The Expat Divide...

[villagefarang]

It can take the form of an observation, a question or an accusation. For some it is a nonissue and for others an obsession. Whatever ones experience with the expat divide, I see no excuse for withholding a smile and a nod of recognition.

The things that divide us as expats are not all that different from the normal divides one finds back home. Some of the obvious culprits are language, nationality, age, sex, money, social and marital status, education, as well as a multitude of experiential and attitudinal differences. There is one thing that should bring us together and that is our shared experience of being a foreigner in a foreign land. That too, however, is often overshadowed by the divide between newcomers and more established residents.

The enthusiastic naiveté of the newcomer is often lambasted by the cynical old-timer. One side asks why expats ignore or snub fellow expats while the other side asks why they have to be nice to someone simply because of their skin color. It is not always as simple as someone being rude, or shy, though sometimes it is. Unless one truly enjoys the role of mentoring others, who may or may not heed ones advice, it can be tiring answering the same old questions time after time. Unless one is very self sufficient, on the other hand, it is tempting to rely on others to hold your hand and show you the way.

Back home, I dare say the majority of people ensconce themselves in an enclave of like minded individuals who share their lifestyle, aspirations and background. In Thailand one is confronted by the fact, that just because you may look alike, doesn’t mean you have anything in common. Even native English speakers may find they need subtitles when confronted by the heavily accented and nonstandard variances of the English language one encounters in Thailand. Things get even more confused as you try to communicate with those who do not share your mother tongue, whatever that might be.

The age and financial disparity among expats can be enormous, leading to discomfort and misunderstanding at times. In the emotional baggage expats inevitably bring with them, there can also be hiding numerous sensitivities and triggers for hurt feeling or indignation. Depending on the severity of ones negative experiences with fellow expats some individuals opt for withdrawal from the expat community or limiting themselves to those of the same nationality and their new Thai family.

This is not to say there are not those who find expat life and interaction quite enjoyable. Those who come from pub cultures will no doubt find a drinking hole somewhere, that is filled with other likeminded drinkers. Those to whom religiosity is important, a church or temple may become a focus. Those with children may find companionship among the other parents at their children’s school. If one is employed things are not all that different from anywhere else, with your friends and acquaintances most likely being work related. I sometimes feel it is the older retired expat who has the toughest row to hoe, with few of the time honored options for relating to others available to them in this strange new world.

I have found being young and single in Bangkok, or any big city, cannot prepare you for being old, married and retired in someplace like Chiang Rai. Age, health and finances seem to take their toll on the retired expat community who find Thailand late in life and take up rural living in a village. Many older expats live in isolated towns and villages for a variety of reasons. Often it is where the wife or girlfriend is from. Many express an inability to cope with city life or they simply can’t afford it. Unlike many, I enjoyed 30 years in Bangkok and find the negative motivations of some to be depressing. I saw our move to Chiang Rai as a positive new phase of life, not the cheapest place to live out my final days, nor brought on by an inability to live elsewhere.

Even if it feels as though there is an expat divide at times, and things don’t always go smoothly while adjusting to expat life, there is something about the freshness and novelty of ones experiences that seems to grab and hold those of us who stay. Things back home might be neater, cleaner and more predictable but that is exactly why some of us seek out this sometimes messy and chaotic life of an expat. We tire easily of the familiar and relish the stimulation of new sights, sounds and smells.

Expats often find that what brought them to a place is not necessarily what keeps them there longterm. Some of us are comfortable with where we are while others are still struggling with the place, the people and their relationship to both. Sure there are things that divide us but they should’t keep us apart or keep us from being civil or even friendly when we encounter other expats. Offering a smile or a nod costs one nothing and may make someone else’s day. There is no need to shutdown due to a few bad encounters. With a little effort you can bridge the expat divide.

[AYJAYDEE]

why?

[villagefarang]

Fair question but I might counter with, why not? Just thought I would cast this upon the waters and see if I could get a conversation started. Thinking about going for a mt. bike ride but waiting for some clouds to pass so I have a few minutes to kill.

Edited September 3, 2014 by villagefarang

[trd]

why?

Because

[AYJAYDEE]

Fair question but I might counter with, why not? Just thought I would cast this upon the waters and see if I could get a conversation started. Thinking about going for a mt. bike ride but waiting for some clouds to pass so have few minutes to kill.

well, to me I dont fret that other farangs think differently than me in thailand any more than in my home country. i dont try and broach the divide in the home country so why would that be different in thailand?

[Codesh]

I am cautious about new people in my life. Hard to get rid of dependent nutters who think that because I am also a farang that their company is welcome at any time. More of these socially dependent here than at home, IMHO.

[rijb]

It's not a divide. It's diversity.

[villagefarang]

Fair question but I might counter with, why not? Just thought I would cast this upon the waters and see if I could get a conversation started. Thinking about going for a mt. bike ride but waiting for some clouds to pass so have few minutes to kill.

well, to me I dont fret that other farangs think differently than me in thailand any more than in my home country. i dont try and broach the divide in the home country so why would that be different in thailand?

Then clearly this is not an issue for you and that is a good thing. I am not sure it is such a nonissue for all, but I could be wrong.

[AYJAYDEE]

Fair question but I might counter with, why not? Just thought I would cast this upon the waters and see if I could get a conversation started. Thinking about going for a mt. bike ride but waiting for some clouds to pass so have few minutes to kill.

well, to me I dont fret that other farangs think differently than me in thailand any more than in my home country. i dont try and broach the divide in the home country so why would that be different in thailand?

Then clearly this is not an issue for you and that is a good thing. I am not sure it is such a nonissue for all, but I could be wrong.

i like the idea of the bike ride. no divide there

[samran]

where do the ex SAS and Army Rangers fit into all of this?

[AYJAYDEE]

where do the ex SAS and Army Rangers fit into all of this?

the pub

[samran]

Fair question but I might counter with, why not? Just thought I would cast this upon the waters and see if I could get a conversation started. Thinking about going for a mt. bike ride but waiting for some clouds to pass so have few minutes to kill.

well, to me I dont fret that other farangs think differently than me in thailand any more than in my home country. i dont try and broach the divide in the home country so why would that be different in thailand?

Then clearly this is not an issue for you and that is a good thing. I am not sure it is such a nonissue for all, but I could be wrong.

i like the idea of the bike ride. no divide there

except your bum crack and nads being pushed apart...

Edited September 3, 2014 by samran

[rijb]

where do the ex SAS and Army Rangers fit into all of this?

Careful. The Op takes himself very seriously. And he has friends in high places.

[trd]

That was a well thought out article. Makes a change from the usual rantings on TVF.

Whether you fret about what other farangs think or not, the point is surely that as a foreigner in a foreign country, you naturally relate to other foreigners in a way that is different from what you do when surrounded by your own kind in your own country. Just a different expression of the human herd instinct.

[villagefarang]

i like the idea of the bike ride. no divide there

except your bum crack and nads being pushed apart...

Clearly you are not perched properly upon your saddle or wearing the proper apparel.

[samran]

i like the idea of the bike ride. no divide there

except your bum crack and nads being pushed apart...

Clearly you are not perched properly upon your saddle or wearing the proper apparel.

No man under 40 (kg) should be wearing lycra.

[96tehtarp]

I like the divide, and keep mostly to myself. This in no way stops me from saying hello, being sociable, and having an impromptu chat with a perfect stranger and his wife.

[villagefarang]

That was a well thought out article. Makes a change from the usual rantings on TVF.

Whether you fret about what other farangs think or not, the point is surely that as a foreigner in a foreign country, you naturally relate to other foreigners in a way that is different from what you do when surrounded by your own kind in your own country. Just a different expression of the human herd instinct.

Thank you and yes that is exactly what I was trying to do, diverge from the usual rantings on TVF.

[AYJAYDEE]

except your bum crack and nads being pushed apart...

you obviously dont know how to buy a proper saddle

[trd]

That was a well thought out article. Makes a change from the usual rantings on TVF.

Whether you fret about what other farangs think or not, the point is surely that as a foreigner in a foreign country, you naturally relate to other foreigners in a way that is different from what you do when surrounded by your own kind in your own country. Just a different expression of the human herd instinct.

Thank you and yes that is exactly what I was trying to do, diverge from the usual rantings on TVF.

Except that you will have the replies to contend with which may be of varying quality.

[villagefarang]

That was a well thought out article. Makes a change from the usual rantings on TVF.

Whether you fret about what other farangs think or not, the point is surely that as a foreigner in a foreign country, you naturally relate to other foreigners in a way that is different from what you do when surrounded by your own kind in your own country. Just a different expression of the human herd instinct.

Thank you and yes that is exactly what I was trying to do, diverge from the usual rantings on TVF.

Except that you will have the replies to contend with which may be of varying quality.

I am used to that.

[samran]

except your bum crack and nads being pushed apart...

you obviously dont know how to buy a proper saddle

I do. It is just that my arse is too big.

[villagefarang]

Time to put on my microfiber costume and hit the trails but I will check in later, so play nice.

[rijb]

That was a well thought out article. Makes a change from the usual rantings on TVF.

Whether you fret about what other farangs think or not, the point is surely that as a foreigner in a foreign country, you naturally relate to other foreigners in a way that is different from what you do when surrounded by your own kind in your own country. Just a different expression of the human herd instinct.

Thank you and yes that is exactly what I was trying to do, diverge from the usual rantings on TVF.

Except that you will have the replies to contend with which may be of varying quality.

I am used to that.

And I thought all the martyrs were in the mideast.

[AYJAYDEE]

except your bum crack and nads being pushed apart...

you obviously dont know how to buy a proper saddle

I do. It is just that my arse is too big.

there are saddles for all sit bone widths.

[wamberal]

Well, that was a wasted ten minutes or so.

[piersbeckett]

Try this on for size: IMHO an ex-pat who's lived here for twenty years will know that farangs are farther away(as a people)from Thais than an expat who's lived here for ten years but the twenty year person will still be fooling himself to some extent but might know that that is necessary in order to survive happily here. In this regard, in this particular land, I think us farangs have a lot in common.

Edited September 3, 2014 by piersbeckett

[hotsoup]

Is the original novel available on Amazon?

[lust]

too long, didnt read

[thailiketoo]

I'll nod and be polite but no advice anymore. Pearls to swine. Thailand is a land of opposites. The longer you are here the better able you are to handle the opposites. Like if you want a taxi to stop you wave them away.

Also it's not like many normal older gentlemen settle in Thailand. I forget sometimes. I could have saved a guy $100.000 dollars. Did he ask me how? Nope he said it was impossible and picked a fight with me. It's also in the army when a new officer is assigned to a unit and is a know it all; ignoring the old timers. In Vietnam they called it, "sin loy" sorry about that in Thailand it was, "som nam na" serves you right as the dummies went where they were told not to go and got blown up. At first it bothers you after a while you don't even notice.