I'm getting milked dry by issan family

[atyclb]

advice for op with 2 posts; while the experts are replying to the standard isaan girl template story try to concoct a more creative less contrived bait post for the future

[rgs2001uk]

Leave very very quietly in the middle of the night, never to be heard of again. There is no need for explanation. They deserve nothing. You are nothing to them. Stay, if you are happy wasting your time. She is just as bad as them for doing it, though she may say, "it's not me its my family..i have to listen to them".

My GF doesn't listen to anyone. And her family don't ask for anything.

P.S..there is no such thing as good or bad. You should get this notion out of your head. We make up these ideas. Your aim should be to find a girl that you can live with. She won't be good or bad, but as time passes by you will have these perspectives.

Your aim should be to find a girl that you can live with.

Probably the most sensible answer yet.

It all starts with the selection process.

Some of the posts on here make me laugh, gawds sake you would think they were training a dog, sit fetch paw.

Why not get a girl with similair values, aims goals and aspirations.

Do you both want the same thing?

Or instead of living your dream are you in fact just financing her dream?

The red flags are always there, too many choose to ignore them in the mistaken belief, their girl is diffferent.

To be honest it doesnt make any difference if the OP is trolling or not, we have all met him and heard the tales of woe before.

Its just the last time, the village and names were different, same same but different.

[JohnnyHK]

How's the sex? This seems the only reason this guy stays, likes the fact he is 10 times better looking in Thailand than where he came from. But in this case he is probably worth 10 times more than anyone else at this moment so she puts up with his dopey arse.

[hiddencamper]

Ur fine my gf family thinks I'm the farang that's milking them lol. Most Thais I know who date farang. It's usually farang that's poor. Rich Thais are arab oil rain money rich hahahaha (China asia wealth 21st century now guys it's asians w money and look down on poor Europeans... Obviously Europeans are generally poor and Americans are getting there) think u are good at least u have the other way! Lol

[angiolo]

So what are you going to do ? Let us know your plans. We deserve to be tpld. Good luch.

[maidee]

this one gets my troll of the week award

2 posts and a heavy story like this ...

[romeijoe]

go back to bangkok and start again , you have made the wrong choice of woman thats all there is a lot of good woman out there have a go

1

[TheFishman1]

Had she ever said No Money No Honey lol why ask what should you do Run Man plenty of fish in the sea lmao

[bannork]

op, udder leave if I was you, don't stand around chewing the cud, hoof it now, don't be cowed The grass is always greener on the other side.

You may have been feeding us a load of bull but we've herd these cash cow stories for years.

[marko kok prong]

This reminds me of the time my wife's father said to her

"maybe the falang can buy me a watch",he could not actually bring himself to use my name.

"maybe not" i answered ,finished my beer and walked off,never asked me for anything since,though he is a total pain in the harris.

[Mudcrab]

Never have a wife or girlfriend where the in-laws are younger than you could be some advice to keep in mind.

[stockmktgenius]

I would get the hell out. The family's no good- and the girl's no good either if she lets this happen.

Plenty of good girls in Issan- I married one. Find a girl who works for the government- not for a bar. How do you find her? Go on the Internet- in Issan go to megafriends.com. All the Issan girls go there, but few falang know about it, so no competition! I met the most wonderful girl- been married 9 years so far...

Good luck!

[Britannia]

Lots of things to take in to consideration.

1. How old is she
2. How good is her English because Issan ladies do not learn English in School, believe me
3. The better her English, the more contact shes had with Farang
4. Has she had Farang boyfriend before
5. Are you going to leave Thailand. If the answer to this is yes. Forget her

I live in a quite remote Village in Issan and believe me the number of girls that bring Farang back to village is remarkable, one or two have brought back 3 or 4 guys, I joke you not. Darling love you loooong time.

The best way to find a lady is to not be looking for one in the first place

[georgemandm]

Do what I did last year with my thai wife's family ! I was like you paying to help her mother out going to the doctor all the time in the end I told her to tell her mum to get her sister and her son to pay I am sick of it and gest what the next day her sister paid for the mum to go not me .

You have to lean to say no no,no,no I am not paying that is it , I do it now .

[mango66]

Listen.. I agree: "Run Forest Run!" But that is not always an option if you are in love and your sense of responsibility, dedication, moral standings, your cultural parameters, etc seem to stop you from being able to do that. Then there are the issues regarding your GF's feelings towards you and your relationship with her and her with you vs her family (which here in LOS is almost sacrosanct if not defiantly so).

So what to do? Stand your ground is first. Just say, "No"! Blame it on being Tax Time at home. Blame it on your family's needs. You know... lie. Maybe this will change their way of thinking or at the very least make you not such an easy 'touch'. Then, and this is important, remove the latter from your inventory. We Farangs are always getting into that sort of trouble simply because we are always converting the Thai prices into our own home currency. Suddenly 1000THB becomes less than $30 (or 27 Euros) and that is cheap in our minds, so we think nothing of covering that cost most of the time without thinking about the ramifications of that action.

We all have this 'problem' and it is difficult to shed during our daily life. But we have to. Recognizing this is the key and I say, "No" all the time. I also say that I "will be happy to pay half" but always there to see the deal and be part of the purchase. I add into the deal making my observations and business capabilities. I also complain when something does not make sense or seems questionable. Oh, the Thais do not like this as it seem 'confrontational', but I say, "too dam bad" in my head and stick to it. I do it all with a smile and in a calm voice, but I do it and thereby hold my ground and show that I am not going to be a push over, stupid Farang (which we are in the eyes of most Thais). As the Thai way is the 'only way' in this country, but it can be derailed if one is steadfast. No, it does not always work out as I would like at the end of the day, but at least I try and keep the feelings of 'being taken' to a minimum.

As for your issue with the dog... just say, "No". That is BS and everyone knows it... even your GF. Make sure that they know that you know it. It is a Loss of Face if you do point it out to them in a clear manner. No one wants to argue and over $30 or so. You might think that it is stupid, but you have to stand your ground! But everyone should pay for what they have broken or destroyed or had a hand in doing. Pay for the book, but make clear that you know.

Issan is cheaper than most places. But it has a reputation (as do those from there) as being a place where Farangs are not only looked for to become members of a Thai family but also as moving, living, sex starved, ATMs. We all know that we are not and that we are just Human Beings but we seem to forget that we are from a different culture and do have more financial capabilities than most here in this entire country. It is a label that we have been given for decades now. Just as Thailand is seen as one giant brothel by the rest of the West for the most part... with beautiful beaches. But the fundamental issue here is that we have to set the record straight and start standing up for ourselves and what we are willing to do and what we are not. If the GF leaves you because of you not stepping up to support her family, then she ain't the right one for you. So... again...

"Run Forest, Run!"

That children have to support more or less when parents in age,

is Thai society and culture,

They dont have our social wellfare state insurance and retirement system;

It was not different in Europe before 100 - 200 years ;

You have to help your wife to support their parents,

if they from any reason are not able to take care them sefs in their age !!

The social system in Thailand is slowly in transition, ( stae workers have already their own retirement,

private business and farming have to look on their own earnings;

Therefore I say , you not yet paid too much, but make limits,

like some other post mentiones, give them a certain amount for the space u use in their home !!

One day you might have your own children, maybee you need someone to take care them,

beleave me i have also this experiance in Bangkok - not Isaan,

grand parenst always will take better care their grandchilds than any paid person or babysitter;

If you compare than also the money, you will find out very quick what is better and cheaper;

In my family - 2 sisters - my wife pay to her mother 5.000,- pm,

taking care the food in morning and when back from school,

doing all the laundry for kids and my wife, as my wife have a full day job;

Her sister supports grandfather wih 3.000,- per month;

The house we bought on a credit of my wife, i paid the rates;

Household expenses, electric, water,waste, general products for kitchen and cleaning shared by the sisters;

Now we pay off a condo in Bang saray,

credit on my wife , I pay the rates;

I practcal stopped to support any costs in hosehold, even when the pulb in corridor have to wait until payday !

This new year - I didn't pay a new-year dinner,

in 1 month only once MK,

as i told i need all my free money now for water and electric on a small wood house we building up

in the mountains;

First 3 years - also with the small baby and my wife were travelling with me in my business in SE Asia,

I supported her with a pocket money, less than she had before selary in 7-11,

as i learned her family,

less money for them, but I buying the house and have tp pay the rents;

If once a year a teeth, or a little bit more on a doctor visit, ( 2.000) OK; but that it is !

to run just away, is never a solution, you should get also some experiance for a next,

if you really have to brake !!

good luck;

Big restaurant bills only on BIG days !! ( 5 times a year !! )

your wifes birthday,

new year

song khran

a " parents " day,

and when you go on your vacation back to Europe for 3 months;

Your Birthday ?? tell them you are out of funds,

if it is "Your family " - they will pay you your birthday dinner, happened last time to me;

[Jip99]

advice for op with 2 posts; while the experts are replying to the standard isaan girl template story try to concoct a more creative less contrived bait post for the future

Hooked nearly 200 so far (including you and me).

I would say that is pretty good bait.

It could actually divert into "Farang is a racist/insulting term" if anyone responds to the post from marko kok prong

[luckynero]

Why u ask us? If u don't understand what to do, than her parents are right... Thinking they found a dumb farang

[theoldgit]

Offensive comment removed.

[thailand49]

I didn't take the time to read all the pages except the first. IT IS NOT ONLY YOUR GF FAMILY FROM YOUR OWN EXAMPLES IT IS YOUR GF THAT IS THE PROBLEM. IT HAS ALREADY BEEN SAID 'RUN FOR THE HILL " OR MAKE UP A EXCUSE THAT YOU HAVE TO LEAVE AND DON'T COME BACK! And if you think it is the family? " the apple does not fall too far from the tree ".

[sead]

Seems go me its much cheaper for you to rent house or condo closeby. And give them a fixed amount every month and tell them what they do with money is up to them. Unfortunately your gf seems to be afraid to tell anything to her parents.

Edited February 11, 2015 by sead

[lostintranslationn]

You are all right. I have been dumb and weak to start with, to live in her house where her parents come every day.

I would in the west_ But its quite harsh and dangerous to my health to tell her parents to fkoff. I think its reasonable to help paying some bills like electricity and water while they let me live in their house and that's what I told her and agreed on but lying to make me give money is unacceptable for me.

As for those saying I should get rid of the dog. No way. I love my dog. They probably hate my dog and make her the black sheep. Oh and about my dog, her father and brother treats my dog very bad. Hit her and scream at her, like some street dog, is this normal? Do Thai people treat their dogs so violently and bad? Its an Siberian husky and this breed need lots of love and attention. I fear for my dogs health. Its still a puppy. I wanna tell my gf but I guess she would not dare to say anything to her family about this. They are looking surprised when I hug and kiss my dog.

Running is not easy. My suitcase and bags are all at her house and there are no taxis around here. We have just been looking around for an apartment. But she told her parents about it...

I will try some of the things u guys advised about.

Oh and if u were wondering. It is not an "sponsoring" relationship. She is under 30 and I am relatively young in my 30s. We are genuinely happy together. There is no mistake in that. No acting. Its just her family that thinks all farangs are walking ATM machines. So I am just asking for advice/insight on this dillema.

[djlest]

Rule number one - dont give them ANYTHING until you know them for at least 6 month or longer.
Seriously - anything your GF asks for just say sorry i dont have enough money right now, im not working and need be careful with what little money i have left,

outcome: you will either be ditched before the weekend, read the signs, no nookie or cold behaviour to force you away

or 2. she may be a genuine soul and not just be after your money, but unfortunately if her family is and they are Thai, she will always choose them before you, so its hard for you to win.

I got out of all this very lightly because i flat out REFUSED to my Isaan GF that i dont want to meet her family, this i managed to do for 8 years of dating. I also flat out refuse to ever marry her. ofcourse, eventually i did meet her family and they have never asked me for any money, however my GF gives them lots, but ofcourse my GF now is very independant and i have made her very rich with business ventures. but still..... Hold your ground, dont let them sway you, you are your own boss.

[smotherb]

Say no.

I dislike 'no,' it's so final and un-family-like. I prefer to say, "I will give your family exactly as much money as they give my family, dear"

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Deal with it the Thai way,

Agree to everything they want, but never get round to actually doing it or handing over any cash.

1 "Yep, I'm gonna buy you a new m/c, just waiting to transfer some money in from my home account ........." etc.

2 "I'll buy the new battery next time I go into town."

3 "We can get married next month, just gotta get the affirmation to marry from my consulate"

4 "Sure, I can buy you all dinner at the new restaurant, I'll be a bit late, meet me there, order anything you like while you wait."

Edited February 11, 2015 by AnotherOneAmerican

[AnotherOneAmerican]

double post

Edited February 11, 2015 by AnotherOneAmerican

[ggt]

Look friend...when you marry a girl from Issan...you marry the whole family and sometimes extended family...you are the cash cow...manna from heaven...personal banker...and ATM machine...

Your story is as old as foreigners and Thais have been living together...

If you quit shelling out the milk...like a cow that has gone dry...you will be turned out to pasture or worse...

Either learn to deal with it so as not to become incensed every a new need arises...or move on...

[farang2002]

They see your big udders and you stand there, they're going to milk them until every last drop is gone!

[mango66]

You are all right. I have been dumb and weak to start with, to live in her house where her parents come every day.

I would in the west_ But its quite harsh and dangerous to my health to tell her parents to fkoff. I think its reasonable to help paying some bills like electricity and water while they let me live in their house and that's what I told her and agreed on but lying to make me give money is unacceptable for me.

As for those saying I should get rid of the dog. No way. I love my dog. They probably hate my dog and make her the black sheep. Oh and about my dog, her father and brother treats my dog very bad. Hit her and scream at her, like some street dog, is this normal? Do Thai people treat their dogs so violently and bad? Its an Siberian husky and this breed need lots of love and attention. I fear for my dogs health. Its still a puppy. I wanna tell my gf but I guess she would not dare to say anything to her family about this. They are looking surprised when I hug and kiss my dog.

Running is not easy. My suitcase and bags are all at her house and there are no taxis around here. We have just been looking around for an apartment. But she told her parents about it...

I will try some of the things u guys advised about.

Oh and if u were wondering. It is not an "sponsoring" relationship. She is under 30 and I am relatively young in my 30s. We are genuinely happy together. There is no mistake in that. No acting. Its just her family that thinks all farangs are walking ATM machines. So I am just asking for advice/insight on this dillema.

Newbie !

maybee go back to my quote - Mango 66,

I told you my story somehow,

you dont know thai tradition,

you have stoill to learn how Thai families are living !

If you want stay there, than sure on many things you have to adapt,

on some you have accept to live with them , than you also have to share somethings with them;

Your privacy in a BIG thai family is smaller than in western countries !

You share financial things,

but keep strong for your own privacy !!

Your bed room is yours and yours wife !!

Iven id Big family visit, its yours and no other will use that room or sleep in !

They will not understand on beginning,

but tell your wife, you also will not sleep in Grands or sisters bedroom !!

Anyway now you released your Age,

I guesss your savings not for ever, you will have go to work again,

in the village you will not find a job;

So you will have early or later to settle in a bigger town;

Your husky !

Poor Dog ! He is wrong in Thailand, he needs cold weather and run- run - run !!

My Friend had one in Germany, to fulfill his activity,

they gad to run with him everyday with bycicle,

special in thai you will not be able as run as much as he need !

Thais have also pet - dogs, but usually a small dog in house ( Bangkok)

my Thai ! sister had one, with hairdress and kiss and everything;

But in General, Dog is for Thai a Dog on the street and many ends up sold to Vietnam for food,

no tears by Thai for this;

So you have to show them, your Dog is your pet !!

Maybee you can arange a sure safe place for him, where he can rest when he need,

( a small doghouse in the garden ? );

when I started to get a family in thai i read several of this books, which some other already

recommand you to read; read them !!

Dont beleave many of this bull shit which you read here in some quotes, but be wakeup and careful;

Dont tell all your hidden life and finances, tell from time to time about troubles you have with some business or money 1

This is in thai not a lie - it is culture to try to get compassion and understanding !

Get sick for a week, and check what is going on !! ( stomach, headache, no appetite , no restaurant - rest and see !!

I wrote you about money in my other mail , try to keep in a balance where you have to calculate you pay a rental,

BUT for your problem you feel, make an agreement about a monthal fee - rent , for that you live there !

Tell you must carefull plan your finances until you will find a job and income in Thailand;

Tell your wife, all what you should give away for other relatives and friends,

she will miss for her and her future childrens;

All you can safe now, you will need for your own family home to be build,

or first a Condo in a city to make business !!

Talk about business they like more than you just talk about a job !!

If you have special questions,

just send me a PM ( personal mail )

good luck !!

[mango66]

Rule number one - dont give them ANYTHING until you know them for at least 6 month or longer.

Seriously - anything your GF asks for just say sorry i dont have enough money right now, im not working and need be careful with what little money i have left,

outcome: you will either be ditched before the weekend, read the signs, no nookie or cold behaviour to force you away

or 2. she may be a genuine soul and not just be after your money, but unfortunately if her family is and they are Thai, she will always choose them before you, so its hard for you to win.

I got out of all this very lightly because i flat out REFUSED to my Isaan GF that i dont want to meet her family, this i managed to do for 8 years of dating. I also flat out refuse to ever marry her. ofcourse, eventually i did meet her family and they have never asked me for any money, however my GF gives them lots, but ofcourse my GF now is very independant and i have made her very rich with business ventures. but still..... Hold your ground, dont let them sway you, you are your own boss.

dont mix up !!

you tell its a GF !!

If you accept like her as his future , than you have also to accept her family !

You must not accept all their requests, but aknowledge at least with a small visit once a year !

But you traet your GF just as a bar dancer which you like to change as underwear !

Dont cry if one day she also change the tissu papers !!

You give nothing,

you get nothing !

[nithisa78]

Friend, Peace.

You got some very sound advise from more than one good person.

You have to make up your mind who they are. It isn't just the money . . . you need this drama?

Chok di.