Hello am new to this site but just wanted to offload. I have been married for 6 years and my husband Steve works in Asia espially Malaysia and Vietnam. I did not think anything was wrong we never argued. I even went on holiday with his mother. Then at Easter this year he just came out with ""my feelings have changed, I do not love you anymore,m I want a divorce"" I was devastated. The house belongs to him so I will not get a bean and I gave everything up to come andmoveSouth. He said their is no-one else but in the next breath he tells me he been picking ladies up in bars and sleeping with them

Thanks your devastated

what kind of advice is it you need?

whether to move on and forget him, or beg him to come back to you?

Can you tell us a bit more:

Where are you living?

What is your nationality?

Where is your family home (the house you say belongs to your husband)?

Have you children with your husband?

Where is your husband paid (in what country is he paid)?

Not really sure what advice you are after either.

If you just want a general opinion then I say, seeing as how you appear to be in the UK, get a lawyer and divorce him, he certainly will have to help you out. There is no point being a relationship with someone who doesn't love you or care enough about you to tell you the truth.

ip resolves to the UK. Get a lawyer, regardless of who's house it is, you have grounds for divorce due to his infidelity. You have certain rights under UK law so get a lawyer & get a divorce. Staying with a man like this is not only bad for your mental health but who knows what he's picked up from girls in clubs & bars.

Just curious, what would she can get under the UK law after the divorce? half house? half bank a/c? half of the estates?

Edited July 25, 200619 yr by Thai-Aust

Dont know but it depends on the circumstances. If there are kids involved, the court will decide visitations, custody & child support, whether she needs to stay in the house or if it can be sold & split the profits or if she entitled to anythign at all but she should definatley get legal representation as these are all things a lawyer can advise.

what kind of advice is it you need?

whether to move on and forget him, or beg him to come back to you?

Hello Donna

The fact that I am about to lose everything and as the house is in his name. What do I do just accept what is happening or stay and fight.

I guess you have nothing to lose, so why not just stay on and fight for your rights. I don't know much about the law in UK, but after 6 years of marriage you should be entitled to some things after the divorce. Read all the advice above.

Edited July 25, 200619 yr by Thai-Aust

exactly, get legal advise, even if it is just an initial consultation it will give you a really good idea of what rights & protection you have under UK law.

One question, where are you from? UK or...?

Could you make the divorce contigent on getting something for "your trouble"? Like, say, half of the proceeds of selling the house?

I say "your trouble" because he probably didn't love you very much to begin with. It may have been that you married him under false pretenses.

The flip side of that is that he, for his own reasons, may be feeling very unloved in your relationship. Most likely, it could be his own issues and psychology. That could cause him to pick up women in bars to sleep with them (so that he gets something, albeit fleeting, that he *thinks* he's missing).

If the house is in the UK and you have been married in excess of 2 years then the house shall be regarded as comunial property - You are entitled to at least 50% of the value of the house.

If your husband holds a pension in the UK and you have been married for over two years you are entiled to upto 50% of his pension fund - This could be considerable (perhaps more than the value of the house). You would not get the fund value but you would get a pension of your own, thereby securing your own old age.

GET A LAWYER.

If you are having trouble finding one let me know and I'll give you a recomendation.

Edited July 26, 200619 yr by GuestHouse

Uk - don't even have to be married to get share of assets. Even if both have signed agreement on who owns what before living together it can overturned after a period of time!

Uk - don't even have to be married to get share of assets. Even if both have signed agreement on who owns what before living together it can overturned after a period of time!

I do not think this is true. There has been talk of a change in the law, but unmarried couples do not have the same status as a married couple because there is no mechanism to achieve a settlement other than some sort of tort (civil action).

In respect of Guesthouses post (assuming you are in the UK), it is true that the fact that the house is in his name does not affect your rights for it to be considered in a divorce settlement. But I do not think that the settlement is a clear cut as a 50/50 split. There are a number of factors that a court will take into account (assuming you cannot reach agreement with him). These are things like:

1. The length of time you have been married

2. Your own financial contribution to the marriage

3. The extent to which you have supported him and enabled him to have a career (i.e. looking after children or a household)

4. Both your assets prior to the marriage

5. His future earnings potential and his pension provision.

There are probably a few more things, but in no way should you consider that you do not have a claim. Much will depend on your circumstances, but if you do not have a lot of resources, you will probably qualify for legal aid. Get some leagla advice and try to reach agreement with him first. If he won't play fair, then you will have a legal remedy.

Good luck

Was told by solicitor approx 1 year ago that agreement regarding having no claim to assets, signed and witnessed by both parties was not worth the paper it was written on and lady involved would have claim on assets including house even though not married. Once living together apparently this was classed as change of circumstances. Luckily did not have to find out so could have been bad advice from solicitor.

Talk with your husband and maybe a mutually agreeable compensation can be agreed on. If not then certainly seek legal advice and if there is recourse follow it.

As for the lad - least he was honest with you and decided to end things early rather than way down the line. Think yourself lucky, obviously he did you a favour and you are most likely better off without him.

Edited July 27, 200619 yr by britmaveric

Was told by solicitor approx 1 year ago that agreement regarding having no claim to assets, signed and witnessed by both parties was not worth the paper it was written on and lady involved would have claim on assets including house even though not married. Once living together apparently this was classed as change of circumstances. Luckily did not have to find out so could have been bad advice from solicitor.

It is not so much whether people living together have a claim. It is all about how you get the claim sorted. In a marriage, there is a subsequent divorce procedure. This provides a legal mechanism for a settlement to be achieved in respect of property. It is a fairly straight forward procedure in most cases. When people are simply co-habiting, the only method to achieve a settlement (i.e. get hold of property that is currently owned by another person - house, cash etc) would be to make a claim in the civil courts. This is a far more complicated and expensive procedure and the grounds for obtaining property would be much more difficult to prove.

The UK goverment recently announced that it is looking at rectifying this situation.

For the OP, the marriage will provide the means to achieve a settlement. An agreement between the two of you would be much better, and certainly less costly for him. You both need to get good legal advice and then get together and talk it through knowing what your entitlements are. Don't be bullied into settling for less than you are entitled to just because everything is in his name.

No feedback from the OP? Hit and run posters tend to wake up my troll alert.

thats what i was thinking sbk.

but, i think everyone giving advice has said to get a lawyer. seems the most obvious thing to do really.

if it is in fact a real situation, you are better off without the philanderer and you should take the prick to the cleaners. (having said that, maybe he should be taking his own prick to the cleaners after what he has been up to)

he has a responsibility to, if not you, then your children, to take care of them. i am sure he will do so. after all, he cant be that bad if you were married to him for 5 years.

i wish you luck. it cant be easy for you at the moment.