No, but it is offensive when you point at specific relationships, such as mine.

you're right, and i apologize for the offense... just trying to make a point.

But, I wonder how many western guys cheat, just keep it quiet?

many, for sure... but i don't think it is endemic as it is here in thailand. in the west we are raised to at least try to be monogamous. we have that old christian guilt complex instilled in us, whereas thais have no such thing. the more women, the higher the status. to some extent it is the same in the west, but a man who plays around there would be considered an ######. here he is a king.

As for the idea that a man should remain faithful to a woman he just met as she is gone for a year (or vice versa), well, sorry but that is ludicrous.

totally agree. gotta be realistic.

i think that the difference is this.

in the west, a man who cheats is a dirty rat. the affair is kept secret, and if found out, he is normally ashamed of it and in many cases shunned.

in asia he is hailed a stud. he brags about it and doesnt care who knows about it as long as the missus doesnt find out (or have proof).

just my thoughts.

not in the least. i have a very happy life! i am just realistic. your husband probably doesn't cheat on you- you would know best.

Wow, I didn't mean to incite a riot....though I appreciate the different viewpoints....all I can say is that at this point I think all the evidence I have so far doesn't suggest he is the "money hungry" type beach boy...but I am a little suspicious about the second wife thing...I asked him, if being muslim, he wanted 2 wives, and he answered with an emphatic NO...regardless I think that is kind of the situation I am in to some degree...or at least it is more comparable than worring about him being a farang hopping beach boy ...Anyhow I'd love more info on this second wife thing. Also, ironically while in Vietnam, in between visits to thai boyfriend, I read a book a friend gave me called the Ethical Slut...she got it because she fell in love with a man in an open relationship and had to learn how to deal with it, and has consequently come to really like the idea...the book definitely relaxed my mind a bit about the world's obsession with monogomy...now if I could only rid myself of jealousy...

Thanks!!

Krabigirl

Everyone is money hungry...let's not fool ourselves. If you were not money hungry you would not have gone to school to get an education. You would be content to live under a bridge and beg for money. You would have the "God will provide" attitude of life.

Besides if your boy toy suddenly is without a job and you have to support him 24/7 I am sure your relationship will grow old pretty quickly.

What confuses me is why the concern with the second wife thing and how you can possibly be of a jealous nature. Afterall, you do not believe that love equals being monagomus (sp?).

I mean like, you believe like, in like free love, like right?

i mean like, you did say like something like that in like your other post, right?

The wife of a muslim man does not need to convert if she is Christian or Jewish.

But if she is any other religion then she will have to convert.

not in the least. i have a very happy life! i am just realistic. your husband probably doesn't cheat on you- you would know best.

Wow, I didn't mean to incite a riot....though I appreciate the different viewpoints....all I can say is that at this point I think all the evidence I have so far doesn't suggest he is the "money hungry" type beach boy...but I am a little suspicious about the second wife thing...I asked him, if being muslim, he wanted 2 wives, and he answered with an emphatic NO...regardless I think that is kind of the situation I am in to some degree...or at least it is more comparable than worring about him being a farang hopping beach boy ...Anyhow I'd love more info on this second wife thing. Also, ironically while in Vietnam, in between visits to thai boyfriend, I read a book a friend gave me called the Ethical Slut...she got it because she fell in love with a man in an open relationship and had to learn how to deal with it, and has consequently come to really like the idea...the book definitely relaxed my mind a bit about the world's obsession with monogomy...now if I could only rid myself of jealousy...

Thanks!!

Krabigirl

Everyone is money hungry...let's not fool ourselves. If you were not money hungry you would not have gone to school to get an education. You would be content to live under a bridge and beg for money. You would have the "God will provide" attitude of life.

Besides if your boy toy suddenly is without a job and you have to support him 24/7 I am sure your relationship will grow old pretty quickly.

What confuses me is why the concern with the second wife thing and how you can possibly be of a jealous nature. Afterall, you do not believe that love equals being monagomus (sp?).

I mean like, you believe like, in like free love, like right?

i mean like, you did say like something like that in like your other post, right?

Um..you are going to have to forgive me because I am new to this, and I am not familiar with any of you...so what is with the "likes"...it seems like you are being condescending and you aren't the only one, and I am not sure why you think that is ok....I guess I just feel misunderstood. I am not trying to marry him, and I am not trying to be a second wife. I only told the story about the marriage thing to put the other relationship in context. I mainly am trying to learn about Thai culture and am curious what other women have gone through with their relationships with Thai men. I am really not looking to be convinced into thinking he is a complete ######...though I can definitely say all this has been a major wake up call, reminding me of how difficult my first international relationship was...with a cheating man by the way (back then I was obsessed with monogomy.)

Yes, I don't think that monogomy = love, that doesn't mean that I, like most humans struggle with jealousy. It is a constant process to try to be honest and real enough to accept your jealousy and deal with it.The two things aren't mutually exclusive...though it isn't easy either. At this point, I'd consider him a good friend, who I happend to fall in love with, if we maintain decent amount of contact and a friendship, then I may go back to see him next summer to see where things go...I am not going to lie, it seems ridiculously fragile...but what can I do really...my heart is in one place and my mind in another. and p.s...no i don't believe in free love...i said i believe it is possible to love two people at the same time

Edited August 14, 200619 yr by krabigirl

nope, not trying to be condensending. Just trying to understand you. By the way, what grade do you teach?

I just had to bite

Krabigirl welcome to the I just came back from Thailand and fell in love club!!

It's so easy to be all blissed out and have a guy sweep you off your feet and feel so Good.

Thai man are lovely and delicous, no? Hee Hee

I've only been involved with one and it was love at first sight for both of us. Alas, he has an awful drinking problem and a lot of pain that he doesn't want to deal with and I had to get away from him.

But out of all the men I've been with, and I've been with many, he was the least guarded about how he felt about me. Our connection was very old and very strong. His family and the people on the island would joke about how we were the same person for years and some still won't let it go.

Makes it a little hard to get a date on a small island.

Right now you are reeling... you will get back into your routine and slowly he will fade away.

If not and you find yourself booking a flight back in the winter to go back, then great.

This topic is old and the folks on this bored, myself included, seem to always have the same little tiffs over the same opinions.

nope, not trying to be condensending. Just trying to understand you. By the way, what grade do you teach?

10th and 12th