Help! Trying to convince my wife we should stay in Thailand

[Ricardo]

Explain that fried-rice costs 250B for a small plateful, and how she doesn't have any choice, about paying income-tax & other deductions ? And how much of her earnings, she'd have to kick-in, to the family expenses !

 

Failing that, open the freezer-door, put her hand inside for five minutes, and explain that this is how warm farangland is, in winter ! And how expensive heating-bills are !

 

If all else fails, save up & take her to visit, February can be nice for this !

 

 

[h90]

"There are no foodstalls selling all-you-can-eat for 40 baht."

 

But if you want quality food, it is expensive in Thailand. In many cases still cheaper than in Europe, but often only imported food is available (organic) than it is more expensive.

For a wine quality I pay 3-4 Euro in Farangland I have to pay here well above 20-25 Euro.

 

Not all is cheap

 

[ZigZagMan]

 

 

The OP talks of 'bux' (bucks?) and apartments so I would assume he is from the US of A.
 
If so, he just needs to tell his wife the realities of her getting a visa for the US like the 3-year wait.

A three year wait?

Even if you're married?

 

 

A 3 year wait for US citizenship.  Probably 4-6 months to get a visa to go to the US.  Green card follows fairly quickly after that.

 

The weather is a big deal.  If you are from the northern states, winters are tough.  Some Thai gals can handle it, others can't.  Along with life in a big US city.  Quite the culture shock.

 

 

Not to mention the small community of gossiping Thais in the town that will do everything in their power to wreck your relationship.

"How much do you steal from your husband every month?" was one of the first questions they asked my wife... then comes the all night card games, backstabbing bitter rivalries, the hi so mind games, etc..

[GuestHouse]

Its a curious thing. 

 

I know dozens (and I mean dozens) of professional Thai people who have moved to the UK, often for 1~2 year assignments, sometimes for permanent jobs - All earning very good money in the UK by UK standards.

 

As a general rule, the Thai women have liked the UK far more than the Thai men many of the women choosing to remain beyond their original assignment date, very very few of the men choosing to do so. 

 

I assumed, not unnaturally that the reason the Thai women liked the UK was their 'currency' was so much higher in UK society, and the opposite being true for the men. 

Discussing this with Thai men and women working in the UK, the 'currency' issue as certainly a consideration, but the major consideration for the women as the level of respect they receive as professionals in the UK compared to Thailand AND the 'social wage'.

 

The latter is a huge issue for women with children or planning to have a family.

 

Many members above have mentioned the UK taxes, but neglect the UK 'social wage' that comes with the taxes - First rate education, health care, social and welfare services, public transport, policing and law and order. 

 

Its not simply a matter of the benefits to professional high earners. Many non professional Thai women working in the UK will be remitting funds back to their family, that despite the costs of living in the UK will still exceed the amounts they can save if they remain in Thailand. 

 

I personally know of a Thai woman ( a single mother)  who works two jobs, as a cleaner and a cook in a pub serving Thai food, who has raised her children through school and university in the UK and saved enough to buy a house to retire to in Thailand. Dreams out of her reach in Thailand. 

 

 

Cold beer and lukewarm women are of course not as freely available in the UK as in Thailand, but then most women don't have these in their list of life needs. 

 

 

 

 

[AYJAYDEE]

 

 

 

The OP talks of 'bux' (bucks?) and apartments so I would assume he is from the US of A.
 
If so, he just needs to tell his wife the realities of her getting a visa for the US like the 3-year wait.

A three year wait?

Even if you're married?

 

 

A 3 year wait for US citizenship.  Probably 4-6 months to get a visa to go to the US.  Green card follows fairly quickly after that.

 

The weather is a big deal.  If you are from the northern states, winters are tough.  Some Thai gals can handle it, others can't.  Along with life in a big US city.  Quite the culture shock.

 

 

Not to mention the small community of gossiping Thais in the town that will do everything in their power to wreck your relationship.

"How much do you steal from your husband every month?" was one of the first questions they asked my wife... then comes the all night card games, backstabbing bitter rivalries, the hi so mind games, etc..

 

there is always another community of thais that dont play that game. she will have the choice of which group she prefers

[samuibeachcomber]

As guesthouse has said for thai ladies just the ability to earn more money abroad to send home is the big incentive.

 

The OP is young can he earn good money in thailand?would have to be well qualified to do so.I know many thais working in norway and loving it inspite of the cold.

 

A hard working thai lady will put up with anything if the pay is good.A lazy one will hate it.

[ZigZagMan]

Explain that fried-rice costs 250B for a small plateful, and how she doesn't have any choice, about paying income-tax & other deductions ? And how much of her earnings, she'd have to kick-in, to the family expenses !

 

Failing that, open the freezer-door, put her hand inside for five minutes, and explain that this is how warm farangland is, in winter ! And how expensive heating-bills are !

 

If all else fails, save up & take her to visit, February can be nice for this !

 

 

 

 Health insurance, home insurance, car insurance, business insurance, umbrella policy. I can just about live on that here.

I had all those bills back home (USA) and was still scared someone could sue me into the poorhouse.

[sanuk711]

Snow------The only thing that settles in the UK and doesn’t claim benefits.”.......................................

[khunpa]

In some way, I understand your wife from a financial and emotional side. It seems you are in the west and she is here in Thailand. That is not an optimal situation. I guess you are the one making money in the west, which makes it kind of logical to move there.

 

Can you e.g. make a decent income in Thailand and in that way support your family? If you have money and a good income, then Thailand for sure has a lot of benefits. However, if you end up living here without an income, then there is only your wife to support you both and then Thailand truly sucks.

 

Thailand is great, if you have money. The west is great, if you have no money and rely on the government to help you. Maybe she sees a better life in the west, because of that.

 

Unless she is a gold-digger, you should maybe listen to her. For sure, you should be 100% sure that you can make a decent living, if you decide on Thailand. 

 

 

 

 

Edited August 6, 2014 by khunpa

[khunpa]

If your wife has not been to your home country, then a good idea is to take her there and show her how life is there.

 

When I first met my girlfriend, the first thing she said was "I will never want to live in your home country". After going on a holiday there, she once again confirmed that she would never want to leave Thailand. Can only say, that I am very happy she looks at it like that :)

 

 

[JAFO]

Not sure where OP is from but I brought my wife to the states with me. We were originally going to visit and a job came to me while catching up with some colleagues. So we decided to stay. Like the OP stated my wife was utterly floored when she saw how much the govt took from my check. I had to explain to her where it all goes...supposedly. Of course we never really know. We are just told. HAHA. Anyway she did decided to go to work while I did. She went nuts when she got her first check. Same thing. As the OP said you have to have a car. Insurance is expensive. Rent is outrageous. The food is expensive and more painful is any form of entertainment is extremely high in cost.

I am glad I brought her back with me. She now sees it with her eyes. Its not this media crap that Thais see that its the land of the free and easy living. Its far far from that.

To the OP. I say bring her over. Best experience is hands on. It took my wife 5 months to where she started counting the days to return.

[garyinhuahin]

As OP says he's been sending 15 kilobaht at month, my guess is that she already views wife-of-farang as a career path in itself. Not a great scenario.

 

 

 

[Rorri]

mad mary, on 04 Aug 2014 - 04:18, said:

With all the visa crackdowns and the <deleted> education system (if you have kids or planning on having) The UK is a better place for you ...TBH I can't understand why anyone would want to live in Thailand ATM,the place is a mess!

Here's something to think about. Is the OP thinking only of himself, or his wife. If something happens to him, where would his wife, and maybe future kids, be better off. In most cases it would be farangland. Even if she is on minimum wages, her life will always be better off, unless she comes from a rich family.

[Muggi1968]

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Split your income in half and send her to farangland alone.  You will be fine, she will come back soon.

 

I did that with my Thai wife except I went along.

 

When we paid 6000 Bath for 2 train tickets. to go visit my parents.

100 Bath for a Pepsi etc.

 

She would newer live in farrang land 

 

2 weeks costed 180000 Bath (Incl plane tickets)

She would prefer to spend that money in TH :-)

 

 

[JAFO]

One other comment. I have found after living in both countries its relative in most regards but I did find in Thailand I can insulate myself from exorbitant living costs. In the US there is simply no way. COL chases you relentlessly and its why people work until they die never enjoying some extended personal freedom. Usually by the time they can slowdown they have medical issues and now their savings go to doctors coupled with they can not go far from their home.

One thing I would never do is have a Thai GF/wife and go work back in my home country sending her money. Bad bad idea for a myriad of reasons. You might as well drive down the freeway and roll down your window and toss your money out. In many cases its the same thing as many foreigners painfully find out as time marches on.

Good Luck

[Joey J]

What you have here is an ignorance of the realities of life in the West.

OP I assume she has never been to your home country so.....

Invite her in the coldest month....
Spend your days working twelve hours and flopping on the sofa with a ready meal for two from your worst supermarket each night.

If it rains or even better snows insist on needing to go out for pointless reasons.....show her your monthly income/expenditure etc.....

In short if she still ain't got it after a month take her to a job centre and show her how much the jobs pay in relation to her contribution to bills etc.....


Personally I think the snow will nail it in five minutes.......worked for me lol!

[Joey J]

Smokie that's classic, well done.

[duanebigsby]

What you have here is an ignorance of the realities of life in the West.

OP I assume she has never been to your home country so.....

Invite her in the coldest month....
Spend your days working twelve hours and flopping on the sofa with a ready meal for two from your worst supermarket each night.

If it rains or even better snows insist on needing to go out for pointless reasons.....show her your monthly income/expenditure etc.....

In short if she still ain't got it after a month take her to a job centre and show her how much the jobs pay in relation to her contribution to bills etc.....


Personally I think the snow will nail it in five minutes.......worked for me lol!

Too funny!!

One of my students told me she was visiting granma in Edmonton, Alberta in January.  -40 degrees C there. I told her she would come back as an icicle.

[shaurene]

The times I had problems with my missus back hope, I used to say to her, That why Jesus Christ never got married, his Dad gave him the eye eye he f*#^*d up with the moulds. She used to go bonkers.

[smotherb]

get her to buy raw food ingredients, cook, do dishes, wash clothes, ironing, general cleaning for the whole family every day for a month. if she thinks thats ok then she is ready

 

Why would  you even consider marrying a woman who could not do that? That is, IF you can support her and she doesn't have to work outside the home. If you expect her to work too, you need " . . . to buy raw food ingredients, cook, do dishes, wash clothes, ironing, general cleaning for the whole family every day . . ." 
 

[smotherb]

What you have here is an ignorance of the realities of life in the West.

OP I assume she has never been to your home country so.....

Invite her in the coldest month....
Spend your days working twelve hours and flopping on the sofa with a ready meal for two from your worst supermarket each night.

If it rains or even better snows insist on needing to go out for pointless reasons.....show her your monthly income/expenditure etc.....

In short if she still ain't got it after a month take her to a job centre and show her how much the jobs pay in relation to her contribution to bills etc.....


Personally I think the snow will nail it in five minutes.......worked for me lol!

Snow worked just the opposite with my wife. She loved it. When we first got to the States, I took her to a friends' house in the Sierra Nevada mountains. It was February, had a foot of snow on the ground and it snowed that night. I took her to the ski lodge the next day and she wanted to learn to ski. I took her back to DC, snow on the ground still--that nasty old melted, then refrozen crusty/dirty ice. She admitted that wasn't very pretty, but still wanted to go sledding.  Of course, I bought her warm clothes and we slept by the fireplace at night. She actually made friends with other women, American women and did not suffer home-sickness.  She learned to go without rice for weeks on end--in fact, a 3 kilo sack of jasmine rice lasted a year. Of course, we went out several times a week and I took her to all sorts of ethnic restaurants in the DC area. She actually likes other foods. She actively sought a US university degree and wanted to work--which she did. All the while, she took care of me and the house. We are still married after almost 36 years now. We have lived and traveled all over the world. She is perhaps more cosmopolitan  than I.   Never once have I ever thought she did not earn her keep. 

 

 

 

[smokie36]

A happy ending indeed!

My gf managed two minutes on Westminster bridge in February before begging to go back to the hotel....mind you she developed a taste for mulled wine.

She is well travelled too....I think most Thais can deal with a Western diet...but some food....particularly Indian seems a step too far....mind you I feel the same about couscous...... Edited August 6, 2014 by smokie36

[smotherb]

 

The OP talks of 'bux' (bucks?) and apartments so I would assume he is from the US of A.
 
If so, he just needs to tell his wife the realities of her getting a visa for the US like the 3-year wait.

A three year wait?

Even if you're married?

 

It all depends upon the circumstances of you and your spouse/fiance(e). If you and she/he are financially secure, have a certifiable record of relationship, and are both--especially the spouse/fiance(e)--of good moral character, it may take up to a year. However, if you have a job overseas with a US firm--or even a foreign firm, if it is in the interest of the US--you can eliminate the waiting time. You may also be able to petition your congressman to intercede on your behalf and drastically reduce the waiting time. Same age-old story, the haves can, the have-nots wait. 

 

[puukao]

together + poor = happiness or together + rich = NOT happy ??

 

Is this it?  Will she be mad at you for 100 lifetimes if you don't at least try it outside of Thailand? Are you seriously going to risk your eternal happiness with your wife on the opinion of anonymous TV members??  

 

IF so, I must continue.  play the lottery every day (100,000 baht a day) and give me 90% of the jackpot.  i read this on tree bark......from the ancient forest.

[desmondspencer]

What the wife really means is you keep your job while I stay in Thailand waiting for your monthly maintenance?
If OP decides to stay in here, would that be subjected to a huge paycut?

Sent from my LG-D505 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[SoFarAndNear]

That story reminds me of a friend of my wife. She left Thailand for Australia. She had such a big mouth about her income in Aussie Land. Posted everything on Facebook, bundles of Australian money (her first salary), applied her daughter (which she had left in Thailand) to a private school. Also left Thailand with open bills, pay down for motorbike, mobile phone post pay contracts. After 6 months, her mother in Thailand is worried because open invoices are piling up because her daughter stopped to send money from Australia for 2 months. 

 

She was totally unaware that Thai Food costs even more then Western Food in Australia. She hated western food by the way. So the first months she was probably one of the best customers in the local asian food import shop. Also she was absolutely unaware that she has to pay so high taxes on her income. She used to live in Thailand in a small but nice condo complex, with pool, fitness, sauna and security now she is living in an average apartment with no nice security guy who opens the door which costs 4 times more then here condo in Thailand. And also she was totally unaware how much money she is loosing on fees and low conversion rates when she sends money to Thailand.

[Brigante7]

My wife came to the uk in 2006 and the first thing she asked was "Where are all the pick-up's and motorbikes" And the first time she saw a beggar (The 2nd day) her face was a picture. She thought we all had big house's with maids, her family refused to believe her until I brought her parents over for our wedding.

[Jason DPC]

OP…best of luck convincing your wife that the States isn't the most perfect place on the face of the Earth.

 

My wife and I were married for a few years and were living large in Thailand.  Then we decided to move to the States.  I wasn't against the idea, but I know my wife, and it would have been futile to resist.  After 18 months of living in Florida, we are ready to head back to Thailand, where we were happier and had a higher standard of living.

 

Everything in the States is more expensive than it is in Thailand…electricity, water, television, cellular phones, house, food, entertainment…everything.  Then, add on the stress your spouse is going to experience caused from doing things like working, driving, and even shopping.  I tried to explain this to my wife, but explaining something and having her experience something on her own are two different things.  It was best to let her experience it for herself, and at the least, she was able to meet my family.

 

Don't get me wrong, we enjoyed our time in the States, but we are not as happy here as we were in Thailand, so we will move back there in a few months.  Once there, we will buy a house and car, and pay cash for both…something that would be impossible here in the States.

[Thai at Heart]

I'm not sure what my wife is thinking.  When I tell her about the salaries here in farangland I think she thinks we must be living high on the hog here.  Maybe for a Thai living in Thailand 100-200k baht a month is big bux but not here!  There are no 3,000 baht a month apartments.  A tiny apartment in a big city will be 10x that amount.  There are no foodstalls selling all-you-can-eat for 40 baht.  Taxes take a huge chunk out of our paychecks.  I need a car to get anywhere.  I'd gladly take a huge pay cut to live in Thailand and I'd still come out ahead.  Basically, we'd have the same lifestyle on far less in Thailand.  The hard part is trying to explain to her this simple situation!

If u were earning 200k per month in Thailand I can pretty much guarantee you wouldn't be living in a 3000 bht a month apartment.

[Strangebrew]

The benefits of living in Thailand are as follows Rents here cheap when compared to so called western countries. The weather predictable , hot, hot and wet, and wet and hot. That Tat easy to come by and not expensive. Travel easy well at least it was, But with changes in the works just have to deal with it Major benefit for my self is ex is stateside and can't bug me. Downside all my grandkids and daughters live there. But upside I get to see them for 30 days a year here and have there undivided attention the whole time. Each year we look forward to the visits. So for myself it is perfect fit I'm not a drinker so bars and that crowd don't effect me, I Have no need of work so no need to abuse the system here. Yes Thai logic hard to understand but Isn't it the same back home with your leaders? So here I'am and here I'll stay if allowed to do so.