating stealing gambling adulterous liar, so now my first criteria in a partner is being honest and trustworthy to a fault. There are plenty of lovely goodhearted honest Thai girls who would never ever do the wrong thing like suggested. If I could not trust my lady I would not marry her, but that was a lesson hard learned.

NO, 50,000 baht is not enough especially if the groom is a white man. It is 200,000 baht minimum now.

I agree 50,000 baht is not enough if you were buying a woman that's why I am willing to build the house that will cost a minimum of 750,000 baht which will eventually belong to my future wife and her family.

[NoshowJones]

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you would be making a large mistake. at your age, you are being taken for a ride. dowry? i guess you mean sinsod. i don't know anyone, Thai or farang, who has ever paid such a thing. find a lady closer to your own age who likes you for who you are, and not what you can do for her and her family.

how does this relate C.M. anyway?

why do you "pay towards her family already"???

Very good question Oscar.

My girlfriend wants to go out to work to get her own money (she has always had jobs to support her family before she met me) but I want her at home with me so I give her an allowance out of which she gives her parents some money. As long as she does not give them too much I am ok with that. I have put the house idea to her and she says her parents are ok with that.

That sounds fine, but don't let her family use you as an ATM, especially if cousins etc, start to show up. Come to an agreement with her, ask her how much she gives her family, I assume it's only her parents, and you give the same if that's what you want to do.

Hopefully things will work out.

[AYJAYDEE]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

OP (Keith) has your gf been married before? Any children? Is she 35+ as alluded to above?

If yes to ANY of these questions i would not even contemplate sin sod (it is not dowry, thats Indian).

If NO to all 3 questions then you can think about sin sod as a mark of respect to her family. 50,000 sounds very very reasonable.

Its a shame when you can not trust your wife or girlfriend. I understand as my first wife was an untrustworthy cheating stealing gambling adulterous liar, so now my first criteria in a partner is being honest and trustworthy to a fault. There are plenty of lovely goodhearted honest Thai girls who would never ever do the wrong thing like suggested. If I could not trust my lady I would not marry her, but that was a lesson hard learned.

NO, 50,000 baht is not enough especially if the groom is a white man. It is 200,000 baht minimum now.

I agree 50,000 baht is not enough if you were buying a woman that's why I am willing to build the house that will cost a minimum of 750,000 baht which will eventually belong to my future wife and her family.

you should do that too. but the parents (and the whole village) expect a dowry.

[keithkarmann]

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I'm against the sinsod and house as a sinsod. It's obvious they are after you money. The max 50k sinsod will cost a lot more with this house.

You say that you are over 60 years and that you will not live forever. And still you say that you will not be living in this "really high standard house" for at at least another 5 years. So you are planning to build a very high standard house on her parents land (in the countryside) and move to that house when you are 70+ years ??

No in theory I plan to finnish the house within two years.My future wife always spends about 5 days a month with her parents but I do not stay with them as I like my luxuries. So when the house is finished I will treat the new house as a holiday home and spend a day or two a month there. When I get to the point where I have had enough of the excitement in Chiang Mai then I will probably move permanently to the new house but I will have to open a bar in her village as at present there is not one bar there.

[AYJAYDEE]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

I'm against the sinsod and house as a sinsod. It's obvious they are after you money. The max 50k sinsod will cost a lot more with this house.

You say that you are over 60 years and that you will not live forever. And still you say that you will not be living in this "really high standard house" for at at least another 5 years. So you are planning to build a very high standard house on her parents land (in the countryside) and move to that house when you are 70+ years ??

No in theory I plan to finnish the house within two years.My future wife always spends about 5 days a month with her parents but I do not stay with them as I like my luxuries. So when the house is finished I will treat the new house as a holiday home and spend a day or two a month there. When I get to the point where I have had enough of the excitement in Chiang Mai then I will probably move permanently to the new house but I will have to open a bar in her village as at present there is not one bar there.

why would you need a bar if you have a nice home to entertain in?

[bangkoklasse]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

I'm against the sinsod and house as a sinsod. It's obvious they are after you money. The max 50k sinsod will cost a lot more with this house.

You say that you are over 60 years and that you will not live forever. And still you say that you will not be living in this "really high standard house" for at at least another 5 years. So you are planning to build a very high standard house on her parents land (in the countryside) and move to that house when you are 70+ years ??

No in theory I plan to finnish the house within two years.My future wife always spends about 5 days a month with her parents but I do not stay with them as I like my luxuries. So when the house is finished I will treat the new house as a holiday home and spend a day or two a month there. When I get to the point where I have had enough of the excitement in Chiang Mai then I will probably move permanently to the new house but I will have to open a bar in her village as at present there is not one bar there.

It was YOU that wrote that it will take at least another 5 years before you move in to the house. And now you will build a bar in the village also ha ha ha

Why not build a school and a temple also.

Edited June 10, 2014 by bangkoklasse

[NoshowJones]

When it came to sin sod with my in-laws I sat down with them and discussed it reasonably.

They said if I respected their culture I should pay it, I agreed with this. I then asked if they respected my culture and they said they did.

We then negotiated how much sin sod for me to pay(100k) and once that was done I gave them the bill for the wedding(350k) and advised as part of my culture the father of the bride pays for the wedding....they never asked about the 100k again.

and youre proud you shamed them?

I can't see how he shamed then AYJAYDEE, the parents said they should go with Thai culture, Ijd was prepared to do that, so the parents should also go by Western culture. It's only fair.

[ljd1308]

When it came to sin sod with my in-laws I sat down with them and discussed it reasonably.

They said if I respected their culture I should pay it, I agreed with this. I then asked if they respected my culture and they said they did.

We then negotiated how much sin sod for me to pay(100k) and once that was done I gave them the bill for the wedding(350k) and advised as part of my culture the father of the bride pays for the wedding....they never asked about the 100k again.

and youre proud you shamed them?

I don't think I did shame them, if they want me to respect their culture and they say they respect mine where is the shame?

I was more than happy to pay the sin sod as I agreed with them as a sign of respect, I feel more that they disrespected me by lying to me.

[AYJAYDEE]

When it came to sin sod with my in-laws I sat down with them and discussed it reasonably.

They said if I respected their culture I should pay it, I agreed with this. I then asked if they respected my culture and they said they did.

We then negotiated how much sin sod for me to pay(100k) and once that was done I gave them the bill for the wedding(350k) and advised as part of my culture the father of the bride pays for the wedding....they never asked about the 100k again.

and youre proud you shamed them?

I can't see how he shamed then AYJAYDEE, the parents said they should go with Thai culture, Ijd was prepared to do that, so the parents should also go by Western culture. It's only fair.

I can see you dont see. but they will be ashamed, nontheless. the parents dont live in a western culture. he lives in a thai culture