brownknees Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 My wife is a great girl18 years married.However ............there is a family that goes with it.Her mother and father split when she was seven leaving her with two brothers one a baby one six years old as well as two female cousins.All this she tookin her stride and when her mother finally returned when she was twelve she was sent of to Bangkok to work for the family and was kept virtually as a slave by a Chinese/Thai family who never paid her!She managed to escape and return home where she continued the struggle .Finally meets a farang who helped her but this finished after a short while then along came me.Since then I have built a cheapy two story house for her mum as well as two smaller ones for her brothers who are both married. Now the younger brother is into his last year of a 3 year jail term (possession of drugs,he was fitted up in a scam)his wife has run away and we have his 7 year old son to look after.The elder brother and his wife gamble and are now in so much debt with people chasing them for payment but we do not have money to give them(not that I would)and we now have two teenage nephews living with us as elder brother can not afford food or anything. My question is why is the family tie so strong,family members can lie and steal from each other but they still do things for each other ?There appears to be no end to the misery they create for my wife and of course moving far away is not an option "I have to look after my nephews"!! Any more stories out there I can tell my wife ?Oh yes I think I have seen the usual ones as well!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bernard Flint Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Sorry, i am speechless. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post AnotherOneAmerican Posted July 8, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted July 8, 2014 (edited) Do you always believe everything you are told? IMHO Family ties are not that strong, it's just you that is weak, and therefore being taken advantage of. Me Too, I've accumulated an elderly aunt, two nieces at school, and a three year old boy. They didn't even arrive with a wife or gf for me. Seems to me, the weak (aka us) won't be inheriting the earth, just everyone else's kids! Edited July 8, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PattayaPhom Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 The family ties you are talking about seem to be a one way street heading in your direction. Its acceptable to help eachother but seriously, buying houses etc for all the family? If the ties are that strong, ask what have any of the gamblers, drug dealers done for you? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swiss1960 Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 For the last 18y, you have shown your wife and her extended family that they can throw all their problems at you and you will take care about it... little late, but you have to pull the plug - and the first thing I would do is tell my wife that with all the additional expenses, you have to cut down on HER expenses - clothes, beauty treatements, shoes, make-up etc etc... that should start make her thinking about helping others... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post robblok Posted July 8, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted July 8, 2014 Do you always believe everything you are told? IMHO Family ties are not that strong, it's just you that is weak, and therefore being taken advantage of. Me Too, I've accumulated an elderly aunt, two nieces at school, and a three year old boy. They didn't even arrive with a wife or gf for me. Seems to me, the weak (aka us) won't be inheriting the earth, just everyone else's kids! I have been weak too in the past, took a Thai lady to Holland who said she had no kids. Only to have 2 kids pop up later who needed to live with us. I took them in while their moms behavior became worse and worse and even started to work in a sex massage (that was when I ended it). But I raised those kids for 3 years (and my family helped) and they still have good contact with my father and mother calling them grandfather and grandmother. Now one of the two daughters is staying at my home in Thailand with her BF (for a short holiday) and we are all having fun and soon her younger sister will come here too for a short stay before going back home in Belgium. Sometimes its rewarding and even though I am now in Thailand and they are in Europe we still stay in touch and consider each other family. The mom however I don't contact and the relation between mom and the two daughters is not that great. For me it was ok but sometimes I hear stories and I am amazed how people put up with all the handouts that are expected. For young kids I can understand it but whole families... different story. Anyway it was fun to see my former stephdaugher sitting with her bf cheering for Holland and shouting in perfect Dutch while all the other Thais were looking in amazement why this Thai girl could speak Dutch.. or they were amazed about her volume and dressed all in orange. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daffy D Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 moving far away is not an option "I have to look after my nephews"!! No you don't 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rimmer Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Not Pattaya specific so moving to General Forum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuestHouse Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Having correctly identified this point My question is why is the family tie so strong,family members can lie and steal from each other but they still do things for each other ?There appears to be no end to the misery they create for my wife and of course moving far away is not an option Your question ought to be - How precisely do you believe this will end up?: "I have to look after my nephews"!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Somsrisonphimai Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 (edited) OP, you are awesome! Some man will have a fit about take on the responsibility. Oh and your wife too, wonderful and kind (Thai language removed). You and your wife have my respect. Edited July 9, 2014 by metisdead Thai language edited out of post. This is an English language forum, English is the only acceptable language, except in the Thai language forum where Thai language is allowed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petercool Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Family obligation in Thailand outweighs all else but in my own case my half Thai daughter supports me in my pensionless and no income years so it works for me ...... the secret seems to be, though, to marry into a family that is self sufficient. Not always that easy. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwasaki Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 (edited) quote..' My question is why is the family tie so strong, family members can lie and steal from each other but they still do things for each other ? ...unquote. Easy to answer yourself !! Because it's the Thai way, full stop. In life wherever you are you make your bed, so to speak. Edited July 8, 2014 by Kwasaki Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATF Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Thais have a different view of stealing from the family because nothing has actually been stolen. It's still in the family. It may be weird to understand but it's true. Start using four letter words around the house like WORK JOBS CASH. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aussieinthailand Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Do you always believe everything you are told? IMHO Family ties are not that strong, it's just you that is weak, and therefore being taken advantage of. Me Too, I've accumulated an elderly aunt, two nieces at school, and a three year old boy. They didn't even arrive with a wife or gf for me. Seems to me, the weak (aka us) won't be inheriting the earth, just everyone else's kids! "Seems to me the weak (aka us) won't be inheriting the earth, just everyone else's kids" Sorry mate but it's the MEEK that shall inherit the earth. Matthew 5.5 I'm just sayin 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
h90 Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 well family ties.....I don't get why you built them 3 houses....It isn't even your family.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arminbkk Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 (edited) It's not that the family ties are that strong, it is that it is the easy way out. And OP can take the credit for that. Tell us OP, what do all those losers give you in return for your generosity? Do they do all kinds of chores or do they just hang around all day? Are they at least fun to converse with? lol Edit to add: do you see it happening in the future that when the tables are turned, they can take care of you? Edited July 8, 2014 by arminbkk 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David48 Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 To the OP ... brownknees ... you've been a member of the Forum for more then 7 years, so one presumes considerable experience in Thailand. My question is ... why does any of this surprise you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In Search of Space Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 I thought my wife's family were unique, they all lie, cheat and steal from one another, spend long periods not talking then (when someone wants something), all friends again. My wife will then end up funding them, especially when they sit and tell her what she wants to hear - usually about how bad I am. But then my own family is the same, except we will never talk to one another again, maybe because we don't need or want anything from each other. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellohello123 Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Sorry to say but another farang who thinks that they are saving a poor helpless girl I've never met so many people who are actually proud of being a doormat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gracas Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 (edited) OP, after reading your story / problems I know why the first farang left. If doing this makes you happy, OK. But if you have had enough tell them to solve there own problems. Edited July 9, 2014 by metisdead Oversize font reset to normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATF Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 You're the Gift that just keeps on giving! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theguyfromanotherforum Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I live in my GF house and she does not ask me a single baht for rent or expenses. On the other side I try to pay for other things as a token of gratitude. I gotta tell you.... reading threads like this saved me a lot of money before I came to Thailand. Thank you all who sacrificed your lives to make my own a better one. I am 40 btw and just moved to Thailand last year. Even my GF tells me why farang don't just go to the mall and meet a nice girl.... there is plenty of them. Oh.... I guess the reason is they are not 18 or barely legal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neeranam Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Family obligation in Thailand outweighs all else but in my own case my half Thai daughter supports me in my pensionless and no income years so it works for me ...... the secret seems to be, though, to marry into a family that is self sufficient. Not always that easy. True but the OP's wife has no obligation after the way she was treated. If she was treated well and got a good education then she would be financially obligated. The OP must be deranged to not just having got involved in the first place but to agree to all he has. Just say NO, what we allow we condone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Degobuy Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I live in my GF house and she does not ask me a single baht for rent or expenses. On the other side I try to pay for other things as a token of gratitude. I gotta tell you.... reading threads like this saved me a lot of money before I came to Thailand. Thank you all who sacrificed your lives to make my own a better one. I am 40 btw and just moved to Thailand last year. Even my GF tells me why farang don't just go to the mall and meet a nice girl.... there is plenty of them. Oh.... I guess the reason is they are not 18 or barely legal I not sure you've got a handle on Thailand yet.I guess you assume that if we can't get an 18 or younger girl we will take a LB instead or a young boy. You need to get a grip all are not as you believe. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Payboy Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Isn't it time we had a Doormat Forum? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theguyfromanotherforum Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I don't care if I got grip on Thailand. Sent from my SGH-I747M using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellohello123 Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Isn't it time we had a Doormat Forum? I think it would be easier to rename the general forum to doormat forum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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