Baby coming soon, wife will stop working. How much should I pay each month?

[Naam]

^{I think the Thai government should make it mandatory to have certain neantherthals washing up on Thailands shores to have their stuff snipped so they can't breed with the local lasses to many overage irrisponsable teenagers .}

[orosee]

A (good) man changes when he holds his children. Let's give the OP a chance :-)

You can budget in advance for children, but do not treat them like your car instalment plan! Every dollar the child needs extra goes out of your own fun budget, so learn to have more fun with the kids, I'm just finding out that that's an equally rewarding pastime (week 7 now and let me tell you, the first 6 weeks were tough!).

OP's total household budget seems to be limited (I figure 300 to 40 thousand baht more or less), that would explain the stingy tone of it.

I'm in Korea where you pay 2-4 times the price (compared to Amazon or Western prices) so my numbers may be off, I just list a few of the major cost producers:

- clothing (get second hand stuff, barely used. Family of your wife perhaps?)

- bottles and nipples (they used to be more fun without a baby). At least 8, and baby needs bigger ones after a few months.

- towels, napkins, blankets, lots of stuff you never thought you'd need

- bottle sterilizer (steam, worth it!)

- diapers. 6 to 8 a day, it's mad!

- formula. Try different brands. You may end up throwing a nearly full can away if baby doesn't respond well

- stroller, rocker, bassinet, toys, all that stuff that shops charge you dearly for

And your wife needs extra care too.

In fact, let her do the calculations. Discuss, but don't force your will.

Now go see the other thread about where baby sleeps.

[Mister T]

Up to now she has contributed to half of most bills and we have been taking turns with buying dinner etc. I am more than prepared to be a man now and cover all expenses during the 3 to 6 months whilst she is on holidays taking care of the baby. After that Im hoping that things will revert back to the old ways (as she earns more money than me).

I can not believe a normal mature male would write this. You should accept responsibility for everything as a husband and father. Work out how much you need for personal stuff, give the rest to her, sounds like she would be better at budgeting than you anyway.

[MediaWatcher]

davidst01, on 27 Aug 2014 - 14:55, said:

David48, on 27 Aug 2014 - 14:41, said:

David ... the OP.

So many things.

But firstly ... please drop the 'I have to be the Man' concept.

That is perpetuated by the group think sometimes you get here on the Forum.

What you need to do is to be the supportive Partner/Husband.

The major question that you have left answered and assume the readers know is ... where do live?

Yes, I read about the rent for the house ... but do you both live together?

No offence but its a bit of a daft question to ask david48. Would you want to live apart from your wife and twins after they were born? Maybe you are lacking sleep and did not read my post enough. I thought it would be obvious that we are living together. cheers

I'm a little worried, why ask these questions, if you are living with her, surely you would be aware of what is being bought and what is needed. And why does she need a "helper" that is you responsibility.

[USNret]

I agree with you fellows who say "being a man' isn't enough. Pay the bills, don't grip about it, don't add to your wife's burden of raising a first child. The first is always the hardest. I agree, why a nanny? Housekeeper 2 times a week is a good idea unless you think it will cost too much and are willing to do it yourself. Hey, that is a great money saver and a major "manly" contribution to the household!

As a nurse, suggest she get some training on breast feeding from the maternity department at her hospital. IF she wants to breast feed. It is mainly difficult the first week or so until her milk fully comes in. Also, to the fellow who wrote about post partum depression, you are so right. This can occur months after delivery.

And I have to take issue with your comment about your wife taking "holidays" time while being away from work. Write in three months and tell me about her fabulous holiday time.

I fear you will have difficulty adjusting to your new manly role, begrudgingly helping, etc. You may be needier than the new baby. Good luck.

somebody who pays his wife 5 baht per ironed shirt is not a man!

I took his comment to mean they send out the laundry, and the laundry lady charges 5 baht/shirt. I sincerely hope my interpretation is right. Paying your wife for chores is a recipe for disaster. My filipina ex-wife tried this on me and, as I said, she's now my ex. 'Nuff said.

[Xonax]

Fairly you should pay half of the expenses as usual, plus in addition now compensate her for half of her monthly salary reduction, while she is on maternaty leave.

Edited August 28, 2014 by Xonax

[96tehtarp]

On the question of the helper:

I have one farang friend who's wife is completely hopeless as a mother. He works at sea on a rotation schedule. He found it necessary to hire a full time helper for his two children as his wife is not capable in any way shape or form. This is an extreme case. He pays the nanny 40k per month for his own peace of mind. That's too much and he knows it but I agree with him that it's money well spent. This was after my having met his wife.

I think the need for a helper, particularly where a close relative is not available, could be necessary in some cases. Some people's lifestyles require drivers, gardeners and a nanny and maids.

[losgrad]

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Up to now she has contributed to half of most bills and we have been taking turns with buying dinner etc. I am more than prepared to be a man now and cover all expenses during the 3 to 6 months whilst she is on holidays taking care of the baby. After that Im hoping that things will revert back to the old ways (as she earns more money than me).

I can not believe a normal mature male would write this. You should accept responsibility for everything as a husband and father. Work out how much you need for personal stuff, give the rest to her, sounds like she would be better at budgeting than you anyway.

Fairly you should pay half of the expenses as usual, plus in addition now compensate her for half of her monthly salary reduction, while she is on maternaty leave.

Yes, or 50% of your salary into the joint bank account.

As noted by the diversity of comments, the cost of raising a child can vary significantly. The quality of parenting is often more important than the amount of money spent. Becoming a parent can be a tremendous responsibility or just another expense - you choose - stressful and satisfying or a line item budget.

[Khun Paul]

being an adult means you really do not ask on a public forum what you should be doing for your WIFE and soon to be CHILD .

The question really should be, I do not have a clue what I am going to do, can anyone advise me.

Oh well I hope your wife and unborn are doing well . .

[hotsoup]

He needs a Mae Baan to look after the house, a Mia Noi for a variety of services, ironing lessons, probably cooking too, though of course he can become a Paw Tung and naturally lessons in the subtle and not so subtle aspects of the English language. Oh and he needs accounting lessons to discover what a budget means. Something to do with being able to work out what you can afford? LOL; Issan is hardly expensive unless you decide to play cards, buy lottery tickets every day and get smashed. As for 'giving money' that sounds more like bar girls than nurses. Any parents and grand parents, let alone siblings, to be seen?

[eeworldwide]

Although everyone is different, I have always been stumped as to why husbands and wives don't just share everything they have. I mean- that's the point of being married,right?

You share everything- you become one.

There will be times when you have a lot and times when you will be on the breadline, but the point is, you will always have each other.

Lump everything you have together and make it work. The more division you have in the financial aspects of your family life, the more likely you are to encounter trouble.

Also - you need to be in harmony so that your child grows up in a peaceful environment.

I respect the fact that you might feel a bit out of your depth at the moment, hence your comments re "being a man".

No child comes with a manual, and I would be as bold as to say that most men often feel out of their depth when it comes to being a father, from time to time. We all do.

Being a man has little to do with how big your wallet or willie is.

First things first - love your wife. Take care of her and listen to her and try to provide for her needs.

If you are feeling out of your depth when the new baby arrives - one of the most effective and satisfying things you can do is to just hold your baby as much as you can.

Men tend to take longer bonding with a newborn, but just the simple act of holding the baby as much as you can will bring great joy and pleasure to not only you - but especially your wife. Helping with the midnight feed and changing a nappy will also help you bond with your child.

You might also discover that life is to too short to overly worry about ironing!

Why section things into a "his and hers" pile?

Working together to overcome your obstacles will strengthen your marriage and your family.

A husband and wife that have a joint bank account and share a mutual responsibility to pay all bills out of the combined income, have a higher level of trust and accountability. And a greater sense of security.

Many many problems stem from divided finances in marriages.

I have been married for 12 years and have 4 children.

If this is your first child, you will receive a lot of support from friends and family in terms of practical things you need for the baby.

The first 6 months are really the easiest. When the baby starts to become gradually more independent, and starts to crawl etc, then things become more active.

inoculations can be costly for those on a more moderate income, and then you have the cost of kindergarten should you need to go down that route.

The more the expenses increase, then more is the need to join together and work together especially where finances are involved.

If you love each other you will get through all the challenges life offers you - but the greatest strength you can ever have in your life is your wife and family.

That surpasses anything money can buy.

My advice would be to align your hearts and wallets and then everything else will flow properly from there. Get rid of the ''yours" and "mine" mindset, and adopt an "ours", and you will see how much easier life becomes.

God Bless you all, and enjoy every precious moment when the baby arrives, and you witness the miracle of birth.

Edited August 28, 2014 by eeworldwide

[smotherb]

I have recently joined the adult world by getting married.

Having read the rest of your post.

I think you might have joined the adult world far too early.

If you really want to join the adult world, pay for everything; and you may even decide to use the B10k she will earn to help.

[Happy Days xx]

I kind of felt the same a MJCM... but I can't resist...

I think 6 baht per shirt fairer... any advances?

Re dog food... well of course it all depends on how much she eats!!

Boom-boom!!

[kovaltech]

...

The expenses of a newborn are quite high. There are a lot of hidden costs. <snip>

Seriously good post ...

I only snipped it for brevity and acknowledgement.

My experiences are similar, though my boys are younger.

.

i second this, i did raise 4 kids, who thinks about how much money he should give ? just go with the flow and take care of your new born and pregnant wife.

By all means OP, how old are you ?

[franck1972]

Depends if you're relying on brand stuff or not.

We use Nan Pro for the milk, and it's quite expensive I think.

Around 400 B for a pack ,and we needed at least one every week.

So let's say around 1800 B for milk...but if your wife is not working, breastfeeding would save you a big part of this amount.

Nappies, here again, it depends on what brand...we use mammy poko, not the cheapest of course.

Let's say 3 big packs a month, at approx 500 B a pack = 1500 B

Clothing is relatively cheap in thailand, 200 B a month would do.

Accessories like bottles, stroller and so on, well it's more a start investment, around 7000-10000 B only once.

Then there's the vaccin plans,..be careful of all these plans, most of the time you will have hidden cost.

Or you will notice that some important vaccins are not part of the plan.

I'd say 10 000 B a year during the first 2-3 years, so that's be around 800 B a month.

At the end, I found that milk is the biggest part of the budget, if you avoid to give powder milk, then you end up at around 2500-3000 B a month for a good care.

Good luck, and enjoy sleeping as long as you can

[Greg Nixon]

Really man up and share the load. No more out with the boys and no more drinking and carousing. You do not need a nanny if you share the load. You can iron or the wife can iron while you watch the twins. It is called bonding. How much can you afford without the nights out? How much does she need for basic groceries since you have taken care of everything else. Grocery shop with the wife after giving her a weekly allowance for necessities. Watch to see if she needs more. Children are expensive to raise so although initially it will not cost a lot eventually it will. How about a basic double umbrella pram ?

[Thakkar]

- 5 baht ironing per shirt

I just realized the considerable savings I've been making by eschewing shirts and instead wearing unironed singlets.

T

[12DrinkMore]

Two posters have mentioned "Breast Feed Training", for example

"As a nurse, suggest she get some training on breast feeding from the maternity department at her hospital. IF she wants to breast feed"

Millions of years of genetic development have developed mammal mammaries for the prime purpose of feeding offspring. We humans have been striding the planet for 240,000 years. For 239,990 odd years instinctive behaviour has ensured that babies' mouths and mothers' tits find each other.

Have we somehow devolved to the extent that new mothers and babies now need to be trained in how to find/offer and latch on to a tit?

Or maybe the Nanny States have infiltrated personal lives so much that people are scared of "doing what comes naturally"?

Or scared in case they are sued by the child in later life, "Mummy, why am I such a runt? Why did you not get professional training in breast feeding? I am below average height and it has cost me a promotion. See you in court"

Oh, and 5 Baht to iron a shirt? The outlook for this relationship is not good unless an attitudinal retraining is taken. Maybe at the same time as the breast feeding training sessions.

[Tchooptip]

... so we switched back to breast feeding.

Of course my wife has proved to be a very capable mother in every respect and I consider myself very lucky for that.

Mate ... I'm sending the boys (twins) over.

Forwarding address please ...

.

Shame on you unfit father

[Jimbolai]

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I stopped reading after this

- 5 baht ironing per shirt

This guy is far from being a man. He feels a need to ask this forum how much he should pay?

[96tehtarp]

... so we switched back to breast feeding.

Of course my wife has proved to be a very capable mother in every respect and I consider myself very lucky for that.

Mate ... I'm sending the boys (twins) over.

Forwarding address please ...

Shame on you unfit father

Yes he's a very bad bad man.

Seriously now, is there a tradition of sleepovers in Thailand? It doesn't seem like it. Sometimes it would be nice to loan the kids out for a long-weekend.

[seancbk]

Why does she need a helper?

Is she disabled in some way?

Nappies and milk are about 800bht/month.

But if mom is breast feeding while at home, you won't need milk, so 400bht/month for nappies.

She is still being paid 10k/month, why do need to pay more than you did?

10k/month is still a good Thai wage.

If you can have a helper why wouldn't you? I grew up as an expat kid in the Middle East and Asia and we always had maids, drivers, gardeners etc....

When did you last price Pampers nappies? 172pcs box 1400THB New babies go through those things like crazy!

The OP is asking what amount he should give for what my mother would call "House Keeping"

The amount depends on the standard of living they want.... 10K a month is only 333 THB a day.... you expect her to maintain the home, feed the family etc on that??!

Its upto the OP and only he knows what he can afford (and what standard of living he and his wife are used to), but I would think the amount would need to be more like 30,000 THB

[David48]

@96tehtarp

@Tchooptip

Speaking of kids ... I always get a chuckle at the one line in this short ad about Australian Banking ...

The line Barbara says about more kids @ the 30sec mark.

What ... more of them? ...

.

[Ulic]

Dude, not a 3-6 month vacation your wife is having. She is having a baby. Contrary to popular expression the worlds

oldest profession is motherhood, the second is prostitution. As for you manning up to pay bills, how about manning up

and helping your wife with the baby. BTW I have no kids but all my brothers and best friends say kids is the best thing

they have ever done so congratulations and enjoy everything about it. Even the diaper changes and sleepless nights.

Also don't forget that most awful new traditions, the push present. She pushed one out for you so a gold necklace, or

bracelet maybe. (When she shows her friends, she will gain a lot of face)

[balo]

Me thinks OP is a troll.

[kjhbigv]

I really think you are worrying unnecessarily.

Just go with the flow, ask your wife if she needs anything. This is now your family....not a contracted home-help.

Just carry on as before and be ready for a bit more expenditure.

As for "5 baht ironing per shirt".....that is a joke I hope!?

I had my first kid a few weeks ago and money is the last thing on my mind....my life now revolves around feeding, getting up all hours and cleaning crap and it's great!

Edited August 28, 2014 by kjhbigv

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Although everyone is different, I have always been stumped as to why husbands and wives don't just share everything they have. I mean- that's the point of being married,right?

So if you as a lawyer earn $800,000 a year, marry a check out girl earning $100,000 a year, you should share your wage with her?

No, I think not.

Why would anyone do that?

[eeworldwide]

Although everyone is different, I have always been stumped as to why husbands and wives don't just share everything they have. I mean- that's the point of being married,right?

So if you as a lawyer earn $800,000 a year, marry a check out girl earning $100,000 a year, you should share your wage with her?

No, I think not.

Why would anyone do that?

Dear fellow,

I question your logic. Why would a lawyer marry a check out girl?

Perhaps for love?

Are you married?

Millions of couples DO share their income, and why not? Not everyone is born with suspicious minds. There are still trustworthy people who marry each other and dedicate all they have with each other.

But we are all free - thankfully - do choose how we want to live.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Why does she need a helper?

Is she disabled in some way?

Nappies and milk are about 800bht/month.

But if mom is breast feeding while at home, you won't need milk, so 400bht/month for nappies.

She is still being paid 10k/month, why do need to pay more than you did?

10k/month is still a good Thai wage.

If you can have a helper why wouldn't you? I grew up as an expat kid in the Middle East and Asia and we always had maids, drivers, gardeners etc....

When did you last price Pampers nappies? 172pcs box 1400THB New babies go through those things like crazy!

The OP is asking what amount he should give for what my mother would call "House Keeping"

The amount depends on the standard of living they want.... 10K a month is only 333 THB a day.... you expect her to maintain the home, feed the family etc on that??!

Its upto the OP and only he knows what he can afford (and what standard of living he and his wife are used to), but I would think the amount would need to be more like 30,000 THB

I want the children to love me, not someone I employ (so I can spend my time elsewhere).

If you don't have time for your children, you shouldn't be having them.

Last week Mama Poko diapers were selling for 180bht for a pack of 30.

200bht a day can easily feed a family of 4 but that doesn't include western luxury items.

Thai court says 100bht/day per child.

They probably are more realistic with child living costs than most foreigners.

Something I always want to know, Thai households often have 10k or less a month coming in, yet their children all seem to have happy lives, how can that be when you think a person needs 30k/month/child? Something is wrong there.

[zeichen]

Posters you do realize this was a troll. The OP has not responded after the first page. He doesn't want advice. He is trolling