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Thoughts - Kids growing up in Thailand - advice to parents


Blackandwhite

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Jobe, on 18 Sept 2014 - 20:46, said:

Well balanced kids come from a well balanced upbringing...

There is no right place to bring up children. Of course you wouldn't place your family in a 'danger zone'. But, The UK. US or Thailand etc. are not 'danger zones'. They are places that have problems and challenges.

It's our responsibility as parents to show our kids, through example and discipline, how to conduct themselves and how they should respond to and, interact with their surroundings.

what you say, of course, is true, but you seem to have missed the OP's point.

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That last sentence is simply the truth about Thailand. As for millions of Thais rearing well adjusted kids...well adjusted for what? To accept unquestioning obedience? Yeah we have that here. I prefer to have a daughter who is willing and able to question the status quo and make her own decisions. I would say my wife is well adjusted, but wouldn't necessarily attribute that to her parents, but rather her experiences outside Thailand. And my daughter has already "copped some racism" at school as a luk kreung. Lovely thing for a 4 year old don't you think? How bad will it become once she reaches her teens? We won't be staying to find out.

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Some good and interesting views in above posts, thanks to the posters for sharing their story.


I think it – staying in Thailand with your kid(s) – also has a lot to do with motivation and the parents, not the least the Thai part. I have a daughter, 9 years old now, and am happy to stay here and think she have as good or better possibilities here than in my Scandinavian home country. So far we can afford an English program Thai school that we are very satisfied with, and when comparing to Danish public schools and hear comments from my friends there, it even seems not only fair, but better.


Of course only time can show, but I seem to have been lucky with a “good” Thai GF and mum, who care about school and future that is not necessarily in an Isaan village. Motivation is a major part, I think – hope we succeed… smile.png

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It all depends on your options and I make a better living here than I would back in Europe and at 51 it's not that much of an option to go back and start over again.

That said about education, we have 1 son of 17 from Europe at and international school, 1 son of 7 at a bilingual private school that is still in the Thai system and in half a year our daughter will start her education.

From our experience at the Thai system bilingual school apart from the whole education process that sucks there is too much time wasted on teaching issues that are non-essential in life and my wife, my older son and I spend a lot of time to teach him essential skills like reading, writing and numbers at home after school.

The initiatives of our current rulers that want more focus on patriotism, their Thai values and edited history don't give me much hope for improvement of the Thai educational system in the future.

So we are considering and thinking about the financial consequences of sending all kids to the international school....

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This is such an individual thing, you have to make your choices and pay the consequences.

Assuming you have a choice at all...

I loved our time in Thailand, my son spent his entire primary years at a wonderful British International School, had the best childhood I could have given him - outdoor play, great social activity, supportive & friends neighbours etc. etc. Its a great life for young kids, before they become aware of the old men walking around hand in hand with young girls...! That always bothered me.

We left when he was moving to secondary school, i was nervous that the " too good to be true" life of an expat in Bk would make him lazy and spoilt.

Life for men in Thailand is too good to be true.. usually at the cost of the women!

We moved back to the UK and not a day passes when he does not miss Bangkok.

However, I feel i was right in the timing of the move as he is having to work hard, measure up to tougher standards ( often mine!). Perhaps one day, when he is able to enjoy the benefits of the much more challenging environment, he may well return to Asia - but a stronger man, who can live anywhere and be successful.

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Jobe, on 18 Sept 2014 - 20:46, said:

Well balanced kids come from a well balanced upbringing...

There is no right place to bring up children. Of course you wouldn't place your family in a 'danger zone'. But, The UK. US or Thailand etc. are not 'danger zones'. They are places that have problems and challenges.

It's our responsibility as parents to show our kids, through example and discipline, how to conduct themselves and how they should respond to and, interact with their surroundings.

what you say, of course, is true, but you seem to have missed the OP's point.

I don't agree that I missed the OP's point: Thailand does have problems, as does the UK.

Yes, it is easier, for parents to deal with, or the perception to deal with, the challenges of parenting in a familiar environment, but kids are very versatile, they don't need to be taken back to an environment that is deemed 'safe' by their parents, unless the parents can't adapt to a new and different environment, and judge the stress of raising kids in an unfamiliar environment is detrimental to the kids development. Which I don't believe it is.

My take is: the parents are struggling to cope away from their comfort zone. If the parents are strong the kids will learn a very valuable lesson, and ultimately the parents will too!

Or, maybe some people struggle being parents (and, yes it is tough), so they blame the environment for the struggle they are facing.

I had my kids relatively late in life, my opinion is they are better off being brought up in Thailand than in the UK.

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I earned a salary high enough to send my daughter to one of the top schools where she rubbed shoulders with the children of the Thai eites, she went on to major in Economics at Chula before finishing off with a master's degree in Melbourne. It cost me a tidy sum and I had a lot of sacrifices, but the upshot is that at twenty-five her acting and advertising modelling career is behind her; she has hosted a breakfast chat show on television for six months, she reads the evening and weekend news on one of the TV channels; during the day she manages events for BEC Terano (currently negotiating to bring Beyonce to Thailand). She has her own events management company and is developing property in Khaow Yai. When she married last year, two government ministers attended as well as the owners of some of the largest businesses in Thailand.

Not bad considering my late Dad was a humble milkman in the UK. Not boasting, I am a nobody, but if you buy the best education there is, it is possible for your kids to rise to the top of Thai society. I'm nudging her to become involved in Thai politics in the future as I have taught her to have a sense of morality

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just a tought ... western countries are getting invaded by moslims

looking down on your daughters, wifes, mothers

spitting on them and calling them whores if they do not answer their refined invitations for self sexual gratification

at least that is the case in belgium ...

don't see that quiet yet in thailand ...

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i have a 4mnth old boy,he is my first and i am retired witha good pension,i was petrified,i didnt know how i would react to him,it was love at first sight,im so proud and want the best for him.im sure in 5 years the amount of mixed kids growing up in thailand will be enough that he will interact with many cultures,and i know home schooling is a must for his englsih skills,as thai is rediculous and limited,i wont let him get thaianized,if that means moving back to canada so be it..i am nore concerned with what goes on ,when he interacts out of school than while he is in school...i want him to be a free thinker western boy, not thai boy ..my wife understands...and i promise he will know he doesnt need to say ''crap''to sound polite.,polite is more than a silly word ..........sawadee (no CRAP)....

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Our daughter is just 4 and we have her in a private pre-K school in Bangkok, but will be moving back to the U.S. for her primary and secondary education, as well as university eventually. My wife (Thai) and I both agree that it would be irresponsible of us to do anything else. Since we don't have billions of baht, there is little future for our daughter is she were to go through the Thai education system (read into that what you wish). I have two boys (17 and 19) who both went to the same school our daughter will attend, and both of them have far more knowledge than she would ever get in Thailand.

Vacations will be spent here so she can keep in touch with her Thai roots, and if she chooses to settle here as an adult that is her decision, but certainly she will be better off for having received a Western education.

Thailand is wonderful for vacations (if you can avoid the scams) and for single guys, but it is no place to rear a child. (IMHO)

What is "...a Western education...".

Education isn't only about 'schooling'. It's about respect, morals, responsibility. It's about being strong: physically, mentally and emotionally. It's about loving yourself and loving others...Balanced kids will be 'smart' kids!

And, no, I'm not a religious person, I'm a humanist, but not a pacifist...

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The country is a disaster and getting worse.

Well...my man...if you have been reading this Forum on a regular basis...then you know you are going to get a ration of flack...from the "Thailand is the most wonderful place on earth" crowd...

Many ex-pats feel the same as you do...but are reluctant to post due to the push back from the "I am going to live here forever...regardless of the crap I have to put up with"...bunch...

You made a decision for the wellbeing of your family...good for you friend...

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just a tought ... western countries are getting invaded by moslims

looking down on your daughters, wifes, mothers

spitting on them and calling them whores if they do not answer their refined invitations for self sexual gratification

at least that is the case in belgium ...

don't see that quiet yet in thailand ...

Is Belgium really that bad? We have a lot of Muslims in the UK in ever growing numbers and for sure some of them are bad news, but the vast majority are charming people who worship God in their way. I hasten to add that I am not religious in any way, but do respect people's beliefs and lack of them. It's only the bad folks who hit the news and the nasty pieces of work who jump on them to claim all of them are the same, i.e. the extreme right wing like the British National Party and equivalents.

I'm sorry that Belgium is like that. I'm sure people with disagree with me about the UK, but I have no axe to grind.

I'm a white born and bred Yorkshireman and have lived and worked in black/ Muslim/ ethnic minority areas here in the UK. I've seen more hostility from white people to ethnic groups, although fortunately not common place.

I've also seen more racism in Thailand towards African/ Arab/ Indian groups than here. You may disagree, but why are stores/ pharmacists full whitening creams/ powders?

I hasten to add that Thailand is my choice for retirement. I haven't experienced much aggression/ racism towards me -but then I'm white. Ok, some of the Thai guys have shown dislike to me, but it's not a common occurrence.

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We are all living under different circumstances and therefore we all have our different preferences. There is no "better" or "worse" country.

If the choice of country will affect the harmony of the family, then go for max harmony.

Better think that over...

Then why would so many people want to emigrate???

And how about Pakistan and Afghanistan with honour killings???

How about Syria, Gaza?

Would Nigeria be good for you and your children?

Kids are walking away from Mexico to USA just to try to get a better life, and some die while doing so.

The Muslims are just about all trying to move to another country when they can...

Must be a reason....

Sorry. I thought this thread was about expats in Thailand choosing between bringing up their family in Thailand or their home country.

I didn't know this was supposed to be a world wide poll of which country is best or worst.

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If you have the means to keep them in the west.. do so and consider yourself very lucky! The more exposure they have to the west the better? Sure Thailand is a nice place to live there could be worse but when it comes to school system here and I am talking about their public school this is basically non-existence, they are basically going through the motions to try to show the world or Asean that they belong.

Recently there has been articles in the Bangkok Post written by Thais regarding how bad the system is and it is the right time to change it? If you live here and can afford to send your kid to a good International school again consider yourself lucky because your kid will at least understand what are goals and ambition and have something to look forward in life instead of thinking hanging around at a Soi corner, smoking/drinking and where the next piece of butt is coming from term the phrase " Soi dogs " and the girls finishing school at 15 years of age and saying " now what " oh I better spread my legs and have a kid and family " and when that happens the guy is gone.

This problem I stated has also been written two years ago in the Bangkok Post regarding Thai women must expect more from Thai men! until it changes they won't! Of course if they ever fixed the problem I complain about I might not be able to live here since the exchange rate wouldn't be what it is? Korea and Japan is a good example and China is now right behind? it is all about education? Here in Thailand it is all about the have's giving just enough to the have not's so they keep quiet.

Edited by thailand49
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Oh, dear! What a depressing lots of postings. I only hope they are not the norm. Anyway, let me lighten the mix a bit with my own, admittedly limited, personal experience of the subject. I am a retired UK guy married to a much younger Thai woman (strike one!) who had been widowed. After I was pretty sure our relationship was going to last, we brought the kids - aged between four and 12 - to live with us.

We placed them all in local government schools which were close to our home and affordable - money was tight as I had just separated from a wife for whom I had bought land and property (strike two!) - and decided to await the results of their progress before considering other possible options.

As it happened, they all did pretty well. The three boys went on to vocational training college, where they all qualified - two as electricians and their younger brother as a computer engineer. He is staying on to gain enhanced qualifications, while his brothers both landed jobs they enjoy and which bring in enough for them to rent apartments with their respective partners (one of whom has just made my wife a grandmother).

I taught them all English, and this definitely helped them secure their present jobs (one in a hospital, the other in an hotel), though my insistence on two-hour lessons every Saturday and Sunday didn't always go down well. Their sister proved particularly adept and interested in the subject - probably because she was younger and therefore easier to teach - and became one of the English "stars" at her local infant/junior school and at the fee-paying school where she is currently part of a special English Programme.

At 68, I was fortunate to father a little girl who, at seven, is totally bi-lingual in Thai and English. She is attending the same junior school her big sister went to and will hopefully follow in her footsteps. But if she doesn't, and if the pair of them end up electing to get married and raise a family instead of aspiring to a university place - so what?

Education is not about fulfilling the ambitions parents may have for their children. It is about equipping youngsters with the basics and then homeschooling them with the values and attitudes which enable them to make intelligent choices. Schools teach subjects. Parents are there to teach everything else.

All our children - the oldest is now 22 - have grown into intelligent, aware, caring young people who clearly enjoy being members of a loving, supportive family. None of them smokes, they hardly drink and as far as we know have never been interested in drugs. Why should they? These costly (in every sense) substitutes for reality are for unhappy, depressed people who cannot cope with the pressures life puts upon us all.

Our children may not all end up having distinguished themselves academically, but they are productive, capable, happy members of society with enough self-esteem to cope with life's trials and an innate respect for their fellow humans. My wife and I would argue that these attributes which count more than letters after their names and in the end are more important than the size of their salary.

So lighten up a bit, you angst-ridden lot. By all means provide the best value for money education you can for your children. But always bear in mind that the most important classroom is the home and the most important teachers are parents. Oh, and that education doesn't really start until you leave school. Life is the best university of them all.

Too true. Took a while but that I believe is the answer.

However I too am / was considering taking my young family back to Australia for education purposes.

Right now my eldest is going on 5 years. He is thoroughly enjoying his time at a Thai kindergarten. Previously he was at Thai / Western / International schools where their only concerns were his "grades". He was 4 !

Their concerns were mostly the fact that he had not attended any school up until the age of 4. The incompetent Western "teachers" were at a loss as he knew his ABC's and 123's from home. But that was a fun learning environment.

The disciplined, subservient method enforced on very inadequate Western teachers within these schools made for a very unbalanced introduction to school life for him.

Right now he is happy, well adjusted, multilingual and learning.

I am young in a large family. My elder brothers and sisters are now dealing with teenage and early twenty year olds in the Australian society of booze and drugs. Australia is ranked extraordinarily high for youth "ice" drug abuse at the moment.

The general comment amongst this group is "everyone does it"!!

Not to mention depression, anxiety cyber bullying etc.

No right now I think we are where we want to be with our kids. Happy as a family.

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Any Thai that can afford it has their child schooled overseas. That should tell you something.

This is probably true for tertiary education but there are some very well known, and expensive, primary and secondary schools that hiso Thais fight tooth and nail to get their kids into.
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Bangkok is offering a wide choice of excellent schools like several international schools ( not cheap at all personally I would not recommend any one being ego builders without providing much substance ) and Christian schools.

Of course you have to protect your kids from stupidity around like fro,the neighborhood, siblings undoing influences to play play in priority and to laugh at all the wrong doings of the kids not even stopped to do it wrong.

It is a major challenge to both parents and there are no points to dream it is so much better abroad if only for the government sponsored reducing school fees.

We live in a Global village, with AEC 2015 coming Thailand will have to accept many changes to join in if not willing to be swallowed up by i.e. the Vietnamese.

The problem remain would your Thai wife accepts living in Thailand to produce all the efforts and sacrifices attached to be raising bilingual quality kids stopping the undoers rather than to become miserable starting living in a foreign country.

Best of luck

I am raising three boys average age 8 in Thailand after having tried for one 4 years international school now this one is in a Navy Government school studying seriously, the others in a Christian school we are most satisfied with.

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Speaking as an American with a step daughter with two children just starting Thai govt school, and as a university prof who taught 30 yrs in usa and 6 yrs here. I have to work at forgiving the UK typists on this venue for their weird ideas about Thai women, children and the country. I have lived here continuously for 11 yrs in suburb of BKK and never see racism, no threats to my safety (except driving), and no way any corruption directly and negatively affects the children or me.

My advice to an American man married to his Thai woman (and if not actually married what are you doing or thinking by having children?) and living full time here is to decide if the children will live their lives in Thailand or elsewhere. If they will live in Thailand they should go to Thai schools, ideally an international one.... you fathered them, you pay for them.

A non-HiSo Thai wife has a huge chance of going crazy by moving to USA; at the very least she will be deeply unhappy and that will affect your children. If she lasts two years, I would be amazed. That means, Mr. American that you started something... like a family... and your only ethical, moral, and practical choice is to keep Mrs. and kids here at their real home.

It is all well and good to say that American schools are superior--in some ways they are--but you all would have your kids live in that morally bankrupt nation where god is money and <deleted>^k you the standard attitude, especially to you, old man. Being raised as a Buddhist is a major plus for a lifetime of peace and inner bliss and that means Thailand for them.

Stay in Thailand and have four All English At Home days each week, read English to kids and get them loads of Seseme Street English videos and control their tv watching..... hey sounds like real parenting, fellows! Stick with it and know you did something really good for a few close people. wai.gif

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Blackandwhite, 10 years ago I would've disagreed with you, Thailand is so full of Falang criminals it's a very dangerous place. The sights a young child sees just walking down a street. I blame the Falangs & cheap air fares. Before the cut price airlines came in, feral drunks couldn't afford to travel , now Thailand is full of white people who have total disregard for Thai culture, and think its a lawless country. Totally no respect for anyone let alone themselves. A little bit of heaven disappeared with introduction of cheap flights, and Thais see easy money so don't stop the drinking. Definetly not a place to bring up your children .

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Oh, dear! What a depressing lots of postings. I only hope they are not the norm. Anyway, let me lighten the mix a bit with my own, admittedly limited, personal experience of the subject. I am a retired UK guy married to a much younger Thai woman (strike one!) who had been widowed. After I was pretty sure our relationship was going to last, we brought the kids - aged between four and 12 - to live with us.

We placed them all in local government schools which were close to our home and affordable - money was tight as I had just separated from a wife for whom I had bought land and property (strike two!) - and decided to await the results of their progress before considering other possible options.

As it happened, they all did pretty well. The three boys went on to vocational training college, where they all qualified - two as electricians and their younger brother as a computer engineer. He is staying on to gain enhanced qualifications, while his brothers both landed jobs they enjoy and which bring in enough for them to rent apartments with their respective partners (one of whom has just made my wife a grandmother).

I taught them all English, and this definitely helped them secure their present jobs (one in a hospital, the other in an hotel), though my insistence on two-hour lessons every Saturday and Sunday didn't always go down well. Their sister proved particularly adept and interested in the subject - probably because she was younger and therefore easier to teach - and became one of the English "stars" at her local infant/junior school and at the fee-paying school where she is currently part of a special English Programme.

At 68, I was fortunate to father a little girl who, at seven, is totally bi-lingual in Thai and English. She is attending the same junior school her big sister went to and will hopefully follow in her footsteps. But if she doesn't, and if the pair of them end up electing to get married and raise a family instead of aspiring to a university place - so what?

Education is not about fulfilling the ambitions parents may have for their children. It is about equipping youngsters with the basics and then homeschooling them with the values and attitudes which enable them to make intelligent choices. Schools teach subjects. Parents are there to teach everything else.

All our children - the oldest is now 22 - have grown into intelligent, aware, caring young people who clearly enjoy being members of a loving, supportive family. None of them smokes, they hardly drink and as far as we know have never been interested in drugs. Why should they? These costly (in every sense) substitutes for reality are for unhappy, depressed people who cannot cope with the pressures life puts upon us all.

Our children may not all end up having distinguished themselves academically, but they are productive, capable, happy members of society with enough self-esteem to cope with life's trials and an innate respect for their fellow humans. My wife and I would argue that these attributes which count more than letters after their names and in the end are more important than the size of their salary.

So lighten up a bit, you angst-ridden lot. By all means provide the best value for money education you can for your children. But always bear in mind that the most important classroom is the home and the most important teachers are parents. Oh, and that education doesn't really start until you leave school. Life is the best university of them all

I read your comments with joy.. because as you can see my reports is very negative! but to be honest and of course it is just a opinion and it is as everyone in general!

You are very lucky and as you and I know every case should be judge on its own merits and it seems you have a partner that allows you lots of say in how to raise your kids and hers and I praise her here for allowing it!

But I feel from my own experience and listening to so many others you are maybe a small percentage that everything has turn out well, that your influence over them is greater than the influence when they leave your house each day! I feel today responsible for my own son situation because I took so many things for granted and allow my wife to have a greater say in his life. I spoiled him because I wanted him to have what I never had when I was growing up.

I will end here because it is nice to hear good news from time to time!

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We are all living under different circumstances and therefore we all have our different preferences. There is no "better" or "worse" country.

If the choice of country will affect the harmony of the family, then go for max harmony.

This sounds kind of Pollyanna'ish and "it's all good" to me. There may be some things about Thailand that still make it preferable for some, and some will stick to their favored Thai vacation spots almost no matter what, but I honestly can't see anything about it any longer that lends itself to raising a family as a foreigner. In that context, of course there are "better" & "worse" countries! The country is in a downward spiral. Its traditions & values have decayed and taken on a very mercenary pallor, greed & self-interest are ascendant, foreigners are more & more the punching bag for all that goes wrong domestically (and are less and less secure), and the society as a whole seems to be determined to preserve the worst about itself rather than the best. Those with the nation's best interests at heart do not seem to be the ones at the top of the food chain. IOW, all the things in an environment I definitely would NOT want for my kids!

Edited by hawker9000
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Did the Thai bilingual school until 12 and then back to UK.

The kids speak Thai fluently with their mother but have slipped into British school seamlessly . All good, but there was no way of doing EP in Thailand and international schools in Thailand aren't much better than good government schools in the UK.

Thailand isn't taking the right path at the moment.

Edited by Thai at Heart
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I have seen a lot of comments on here from Aussies saying they want to take their children back. I agree to some extent as schooling is much better in Oz and they will become better more rounded teenagers because of it. The downside being Australia is starting to become extremely expensive and a good education is no longer a guarantee of a good job (never was). In recent years we have lost most of our industry, we manufacture nothing and the divide between rich and poor is growing. There will be massive problems when the mining boom has finished. We already have plenty living on the dole and in some suburbs all over Australia there are hundreds of families who are second and third generation living in public housing and on welfare. Who aren't any more inspired or go getting or have any more prospects than the people of Isaan. I am not saying Thailand is the answer but I do believe those that are going to succeed will succeed regardless and the country you grow up in or your education level does not automatically guarantee you anything in this life. IMHO.

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Oh, dear! What a depressing lots of postings. I only hope they are not the norm. Anyway, let me lighten the mix a bit with my own, admittedly limited, personal experience of the subject. I am a retired UK guy married to a much younger Thai woman (strike one!) who had been widowed. After I was pretty sure our relationship was going to last, we brought the kids - aged between four and 12 - to live with us.

We placed them all in local government schools which were close to our home and affordable - money was tight as I had just separated from a wife for whom I had bought land and property (strike two!) - and decided to await the results of their progress before considering other possible options.

As it happened, they all did pretty well. The three boys went on to vocational training college, where they all qualified - two as electricians and their younger brother as a computer engineer. He is staying on to gain enhanced qualifications, while his brothers both landed jobs they enjoy and which bring in enough for them to rent apartments with their respective partners (one of whom has just made my wife a grandmother).

I taught them all English, and this definitely helped them secure their present jobs (one in a hospital, the other in an hotel), though my insistence on two-hour lessons every Saturday and Sunday didn't always go down well. Their sister proved particularly adept and interested in the subject - probably because she was younger and therefore easier to teach - and became one of the English "stars" at her local infant/junior school and at the fee-paying school where she is currently part of a special English Programme.

At 68, I was fortunate to father a little girl who, at seven, is totally bi-lingual in Thai and English. She is attending the same junior school her big sister went to and will hopefully follow in her footsteps. But if she doesn't, and if the pair of them end up electing to get married and raise a family instead of aspiring to a university place - so what?

Education is not about fulfilling the ambitions parents may have for their children. It is about equipping youngsters with the basics and then homeschooling them with the values and attitudes which enable them to make intelligent choices. Schools teach subjects. Parents are there to teach everything else.

All our children - the oldest is now 22 - have grown into intelligent, aware, caring young people who clearly enjoy being members of a loving, supportive family. None of them smokes, they hardly drink and as far as we know have never been interested in drugs. Why should they? These costly (in every sense) substitutes for reality are for unhappy, depressed people who cannot cope with the pressures life puts upon us all.

Our children may not all end up having distinguished themselves academically, but they are productive, capable, happy members of society with enough self-esteem to cope with life's trials and an innate respect for their fellow humans. My wife and I would argue that these attributes which count more than letters after their names and in the end are more important than the size of their salary.

So lighten up a bit, you angst-ridden lot. By all means provide the best value for money education you can for your children. But always bear in mind that the most important classroom is the home and the most important teachers are parents. Oh, and that education doesn't really start until you leave school. Life is the best university of them all.

very well said clap2.gif

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