Why Is It So Popular to Be Vague About Relationship Status?

[eldragon]

I've been living in TH for a few years and have come to accept the fact that it's popular for people (mostly Thais) to be vague about their relationship status. But I don't understand why. I guess the easy answer is they want to leave their options open, but sometimes it's so obvious that I wonder why they try to be deceptive. I mean, it's to the point that I'm slightly shocked when someone tells me they have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse. Like, my mind hesitates and I ask myself if I heard the person correctly.

Anyway, if you've been here any amount of time, you know what I'm talking about. I'm just curious if anyone has a good anthropological explanation about why the culture is this way with regards to relationships.

[AYJAYDEE]

Ive been in thailand for years and have never experienced what you describe

[Bangkokhatter]

Never thought i would agree with Ayjaydee but my experience is the same. For example if we have a family day at work all the girls always come and introduce their boyfriend or husband and the kids.

Edited October 22, 2014 by Bangkokhatter

[champers]

Stop being a nosy parker & mind your own business.

[benalibina]

Ive been in thailand for years and have never experienced what you describe

OP must be a hansum guy then...

[samsensam]

i agree, i come across this all the time.

e.g. someone tells you they're married and then they tell you they're not married... because they didnt sign the paper.

there is a general vagueness that seems to permeate the life of a thai whether this is intentional or just the way they are i dont know. its all part of the colourful tapestry of living here

[AYJAYDEE]

i agree, i come across this all the time.

e.g. someone tells you they're married and then they tell you they're not married... because they didnt sign the paper.

there is a general vagueness that seems to permeate the life of a thai whether this is intentional or just the way they are i dont know. its all part of the colourful tapestry of living here

no vagueness in the thais I know. I suspect the vagueness is a result of farangs ignorance of the cultural idiosyncracies of the society.

[Beetlejuice]

i agree, i come across this all the time.

e.g. someone tells you they're married and then they tell you they're not married... because they didnt sign the paper.

there is a general vagueness that seems to permeate the life of a thai whether this is intentional or just the way they are i dont know. its all part of the colourful tapestry of living here

To be frank, who cares.

If people tell me they are married but in actuality are only living together or just in a relationship, what difference does it make?

Was it really worth the OP`s while creating a thread on such a totally insignificant subject?

Edited October 22, 2014 by Beetlejuice

[AYJAYDEE]

i agree, i come across this all the time.

e.g. someone tells you they're married and then they tell you they're not married... because they didnt sign the paper.

there is a general vagueness that seems to permeate the life of a thai whether this is intentional or just the way they are i dont know. its all part of the colourful tapestry of living here

To be frank, who cares.

If people tell me they are married but in actuality are only living together or just in a relationship, what difference does it make?

Was it really worth the OP`s while creating a thread on such a totally insignificant subject?

of course it was. anything that can feed into how different (read strange) thais are to the western model of so called rationality is fodder for thr thai bashing so popular here.

[benalibina]

i agree, i come across this all the time.

e.g. someone tells you they're married and then they tell you they're not married... because they didnt sign the paper.

there is a general vagueness that seems to permeate the life of a thai whether this is intentional or just the way they are i dont know. its all part of the colourful tapestry of living here

To be frank, who cares.

If people tell me they are married but in actuality are only living together or just in a relationship, what difference does it make?

Was it really worth the OP`s while creating a thread on such a totally insignificant subject?

Well...this unsignificant thread made you reply....one wonders, one wonders...

[DP25]

I've noticed this too, it is extremely common, and annoying. I don't know about with older women, but with girls in their 20s, most seem to deny having a boyfriend in my experience. A lot have mutliple facebook and other social media accounts, so they can pretend to be single on one account, but their other account they will use to chat with their boyfriend and post pictures.

I think they just want to keep their options open while they are young. But as a genuinely single guy, I find it all very annoying. I can not tell who is really single and who I'm wasting my time on.

[eldragon]

i agree, i come across this all the time.

e.g. someone tells you they're married and then they tell you they're not married... because they didnt sign the paper.

there is a general vagueness that seems to permeate the life of a thai whether this is intentional or just the way they are i dont know. its all part of the colourful tapestry of living here

To be frank, who cares.

If people tell me they are married but in actuality are only living together or just in a relationship, what difference does it make?

Was it really worth the OP`s while creating a thread on such a totally insignificant subject?

Um, anyone that doesn't like wasting their time with a proclaimed single girl that suddenly tells you she has a serious bf or is about to get married. Besides the normal frustrations that come with that, there is a safety issue. In case you haven't noticed, certain Thais can apparently do what they want to us and blame it on the Burmese.

[Songhua]

In an aap op nuat everyone is single.

[malt25]

i agree, i come across this all the time.

e.g. someone tells you they're married and then they tell you they're not married... because they didnt sign the paper.

there is a general vagueness that seems to permeate the life of a thai whether this is intentional or just the way they are i dont know. its all part of the colourful tapestry of living here

To be frank, who cares.

If people tell me they are married but in actuality are only living together or just in a relationship, what difference does it make?

Was it really worth the OP`s while creating a thread on such a totally insignificant subject?

Obviously OP thought so. But, I'm with you... who cares.

[iancnx]

fully understand all possible nuance when Thais mention

Husband

Wife

Boyfriend

Girlfriend

Brother

Sister

Cousin

Gik

Mia Noi

Friend

Edited October 23, 2014 by iancnx

[eldragon]

I've noticed this too, it is extremely common, and annoying. I don't know about with older women, but with girls in their 20s, most seem to deny having a boyfriend in my experience. A lot have mutliple facebook and other social media accounts, so they can pretend to be single on one account, but their other account they will use to chat with their boyfriend and post pictures.

I think they just want to keep their options open while they are young. But as a genuinely single guy, I find it all very annoying. I can not tell who is really single and who I'm wasting my time on.

There almost seems to be a type of shame among young people with regards to being in a relationship. Some of my Thai friends that are teachers have told me they're obligated to call a girl's parents if she's seen holding hands with a boy. So teenagers will usually deny it. Maybe this attitude stays with kids as they move into adulthood. But absolutely it is worst in the 20s.

A: Do you have a bf?

B: No, no, no!

A: Really? Why does you FB page say 'in a relationship'? And who's that guy in all your pics?

B: He's my... brother. Just my friend.

[Bkklocal]

I had this alot, Flirting with Thai Bank girls, took them out a few times, always playing with their phones, always saying "Just friends" ( has to the the number one statement made from Thai flirts.) Friend means anything from I'm in love with someone else, dating, looking to get married soon to this other guy etc - but what can you offer me?, love playing etc- It well known Thai girls are the worst like this. This Bank example was dating a fw others, and why not - and had two facebook accounts one with him and the other ..

And most of them are virgins.

If there always chatting on their phones.. not readily available when they seem like they should, don;t be a chump. Plenty out their who are looking for good men.

You should hear the Thai trainers at the gym talking.... Of course I am talking about the ones who are out an about playing and flirting. Lie like anything.

[mesquite]

They're keeping their options open.

[robblok]

Ive been in thailand for years and have never experienced what you describe

OP must be a hansum guy then...

I have actually experienced this too.. but only in the younger crowd of girls and guys that still like to play around it could could be an age thing.

[slipperylobster]

You might be comparing apples and oranges.

A bad girl/scammer/bargirl might find it in her own interest to be sly about relationships.

A good girl will be forthcoming....most of the time.

A third way to look at it is......she may be a mia noi or play toy for a married man....which is oftentimes the case. It is a bit of thainess to save face and be covert about that.

[eldragon]

You might be comparing apples and oranges.

A bad girl/scammer/bargirl might find it in her own interest to be sly about relationships.

A good girl will be forthcoming....most of the time.

A third way to look at it is......she may be a mia noi or play toy for a married man....which is oftentimes the case. It is a bit of thainess to save face and be covert about that.

Nope. I've found almost every kind of girl can be like this. In fact, bar girls are usually more forthcoming about their relationship status. They normally don't care what people think about them. Anyway, I don't really care about them anyway b/c I wouldn't get serious with a girl that has a free pass to have sex with anyone she wants provided he pays her money. Edited October 23, 2014 by eldragon

[jspill]

of course it was. anything that can feed into how different (read strange) thais are to the western model of so called rationality is fodder for thr thai bashing so popular here.

You have a very low threshold for what to interpret as thai bashing.

[MediaWatcher]

samsensam, on 23 Oct 2014 - 03:28, said:

i agree, i come across this all the time.

e.g. someone tells you they're married and then they tell you they're not married... because they didnt sign the paper.

there is a general vagueness that seems to permeate the life of a thai whether this is intentional or just the way they are i dont know. its all part of the colourful tapestry of living here

The best way to explain this is that in the west we have "marriage" and we have "de facto" relationships. Same same.

[eldragon]

i agree, i come across this all the time.

e.g. someone tells you they're married and then they tell you they're not married... because they didnt sign the paper.

there is a general vagueness that seems to permeate the life of a thai whether this is intentional or just the way they are i dont know. its all part of the colourful tapestry of living here

To be frank, who cares.

If people tell me they are married but in actuality are only living together or just in a relationship, what difference does it make?

Was it really worth the OP`s while creating a thread on such a totally insignificant subject?

of course it was. anything that can feed into how different (read strange) thais are to the western model of so called rationality is fodder for thr thai bashing so popular here.

Not Thai bashing. I never implied it's wrong (although, privately, I don't agree with it). Just wondering where the behavior comes from, since it often times seems unnecessary, and sometimes totally obvious that a girl is deceiving me or one of my friends. Granted, I know this happens in the west, but it's not nearly as common, or as blatant. Western girls usually cover their tracks a bit better.

[JDGRUEN]

Solution: Have your own 'other' FB account but it is a totally different persona... You have this girlfriend and you two are supposed to be serious... not dating around. You make the other persona seem quite attractive -- nothing over the top... just some decent looking stock photos, some talk of past and future travel, you have a good job, etc. Not a playboy persona.

Then one day using the other FB persona you make contact with your G/F or (she even might be your Fiancee)... To make it more believable become FB friends with some of her FB friends initially ... Friends of Friends sorta thing ... Oh ... and choose which one of her FB accounts you contact... Especially the one she thinks you don't know about.

It takes little effort - but you will be amazed as to what you find out... Oh - I know so many of you will groan... but I suppose it is better being left totally in the dark - is that right? ... until Surprise Honey ... I have a Free Trip to Singapore - just me and some girls...

[villagefarang]

While Westerners may place their cards face up on the table, Asians are more likely to keep their cards close to their chest. Full discloser does not leave one much room to maneuver and can even leave you vulnerable in affairs of the heart, or business for that matter.

Besides, in Thai social circles everyone knows everything about you and your family anyway. It is only foreigners who are not linked into this network of gossip and sharing of family skeletons. Being coy and denying something which would be common knowledge to most, is little more than a socially acceptable game.

For example celebrities will often claim to be single while everyone knows who they have been with in the past and are with presently. It is not seen as a lie or deception.

[BlueSkyCowboy]

i agree, i come across this all the time.

e.g. someone tells you they're married and then they tell you they're not married... because they didnt sign the paper.

there is a general vagueness that seems to permeate the life of a thai whether this is intentional or just the way they are i dont know. its all part of the colourful tapestry of living here

My Thai wife is proud to say that she is married. Of course she does not mention that I am an old farang and overweight LOL and have a few bucks in my pocket

Edited October 23, 2014 by BlueSkyCowboy

[Aussieroaming]

The phrase "It's complicated"

By definition that is sometimes hard to explain to people your situation.

[DP25]

Besides, in Thai social circles everyone knows everything about you and your family anyway. It is only foreigners who are not linked into this network of gossip and sharing of family skeletons. Being coy and denying something which would be common knowledge to most, is little more than a socially acceptable game.

With a lot of girls living in Bangkok or regional capitals family members and their friends at work arent going to know about boyfriends either.

I was dating a kindergarten teacher until last month. I know some Thai teachers at her school, they all thought she was single. But eventually I found out she had a boyfriend back in the provinces. No one here new about him, no one back there knew about me.

Edited October 23, 2014 by DP25

[villagefarang]

Besides, in Thai social circles everyone knows everything about you and your family anyway. It is only foreigners who are not linked into this network of gossip and sharing of family skeletons. Being coy and denying something which would be common knowledge to most, is little more than a socially acceptable game.

With a lot of girls living in Bangkok or regional capitals family members and their friends at work arent going to know about boyfriends either.

I was dating a kindergarten teacher until last month. I know some Thai teachers at her school, they all thought she was single. But eventually I found out she had a boyfriend back in the provinces. No one here new about him, no one back there knew about me.

The fact it was easier to keep a relationship with me secret from family and friends was a major selling point when I was young. They could have fun without ruining their image. I never saw spending time with a beautiful woman as a waste of time and always assumed there were others who were interested in her too.

Edited October 23, 2014 by villagefarang