Up to you

[Tonto21]

‘THssii’

The signs are not good for matrimony bliss mate, just my opinion……..However, you don’t mention how well she speaks English and who reading this doesn’t wear the crap out of some Thai phrase they know?

But a lot of Thai girls use this expression, from girls I’ve dated to just Thai women friend I been hanging out with and yes….It’s annoying! I think you should be gauging the body language, more than what’s coming out of their mouth to get the real story.

One problem is it sounds like you don’t give her an option as where to go……Saying “How about pizza land” or “let’s go to…………..” You give her no option, you are the one with the cash and if she pisses you off with wanting to go and stuff her face with a fish head she knows you don’t want to do that.

As I see it……You, (from what you have written) are not important to her, your money and what you can provide is, you are just the ‘gatekeeper’ who has to be suffered to get to the honey.

Some girls who are seekers of the honey are aggressive and will use bulling as a tactic to get what they want, others are dormant door mates…..

I don’t know you, or you me, but from my view of what’s going on. My advice, pull the cord and get out and find someone who wants to be with you………………..or is a better liar.

[Cypress Hill]

One problem is it sounds like you don’t give her an option as where to go……Saying “How about pizza land” or “let’s go to…………..” You give her no option, you are the one with the cash and if she pisses you off with wanting to go and stuff her face with a fish head she knows you don’t want to do that.

As I see it……You, (from what you have written) are not important to her, your money and what you can provide is, you are just the ‘gatekeeper’ who has to be suffered to get to the honey.

This

[banglaroadmode]

One problem is it sounds like you don’t give her an option as where to go……Saying “How about pizza land” or “let’s go to…………..” You give her no option, you are the one with the cash and if she pisses you off with wanting to go and stuff her face with a fish head she knows you don’t want to do that.

As I see it……You, (from what you have written) are not important to her, your money and what you can provide is, you are just the ‘gatekeeper’ who has to be suffered to get to the honey.

This

fish heads and rice mmmmm delish

[geronimo]

They haven't been taught to think that way. They are programmed to follow, therefore there must be a leader or model.

[thailiketoo]

They haven't been taught to think that way. They are programmed to follow, therefore there must be a leader or model.

The Farang I know aren't all like that. Some like to lead too.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

They haven't been taught to think that way. They are programmed to follow, therefore there must be a leader or model.

The Farang I know aren't all like that. Some like to lead too.

Some white guys are just hopeless with any woman, in any situation.

I met a muppet today (58) agonising over a 23yo bar girl, been seeing her in the bar and buying drinks for 2 months, no action.

I said, pay her bar fine, take her home, but he didn't want to listen ..... unbelievable!

[auserb]

Up to you.... most probably, she does no care and she is not interested or do not want to insalt you

[Roadman]

It literally means that it is "up to you". How can 3 words be so confusing?

The problem is that we "Westerners" aren't used to being told "up to you" from our controlling girlfriends. They like to rule every aspect of our lives.

Look at the question. "Darl, should I wear a blue or white shirt?"..."Up to you"

"Pizza?" ..."Up to you"

My Thai wife of 9 years still says it. And then I look at the question. "Hey Honey, should I take a dump before we catch the bus?"

And guess what the answer is? "It is your butt. up to you......"[/quote

And you use the phrase as we do with humour and fun.

The OP is describing it with mind numbing boredom and negativity. He should run for his life. And there are lots more fish in the sea including thai and chinese

[Gringogazzer]

Maybe it's the only 3 words of English she ever learnt then repetes it every time you catch her eye, ignoring & not understanding anything you've said for the last 2 years, waiting for her "brother" who dropped her in your lap to come back & pick her up.

[THssii]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

To the OP, you say you have Aspergers? Stay miles away from devious thai girls for starters and find some one who really wants to get to know you and in turn get an understanding of your lack of conventional social skills. And then just take it from there.

Yes I have, so I find any human relationship hard, especially with woman, I find asian women to be more easy to communicate (not just "working-girls", but normal girls). I have specific woman preference, I don't like western woman (of their their looks and their mentality). Some people are not into african or asian woman, I'm not into caucasian woman, even that I am caucasian. Chinese women are also beutiful and have good mentality, but don't care about japanese women. One time when I was in book shop, one of the sellers came to me and asked if I was single and that her co-worker liked me. This seemws genuine and I looked the girl who wanted to meet me, she was very cute and I noticed real interest toward me from her. But because I was already with my current girlfriend I refused it, because Iäm vewry loyal to anybody who I like. And there have been many other occasions, where normal decent asian girls/women have been interested on me. This one chineses girl who is living in my homeland was really into me and she is very good person (she is christian) and cute as well, about 1 year ago I didn't show her any interest because of my lyalty to my girlfriend. Since then I've been thinking if I made biggest mistake in my life, because I really sensed that she had genuine interest to me, and I liked her personality and looks as well. Im still thinking that maybe I should contact her but maybe its too late and maybe my current girlfriend is actually genuine.

Maybe it's the only 3 words of English she ever learnt then repetes it every time you catch her eye, ignoring & not understanding anything you've said for the last 2 years, waiting for her "brother" who dropped her in your lap to come back & pick her up.

Not really, as I speak only thai with her, she even doesn't speak english more than 4 words.

I'm now considering all over again our relationship, that maybe I am just overanalyzing and overthinking this, you know I'm not good figuring out people. I stopped sending her money already, and she haven't made issue from it, so its ok for her. And there isn't any house or property that she could steal from me, even EU citizenship isn't one that interests her, as she prefer to stay in Thailand (but told me that with me she can live anywhere we need to). I'm not rich as I'm normal worker. So if she just was after my money she would left me already.

Edited October 3, 2014 by THssii

[Lukecan]

OP You are the definition of a beta male, you have to man up, stop dating bargirls let alone consider marriage with them.

This girl is clearly only in it for the money

[THssii]

OP You are the definition of a beta male, you have to man up, stop dating bargirls let alone consider marriage with them.

This girl is clearly only in it for the money

Did you read my last message? If she was just after my money why would she still communicate with me? Her 40 years old friend have very old husband (70 years old), who have bought her restaurant, big house and gives her bign sums of money every month, I told her that I can't give her all this that I'm normal working class hero (same as her), that If you want life like that you should search it from somwhere else.

[MAJIC]

@OP

Don't feel so bad, loads of guys get sucked in.

Just stop sending the money, no harm done.

Note to everyone,

Don't send them money.

I live in Thailand sending the money helps the Thai economy - keep sending the money. The money usually ends up with a Thai guy who gives it to another Thai woman and so on.... eventually to the Som Tom seller. Save the Som Tom Sellers Send the Money. (STSTSSTM)

I wouldn't mind sending money,somebody has to keep the less fortunate! who can't help themselves!

[Thai at Heart]

Hahahaha

What it actually means is "if it goes wrong , its your fault".

Perfect example. " honey, should I buy that 2nd approved BMW 320. It looks like good value".

"Up to you". Is that moment when u should really consider the maintenance and hassle if it goes wrong.

So, when she says " up to you" about pizza, ask her if she would prefer noodles. Job done.

[thailiketoo]

@OP

Don't feel so bad, loads of guys get sucked in.

Just stop sending the money, no harm done.

Note to everyone,

Don't send them money.

I live in Thailand sending the money helps the Thai economy - keep sending the money. The money usually ends up with a Thai guy who gives it to another Thai woman and so on.... eventually to the Som Tom seller. Save the Som Tom Sellers Send the Money. (STSTSSTM)

I wouldn't mind sending money,somebody has to keep the less fortunate! who can't help themselves!

In that case I would find a charity. I would suggest the Camillian Social Center; they take care of children with HIV.

[willyumiii]

@OP

Don't feel so bad, loads of guys get sucked in.

Just stop sending the money, no harm done.

Note to everyone,

Don't send them money.

I live in Thailand sending the money helps the Thai economy - keep sending the money. The money usually ends up with a Thai guy who gives it to another Thai woman and so on.... eventually to the Som Tom seller. Save the Som Tom Sellers Send the Money. (STSTSSTM)

I wouldn't mind sending money,somebody has to keep the less fortunate! who can't help themselves!

In that case I would find a charity. I would suggest the Camillian Social Center; they take care of children with HIV.

Hmmmm..now you have me thinking...

I just started the " Save the old Farang who loves cold beer and pretty Thai girls foundation"

PM me and I will give you details about how you can donate to this worthy cause!

Why give money away to Asians when you can help one of your own?

555!

[benalibina]

@OP

Don't feel so bad, loads of guys get sucked in.

Just stop sending the money, no harm done.

Note to everyone,

Don't send them money.

I live in Thailand sending the money helps the Thai economy - keep sending the money. The money usually ends up with a Thai guy who gives it to another Thai woman and so on.... eventually to the Som Tom seller. Save the Som Tom Sellers Send the Money. (STSTSSTM)

I wouldn't mind sending money,somebody has to keep the less fortunate! who can't help themselves!

In that case I would find a charity. I would suggest the Camillian Social Center; they take care of children with HIV.

Hmmmm..now you have me thinking...

I just started the " Save the old Farang who loves cold beer and pretty Thai girls foundation"

PM me and I will give you details about how you can donate to this worthy cause!

Why give money away to Asians when you can help one of your own?

555!

For the sake of TLT and your posts are serious. Your post is disgraceful....even the....555.....does not help.

[willyumiii]

@OP

Don't feel so bad, loads of guys get sucked in.

Just stop sending the money, no harm done.

Note to everyone,

Don't send them money.

I live in Thailand sending the money helps the Thai economy - keep sending the money. The money usually ends up with a Thai guy who gives it to another Thai woman and so on.... eventually to the Som Tom seller. Save the Som Tom Sellers Send the Money. (STSTSSTM)

I wouldn't mind sending money,somebody has to keep the less fortunate! who can't help themselves!

In that case I would find a charity. I would suggest the Camillian Social Center; they take care of children with HIV.

Hmmmm..now you have me thinking...

I just started the " Save the old Farang who loves cold beer and pretty Thai girls foundation"

PM me and I will give you details about how you can donate to this worthy cause!

Why give money away to Asians when you can help one of your own?

555!

For the sake of TLT and your posts are serious. Your post is disgraceful....even the....555.....does not help.

Bless me Father..

for I have sinned..

I do have a sense of humor.

Please forgive me and my smile!

Another reason I love Thailand..

Less than .2% judgmental christians to tolerate. ( please note the decimal point, that's .2% )

benalibina...get over yourself...I specificaly stated that moral judgements were not wanted or needed!

[inbangkok]

Sounds like you are about to marry a women you have such excellent communication with. What could go wrong.................

[NoshowJones]

It literally means that it is "up to you". How can 3 words be so confusing?

The problem is that we "Westerners" aren't used to being told "up to you" from our controlling girlfriends. They like to rule every aspect of our lives.

Look at the question. "Darl, should I wear a blue or white shirt?"..."Up to you"

"Pizza?" ..."Up to you"

My Thai wife of 9 years still says it. And then I look at the question. "Hey Honey, should I take a dump before we catch the bus?"

And guess what the answer is? "It is your butt. up to you......"

Your last paragraph does not make any sense, your post was good up till then. Surely you either need a dump or you don't.

[tubby johnson]

"Up to you" means that your girlfriend is bland, unimaginative and lacks personality.

[NoshowJones]

Op, up to you means 'I don't want to'. She does not respect you either and I would have a long think about the marriage idea. Consider someone with at least half a brain

Up to you means exactly what it says, sometimes I would have an idea for a lesson, and when I asked the Head ot the English Dept what she thought, she would nearly always say "up to you", but one time I asked her if I should bring my keyboards and let the children sing, she said "oh yes", not "up to you".

[NoshowJones]

Dating/marriage to a bargirl??? You walk the tight rope, your a fool to yourself.

Not necessary, I have friends who married bargirls, and have happy marriages, and you could not meet nicer people.

[CharlieH]

I think the "up tp you" is a decision or responsibility dodge, if its up to you, then it doesnt work out, its not there fault etc.

[mrtoad]

I think the "up tp you" is a decision or responsibility dodge, if its up to you, then it doesnt work out, its not there fault etc.

Agreed, and it depends on the tone and context it is spoken in.

[AZBill]

Yeah my experience with that whole phrase has taught me over the years that it's her polite way of saying I don't want to do that. Thai women won't offend your manhood by taking the decision away from you like farang women, but they know what they want and what they want you to do. This is there way of gently nudging you in the right direction! That said, sounds like you have deeper issues here! Think long and hard before you jump in with both feet!

[THssii]

Well I'm ready to marry her. i stopped sending her any money, and she is still with me. I might overreaceted.

[geronimo]

I've tried to discuss with her about this situation many times. I've been telling her that I often feels that she's totally indifferent about our future, because she likes to talk about house and restaurant she wants to have one day, but when I try to talk about getting married and moving here she just says kha and keeps quiet. Ofter she starts to cry and tells me how can I say something like that? She says that she always have loved me, so why I still feel like that.

Also there have been many occasions when she have lied to me, one day I asked her to take selfie and send it to me, she said no proble, and then she sent the same photo which she took and sent me day before (I just gave money to buy a new mobile), it was just took from different angle, but I noticed it immediately, then I asked her why she sent me old photo, but she insisted that she just minute a ago she took that photo. My mind was racing why she lies something like this, and was sure that she was hiding something, She didnt want to show me where she actually was, because she told me that shes been working whole day. So finally I got her to admit that yes she took that photo day before, Then she started to cry and told me that she didnt yet know how to take photos so she sent the photo which her friend took yesterday, because she was too ashamed to ask her co-workers to show how to take photo with her new phone, So in the end she made me feel bad, because I made her to lie to me. But when I asked her to open camera conversation she tried to stay in dark places so I wouldnt see her, but I was that she was wearing new clothing and had all yer yewerly on, like she was shopping, not working.

And before this occasion before going back to work in Phuket, she told me that she went look for a work from Hua Hin, something like selling food or cloth washing but finally would go to wok in massage parlor, which dosent sell sex. So for over a month I was beliving she was working in Hua Hin, and she sent me lots of photos, and little by little I noticed that the place she was working at reminded me one of her earlier workplace in Phuket. And I made some backround work with Google Earth and indeed it was clear that she was working in Phuket all a long, even that she tried to hide it from the phots by taking them inside the parlor. So after a having long conversation over phone with her, she constantly insisted that she was in Hua Hin, even tho' I hinted her that even if she was working in Phuket I wouldnt mind it, as long she didnt lie to me, because in the past two years I've told her several times that no matter what, we always have to speak the truth, I would forgive her if she just was sincere with me, Finally she was angry and asked who told me, and finally ended up in crying and told me that she lied because she didnt want me to get hurt or get woried, because before she went back to her home village, I told her that I didnt like Phuket and its not good working place for woman like her.

And now the most recent case that made me finally accept the truth. About three weeks ago she asked if it was ok her to go work in Bangkok as fabric seller, but finally telling me that she found only work as a janitor in massage parlor. But from photos I saw that she was wearing minishorts and sexyshirt, just the type that sex massage parlor workes to wear. And this tiome I got really angry, adn again she started to cry. and i was stupid enough to believer her that these were her sleepign wearing and there was noone in parlor at the time, etc.

After reading all of this, you must think the most stupid man on the earth. And yes thats true, but you must understand the manipulation she has been using. She always made it look like she is good buddhist and never would do anything that causes pain to others, every buddhist sabbath she went to temple to listen teaching, she told me she was mediating and reading buddhist books. So I was believing her, because I was in the illusion that no thai would lie something like, use buddhism to lie other people. And she constantly told me no to think too much, because Im always overreacting and I should forget the past, that she has changed her. She cried many times that "she tries to do the best, but I still dosent trust her" "she in completely different person now", and so on. She was very convincing and every time she cried she made me feel very bad, made me feel that I'm the one doing wrong and causing her great pain by accusing her for many things. She is very good lier and knows how to manipulate people without the victim ever noticing it. She always makes it look like she is the victim and she have had very hard life, playing mind games that I just think too much, that I should stop thinking about the many warning signs.

Ive knows this for 2 years, but she has been very good making me feel emotionally dependent on her and every time there has been some problems I've made myself to forget and believe that Im just overthinking and beeing paranoid. She always cried that she respects me and made me feel that actually Ive been causing her to lie, but she always have been controlled me, made me think that im controlling her not otherwise.

But now Im emotionally exhausted, yesterday I told her that I stop supportig her, because it seems she gets enough money from her job. And after this she hinted me between the lines that tghen she have to start selling her again and stop the relationship with me, because she is so busy nowon. Yes ive been sending her money, because she made me believe that she send all the money to her sister that takes care of her son. What kind of mother doesnt even want to stay with her son, even when I gave her the change by sending enough money so she wouldnt need to work?

Ive been total idiot, I know, I've finally accepted the truth and now I try to get rid of her. But in the back of my mind I have deep worry that maybe she really tells me the truth, maybe im just overthinking, like she always have told me, and Im making the biggest mistake in my life by dumbing her. Its sick how succefully she have played games with my mind up to the point that Im doubting my sanity, that Im actually the sick person here who can trust anyone and doesnt understand thai culture.

Sorry for typos, as my keyboard dosent work as it should,

You see what emotion does to you?

[theguyfromanotherforum]

If I say I to my gf if she wants to break up and she says up to me does that mean she does not?

[Julie H]

Well I'm ready to marry her. i stopped sending her any money, and she is still with me. I might overreaceted.

Took me 5 years to completely trust my wife & another 7 for us to get married. Two years is to short of a time frame. Just my opinion & just advise