Wai, how to make an apologie

[Tingtau]

I know one guy through my kids' school who has been here 10 years or so and didn't even know how to wai the school head. He is English.

Great post! But, you know....although she said "index fingers touch nose" with equals, it sure looked like the tips of the fingers were somewhere between the middle of her nose and her eyebrows. Have to have the g/f give me some re-training here!

[Thongkorn]

was the appointment out of office hours.

[foxboy]

Seems like a reasonable question to ask from the OP

Shame it took 21 responses before someone gave a sensible answer!

I hope I never need to turn to this forum for genuine help or advice

[Paulzed]

I have only ever had one thai ever apologize to me, he was a chinese thai and a Christian.

I explained to my thai wife, that was the first thai I have seen a thai give an apology. And she agreed it was the same for her.

[Robert24]

I'd go with krisb's and Paulzed's advice. 1) You're the customer, so no need to apologise - just say you've been busy. 2) Thais don't apologise unless they have screwed up something majorly. It's about face. 3) a gift for missing such an appointment is definitely over the top in my opinion.

[benalibina]

I'd go with krisb's and Paulzed's advice. 1) You're the customer, so no need to apologise - just say you've been busy. 2) Thais don't apologise unless they have screwed up something majorly. It's about face. 3) a gift for missing such an appointment is definitely over the top in my opinion.

On point 2.....even not that......

[arjunadawn]

She don't give 2 craps about your gift mate.

She's a salesperson, she wants the sale.

Tell her you had another appointment with another agent who was late, and make this one earn her money.

Turning up with a gift....keep it.

Of course this is the best advise but reading this post I had a thought occur; are you trying to court her? When a spontaneous gift for a self-perceived offense needs to be so prepared, it can only be contrived. Any natural response of apology is always better than anything that requires this much preparation.

[Roota]

I hope I never need to turn to this forum for genuine help or advice

Indeed. Better just to ask a Thai friend. But why do I get the feeling that most posters here don't have any Thai friends?

[tingtongteesood]

who cares ? you are not thai and you can never understand thai culture, as they are so keen to keep reminding us constantly, so just do it however you want and if she doesnt appreciate the effort then she doesnt deserve it anyway....

[ableguy]

I think you owe me an apology for posting this topic. In my country it is customary for the person at fault to clean the other persons bathroom. What time can I expect you??

Get sober. Maybe sleep it off first.

[mok199]

as said already....''wai's,smiles,gifts,aphology's'',dude they dont care about that,SHOW ME THE MONEY........sawadii (no krap)..

[Neeranam]

Just say 'sorry I didn't make the appointment'.

You're not Thai so don't bother acting like one.

Don't listen to this crap. Learn the language, culture, waiing, etc and integrate.

Thais are not big on making amends. It has to do with many believing that once bad karma has been made, there is nothing they can do to change it.

Ukrules - would you expect all the immigrants in the UK to learn the language and learn how we do things?

But there is a difference. Virtually all the immigrants in the UK for there for the freebies. Social security , housing , education , child care , health care and the list goes on .... It would be fair to expect these scrounging pond life to learn English. I don't see any of those benefits being available for farangs in Thailand. Strange how every single Thai laughs out loud when i ask their opinion about the farangs who act like Thais. The OP should just forget it and not make himself look a prat. The art of chivalry doesn't work very well here.

What a load of baloney. There are many expats working in the UK and of course they learn English. I guess you are a long tourist or a retiree that is chained to a Thai gf to act as your guide and translator to keep you out of trouble.

Calling immigrants "pond life" is disgusting. I pay into the social security, my kids got child care when they were under 6. I get free health care.

What is acting like a Thai? Please tell me as i wouldn't want them laughing at me. Should I not wai, speak Thai, eat somtam, or what?

God, why do I bother replying to your kind.

[Neeranam]

Most Thais believe that they can go to the temple and "pay merit" to make right some bad thing they have done. Strangely though most monks don't believe that negative karma can me wiped and that it will come back to bite your arse either in this life or the next. Some monks do believe that negative karma can be wiped out by creating positive karma - making amends and the such.

Many Thais do go to see a monk and do a similar thing to Catholics sitting in that confession box.

[Neeranam]

I have only ever had one thai ever apologize to me, he was a chinese thai and a Christian.

I explained to my thai wife, that was the first thai I have seen a thai give an apology. And she agreed it was the same for her.

Don't believe a word.

Has your wife never apologized to you?

[Paulzed]

I have only ever had one thai ever apologize to me, he was a chinese thai and a Christian.

I explained to my thai wife, that was the first thai I have seen a thai give an apology. And she agreed it was the same for her.

Don't believe a word.

Has your wife never apologized to you?

Liars always think that they are being lied to.

My current Thai wife only realised to apologise, after I pointed out the above statement and until that time I actually thought it was part of Thai culture not to apologise e.g. loosing face and "I am older than you therefore I know better than you" etc....

My first Thai wife, not only would she not apologise, she would deny everything, then make such a song and dance about it to the point she made you feel guilty and sorry for ever asking for an apology, or ever pointing out that she had done anything wrong.

If you are interested I can give you many more examples of Thais not apologising for their actions (it will be a massive list I have 30 years worth of them) or even put up a post on TV about this topic.

[slipperylobster]

I have been on the receiving end of countless missed appointments. Never once was I offered a gift. However, if she is cute, and likes you, showing up with a gift, and some follow up phone calls, may make for the possibility of some interesting nights out in the ville.

Everyone likes a romantic....

Edited August 18, 2014 by slipperylobster

[Neeranam]

^^

So more than 1 Thai has made an apology. Your post was misleading.

So in 30 years nobody has said "kor thawt" to you? I must be a liar according to you.

[bobthomas]

When you see her again, she will wai you. You can then wai her back and say "I'm sorry I missed our appointment, I got held up". No need to over-think it.

Not sure why you'd feel the need to wai her and buy her gifts, you missed an appointment with someone who wants your business. As such, she will always be the one to wai you, not the other way around.

Some foreigners go around waing everyone they see (including the local drunk and the soi dog), but that's completely unnecessary.

Wow! It took 30 replies, but someone finally got it right.

Lucky the question wasn't on an immigration form for yearly visa extension!

[Strangebrew]

Dude Wai are you serious I just slap the ole whitesnake on the table and say need good condo cheap that has bathtub usually a WOW and you have girlfriend reply. Also they want to visit after.

[Strangebrew]

If I'm correct the Wai has a protocol Like if you older than the other person they wai you first if a monk They don't wai back but ok to wai them the royal family don't wai you can wai them but never be higher than them when doing so . the later you don't have to worry about farang never get that close to do. Look just be polite wai back if you feel you must but gift forget it she going to screw you anyway.Look through craigslist to get your condo bring the cash move in same day cut the middle man. hell I got 1 bedroom with shower and tub 3rd floor on quiet soi &-11 across the street short walk to BTS massage 50 meter away drug store and tesco mini near.bank 5 minute walk . 8,000 baht an month pay all bill 7-11 resturant ground floor with delivery to room by nice looking Thailady even got boom boom from her no charge. But you must like being with thais not any farang in building just me .

[joebrown]

I once employed a local Thai builder to erect a substantial garage and storage room in my garden. I gave him a fairly detailed plan with all relevant dimensions. He spent a few days digging out the foundations and putting in columns. He eventually started to weld the steel roof supports to the re-inforced columns. He was left un- supervised for a whole day and when I returned I got the impression he'd installed the roof beams about 50cm too high. After he'd gone home I checked his work and my suspicions were confirmed by my tape measure. The next day my g/f pointed out his mistake and told him to refer to my plan and reduce the height of the beams. Did he apologise? No way, because this would have been an admission of his mistake, involving 'loss of face'. All he did was say "no problem, whatever the farang wants is OK". To me, this sounded as though I was the one who had made the mistake and wasted a day's work.

[thaibeachlovers]

Just say 'sorry I didn't make the appointment'.

You're not Thai so don't bother acting like one.

No, he's not a Thai...but just as I would appreciate any foreigner's efforts to learn and attempt to follow my country's customs, so do I think any Thai would likewise appreciate the effort. You do take your shoes off before entering a Thai household, don't you? If I follow your reasoning, and I am correct in assuming that you're not a Thai, why bother!! It would take a small person to ridicule such genuine effort to respect the customs of the people in whose country you are a guest.

On the other hand, I don't think he need bother with any gift....giving a sincere 'wai' (stand to be corrected, but fingers just slightly above the nose, would be sufficient, I think) with a few repeated "sorry"s would be accepted by most people on a first such transgression.

By the way....I love the name....UKRULES....in the UK, that very well might and should be the case...i..e. one lives by UK rules. But here, in Thailand THAIRULES....one should live by Thai rules, don't you think?

Yeah right. The "rules" like not getting angry at others in public and following Buddhist principles 5555555555555555555555

[Suradit69]

Just say 'sorry I didn't make the appointment'.

You're not Thai so don't bother acting like one.

Don't listen to this crap. Learn the language, culture, waiing, etc and integrate.

Thais are not big on making amends. It has to do with many believing that once bad karma has been made, there is nothing they can do to change it.

Ukrules - would you expect all the immigrants in the UK to learn the language and learn how we do things?

But there is a difference. Virtually all the immigrants in the UK for there for the freebies. Social security , housing , education , child care , health care and the list goes on .... It would be fair to expect these scrounging pond life to learn English. I don't see any of those benefits being available for farangs in Thailand. Strange how every single Thai laughs out loud when i ask their opinion about the farangs who act like Thais. The OP should just forget it and not make himself look a prat. The art of chivalry doesn't work very well here.

"Strange how every single Thai laughs out loud when i ask their opinion about the farangs who act like Thais."

You really need to take up golf or find a hobby.

While I agree that farang trying to act too Thai generally comes off as ridiculous, surveying a significant number of Thais on their opinions of farang doing this sounds a little far fetched and more than a little fanciful.

Most Thais I know would wonder what the hell I was going on about or think I was fishing for a compliment comparing myself to all the (other) ting-tong farang. Sort of the equivalent of asking a Thai whether my sun tan is better than some other farang's. Whatever they may say to you, they'll think you're nuts for asking the question.

[Neeranam]

I once employed a local Thai builder to erect a substantial garage and storage room in my garden. I gave him a fairly detailed plan with all relevant dimensions. He spent a few days digging out the foundations and putting in columns. He eventually started to weld the steel roof supports to the re-inforced columns. He was left un- supervised for a whole day and when I returned I got the impression he'd installed the roof beams about 50cm too high. After he'd gone home I checked his work and my suspicions were confirmed by my tape measure. The next day my g/f pointed out his mistake and told him to refer to my plan and reduce the height of the beams. Did he apologise? No way, because this would have been an admission of his mistake, involving 'loss of face'. All he did was say "no problem, whatever the farang wants is OK". To me, this sounded as though I was the one who had made the mistake and wasted a day's work.

He probably thought he was doing you a favour, getting a higher roof.

[TacoGuy]

This is a funny thread.

Neeram, could you give a few more examples/explain. I didn't notice it for many years but I would say that personal apologies are rare and the attitude is something like making a specific apology to your partner is unnecessary (both ways)?