Pressure to marry

[NoshowJones]

You make the rules, not them.

Don't be pushed around.

Only both you and your wife make decisions, not rules, together and no one else, or you have no chance.

[NeverSure]

I think this one post wonder who hasn't been back is a Troll.

[A1Str8]

If you don't want to do it, don't do it. The parents' request is cute but they have nothing to do with the two of you getting married or not regardless of what others claim. It's your life and the girl's life, sit down together, discuss it intelligently and do what satisfies both of you. Don't let other people live your life and make decisions for you.

[elliottm]

I had been seeing the now-wife visiting in 2010, also met online. I was similarly pressured, I think more from her expectation of what the family/village/BKK work colleagues would think rather than actual pressure per se. She practically invited herself to my home country & made it clear good news would be expected on her return & the knot was tied within the 2nd year. Going well, she's steadfastly loyal to family and doing the right thing and I value her outlook. If you think she's the right girl with a good family, go for it, especially if there was risk she might slip away.

[StaffsShot]

I had been seeing the now-wife visiting in 2010, also met online. I was similarly pressured, I think more from her expectation of what the family/village/BKK work colleagues would think rather than actual pressure per se. She practically invited herself to my home country & made it clear good news would be expected on her return & the knot was tied within the 2nd year. Going well, she's steadfastly loyal to family and doing the right thing and I value her outlook. If you think she's the right girl with a good family, go for it, especially if there was risk she might slip away.

Good post and I agree. You know, you just know when you meet the right one.

As far as the op being a " newbie " with 1 post, he knows more about Thailand and what to look out for woman wise than sometv members with 5000 posts who perhaps have never visited the Kingdom before.

He knows himself what to do already. He's not marrying an ex bar girl for a start.

[Unwisemonkey]

You could always go native and just go through the religious ceremony to pacify the mother. It means nothing in the eyes of the court.

[iamariva1957]

Ask yourself these questions... Does she make you happy? Do you enjoy your time with her in and out of bed? Do you find yourself feeling alone without her there with you? Does it feel right with her? If any of these questions gets a yes from you... then marry the girl. I mean why the hell not? Just keep your money separate. Stand on your right to have YOUR culture recognized as much as they will ask you to do with their's.

Life is to be lived and not questioned all the damn time. We Farangs spend way too much time thinking (a common statement from any Thai). So learn to live fife and not worry so much about what might be.

[iamariva1957]

She's getting pressure for 2 reasons.

1. Dowry money. (sin sod)

2. In Thailand once married she owns 50% of everything you have. Living de-facto, she's entitled to nothing.

Give it time, she's going no where.

Think logically. Western way. It's no different to Thai way.

Don't rush anything in life.....

Best of luck

No2. She only owns 50% of everything that is aqquired after the marriage.

Even that is wrong. She gets 50% of everything gotten, as you stated after the marriage, but then only what you have IN Thailand. Keep things simple and keep nothing too much in a Thai bank. Buy the house if you want one, but know that you will loose it to her anyway if things do not work out. But the bank account in Farang Land... nope that is yours. She will not be able to touch it.

[atyclb]

Don't marry her. Give her a sort of a super/long service leave payment plan.

Meaning (and these figures for demonstration purposes only).

If your only together 6 months payout 40k

12,..........................80k

Etc ..........right up to say 10 yr where you buy her cheapish condo.

She wants security. Reasonable...... But DO NOT MARRY

Why do that?

Late 30's = beyond "sell by date"

if you a a reasonable catch (man) ask her for the dowry to paid to you as one of 2 marriage conditions. the second one being a pre-nuptial agreement.

as this is the op's 1st post even if you are a fiction writer it is entertaining (marginally)

[ldnguy]

It's no wonder that so many on here don't like Thailand or think they Thais don't like them. Many of you have no concept of Thai culture at all and take the attitude of the farang way is the only way. Many of you are like spoilt children. The vast majority of Thais (outside the bar scene) take relationships seriously and tend to want/expect marriage more quickly than in Western countries. It's true that they shouldn't just expect Westerns to accept Thai culture, but there needs to be some compromise on both sides.

Most farangs here have come to live in Thailand, so it's probably them that should make most compromises. If a Thai woman moved to USA, UK, etc, then she should make the most compromises. If you plan to settle down in a country then you need to integrate into the culture to some extend. Many on here just want to live a 100% Western culture. If that's what they want it's their choice, but maybe they would find more happiness in a Western country. It seems quite odd to want a Western culture but move to a non-Western country.

Maybe the compromise here could be a village wedding ceremony first and then a legal marriage later. That would probably keep everyone happy. At the end of the day it's up to the OP to decide, although I suspect that this is just a troll post.

Some suggestions above are just ridiculous. Like the one about giving the wife a large allowance every year and a small condo after 10 years. That's treating her like a prostitute not a girlfriend or wife.

To the OP - don't listen to the losers on here. Many have never even date a Thai woman that isn't a bar girl. That is very clear from their suggestions.

[ldnguy]

It's no wonder that so many on here don't like Thailand or think they Thais don't like them. Many of you have no concept of Thai culture at all and take the attitude of the farang way is the only way. Many of you are like spoilt children. The vast majority of Thais (outside the bar scene) take relationships seriously and tend to want/expect marriage more quickly than in Western countries. It's true that they shouldn't just expect Westerns to accept Thai culture, but there needs to be some compromise on both sides.

Most farangs here have come to live in Thailand, so it's probably them that should make most compromises. If a Thai woman moved to USA, UK, etc, then she should make the most compromises. If you plan to settle down in a country then you need to integrate into the culture to some extend. Many on here just want to live a 100% Western culture. If that's what they want it's their choice, but maybe they would find more happiness in a Western country. It seems quite odd to want a Western culture but move to a non-Western country.

Maybe the compromise here could be a village wedding ceremony first and then a legal marriage later. That would probably keep everyone happy. At the end of the day it's up to the OP to decide, although I suspect that this is just a troll post.

Some suggestions above are just ridiculous. Like the one about giving the wife a large allowance every year and a small condo after 10 years. That's treating her like a prostitute not a girlfriend or wife.

To the OP - don't listen to the losers on here. Many have never even date a Thai woman that isn't a bar girl. That is very clear from their suggestions.

[MyFriend You]

Well i personally do not understand " the rush to get married " In any part of the world these things should never be rushed! You met the lady online ( nothing wrong with that ) but why not build on the friendship / relationship for at least another year or 2 years first then perhaps try living together! also you need to " put her to the test " that this is not all about money! tell her you are going through " severe financial problems " and see how she reacts ( if she really likes you she will stay by your side if not let her go ) Why rush things? you need to learn more about each other first!

There are many farangs that meet a Thai lady and then " move them in " in a matter of weeks! This is a recipe for disaster it takes time to get to know each other and you have " all the time in the world " ( HG Wells - The Time Machine )

Farang Jaidee

Myself and my wife have been together for 18 years, and we are not married, she's not Thai, she is asian, but what does the nationality matter if you love each other and are satisfied with living together for the rest of your lives - she knew up front that I was not interested in marriage - I don't believe in the 'Institution of marriage" it has turned into a Cash Cow all over the world for both men & women.........I don't need a piece of paper or a string on my wrist to be 'married'

Don't jump and run at the first sign of 'pressure to marry' you may be giving up somthing worth keeping - I am certainly glad I didn't, my wife's family understands our situation, and accepts it. You really need to live together for a couple years before you realize you are ready to live together for life. The sooner she realizes this the better - if she is persistant, then she has ulterior motives Ka Ching Ka Ching...............tread softly and good luck

[Toscano]

The G/F is in her late thirties , hasn't she been married before ? The family pressures her to get married ! I guess they want to see your money and lots of gold , but of course the Thai marriage permits cohabitation , but beyond that you can just walk away any time you like without commitment . You get to pay for the wedding party , where they show all the neighbours how much money you have given as well as the gold . It is not the same as an Amphur wedding which is properly registered and binding , subject to divorce if it fails . If you have doubts about getting married , don't get pressured into it . My wife's family tried to pressure me into marriage 3 days after we met . My wife had made a guest room for me to stay in as there was no hotel nearer than 40-50miles away . I was made to go to Khon Kaen 50 miles away , my g/f a teacher came to stay every weekend . After I had taken her for a two week holiday by the sea , we just came back to her house and cohabited . I made regular visits to Thailand gradually rebuilding her house , after 2 years we had an Amphur wedding with no party or guests , just the documentation at the Amphur office .

[Boss]

You'll have live together for more than 2 months, for sure. I would go half way and do a traditional Thai Buddhist wedding - everybody will be happy and you will only be morally dependant.....

GOOD LUCK

[marioc]

OP, in my opinion you should marry your GF only if You are both ready to do it, not HER mother!

[mrfaroukh]

If you want to move back home and she is ready to stay with you there, and if you are sure she is the one then go ahead. The problem with getting married and staying here is that though she is not a bar girl, they have many friends who are and they always teach her the wrong move.

[DrTuner]

Rule of thumb is pressure => walk away.

[Wat dee]

If you have to ask bunch of strangers , I think you know the answer already.

[Straight8]

She's getting pressure for 2 reasons.

1. Dowry money. (sin sod)

2. In Thailand once married she owns 50% of everything you have. Living de-facto, she's entitled to nothing.

Give it time, she's going no where.

Think logically. Western way. It's no different to Thai way.

Don't rush anything in life.....

Best of luck

No2. She only owns 50% of everything that is aqquired after the marriage.

And that includes debt right??

Acquire some debt and surprise her that she is now a 50% owner of it

Edited October 25, 2014 by Straight8

[iReason]

I would simply walk away.

Plenty of fish in the sea...

[iReason]

It's no wonder that so many on here don't like Thailand or think they Thais don't like them. Many of you have no concept of Thai culture at all and take the attitude of the farang way is the only way. Many of you are like spoilt children. The vast majority of Thais (outside the bar scene) take relationships seriously and tend to want/expect marriage more quickly than in Western countries. It's true that they shouldn't just expect Westerns to accept Thai culture, but there needs to be some compromise on both sides.

Most farangs here have come to live in Thailand, so it's probably them that should make most compromises. If a Thai woman moved to USA, UK, etc, then she should make the most compromises. If you plan to settle down in a country then you need to integrate into the culture to some extend. Many on here just want to live a 100% Western culture. If that's what they want it's their choice, but maybe they would find more happiness in a Western country. It seems quite odd to want a Western culture but move to a non-Western country.

Maybe the compromise here could be a village wedding ceremony first and then a legal marriage later. That would probably keep everyone happy. At the end of the day it's up to the OP to decide, although I suspect that this is just a troll post.

Some suggestions above are just ridiculous. Like the one about giving the wife a large allowance every year and a small condo after 10 years. That's treating her like a prostitute not a girlfriend or wife.

To the OP - don't listen to the losers on here. Many have never even date a Thai woman that isn't a bar girl. That is very clear from their suggestions.

All so rosy...

At the end of the day, you are still a/the falang.

[Grindting]

In most of Asia there will always be pressure for a girl to marry, unmarried is unsavoury and families can still sometimes loose face over it. The conversation with the old bats will go something like this: "your daughter is 25 now, is she going to get married, why not? What's wrong with her?"

So the blame for the daughter not being married could be becAuse of poor upbringing and no man is interested or refuse to commit, not arractive (not good genes), or even as far as the family. This is obviously not the case in modern times but there are plenty of families who will feel ashamed in front of the old fuddy duddies who make such comments (questions). It's a loose loose question and in fact an insult to ask it, because whatever the answer is would most likely be a lie to not loose face, of which the question asked will know, and the answered will know the question asker thinks whatever she says is a lie as well, even if it isn't.

It's quite a touchy topic. More so in places like india. But of course all over China and South East Asian countries.

However, if the pressure is coming from an Issan family in regards to a farang-thai relationship, then throw all of what I said out the window, as it'll all be about securing that sinsot, house, fixed monthly support income. Nothing else, those people have no shame and just want your hard earned £££.

[iReason]

I had been seeing the now-wife visiting in 2010, also met online. I was similarly pressured, I think more from her expectation of what the family/village/BKK work colleagues would think rather than actual pressure per se. She practically invited herself to my home country & made it clear good news would be expected on her return & the knot was tied within the 2nd year. Going well, she's steadfastly loyal to family and doing the right thing and I value her outlook. If you think she's the right girl with a good family, go for it, especially if there was risk she might slip away.

Good post and I agree. You know, you just know when you meet the right one.

As far as the op being a " newbie " with 1 post, he knows more about Thailand and what to look out for woman wise than sometv members with 5000 posts who perhaps have never visited the Kingdom before.

He knows himself what to do already. He's not marrying an ex bar girl for a start.

"He's not marrying an ex bar girl for a start."

You never know...

Had a sweet girl from the north, no children.

(I was in the practice of determining that from the start.)

Well, thought so, until two years later when her 10 yr old materialized.

That's where my money was being syphoned off to.

I didn't blame him. Dumb as a sack of bricks though...

When things went belly-up, guess where she went?

Straight to the bars.

Like a fish to water...

Turned out her lineage was; Isaan/Bangkok/Pattaya/Samui...

[iReason]

I had been seeing the now-wife visiting in 2010, also met online. I was similarly pressured, I think more from her expectation of what the family/village/BKK work colleagues would think rather than actual pressure per se. She practically invited herself to my home country & made it clear good news would be expected on her return & the knot was tied within the 2nd year. Going well, she's steadfastly loyal to family and doing the right thing and I value her outlook. If you think she's the right girl with a good family, go for it, especially if there was risk she might slip away.

Good post and I agree. You know, you just know when you meet the right one.

As far as the op being a " newbie " with 1 post, he knows more about Thailand and what to look out for woman wise than sometv members with 5000 posts who perhaps have never visited the Kingdom before.

He knows himself what to do already. He's not marrying an ex bar girl for a start.

Arghh...

Triple post . Sorry about that...

Edited October 25, 2014 by iReason

[iReason]

I had been seeing the now-wife visiting in 2010, also met online. I was similarly pressured, I think more from her expectation of what the family/village/BKK work colleagues would think rather than actual pressure per se. She practically invited herself to my home country & made it clear good news would be expected on her return & the knot was tied within the 2nd year. Going well, she's steadfastly loyal to family and doing the right thing and I value her outlook. If you think she's the right girl with a good family, go for it, especially if there was risk she might slip away.

Good post and I agree. You know, you just know when you meet the right one.

As far as the op being a " newbie " with 1 post, he knows more about Thailand and what to look out for woman wise than sometv members with 5000 posts who perhaps have never visited the Kingdom before.

He knows himself what to do already. He's not marrying an ex bar girl for a start.

Double post.

Edited October 25, 2014 by iReason

[Jimbo1954]

You answered your own question, you're not ready. Trust you're own feelings!

[mickyboy]

say yes i will but not untill next year as you want to save some money make her be secure then you know for sure

[bangkapi]

Within 6 months, you'll be begging her to take half of your net worth so you can get away.

And a visit to lower Sukhumvit will be a welcome respite.

[Happyman108]

knew my wife for 2 years and tight the knot 7 years ago, now with 2 kids and completely happy with my life in CM. Love is something not about yourself but towards the one you love and your kid/kids later.......good luck to you and make the right decision.

[louse1953]

I had been seeing the now-wife visiting in 2010, also met online. I was similarly pressured, I think more from her expectation of what the family/village/BKK work colleagues would think rather than actual pressure per se. She practically invited herself to my home country & made it clear good news would be expected on her return & the knot was tied within the 2nd year. Going well, she's steadfastly loyal to family and doing the right thing and I value her outlook. If you think she's the right girl with a good family, go for it, especially if there was risk she might slip away.

Good post and I agree. You know, you just know when you meet the right one.

As far as the op being a " newbie " with 1 post, he knows more about Thailand and what to look out for woman wise than sometv members with 5000 posts who perhaps have never visited the Kingdom before.

He knows himself what to do already. He's not marrying an ex bar girl for a start.

How would you or him ever know.Village wedding is the way to go,if you must.