You know that you're retired when...

[connda]

can't remember what month it is, let alone day...

....when I miss virtually every US holiday, the World's Series, The Superbowl, and generally forget my birthday too. (Thank god for younger family members or I'd lose track of how old I really am. lol)

Edited June 27, 2014 by connda

[snottgoblin]

You get up in the morning, shower, eat, read the news, write a scathing comment on TV about the OP - then its time for your nap .............

Whereustay?

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[connda]

This post and thread has been a real pleasure to read and LOL. No unhappy souls or rude comments. Well done connda

Yeah, don't tell anyone, but I actually have a sense of humor sometimes. <chuckle>

[totallyobnoxiousme]

I am sick of this getting old shiiiite I totally ignore it and refuse to get involved. I came into life thinking believing that life owes me a favour since I made a stance and did my best not to overrun society

[krishnan]

01 When the missus fires the house help....

02 When the missus gives you a wry smile instead of cold stares.....when u ogle at some lovely legs!!!!

[mrfaroukh]

There is big problem with retirement that we don't get even one &lt;deleted&gt; day free. That is when you know for sure that you are retired.

[MAJIC]

Heres a few Retirement jokes which i'm not claiming the credit for!

Retirement Quips

• One wife about retirement: "Twice as much husband for half the income."
• Retirement is wonderful if you have much to live on and much to live for.
• When a man retires and time is no longer of importance, his colleagues go and present him with a watch.
• Retirement is when you step aside for a less experienced and less able man.
• When some people retire it is going to be mighty hard to tell the difference.
• Mandatory retirement is another form of compulsory poverty.
• Retirement has cured many a businessman's ulcer - and given his wife one.
• Retirement is not for wimps.
• Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.
• I'm retiring, I'm not dying.
• When you see some people work, you wonder what they will do when they retire.
• It gets to you when everyday is Saturday.
• Retirement happens when you overachieve in the area of experience.
• 
  

Retirement Quips & Quotes

• Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left. ~ George Burns
• Retirement at 65 is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five, I still had pimples. ~ George Burns
• When I retire my evenings will be spent by the fireplace going through those boxes. There are things in there that ought to be burned. ~ Richard Nixon
• I've worked smart all my life, not hard, retirement will be a breeze. ~ Ernie Zelinski
• Retirement means doing what ever I want to do. It means I have a choice. ~ Dianne Nahirny
• The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender. ~ Vince Lombardi
• Yes, I am thoroughly enjoying retirement! The best part is watching my neighbor drive off to work in the morning knowing that his day will be filled with jerks, brainless and endless meetings and more jerks. ~ Bill Kalmer
• Most people perform essentially meaningless work. When they retire that truth is borne upon them. ~ Brendan Francis
• It is nice to get out of the rat race but you have to learn to get along with less cheese. ~ Gene Perret
• I think retirement beats the heck out of 'life after death'. ~ Martina Navratilova
• 
  

Retirement Quips & Words of Wisdom

• Retirement can be a great joy if you can figure out how to spend time without spending money.
• Before deciding to retire from your job, stay at home for a week and watch daytime television.
• The key to a happy retirement is to have enough money to live on, but not enough to worry about.
• One of the problems about retirement is that it gives you more time to read about the problems of retirement.
• Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
• I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it is time for my nap.
• When you retire you must be active and social, don't sit around the house or become a couch potato or pumpkin or any kind of vegetable.
• As in all successful ventures, the foundation of a good retirement is planning.
• I retired early for health reasons - my company was sick of me and I was sick of them.
• The biggest trouble with retiring is you end up having NOTHING to do and you can't tell when you are done.
• Retirement is that point in life when you can't remember all the things you intended to do when you were still working.
• Enjoy every retirement day as if it was your last day; one day you will be right about it.

[MAJIC]

You know that you're retired when you pick up the phone to book a sicky day,and realise you don't work there any more!

[piersbeckett]

When you're living well within your means.

[slipperylobster]

You start looking for health advice on ThaiVisa, instead of getting a checkup.

I forgot to add the part about not voting (USA guys) but complaining about Trump winning all the time.