To Wai or Not to Wai ?. That is the question.

[rgs2001uk]

I went with my wife to Thailand for the first time in the beginning of the year and she lives in a predominantly Thai community in Bangkok (I was the only Farang in there for the entire week) and NOBODY wai's ANYBODY there the only time I was waied to is when I was formally introduced and only one time. She did not wai anybody not even her sisters or mother when we went to visit and I was waied only when formally introduced. From all this I conclude that the wai is only for formal introductions and is not normally used in everyday life, so no wai'ing to strangers or service staff for me I just follow her example and wai back when formally introduced to somebody. This makes it all very simple, in the case of service staff wai'ing I normally nod she does not even do that just ignores the wai of service staff. I used to worry about this issue before going to Thailand but it seems to be very simple, wai back when formally introduced the rest of the time just nod or do nothing.

she lives in a predominantly Thai community in Bangkok (I was the only Farang in there for the entire week) and NOBODY wai's ANYBODY

Give this man a cigar, we have a winner.

I live in a non farang moo baan in Bkk and the above is spot on.

Thankfully I am a farang, I usually get, a hug, cuddle, a poke in the ribs, my ass checks pinched or a playful grab of my cheeks followed by a 'man sai' or 'man kiaw', thats from the women of all ages.

From the men, its usually an arm round the shoulder, or they take my arm just above the wrist and put their other arm around me.

When drinking with the locals, a bit of grab ass or massaging goes on.

I have NO problem walking down the soi holding a Thai males hand, I see it more as a sign of being accepted.

Formal occassions differ from the norms of above in the moo baan.

[Kanthralak 1]

Never wai those of a lower social standing than yourself.

If you consider yourself of lower social status than an illiterate farmer, wai away.

Most of the comments relate to who gets wai'd. I assume their are rules within Thai culture that are deemed suitable etiquette / respect etc....

MaeJoMTB refers to status. Again I assume status is like respect, its earned. Don't matter if the person you are greeting is an illiterate farmer or not.

[nidieunimaitre]

I will wai anyone who kisses or hugs me.

So far - in 7 years - that is only my wife's aunt (82 years old).

But I have a big smile and a hug or handshake for all.

After all, I am a farang, more precisely, a non immigrant farang

[gandalf12]

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Children wai to adults. Adults wai to those of a higher standing as a sign of respect. Most thai adults are not worthy of my respect so i would never wai to them. When i meet an honest, wise, ethical, civilized thai adult that i get to know and respect over a period of time then i will wai. But the majority of them, whether wealthy or nor not, or having the superficial appearance of success or not, will need to earn my respect before i ever wai. And a fair number deserve to be weed over before waid to.

Or of equal status

[nidieunimaitre]

There is maybe some confusion about the meaning of the word "respect".

I see absolutely no reason to "respect" a person just because they are old, rich, imposing or influential. I am not a brown nose. Thais often have a different opinion about this.

Ni dieu ni maître.

[pigeonjake]

I went with my wife to Thailand for the first time in the beginning of the year and she lives in a predominantly Thai community in Bangkok (I was the only Farang in there for the entire week) and NOBODY wai's ANYBODY there the only time I was waied to is when I was formally introduced and only one time. She did not wai anybody not even her sisters or mother when we went to visit and I was waied only when formally introduced. From all this I conclude that the wai is only for formal introductions and is not normally used in everyday life, so no wai'ing to strangers or service staff for me I just follow her example and wai back when formally introduced to somebody. This makes it all very simple, in the case of service staff wai'ing I normally nod she does not even do that just ignores the wai of service staff. I used to worry about this issue before going to Thailand but it seems to be very simple, wai back when formally introduced the rest of the time just nod or do nothing.

she lives in a predominantly Thai community in Bangkok (I was the only Farang in there for the entire week) and NOBODY wai's ANYBODY

Give this man a cigar, we have a winner.

I live in a non farang moo baan in Bkk and the above is spot on.

Thankfully I am a farang, I usually get, a hug, cuddle, a poke in the ribs, my ass checks pinched or a playful grab of my cheeks followed by a 'man sai' or 'man kiaw', thats from the women of all ages.

From the men, its usually an arm round the shoulder, or they take my arm just above the wrist and put their other arm around me.

When drinking with the locals, a bit of grab ass or massaging goes on.

I have NO problem walking down the soi holding a Thai males hand, I see it more as a sign of being accepted.

Formal occassions differ from the norms of above in the moo baan.

hey regs,

does this thai guy have a dress on while your holding hands,,,,,,lol

sorry mate couldnt resist,,,lol

[seajae]

mate, if I like them I wai, wifes family some of her close friends, her companies owner and his wife, most of the govt officials she deals with(we go to lots of parties with them)its simply like shaking hands back home only a lot easier plus if you dont really like them that much you can say ***k you under your breathe while you mouth is hidden

[gk10002000]

I personally like the Wai system. I have no particular desire to shake stranger's hands, get more germs etc.

[sipi]

Been a while since we had a 'who should wai' thread.

At least it makes a change from bum gun and sinsod threads

And I agree with MJCM.

It's been a while since we have had a "farang" thread also.

Who is brave enough to start one?

[F4UCorsair]

No. That is the answer

[xen]

Along with correct wai, what is the protocol when walking into the Emporium or your hotel or else where and the doorman salutes you . I know you don't salute him back but do you just ignore him, nod your head at him, smile at him or pull a silly face at him to see if he will loose his composure.

One of the great questions of good manners i have never found out.

[williet98248]

Children wai to adults. Adults wai to those of a higher standing as a sign of respect. Most thai adults are not worthy of my respect so i would never wai to them. When i meet an honest, wise, ethical, civilized thai adult that i get to know and respect over a period of time then i will wai. But the majority of them, whether wealthy or nor not, or having the superficial appearance of success or not, will need to earn my respect before i ever wai. And a fair number deserve to be weed over before waid to.

You can wai any adult that you wish to show respect to. No children. I rarely wai anyone but give a nod or a slight bow. I add a handshake if I want to show more respect. I always wai older people out of respect for their advanced age. But I am 73 so not too many older than me.

[capt635]

Some good comments here today and the Video is not only instructive but attractive! The simplest very basic rule is that you only 'wai' persons older than yourself with the exception of Monks.

Have a good day everyone and be happy in what is still one of the best countries for retirement at least - in the world today

[Eneukman]

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IMO . . .. 99% of the time a farang should not wai. They don't know how, they don't know when, they don't know whom should wai whom. End result is that they come off looking like clowns. Farang waiing a farang? A child? Service people? You got to be kidding.

You should be the one to wai the FIL if you are not going to offer a handshake. Of course you can do both but the handshake is what foreigners do, the wai is what Thai people do.

That's my view as well; I do, however wai anyone my girlfriend tells me to wai - namely her mother, her father, her aunts and her uncles. Her brother, (he's 17 or 18 years younger than I am always shakes my hand when we meet. If we go to a temple, I follow what she does as best I can.

Alan

[Neeranam]

I will wai anyone who kisses or hugs me.

So far - in 7 years - that is only my wife's aunt (82 years old).

But I have a big smile and a hug or handshake for all.

After all, I am a farang, more precisely, a non immigrant farang

So when you get citizenship you will start waiing everyone?

Age is just a part of it.

If some one older than me was shagging one of my daughters an didn't wai me, I'd probably punch him in the face. Those with daughters will understand.

I used to wai my wife's older brother as that is what is done at first. I also call him my"pee sa pai" not :nong sa pai" However, he shown himself to be a &lt;deleted&gt; so not I don't wai him, in fact go out my way not to even see him.

[Jip99]

I will wai anyone who kisses or hugs me.

So far - in 7 years - that is only my wife's aunt (82 years old).

But I have a big smile and a hug or handshake for all.

After all, I am a farang, more precisely, a non immigrant farang

So when you get citizenship you will start waiing everyone?

Age is just a part of it.

If some one older than me was shagging one of my daughters an didn't wai me, I'd probably punch him in the face. Those with daughters will understand.

I used to wai my wife's older brother as that is what is done at first. I also call him my"pee sa pai" not :nong sa pai" However, he shown himself to be a <deleted> so not I don't wai him, in fact go out my way not to even see him.

A good example of why - IMO - respect should be earned. It is not an automatic right.

[Thunderbirds20]

My understanding is the younger person should wai first unkess they hold a superior position, like doctor or monk, but it never happens. I am 67 years old and very seldom receive a wai, .. unless I wai first!

[Tywais]

Yep, the annual wai topic. I posted the below in a 2008 "wai oh wai" topic. Working at a university I lose track of how many times a wai is proffered me, from students and even other ajarns as they defer to my age and experience (seniority). I would be remiss and embarrass myself and them if I did not show the courtesy to return it.

---------------- My post From the Wai Oh Wai topic ------------------------

Pretty much every time this topic pops up it gets the same crowd.

1. Those who don't wai at anything
2. Those that only wai a certain category of people
3. The backpacker wai - wais everything, even the local soi dog.
4. The culturally aware, which appears to be a small minority.

I have been coming to Thailand for over 35 years, working here nearly 16 years and 99.9% of my interactions are with Thai, from the lowest class to the highest class you can imagine. I made/make an effort to know the culture and its' meaning to make my daily life more pleasant. I'm at a point where I instinctively know when, where and how to wai. Not to say that I don't occasionally make a faux pax, but when I do I usually realize it immediately and kick myself for a while for doing it (in other words, I should have known better).

I talked to a Thai ajarn friend of mine at the university regarding his thoughts on farangs and waiing or not waiing. First I asked if it was a tourist or a visiting professor and he did not return a wai, what would he think. His comment was he wouldn't think anything of it knowing the person is culturally unaware. Now he made a point though and used me as an example (as an analogy for the opposite farang group). He said if he was standing somewhere out of sight and saw a Thai approach me and waied me but I didn't return the wai, he would be quite upset.

The reason is he knows me, that I have been here a long time and understand the culture, I speak the language and have a Thai wife. In other words, there is no excuse for my behavior with this person. Same with some other Thais at the university, if you refuse to wai then you do not respect the culture or the people (again, if you have been here for an extended period and not the casual visitor).

Now these are highly educated Thais who make a distinction between the various farang categories. Now try to think of lessor educated Thais and I suspect their thoughts are a little less forgiving.

One last thing and that is waiing children. Some think it is never appropriate. My ajarn friend explained that he will return a wai to a child (he will not initiate it), his reasoning is if he doesn't the child will grow up thinking it is not important. In other words, he leads by example. Funny enough, seems I see more higher class Thais returning wais to kids then others.

Handshake vs wai. Yes, not the same thing in either meaning or effect. Though having said that, it seems I remember reading that the wai originated in the same fashion as the handshake. That is, it was to show your enemy you were not holding a weapon. I'm still trying to find the history and the where and why of how the wai started. My colleague believes it originated in India.

My 2 satangs.

[Luxfare]

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Children wai to adults. Adults wai to those of a higher standing as a sign of respect. Most thai adults are not worthy of my respect so i would never wai to them. When i meet an honest, wise, ethical, civilized thai adult that i get to know and respect over a period of time then i will wai. But the majority of them, whether wealthy or nor not, or having the superficial appearance of success or not, will need to earn my respect before i ever wai. And a fair number deserve to be weed over before waid to.

dont you think your the special one,?

i allways wai my wifes grandperents, i even stoped the car yeserday to wai gandpa, first time ive seen him since i got back from offshre,
hes a great old guy, can make anything from bamboo,

Thats absolutely wonderful, what a truly fantastic guy you must be....and bamboo eh....well, thats incredible....bamboo....

He does indeed seem a decent guy and shows respect for the indigenous people of the nation he's a guest in. You seem like an arrogant so and so who thinks Thailand should be grateful you chose to live here. I know who's side I'm on.

[Sawan Chan 7]

My understanding is the younger person should wai first unkess they hold a superior position, like doctor or monk, but it never happens. I am 67 years old and very seldom receive a wai, .. unless I wai first!

Wow. I hope you don't support any of these individuals financially or call any you friends. They have no respect for you.

[nidieunimaitre]

I will wai anyone who kisses or hugs me.

So far - in 7 years - that is only my wife's aunt (82 years old).

But I have a big smile and a hug or handshake for all.

After all, I am a farang, more precisely, a non immigrant farang

So when you get citizenship you will start waiing everyone?

Age is just a part of it.

If some one older than me was shagging one of my daughters an didn't wai me, I'd probably punch him in the face. Those with daughters will understand.

I used to wai my wife's older brother as that is what is done at first. I also call him my"pee sa pai" not :nong sa pai" However, he shown himself to be a <deleted> so not I don't wai him, in fact go out my way not to even see him.

The day I get citizenship I will start wai-ing every living creature, including my dog.

[nidieunimaitre]

Some good comments here today and the Video is not only instructive but attractive! The simplest very basic rule is that you only 'wai' persons older than yourself with the exception of Monks.

Have a good day everyone and be happy in what is still one of the best countries for retirement at least - in the world today

I ignore priests, mulla's, rabbi's, sorcerers, fortune tellers, masonic bobo's, the lot.

I see no reason why I would behave differently towards buddhist monks?

As for wai-ing people older than you. Would you wai Stalin or Hitler if you met them?

A friendly smile, a hug, a handshake, a kiss, or a wai (if I ever master the art), I reserve for people that have earned my respect.

If in doubt, a nod will do just fine.

Ni dieu ni maître.

[paddyjenkins]

I wai to my cat

[marko kok prong]

The only hand signals i give to my father in law,is flipping him the bird,with extreme predudice.

[Mobi]

Below are some good rule of thumb guidelines that I copied from a website, and pretty much follows what I have always understood to be the general practice in my 45 + years of working and living in Thailand.

Always wai Thai family members who are older or are of an indeterminate age. Wait for younger family members to wai you first before responding and do not wai kids back, even if they wai you.

If Thais who are obviously younger than you do not wai you, then do not wai them.

You can ignore wai-ing in families who are so bad that you have no respect for them, unless you wish to ingratiate yourself with them, which may often be the case.

.

The wai (pronounced why) is a Thai greeting that is done by clasping the hands together in a prayer-like gesture and bowing the head slightly. It is done when saying hello, goodbye, thank you, or to apologize.

Thais also wai to show respect to the Buddha, monks and the King. You’ll also see Thais “wai-ing” spirit houses, statues and older people, again as a sign of respect or reverence.

Protocol for the Wai is somewhat complex and is handled differently depending on who is “wai-ing” whom. Also, the higher the hands are held, and the lower the bow, the more respect is being shown.

The Thais don’t expect foreigners to understand the intricacies of “wai-ing” but understanding a few of the basics can be the difference between appearing as a clueless “farang” (foreigner) or someone that knows what’s going on.

So here’s how it works: usually, the person of lower class or lower status will initiate the wai, with the person of higher class or status “wai-ing” in response. If the Wai is done as a greeting, it will be accompanied by “Sawatdee Krup” (when spoken by a male) or “Sawatdee Ka” (when spoken by a female), which means “hello” or “goodbye”.

People will also wai to say thank you – “Kop Khun Krup” (male) or “Kop Khun Ka” (female). In a restaurant, when the staff brings you your change, they will wai you and say thank you in Thai. Do not wai them back. You do not wai the staff at a hotel, restaurant or shop, or bar, car park attendant, doorman etc etc.

(Mobi adds: But you might wai the owner of an establishment, depending on circumstances)

A child will wai an adult, but an adult doesn't wai a child. Of course, you acknowledge them by saying hello and/or smiling, but you’d appear silly “wai-ing” a child.

Rule of thumb: If in doubt, it’s probably better to wai, than not to wai

[Neeranam]

Never wai doctors as they already think the sun shines out their anii.

Wai is not pronounced "why" unless you are English.

[Tywais]

Never wai doctors as they already think the sun shines out their anii.

Wai is not pronounced "why" unless you are English.

It is but it isn't due to the tone. Wai pronunciation

[Neeranam]

I will wai anyone who kisses or hugs me.

So far - in 7 years - that is only my wife's aunt (82 years old).

But I have a big smile and a hug or handshake for all.

After all, I am a farang, more precisely, a non immigrant farang

So when you get citizenship you will start waiing everyone?

Age is just a part of it.

If some one older than me was shagging one of my daughters an didn't wai me, I'd probably punch him in the face. Those with daughters will understand.

I used to wai my wife's older brother as that is what is done at first. I also call him my"pee sa pai" not :nong sa pai" However, he shown himself to be a <deleted> so not I don't wai him, in fact go out my way not to even see him.

The day I get citizenship I will start wai-ing every living creature, including my dog.

People like you don't even apply for Citizenship. I'd bet you don't even know the criteria for applying.

[Neeranam]

Never wai doctors as they already think the sun shines out their anii.

Wai is not pronounced "why" unless you are English.

It is but it isn't due to the tone. Wai pronunciation

I pronounce 'why" with a "wh" sound but , granted, I am from Scotland.

[Ghostnigel]

It's nice when they understand our traditions too. Normally I wai and then they shake my hand.

Same as me, but they shake hands first.