Anger Management

[soic]

I don’t have to guard against my temper in Thailand because I am not angry living here. My anger management was moving to Thailand. I am not a violent man, other than when I play hockey. I owned businesses in the slums of Houston, Tampa, Detroit and St. Louis. I was afraid at night when I took the cash to deposit it. I wore a Kevlar vest and carried a weapon.

I can empathize with most of what you said. I too am tired of many of the things in the states. While I cannot bring myself to loathe it or hate it, I have grown tired of the rat race. If it weren't fore the greatness of the country, I wouldn't be in the position I am to be free to choose to live in Thailand.

As for the Kevlar vest, I have one that I keep 5' from my desk. We don't have to wear them everyday, but we do get to hear the blasts nearby and feel the wash of whump of the helo rotors as they fly over. I've worked in Chicago, Detroit, New Jersey and Miami, they parts of those cities don't have much on downtown Baghdad.

My Thai family and conscious effort have helped me control my temper and have also helped me avoid being placed in stressfull situations. Our stress levels can be controlled many times by just being able to walk away. We can learn to avoid confrontations just as easily as we can avoid hurting ourselves.

[John K]

When I first came to Thailand I thought the same as you. But actually the stress level is the same only different causes. If you have an anger management issue it will only be a matter of time before you encounter the stressful elements here. But for the most part Thailand is low stress unless you have to make business decisions and you don’t know if the information driving the decision is good. I have seen quite a few executives here for just that. If there was anger associated with their stress it was focused inward for not being able to see bad information. Once they were able to accept what I call the 60-20-20 things started to change for them. 60% of what you hear in Thailand is true, 20% has some truth, and 20% is complete bull.

Kerryk, reading your long post I can certainly sympathize with you on some issues. The sexual harassment laws in the states have sent the stress levels through the roof. The fact that some women are using them for leverage to push people out of the way for carrier advancement is not laughing matter. The fact that law enforcement varies and you can buy your way out. Both of those comments suggest underlying anger and you hope you can get away with it when you go off.

The issue with the tourist who was yelling at you, I would have approached it much differently than you. Not to say you were right or wrong about parking, but how to deal with the verbal assault. It would seem he had an anger management issue too. Everyone has their limit and he was clearly trying to find yours based on your post. I am curious to his response after you hit his nose. If he continued then he was clearly looking to escalate the problem. Chances are he may have already had a chat with a judge. If he was drunk then it would be another issue and I would have told the clerk to call the police from the start, there is little sense in dealing with someone who has turned off their sense of reason with alcohol.

But in both cases I would have called the police and be done with it. Once he saw you doing that he probably would have fled the scene. You could have also asked the store owner to intervene and call the police. The passive approach works just fine unless he got around to pushing you. At that point it becomes self defense and hopefully you would have some witnesses to his first move. Then I would have probably done the same as you, after all isn’t that why all the self defense schools exist.

You just hit the tipping point before you called the police, quite possibly from repeatedly seeing all the obnoxious tourists. Certainly dodging motorcycles on sidewalks in Bangkok long enough may set you off too. Both cases are like the weather, sometimes the sun is out and other times category 5 storms. When you can identify what you can change then you will start to increase your distance from the tipping point.

[tutsiwarrior]

I drink too much and am not at my best when confronted with problems in the morning. Friends and associates know to keep their distance until about 10 am or so. Unfortunately due to the business that I am in I spend a lot of time in hotels sometimes not so nice and sometimes where the staff aren't as attentive as they should be.

This morning there was a hassle about the breakfast buffet voucher...I had descended and returned to my room using the service stairway (closer to my room) rather than the entrance to the dining room. I had deposited my voucher in the usual way. Someone saw me exiting by the rear and assumed that I was avoiding payment. Someone followed me to my room with a bill. I said get lost and slammed the door in his face. When I went to leave my key at reception the bill was produced again and I went ballistic...poor little girl receptionist when I threatened to move our operation (8 engineers, assortment of wives, girlfriends, etc) to another hotel and to have her fired...all due to some fck up by someone else.

I am human and felt remorse at yelling at the girl when it wasn't her fault. Then later in the morning one of the admins was upset because one of the engineers shouted at her due to some procedural matter. I said who was it? and she didn't say fearing dire consequences.

either don't drink or don't work...better to drink and sleep until 2 pm like I do when in back at the ranch in Suphan...everybodys favorite uncle tutsi...(the AC didn't work when I was back last and the wrath of tutsi descended like a murderous avalanche. The wife was there to handle it, fortunately...she gave me the Clint Eastwood squint and said 'let me handle this, tuts...' or else...)

[backflip]

I always remember how blessed my life is, and that someone else's anger has to do with their life, and not mine.