Am I too old to have more children and do it all again?

[spidermike007]

A girl I slept with about 3 times in a week and never saw again called me a few months later. Without letting me speak she in a very angry tone told me how she was pregnant, she then started yelling at me telling me how I was going to give her money and pay child support or "she would have my <deleted> in court"... I let her rant on for about 20 minutes.... The whole time her threatening me with everything under the sun...  She finally realized that I wasnt even trying to talk..... Thats when she finally stopped yelling and told me I'd better answer her....

 

 

 

Thats when I let her know that I'd had a vasectomy several years prior  . She then admitted she'd slept with another guy around the same time, and she was really hoping I was father because the other guy didnt have as much money. She started crying and begging for help, this is after yelling at me stop with every threat she could think of for 20 minutes.. I laughed at her and hungup and blocked her phone number. 

 

 

If you look in the Webster dictionary under "court jester" her name and photo appears. What a goomba fool. What an empty vessel. Sorry you had the misfortune to encounter her, in this lifetime. Life is simply too short to spend any time with people of her ilk. 

 

[maxjay]

 

So I wanted to pose a dilemma which I'm sure many here on TV have encountered......

 

I'm mid-fifties..

Should I just date older ladies who are past having children.....hhmmmm I don't think so? Or find a girl who already has children and just accept I may have to be a stepfather of sorts.....I don't really want this again......or just live alone for the rest of my days? 

 

I'm fit and healthy, not fat and physically capable of raising kids.

 

One of my friends just suggested I go have a vasectomy and not tell my girlfriend.......but as I said, I think this is not fair on her. 

 

So what should I do?

What you should do is make the decision yourself.  In other words: man up!

 

Ask yourself this question: "At my age, do I really want to spend, what most probably will be, the remainder of my life, raising a child?"

 

If the answer is yes.  Have a child.

 

If the answer is no.  Get a vasectomy.  Inform your current girlfriend, or any future girlfriends, that you cannot give her a child.

 

If they are not happy move on. 

There are plenty more fish in the sea.  And many who don't want children either...

 

As always, here in the LOS: Up2U.

 

 

[crankshaft]

To the OP........get your nutz cut...

[MikeOwen]

All this kid raising is behind me...I no longer want a part of it..My Golden Years to travel and do the fun things is now...Kids tie me down and I will most likely Die before I ever see them grown..Not Fair to the child or the Mom..Where will the funds come from to finish the job if I'm not here?

  I see Daily old men with young kids..What were they thinking? There Not going to live long enough to see the Finished Product.....Kids is for Young Parents not a Young wife and old Father~~~

 

Yep agree 100% . I will die before the kid has grown up or finished school , then the kid will be in the poor house ( probably ) along with the Mum , not a great scenario !!!!
 

[Mudcrab]

You can listen to all the advice and comments here, some of which are good, some of which are not, but in the end, it all boils down to you and g/f sitting down, discussing all the possible options, and then deciding.  When I met my wife 6 years ago, I was 58 and looked younger, she was 48 and looked a whole lot younger.  When I brought up the subject of kids, she shook her head and said "No way! No more babies for me!"

 

She had a son who was 25 at the time, and I had some concerns as to how he would take to me.  He made that clear one night we the 3 of us were having dinner with 3 of my wife's friends at a restaurant and one of the woman asked him, in English, if he ever missed his father.  He looked her straight in the eye and told her: "How can I miss my father?  I see my father every day.  Dean is my father."  Later I legally adopted him, to which he was happy to do.  After the adoption he asked his mother and I to wait outside.  When he came out later he showed me the paper where he had legally changed his last name to mine, with his new ID card showing it.  I couldn't ask for a better son.

 

But getting back to you. Sit down with her and discuss all the pros and cons - age, finances, living, etc., in an intelligent matter and then make your decisions.  Let her know what your thoughts are exactly, pro or con, and listen to hers. 

 

And good luck, whatever you decide. Remember, it's your life with her, and forget all the negative crap of all the from the Keyboard King Kong's who always have a negative outlook on just about everything, and think they know all the answers to everyone's problems.

 

 

Totally agree. I was 56, the wife 46. We already have children each and grandchildren each.

 

We thought long and hard about having another child, but looked at it from the realities facing the child(ren).

 

Do they really want "grandad" picking them up from school each day?

 

Will I still be able to go and kick a footy around with them?

 

Or will I be too old and maybe physically incapable?

 

Will I live long enough to see them finish high school?

 

Or even primary school?

 

What is the risk of a "change of life baby"? Think of young Gammy.

 

Do I want to have a child who in all likelihood will be left fatherless at an early age?

 

Lot of things to think about apart from your own and your wifes wants.

 

We opted for a vasectomy.

Edited August 10, 2014 by Mudcrab

[Greg Nixon]

Don't bother enjoy your free years, any child coming into your life would be a tie, either now or in the future...

 

The ties that bind us are the Thais of true love. 

[cbluck58]

I am 59 with a 13 year old and a 4 year old - life is great, I am better at it than when I was younger ( have 2 older offspring from a previous relationship ).

It is not worth considering the opinions of either particular other people or society's pre-conceived concepts of what is acceptable, concentrate on what will make you happy but seriously consider first whether this is actually what you want.

Under no circumstances should you embark on this road on a whim and produce a child for the novelty value only to find that you are unprepared to take on the responsibility later and blame your age.

Any child produced must have love and security, and as long as you are prepared for the commitment , your age is of no consequence.

[BradinAsia]

Why would an old man that already have two children with two different mothers and one stepchild, have more children? Every day here in Thailand I see some proud old farang walking with his baby carriage and 30+ year younger Thai wife. And everyone around them talk and laugh at them. Both Thai and foreigners. When you are 75 your child is a teenager in school.....

 

Lars, you have every right to your opinion, even if it is strange.

 

I don't know where you live, but my experience in Chiang Mai is quite different. My non-Thai Asian

wife is younger than my grown kids. In the Philippines a lot of people looked at us in the manner you

mention, but since we came here we've met only one person who seemed to have a problem with

our age difference -- and he was a farang.

 

To the OP -- I'm 73 and my wife is scheduled to give birth in December. I think it is all put to you and

what will make you and your wife happy. Some older folks cannot tolerate little children. For me, the

little ones are a gift of heaven and I always enjoy them.

[James2020]

I wrote this for a friiend...

 

The Baby Parade

We live in an upper middle class neighborhood in Bangkok, one of the new townhouse developments.  Fewer than 5% of our neighbors are faring, all men with Thai wives, like myself.  Every day about 6:00 PM, when the heat of the afternoon is fading, and people are arriving home from work, the baby parade begins.  Thai women come out into the street to socialize with their neighbors, most of them pushing a baby in a stroller, or watching a toddler or two run around.  Grandmothers pass children around, with many smiles and much chatter.  The favorite children are often the "mix" ones, half Thai and half faring.  They are lighter skinned and have a Eurasian look.  Most of the Thai movie stars are "mix".  My wife has no children and invariably the topic will come up, "When are you going to have a baby?"  She gives them the usual reasons (my husband already has children; he is retired and doesn't want to raise another family; we travel a lot), but the next day, someone else will ask the same question.  "You should have at least one baby - it would be sooo cute!", she is told.  I joke with them that tonight I know my wife and I will have the "baby discussion"  again.  They don't laugh.  Having babies is serious business in Thailand.  We've learned to avoid the baby parade.  

The societal and family pressures on a Thai woman under 40 to have a baby, especially if she has a faring husband, are considerable.  Most Thai women are raised in extended families where children are a very important part of the culture.  It is assumed that every Thai woman will want to have children, once she finds a suitable husband.  If she doesn't want to have children, family and friends think something is suspect.  You may think you have an understanding with your girlfriend or wife that children will not be part of the picture, and be surprised when the topic comes up again, especially after she visits her family or talks to an influential friend.  She will try to convince you again that you should have a baby - and again.  She will think she can change your mind.  And judging from the number of old farang I see pushing baby strollers, she is often successful.  In fact, I have a good American friend with a Thai wife who lives in the US.  He told me that he discovered by chance one day that his wife had stopped taking her birth control pills, even after they had both agreed that they would not have any children.  They had a big argument, but are still together.  Another friend had a baby with his Thai girlfriend, even though she was on birth control pills - I wonder...  They stayed together, live in Thailand, and the baby is now two years old.

The lessons are:
If you want children, your Thai wife and her whole family will be very happy.
If you don't want children, birth control is your responsibility, in spite of any understanding you think you may have with your wife, at least until she turns 40.

 

[Emster23]

  I find it irresponsible to have children when you are over 50, even more so over 60. I have no compulsion to produce little mes with 50% of my DNA. The world population has more than doubled in my life. If you must have a child, how about adopting one?

[maxjay]

I am 59 with a 13 year old and a 4 year old - life is great, I am better at it than when I was younger ( have 2 older offspring from a previous relationship ).

It is not worth considering the opinions of either particular other people or society's pre-conceived concepts of what is acceptable, concentrate on what will make you happy but seriously consider first whether this is actually what you want.

Under no circumstances should you embark on this road on a whim and produce a child for the novelty value only to find that you are unprepared to take on the responsibility later and blame your age.

Any child produced must have love and security, and as long as you are prepared for the commitment , your age is of no consequence.

 

Good post cbluck58.
 

[larsjohnsson]

Why would an old man that already have two children with two different mothers and one stepchild, have more children? Every day here in Thailand I see some proud old farang walking with his baby carriage and 30+ year younger Thai wife. And everyone around them talk and laugh at them. Both Thai and foreigners. When you are 75 your child is a teenager in school.....

 
Lars, you have every right to your opinion, even if it is strange.
 
I don't know where you live, but my experience in Chiang Mai is quite different. My non-Thai Asian
wife is younger than my grown kids. In the Philippines a lot of people looked at us in the manner you
mention, but since we came here we've met only one person who seemed to have a problem with
our age difference -- and he was a farang.
 
To the OP -- I'm 73 and my wife is scheduled to give birth in December. I think it is all put to you and
what will make you and your wife happy. Some older folks cannot tolerate little children. For me, the
little ones are a gift of heaven and I always enjoy them.

You think my opinion is strange.
And you are 73 and your wife is pregnant :)

[thejcb]

NO,   you are too old

[transam]

We are all different, fact, I personally could not deal with youngsters at my age, BUT I would never run anyone down if they wanted kids what ever their age is.

 

The word bigotry comes to mind if others have a problem regarding others, as no one knows how another individual deals with "their" life or the wants of "their" life..

 

 

[bangkoklasse]

We are all different, fact, I personally could not deal with youngsters at my age, BUT I would never run anyone down if they wanted kids what ever their age is.

 

The word bigotry comes to mind if others have a problem regarding others, as no one knows how another individual deals with "their" life or the wants of "their" life..

 

 

But the OP is asking for opinions in this thread. That's why he started it. 

[AnotherOneAmerican]

My wife came into the room a few minutes ago and I showed her a couple of the posts on this thread.  After she rolled her eyes and asked why anyone would think to know better about her/our choices than her/us, we shared another one of those knowing glances.

Many men have a wife that lies to them, and they never know.
I do know that, because I had such a wife.
Is your wife honest and faithful to you?
Only time can tell (not you, and not me).

Another poor loser who's been badly burnt and thinks that everyone else has a woman as deceitful as his own.

Statistically, there is a 50% chance you will be deceived.
It would be foolish not to consider yours is in the bad 50%.

Not really a question of if you get burnt, but when.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Totally agree. I was 56, the wife 46. We already have children each and grandchildren each.
 
We thought long and hard about having another child, but looked at it from the realities facing the child(ren).

 
We opted for a vasectomy.

With a wife age 46, not really something to think about much.
Vasectomy to stop a wife age 46 becoming pregnant?
Seems a little pointless.

"Fertility expert James Goldfarb says that in his 30 years on the job, ... he has never seen a woman get pregnant with her own eggs after age 46. ... By age 43, a woman's chance of pregnancy plummets to 1 or 2 percent."

http://www.babycenter.com/0_age-and-fertility-getting-pregnant-in-your-40s_1494699.bc

[transam]

 

We are all different, fact, I personally could not deal with youngsters at my age, BUT I would never run anyone down if they wanted kids what ever their age is.

 

The word bigotry comes to mind if others have a problem regarding others, as no one knows how another individual deals with "their" life or the wants of "their" life..

 

 

But the OP is asking for opinions in this thread. That's why he started it. 

 

 

I am responding to posts........

 

All these knocks at older guys with kids to me is crap. The younger males here think they will automatically be around till the kids are married off....crap......I came from a broken familly at the age of 9. Many fathers die via work, roads, military, illness and old age. For the kids life goes on, yep, life goes on.

 

PS.Near forgot, a huge number of Thai kids are dumped by their fathers, I am still taking care of one of them.......Yep, an old guy.
 

Edited August 10, 2014 by transam

[AnotherOneAmerican]

AnotherOneAmerican, on 09 Aug 2014 - 23:23, said:

No relationship is complete without your own children, under 60 and you're still good to go.
Lots of old guys on these forums will tell you different, but it isn't true.

Your choices,
Live alone, it's not so bad.
Get married and have a baby, that's good too.
It's better than all the sad old guys with essentially a live in maid.

A lot of "old" guys are wrong, but you, as one guy, are right..mmmm. Ok, I'm one of those "old" guys and here my two cents worth, you need to think not only of yourself or your wife, you need to take into consideration the kid and how you will be able to interact with him/her when they are, mmm say 10 years old, and very active, will you be able to give them the time and energy they seek, or, seeing you will be approaching seventy, be a lethargic, grumpy old man. How will you deal with the kid when he/she enters mid-teens. Also, if living in Thailand, how will your wife and kid/s survive if you go to meet your maker.

About 50% of Thai kids are being brought up by their grandparents, usually just a grandmother.
What would be the difference?

[Krataiboy]

People with children who tell couples without children they are missing out on something will not be believed. Nor should they be. But it is a fact that once you have a child, your life changes and you change, completely and irrevocably. If you don't you shouldn't have had a child in the first place.

 

Having a child or children and not having them is a matter of choice. One is not better or worse than the other. They are just different choices and bring with them different pluses and minuses.

 

I have had four wives and with the first three (and a number of long-term partners) never wanted a child. Neither, as it happened, did any of my wives or partners - professional women for the most part more interested in nurturing a career than a child.

 

Then, right out of the blue in retirement, I met and fell in love with a woman young enough (easily) to be my daughter. We lived together and after a year or so of ensuring our relationship was likely to last, four of her five children joined us and I raised them as my own.

 

A couple across the road had two toddler daughters, beautiful little twins whom we used to babysit sometimes. They sparked in me a desire I had never known before - to have a baby with this woman I loved. I was as shocked by this feeling as my partner was when I told her of it. But she agreed to have one more child. And so it was, at the ripe old age of 68, I became a first-time father. 

 

It was and is by far the most incredibly rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. The entire experience, from conception and pregnancy to the birth, at which I was present, and beyond, was simply mind blowing and brought us together, bridging the age and cultural differences as nothing else ever could.

 

My little girl is seven now and is sitting playing MineCraft on her tablet computer as I write this. I look at her and marvel at my having helped give life to such an enchanting human being. Sometimes, I catch my wife looking at her simultaneously in precisely the same way, and when our eyes meet it is with the same kind of understanding that childless couples have at the joy of their entirely different but equally rewarding situation.

 

Not better. Not worse. Just different. With or without a child or children, happiness can be yours. It's about making a choice. Make it. Embrace it. Rejoice in it. . No regrets. No what ifs. That way is happiness

 

I used to have guilt feelings about becoming a father at such a ridiculously late age, knowing I am certain to die while my daughter is still very young. But I console myself  with the joy of the years we have already had together and those which hopefully are yet to come and the fact that my only blood child will have brothers and a sister as well as her mother to comfort, console and nourish her for much of her life.  

 

My daughter is bound to miss me when I go, but many children lose parents prematurely through accidents or illness and she will get over me. Not forget me, I hope, but learn to live with the memory instead of the reality. If we are remembered, then in a sense we are still alive. I've left her lots of stuff on disk etc should she ever wish to evoke a few happy memories. She knows about love and sex and death, because I have never lied to her, nor would to any child, so she has no illusions about us ever being reunited. Can one re-unite a leaf with the tree from which it has fallen?

 

 

For my part, I cannot imagine anything worse than leaving her, but I knew this would be part of the deal when I signed up for fatherhood at such a late age. I treasure each moment we spend together and console myself whenever the guilt resurfaces with the thought that I gave life to someone who otherwise would not have it.

 

At 76, one of the few lessons I have managed to learn is that life, by and large, is what you make it. Whatever your decision, go for it with all your heart and soul and it will work out for you.

 

Good luck.

[Tony125]

 

AnotherOneAmerican, on 09 Aug 2014 - 23:23, said:

No relationship is complete without your own children, under 60 and you're still good to go.
Lots of old guys on these forums will tell you different, but it isn't true.

Your choices,
Live alone, it's not so bad.
Get married and have a baby, that's good too.
It's better than all the sad old guys with essentially a live in maid.

A lot of "old" guys are wrong, but you, as one guy, are right..mmmm. Ok, I'm one of those "old" guys and here my two cents worth, you need to think not only of yourself or your wife, you need to take into consideration the kid and how you will be able to interact with him/her when they are, mmm say 10 years old, and very active, will you be able to give them the time and energy they seek, or, seeing you will be approaching seventy, be a lethargic, grumpy old man. How will you deal with the kid when he/she enters mid-teens. Also, if living in Thailand, how will your wife and kid/s survive if you go to meet your maker.

 

He works In Aus at least partially so should be able to get a good sized pension when he retires and can take out a good insurance policy to cover upbringing and schooling of child as welll as  a home here that would be left to wife and kid. I think its up to him if he thinks he can deal with  bringing up a kid or not--really's not anyone's business but his.

[HerbalEd]

 

 

No relationship is complete without your own children

 
You've got to be kidding---or trolling. 
 
I can assure you that my relationship with my wife is complete and there aren't (and won't be) any children.  We are childfree by choice and couldn't be happier with our decision.

 

I wonder if she thinks the same?

 

The OP indicates she thinks the same, so upon what do you base your "wonderment" besides cynicism? 

[KKr]

to answer the headline question posed is easy: if you ask yourself the question, you are too old.

[HerbalEd]

 

So, I don't know what my wife is thinking (and saying and doing) about choosing to be childfree, but somehow you know what "most Thai women want".
 
Priceless. 

"appear to want"
There is a difference.

 

Based upon your own admission of being totally fooled by your husband-hating wife of ten years, I'd say you're a very unreliable source for determining what women do and don't want. 

[HerbalEd]

To the OP: After seven decades of life, I've observed that when I have to talk myself into something, I almost always regret the decision. Listen to and follow what your wise self is trying to tell you. 

[transam]

to answer the headline question posed is easy: if you ask yourself the question, you are too old.

 

You reckon about the age thingy...?

http://www.google.co.th/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CBsQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ranker.com%2Flist%2Fgreatest-minds-of-all-time%2Fwalter-graves&ei=UCnnU4a0M4uD8gWPgYH4DQ&usg=AFQjCNExbcEaErVg8UgLkEAVPBUeUTo63A
 

[Lokie]

Children keep you young, they are a friGGing headache (bit like women) but they keep you young... never bothered Charlie Chaplin did it?? I have 5 grown up sprogs from my one and only marriage but if I ended up knocking one out over here with the right girl then hey-ho the nipper would be looked after no worries

 

Just go with the flow...

[SNGLIFE]

Without any intentional disrespect, foreigners 50+ who make a baby are as irresponsible as a 15 year old making a baby.  Not only is it irresponsible at 50+, it's expletive selfish!

 

What about the child?  Are you really going to still be around when they need you most in their teen years through young adulthood?  They'll be 18 and you will be what age [presuming you make it]???  What about finances?  Age and other forms of discrimination are rampant in Thailand.  She's not going to be able to waltz into an interview and then waltz out with a job.  They'll see her picture and skip to the next candidate.  IF she happens to have her own thing going on, then she won't likely be there for the kids as she might be too busy putting food on the table.  There are a plethora of issues which must be considered before moving forward with the selfish act of making a baby at 50+!

 

Sure, 50+ might be able to leave the proper finances when they depart, but really:  Is she going to manage that much money properly for YEARS or DECADES?  Really?  At least a 15 year old can "grow into" the father role and be there for the child for decades.  A 50+ will likely be in the dirt or tossed to the wind before the child finishes high school (!).

 

To the OP:  You did your part for population growth.  Be mature and RESPONSIBLE about it and pass on the idea of ANOTHER child at your age.

 

My 2 satang.

Edited August 10, 2014 by SNGLIFE

[transam]

Without any intentional disrespect, foreigners 50+ who make a baby are as irresponsible as a 15 year old making a baby.  Not only is it irresponsible at 50+, it's expletive selfish!

 

What about the child?  Are you really going to still be around when they need you most in their teen years through young adulthood?  They'll be 18 and you will be what age [presuming you make it]???  What about finances?  Age and other forms of discrimination are rampant in Thailand.  She's not going to be able to waltz into an interview and then waltz out with a job.  They'll see her picture and skip to the next candidate.  IF she happens to have her own thing going on, then she won't likely be there for the kids as she might be too busy putting food on the table.  There are a plethora of issues which must be considered before moving forward with the selfish act of making a baby at 50+!

 

Sure, 50+ might be able to leave the proper finances when they depart, but really:  Is she going to manage that much money properly for YEARS of DECADES?  Really?  At least a 15 year old can "grow into" the father role and be there for the child for decades.  A 50+ will likely be in the dirt or tossed to the wind before the child finishes high school (!).

 

To the OP:  You did your part for population growth.  Be mature and RESPONSIBLE about it and pass on the idea of ANOTHER child at your age.

 

My 2 satang.

 

[attachment=278604:buffalo.jpg]
 

[khunPer]

»I'd be interested to know what has been the experience of others who have faced this situation....what decision did you make and if you did have kids how did it go?«

 

If it can help OP, here is my experience.

 

I met a lovely Thai GF when I was in my early 50’ies. A friend told me that a young lady with no children will normally wish one or some – very true…

 

I was prepared, never been married at home and not having any children – however long lasting de facto relationship – indeed it was about time for me now. The reason for not having children was work and that I could not oversee the surplus in either time or money to raise a child or more. Looking at friends with children I was very happy at that time for not having that burden. Furthermore my homeland GF was not very interested in expanding the family.

 

I was preparing a move to Thailand. I could see the benefit of having a child late here, which was that I was more settled and had that bit of surplus to afford the mother should not work; I could afford an in-house nanny or maid to relief the burden of a having child, so that should not damage our relationship; that there seemed to be a good back-up from Thai family, which was important for my GF the first few years, especially as we were traveling to Europe a couple of times and could “park” the baby with her family.

 

Now our ying luk khrueng (half Thai daughter) is 9 years old. My experience is, that if you wish to have a child in Thailand and do well for the child, you need some financial surplus. Our experience with having nannies or maids is very positive – we have had them more as au pairs or like a member of the family – the present has now been with us more than 5 years. An acceptable good Kindergarten and School will cost some money, as you may not wish to use the public Thai school; a fair English-program school can cost 100,000 and up annually, International Schools a lot more. Of course having a child also require some of dad’s time and some change in life-style, but if you can afford the relief from a non-working mum and some kind of in-house help, being family or maid, to me the burden seems like nothing compared to what I saw back home, where both dad and mum had to work to pay bills and mortgage, and no in-house help.

 

Another point to agree about between dual cultural parents is “upbringing”. There seems to a difference in what a farang think is right and how Thais are doing it; it need to be a fair compromise. OP is having experience from earlier, and that is a benefit for making an early agreement with mum about how to adapt the best from both cultures. I was inexperienced, however had some “idea” of what I thought was the best way to head, which in time caused a few situations where we had to agree upon how we wanted to do it, not what other Thais do or how farangs use to do. If you intend to stay in Thailand and the child’s future will be here, then a lot of Thai behavior and culture is necessary, on the other hand if you intend to move abroad, then too much Thai-thinking may become a burden.

 

I do not regret having a child in Thailand – I am extremely happy – but I will today say the same as I was saying about 10 years ago: A child in Thailand will cost (at least) 5 million bath to bring up – that’s why I cannot afford more than one – and of course also some time and change in life-style. If you don’t have the surplus, don’t do it or think twice…