What the.....?

[WhamBam]

Not sure you would call this a scam as I have lost no money or goods directly that I am currently aware of. Nor have I given any money to someone. And this is not a Thai woman.

Start at the start WB !!

Met a lady. A Filipino. Educated. A teacher. A long time ago she worked as a receptionist at a local hotel where I used to drink.

Some very odd behaviour in the first few weeks with her disguising her face by wearing fake, very large rimmed spectacles. Used to try to hide her face when outside. Even wore a m/c helmet in the lift. Wanted to hide her face even on the way from the condo to the lift. Said she was very shy and also a bad ex boyfriend she believed still lived very nearby who she did not want to see.
Also said she did not want to be thought of as a bar girl by her friends and acquaintances who worked nearby. Some of whom I also know. They spoke highly of her too. This last thing is what raised my trust level in her.

She tended every day to me after my m/c accident that has been mentioned before. Coming 80 Kms from work every day to tend to me and returning next day to work. Wore herself out.
Never asked for money. Was so happy when I bought her a jacket in the cold season, she cried. (Maybe, on reflection, this is the root of it all. Not having enough to live on day by day with no family support).

What happened?
I left for the UK in January to get treated for my injuries from the m/c accident and then to get a new visa.
Before I left, I (we) got a 1 year lease on a condo. Told her she could use it as a base for teaching. That made her happy - us having a place together. She started looking for work nearby. Told me she's had interviews and done demonstrations at 3 local schools already.

About 3 weeks ago she became distant. 2 weeks ago she stopped talking on line so much and then stopped altogether. Refused to answer the phone too.

Yes, I became suspicious. Who wouldn't?
I asked her if she'd got a new man in her life. I got lambasted for asking that LOL. Yet, unanswered messages and phone calls tell me something is wrong.

It turns out that today, I asked a friend in Pattaya to go check my condo. Make sure all is okay. It wasn't. There was a man living there.
What?? I wanted him out.Now!!
I phoned the condo. They brought him to the phone.
As it turns out - and all I can go by is what I am led to believe - he has paid rent for the room. Paid my g/f (ex g/f now) rent. Met her on the internet apparently. Says he and her are not together. Told me what site too. Insists he is not having sex with her.

He is off to Laos tomorrow. Needed to keep the room for a week. (On reflection this sounds fishy, especially as he is here on 'holiday' - but my mind was working overtime on the news of him being there and her letting the room, I never thought about it at the time.) And a holidaymaker does not go to Laos for a visa, but a Filipino teacher would if her visa was due to expire soon. Too late to kick him out now. The condo office is shut. Hindsight is a wonderful thing LOL

Deciding in my good nature to let him stay for 1 week, but arranged for new locks and keys for when he leaves. I feel that is a mistake now - see last paragraph.
All my clothes and belongings (though not valuable) are supposed to be in that condo. He says not but that there are 2 storage boxes he's never looked inside of.

Not exactly a scam. If a true rent out to a holidaymaker on the side, a lot of aggro for about 5,000 Baht rent a month for someone, a Filipino English teacher said by others to be honest and a good woman.

Opinions welcome. Berate me. Lambast me. Whatever. Up to you the reader.

[Costas2008]

Can't see anything tragic happened here.

You are in the UK, she wanted to make some money, she rented the condo.

She was embarrassed, so didn't want to get in contact with you......I understand her thinking.

BUT

She is a good woman, she took care of you in your difficult moments and she is respected by your friends.

Just forget and forgive, come back and make up with her......difficult to find good women around.

[WhamBam]

Can't see anything tragic happened here.

You are in the UK, she wanted to make some money, she rented the condo.

She was embarrassed, so didn't want to get in contact with you......I understand her thinking.

BUT

She is a good woman, she took care of you in your difficult moments and she is respected by your friends.

Just forget and forgive, come back and make up with her......difficult to find good women around.

I appreciate your sentiments, Costas.

it is hard to know the reality of the situation and if or not she is seeing him on a weekend. I'd have to say two things in response to your comments.

1) Trust is hard earned and easily lost.

2) Yes, she did care and was damn good at it.

Anyway, cannot get in touch when a person does not speak. I am not a vindictive person and the rental is not a problem, but lies are, sadly.

I do wonder if ever you can trust a woman in Thailand when she is out of your sight. Though... one I did know before who went really crazy has totally turned over a new leaf and become very straight and respectable. So changes can occur.

[Thorgal]

Plenty more fish inthe sea...try the Big Bleu next time...

[benalibina]

I wish I had your problems.

[WhamBam]

I wish I had your problems.

What like? Broken collar bone, arthritis, prolapse disc, asthma?

The topic was as much about pointing out things that happen as much as a moan.

I've had much worse sh*t happen and got over it. And no doubt will in the future Life can be a roller coaster ride with its ups and downs along the way.

But, Benalibina, if you are having problems, my commiserations. I hope you get through it all and have friends to help

[WhamBam]

Plenty more fish inthe sea...try the Big Bleu next time...

Plenty more sharks too

There we go... a thought... LOS = Land of Sharks !!

[Bluetongue]

Well it sounds like she was broke and what's more she probably was with this guy, he is never going to see you in person, so

easy for him to deny and you now can't believe anything she says. There that's the problem, answer is can you live with it,

you sound like you don't want to. One thing, if when you returned to UK you knew she had no job and no money what were you

expecting her to do?. If you did not care enough then to leave her some, don't see how you can complain too much now. Her

behaviour re helmets and glasses etc sounds pretty weird anyway so ditch her then eh!

[marko kok prong]

It may have been as much a surprise for him as you,best of luck mate,plenty of other ladies out there.

[recycler]

She does it more, that's why she needed to wear the helmet and cover her face, you saw the signs, but missed the warning they carry.

[Suradit69]

Not sure you would call this a scam ...

Here at Thai Visa we label everything we can't understand a scam. It's sort of an all-purpose word used to describe any situation where we are out of our depth and feel stressed by a world in which we perceive ourselves to be vulnerable and clueless.

[benalibina]

Not sure you would call this a scam ...

Here at Thai Visa we label everything we can't understand a scam. It's sort of an all-purpose word used to describe any situation where we are out of our depth and feel stressed by a world in which we perceive ourselves to be vulnerable and clueless.

I kind of disagree with your first sentence, but for the rest....a good comment. The result must be, after all that thinking, that we become closer, more knowledgeable, about ourselves.....a good thing in my opinion.

[FangFerang]

A famous Japanese businessman relied on his gut feelings. He said "swallow the deal". If it gives you indigestion, something is wrong. Get back, lay low, and no matter what anyone tells you about her decide for yourself.

Ignoring red flags is emotionally and financially suicidal. Jumping the gun is hasty.

Find a middle ground, and if you are uncomfortable, nature and your subconscious will let you know. Ignore non-verbal and emotional stress at your own peril.

Edited March 8, 2015 by FangFerang

[Razzler1973]

Something didn't smell right at the start ... things weren't right

Have you been paying the rent on the condo or her and this tennant?

If the tennant then no worries, you lost nothing. She needed the money and got someone in. She may or may not be banging this guy and he's not likely to tell you anyway

[tsigane]

Can't see anything tragic happened here.

You are in the UK, she wanted to make some money, she rented the condo.

She was embarrassed, so didn't want to get in contact with you......I understand her thinking.

BUT

She is a good woman, she took care of you in your difficult moments and she is respected by your friends.

Just forget and forgive, come back and make up with her......difficult to find good women around.

<deleted>??? "She's a good woman?" In what culture? You've been too long in LOS, buddy.

She's a dishonest at least, probably worse. So far there is not (much) material

loss. Take the loss and run. You clearly CANNOT trust her. There are tons of decent

people around. I would feel so pathetic to settle for some scum thinking that's the best

I can find.

[Daniel Ingalls]

.......I'm not going to be hypercritical over this story, but as an outsider not really that concerned about the outcome.

It appears you've known her a short time...6 months? Not very long to have so much trust in her with a condo, in your name, and

some stranger moves in with out your consent?......She's sub-contracting your condo to him? Is she giving you any of the rent money?

No sexual activity is kind of hard to believe. When will you be back? Don't give him a weeks notice, change the locks, give some change (partial rent money) and tell him to hit the street. (notify the manager of the Condo what your going to do first). Then Kick her ass out as well. This is not acceptable conduct of a so called good woman to do to you. Kind of sneaky to me, Don't be so soft hearted over her..............she conspired rent money behind your back. Live in boyfriend behind your back! don't be a patsy!

[WhamBam]

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Well it sounds like she was broke and what's more she probably was with this guy, he is never going to see you in person, so
easy for him to deny and you now can't believe anything she says. There that's the problem, answer is can you live with it,
you sound like you don't want to. One thing, if when you returned to UK you knew she had no job and no money what were you
expecting her to do?. If you did not care enough then to leave her some, don't see how you can complain too much now. Her
behaviour re helmets and glasses etc sounds pretty weird anyway so ditch her then eh!

It may have been as much a surprise for him as you,best of luck mate,plenty of other ladies out there.

She does it more, that's why she needed to wear the helmet and cover her face, you saw the signs, but missed the warning they carry.

The guy who is renting the place is in touch with me today. He seems an upright type of person - though I have not actually met him. One of my friends has met him and he is of the opinion the guy seems okay.

Bluetongue - she has a job. She works as an English teacher @ 3 different schools.

And no, I'll not be able to trust her now as things stand.

After talking to him on the phone twice now, I do not think they are together or he seeing her. He says not. Something he said ( I'd rather not say here because she knows I post here) makes me believe he is genuine.

Marko - He says the same as you, it was a surprise to him. He said the same again when I phoned him today. There are things being said between the two of us that makes me believe he is genuine.

Recycler - Yes, about the helmet. It was also somewhat comical. I was doubtful but when 4 other people I know say they have known her a long time and that she is a good woman and honest, the doubts went away. Obviously they do not know her as well as they think they do.

I was angry at first. The intrusion. All my clothes and other stuff being there (or moved out by her). Angry with him being there. Angry with her for doing this.

Today, I am not angry. I am shrugging my shoulders and generally being nice about the whole situation. I do not blame him, it is not his fault.

As to her, well.... she refuses to speak to explain herself. I can see now she obviously did it for money believing I'd never find out. And what you do not know about does not hurt - as they say. It now also appears her French female friend is in on it too.

Another part of why I am not angry is the care and dedication she showed when she did take care of me after the accident. That was 'beyond the call of duty' so to speak. Plus I have not really lost anything unless most of my stuff has gone walkabout.

Time will tell what happens next.

[WhamBam]

.......I'm not going to be hypercritical over this story, but as an outsider not really that concerned about the outcome.

It appears you've known her a short time...6 months? Not very long to have so much trust in her with a condo, in your name, and

some stranger moves in with out your consent?......She's sub-contracting your condo to him? Is she giving you any of the rent money?

No sexual activity is kind of hard to believe. When will you be back? Don't give him a weeks notice, change the locks, give some change (partial rent money) and tell him to hit the street. (notify the manager of the Condo what your going to do first). Then Kick her ass out as well. This is not acceptable conduct of a so called good woman to do to you. Kind of sneaky to me, Don't be so soft hearted over her..............she conspired rent money behind your back. Live in boyfriend behind your back! don't be a patsy!

Yesterday I would have agreed with your sentiments 100%. In the main I still do agree.

The condo management have been great about this. Better than I would have expected them to be. They are working in the background over certain things to help too.

Yes, she is sneaky and devious to rent the condo out. No, I'll not get a sniff of the rent money. Never believed I would from the moment I found out. I cannot kick her out as she has her own condo where she works in the Chonburi area, though I would have had her out on her ear had she been living there, but the guy is there on his own from what I have been told. It is amazing what you can do and find out through good friends even in a short time.

Truth be known, I'll never really know if they have been together at some point. But thinking about it, they have had very little chance to do so. From chat, webcam and phone, I know where she was and doing what almost every day until 2 weeks ago. That does not mean she wasn't up to anything of course

Kicking him out? I wanted him out quick! But as I spoke to him and with his honesty on some points where he could have been very vague + his need to leave today for Laos, I decided to let him stay. The room will be checked while he is away to make sure no-one is there

My arrival date will have to remain quiet due to other things going on and due to happen. I'll say no more than that on that score

[geisha]

I wouldn't like it if someone did that to me. Also, if damage was done to the condo, you would be responsible.does your contact even allow you to sub let ? A few things to take into consideration.obviously, nice lady or not, she's not trustworthy.

[WhamBam]

Can't see anything tragic happened here.

You are in the UK, she wanted to make some money, she rented the condo.

She was embarrassed, so didn't want to get in contact with you......I understand her thinking.

BUT

She is a good woman, she took care of you in your difficult moments and she is respected by your friends.

Just forget and forgive, come back and make up with her......difficult to find good women around.

<deleted>??? "She's a good woman?" In what culture? You've been too long in LOS, buddy.

She's a dishonest at least, probably worse. So far there is not (much) material

loss. Take the loss and run. You clearly CANNOT trust her. There are tons of decent

people around. I would feel so pathetic to settle for some scum thinking that's the best

I can find.

No, I cannot trust her now.

Though, I can see where Costas is coming from with this. He and Robert who first liked his post can see deeper into this, especially from the care angle. People do not show that level of care and dedication and be bad people or scum instantly.

Yes, there is deceit going on. And once deceived you can never really trust someone again because there will always be doubt. I would venture to say that many of us have been deceived before by friends and loved ones. To be deceived once and then have trust rebuilt over time I can live with. If I am honest, I do not know the why's and wherefores of this.

Don't get me wrong, I am not defending her actions, but in life everything is not always black and white. And I am too long in the tooth to feel hate for a one off incident. Though revenge is not ruled out - that depends on certain future factors and at present I cannot say anything more on that without showing my hand.

[WhamBam]

Something didn't smell right at the start ... things weren't right

Have you been paying the rent on the condo or her and this tennant?

If the tennant then no worries, you lost nothing. She needed the money and got someone in. She may or may not be banging this guy and he's not likely to tell you anyway

I paid a year up front and got discount on the monthly rent

No financial loss to me. The condo management and the tenant (spoke to him twice on the phone) have agreed to pay the utility bills.

It was my gut instinct that led me to get a friend to go to the room in the first place. That same gut instinct tells me the guy is genuine - though gut instinct is not exactly scientific

Also certain things he has said and offered to do have generally satisfied he is genuine. I'm not trying to be too vague but she knows I post here and I'm reluctant to give too much away on some things.

[BB24]

Come back a week earlier than you say you are coming back - rent a cheap hotel nearby - watch for a few days.

If all seems OK, then make up and set the groundrules - and change the locks (he and others may have a key).

If there is a problem, wait til she leaves and change the locks (have a guy on standby) - put her stuff in boxes and leave with the front desk/office.

[Liquorice]

WhamBam, I must say your being very rational and level headed in this matter.

The g/f obviously saw an opportunity to make a little extra on the side............they never miss an opportunity where money is concerned.

What the mind doesn't know the heart doesn't greave, so to speak.

She may be a good woman, who made a mistake out of necessity.

Of course her lack of communication is because of her loss of face. She probably feels very embarrassed.

You naturally feel betrayed and the trust has diminished, However from what you've previously said about the care she gave you, maybe you need to consider her situation before you cut her off. There are always two sides to a story, although she acted inappropriately as far as our culture is concerned.

As far as her culture is concerned she did little wrong except for confiding in you first.

[Ghoulst Writer]

you failed to make allowance for the moto factor

[Docno]

Can't see anything tragic happened here.

You are in the UK, she wanted to make some money, she rented the condo.

She was embarrassed, so didn't want to get in contact with you......I understand her thinking.

BUT

She is a good woman, she took care of you in your difficult moments and she is respected by your friends.

Just forget and forgive, come back and make up with her......difficult to find good women around.

It's more than being embarrassed... she clearly knew that what she was doing was wrong. And we don't know how this story ends yet. We don't know if the OP's belongings are safe, what the nature of the relationship is between this man and the woman, etc. Far too early to forget and forgive.

One more thing. The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. This woman has done some commendable things, but now we have evidence to the contrary (how negative, we still don't know). My American friend, age 71, has had some health issues in the past and had some Filipinas helping him. They've been invaluable. The problem is that they--more than one, but not all--also stole from him. Ipad, 2 cameras, money from atm, etc. I suspect they do this as a way of 'paying themselves' according to what my friend is able to pay rather than what they formally receive. May be the case in this instance also. Doesn't absolve her of responsibility.

[ggt]

Just another woman making a few extra bucks by duping a foreigner...happens often...not really news anymore...

[benalibina]

Can't see anything tragic happened here.

You are in the UK, she wanted to make some money, she rented the condo.

She was embarrassed, so didn't want to get in contact with you......I understand her thinking.

BUT

She is a good woman, she took care of you in your difficult moments and she is respected by your friends.

Just forget and forgive, come back and make up with her......difficult to find good women around.

It's more than being embarrassed... she clearly knew that what she was doing was wrong. And we don't know how this story ends yet. We don't know if the OP's belongings are safe, what the nature of the relationship is between this man and the woman, etc. Far too early to forget and forgive.

One more thing. The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. This woman has done some commendable things, but now we have evidence to the contrary (how negative, we still don't know). My American friend, age 71, has had some health issues in the past and had some Filipinas helping him. They've been invaluable. The problem is that they--more than one, but not all--also stole from him. Ipad, 2 cameras, money from atm, etc. I suspect they do this as a way of 'paying themselves' according to what my friend is able to pay rather than what they formally receive. May be the case in this instance also. Doesn't absolve her of responsibility.

But therein lies the problem......we only know our own past behaviour....not from the people with whom we enter into a new relationship....

[ToddinChonburi]

Just wonder if she ever showed you proof she really was a teacher ? I think you know the answer to your ?

Take steps to protect yourself what ever that is. You left and now she is looking for security, that it what many of these women do.

There is a whole heard of them in Pattaya playing bad mitten during the day and bragging about how many sponsors they have.

What is a sponsor ? A poor sucker that sends a girl money thinking she truly loves just him and has no idea that someone else is also sending her money.

[laislica]

Well done WB, not there so of course cannot know the why's and wherefore's.

Got a friend to check things out for you and so far, so good.

Not speculating, judging or jumping to conclusions.

Keeping an open mind until you return when all will hopefully become clear and you will know what action to take.

There's not many of your good hearted sort around.

I sincerely hope that the end of the story is a good one.

Cheers.

PS

Are nice folk like you allowed on TVF?

[WhamBam]

Just wonder if she ever showed you proof she really was a teacher ? I think you know the answer to your ?

Take steps to protect yourself what ever that is. You left and now she is looking for security, that it what many of these women do.

There is a whole heard of them in Pattaya playing bad mitten during the day and bragging about how many sponsors they have.

What is a sponsor ? A poor sucker that sends a girl money thinking she truly loves just him and has no idea that someone else is also sending her money.

Plenty of proof she is a teacher. Certificates. So many days with photos of her at school that day with the children, her wearing the clothes she left for work in. Her teacher friends. Her going to the school near the condo to do a demo. The work she prepares for school on her laptop.

This is more than likely about money or lack of it.

Totally agree about people sending money when they are 'sponsoring' a Thai 'lady'. Not something I'd be inclined to do.