Wife wants to divorce, two kids

[Udoth]

Dear readers,

I married three years ago in Turkey with my wife, I am 29, she is 30, and came to live in Thailand and legalized the marriage here. I am currently awaiting approval from immigration for the extension of my 3 months NON O visa based on marriage. I have to come back the 16^th of April to hopefully get the extension. We have two daughters together; the one is 2 years old, the other 2.5 months. We just finished building the house and a week later she wants to divorce. Her reason is that she wants to have a relax life and the money I give to her is not enough, in fact, she wants to have a millionaire as I have understood. We eat and drink well, we go at least once in 3 days to a restaurant and I’m not counting the breakfasts and the lunches, but no, it’s not enough. I have a feeling it was planned from the start, that she would let me make a house, buy a car and a motorcycle and then divorce me, because we had almost no problems together.

I feel terrible now, because I am perhaps able to forget her, but I can never forget my kids, I love them with my life. My wife also hasn’t been good to the two year old since the baby was born, perhaps a post-partum depression? She was continuously screaming at her and hurting her, at everything she does, even though they are small innocent things she did. I even have a voice record of her slapping and screaming at her. When she plays outside and wants to come inside home, she doesn’t open the door, she just ignores her. I have to come from far to open the door. It’s so sad to see, a 2 year old for God’s sake! How can I leave her to live with my wife so she gets abused any further? For now I stopped the abusing by letting her listen to the voice record, it's great to see her being sweet to her again.

I don’t know now what’s going to happen and I would like some advise from people that perhaps have gone through this before or have other legal advice.

At the moment I am planning to not do anything but wait, I hope she cannot stop me from getting an extension, after the extension I am going to look what I can do to at least keep my daughter of 2 years old with me, for her sake.

[Costas2008]

Udoth, you mentioned in your post post-partum depression.

Is it possible that your wife is still suffering from depression and nothing is good for her?

I would suggest, you take her on some holiday on an island, without the kids and try to sort things out.

Be patient and don't despair, I really hope this is a temporary thing and you will not get divorced for both your sakes and mainly for the kids.

Good Luck to you and your family.

[ScarpoFongness4U]

Take her to court,

Play the tape to judge,

Get the money out of the house

If all else fails

Take the kids to turkey and never go back to Thailand

She doesn't want the kids and their life is in danger

Run, but take them to safety first

[MaeJoMTB]

Finishing the house is often the end.

They only wanted the house.

Your extension will be cancelled the moment she informs immigration the marriage is over.

Edited March 23, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[96tehtarp]

Udoth yours is not a happy situation. Hang in there and don't do anything rash you might regret later. My second ex Thai wife was a nutter, fortunately I found out about this before we had a chance to make any babies together. We had none.

Good Luck to you and your family.

[Udoth]

Thanks for your replies, I've asked her to come with me to see a doctor, but she denies having a depression and I can't talk her into doing anything.

Bringing her to court is an option, but it's not a guarantee they will see that as enough proof of abuse. Perhaps the judges will think it was a one time happening or something. Too bad I didn't take more voice records before and now she knows I record it so she acts very sweet to my daughter.

About taking the kids to Turkey, that's kind of impossible because the baby isn't registered with the embassy yet, and I can't do that without bringing her there. My other daughter has a Passport though and I've even thought about only bringing her, because I didn't see my wife has a problem with the small baby, but then again I don't know what would happen at the border because the mother isn't with me. Also I don't really want to leave the small baby to her fate like that.

I honestly don't see things getting better from here as I hear the things she says, her family is also not supportive in this matter, they're completely ignoring me and not trying to do any counseling or something.

I read on another post on the forum that the extension wont be canceled until the divorce is completed and that they will tell her that it is a civil matter? Also, in case I would accept to divorce with her, I can probably still get an extension based on taking care of my child?

[MaeJoMTB]

I read on another post on the forum that the extension wont be canceled until the divorce is completed and that they will tell her that it is a civil matter? Also, in case I would accept to divorce with her, I can probably still get an extension based on taking care of my child?

1. 'De facto' relationship required for extension, when no longer 'de facto' extension ends.

2. Not without custody of the child.

But before that,

Often the children disappear into rural Thailand, never to be seen by you again.

The family will be arranging that at this moment.

Most guys prevaricate until the children have already disappeared, which is what you have already been planning (doing nothing).

The few guys that keep their children are usually the ones that act first and worry about legalities later.

Good luch.

Edited March 23, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[96tehtarp]

Thanks for your replies, I've asked her to come with me to see a doctor, but she denies having a depression and I can't talk her into doing anything.

Bringing her to court is an option, but it's not a guarantee they will see that as enough proof of abuse. Perhaps the judges will think it was a one time happening or something. Too bad I didn't take more voice records before and now she knows I record it so she acts very sweet to my daughter.

About taking the kids to Turkey, that's kind of impossible because the baby isn't registered with the embassy yet, and I can't do that without bringing her there. My other daughter has a Passport though and I've even thought about only bringing her, because I didn't see my wife has a problem with the small baby, but then again I don't know what would happen at the border because the mother isn't with me. Also I don't really want to leave the small baby to her fate like that.

I honestly don't see things getting better from here as I hear the things she says, her family is also not supportive in this matter, they're completely ignoring me and not trying to do any counseling or something.

I read on another post on the forum that the extension wont be canceled until the divorce is completed and that they will tell her that it is a civil matter? Also, in case I would accept to divorce with her, I can probably still get an extension based on taking care of my child?

"Bringing her to court is an option, but it's not a guarantee they will see that as enough proof of abuse. Perhaps the judges will think it was a one time happening or something. Too bad I didn't take more voice records before and now she knows I record it so she acts very sweet to my daughter."

Try purchasing some IP cameras an an IT mall either in Turkey or here in Thailand. Then leave them on when you are out. I doubt a few clips of her abusing the children will be enough to help in a custody battle as courts usually favour the mother in custody battles.

I really think you may want to contact and talk with a divorce lawyer here in Thailand well in advance of the divorce and without your wife's knowledge. You can plan exactly what you want before going to the amphur to register your divorce. The lawyer can write the agreement beforehand.

Start collecting documentation in a secure place. Birth certificates, copies of her Tabian bahn, ID card, marriage certificate, etc and find a way to get her to sign copies. That way you will have necessary copies of what you will need if you must get a 90 day non-O visa's in a neighbouring country eg. Savanakhet Laos. - if your extension of stay should fall apart.

Double check with your embassy to make sure you cannot register the infant without your wife being present.

Good luck.

[mango66]

Sorry for you;

Maybee tell her, the house will be sold as she will not be able to pay you out with 50%,

maybee she will re-consider her life without your support;

Seems strange that she born you 2 kids, if she were only out to get house, car , and .....

try to show her, how her life will be without you, and she would have 2 kids,

difficult to find another husband,

or she is just not as good as she showed to you on beginning ??

Depends also, what did she before you meet her ??

An ordinary job, than usually you wouldn't get such problems i guess;

good luck!

[Udoth]

Wow, what a day, after my last post I brought her to her parents home with the baby and kept my 2 year old with me, we went to a playground and had some fun and then went home. My wife already had told she would come with a few people to pick her up because she wanted the 2 year old too. And there they were, as I drove the car to the house they also just arrived. I didn't stop and left again for an hour. After that hour I went back to home they were still there or not. They weren't, so I decided to water the plants a bit and after that I would go to eat with my daughter. While watering the plants the police arrived. It was the same man that saw me on the police station when I went there to tell I lost my exit card so it was a friendly sawaddee khrab and a handshake. He brought my wife along with the baby and my wifes mother. All he did was telling my wife and I should get back together and told to hug my wife and told her the same. I tried to explain to him I wasn't the problem, but I think he didn't care about that. He just wanted the problems to be finished. After a little while him trying to convince her my wife agreed to come back and live with me, we talked a bit and of course she wanted more money etc. but since it was a reasonable amount, she wanted only 5000 every month extra for personal use, I agreed with that.

Now I know this is probably not(but I hope it is) going to be the last time she is going to try to divorce and take the kids, I'm going to try to cement myself into this country by trying to find a job etc. so I can stay here even if we aren't married and so that I can take care my kids or at least be able to keep an eye on their living situation.

@96tehtarp, thanks I will look into those things especially now she is in the home now. I'll just copy all her papers when she isn't home. Making her signature them will be a problem though, she is keen when it comes to these things and she will know I'm up to something.

@mango, the land is on her name, threatening to sell the house wont be taken serious as I can't do it anyways. and yes it suprises me too, why make kids and then try to divorce only for more money?? I think we as westerners cannot comprehend it but I don't think this is the first time it happens. I hear these kind of stories all the time in the village.

[MaeJoMTB]

Next time you leave her alone with the 2yo, she will be gone.

[ScarpoFongness4U]

Wow, what a day, after my last post I brought her to her parents home with the baby and kept my 2 year old with me, we went to a playground and had some fun and then went home. My wife already had told she would come with a few people to pick her up because she wanted the 2 year old too. And there they were, as I drove the car to the house they also just arrived. I didn't stop and left again for an hour. After that hour I went back to home they were still there or not. They weren't, so I decided to water the plants a bit and after that I would go to eat with my daughter. While watering the plants the police arrived. It was the same man that saw me on the police station when I went there to tell I lost my exit card so it was a friendly sawaddee khrab and a handshake. He brought my wife along with the baby and my wifes mother. All he did was telling my wife and I should get back together and told to hug my wife and told her the same. I tried to explain to him I wasn't the problem, but I think he didn't care about that. He just wanted the problems to be finished. After a little while him trying to convince her my wife agreed to come back and live with me, we talked a bit and of course she wanted more money etc. but since it was a reasonable amount, she wanted only 5000 every month extra for personal use, I agreed with that.

Now I know this is probably not(but I hope it is) going to be the last time she is going to try to divorce and take the kids, I'm going to try to cement myself into this country by trying to find a job etc. so I can stay here even if we aren't married and so that I can take care my kids or at least be able to keep an eye on their living situation.

@96tehtarp, thanks I will look into those things especially now she is in the home now. I'll just copy all her papers when she isn't home. Making her signature them will be a problem though, she is keen when it comes to these things and she will know I'm up to something.

@mango, the land is on her name, threatening to sell the house wont be taken serious as I can't do it anyways. and yes it suprises me too, why make kids and then try to divorce only for more money?? I think we as westerners cannot comprehend it but I don't think this is the first time it happens. I hear these kind of stories all the time in the village.

History is not on your side OP

We understand you believe your efforts will best serve the children, but only escaping with them will help them

She may be plotting your death next, or, an accident

You can only lose here and the next police officer may be her friends father, or relative of whoever is pushing her

Suggest to get the babies DNA tests

There is more pain on its way OP, and you can be killed or jailed

She sees her kids as income for her future and with her history it is not a stretch to believe they will be sold to the sex trade as slaves

You are in trouble

How much trouble is up to you

Protect yourself now

Find a lawyer now

You will look back and regret every failure to act on what you see

I speak from experience with s Brazilian wife

They do not get better

They take until you wise up

She has you trained now

Act up, get more money

Bring police, get more money

Have you poisoned?

Stabbed?

Stop now

[NeverSure]

OP, the only hammer you have about the kids is money. You're probably going to lose the house and other things and you may be in danger if you try to stick around. I agree with ScarpoFongness4U.

I would get away and cut off all money. Then I would offer her money for sole custody of the kids. If that failed I would offer to pay support as long as I was allowed access to the kids. I would go as far as to offer to sign off any interest in the house and give her cash for sole custody.

You would be in far less danger of harm if you were providing a monthly stipend for access to the kids, after you cut a deal if she won't give you custody.

It's a mess and I'm sorry about it. Best of luck.

Edited March 23, 2015 by NeverSure

[96tehtarp]

Wow, what a day, after my last post I brought her to her parents home with the baby and kept my 2 year old with me, we went to a playground and had some fun and then went home.

<snip>

Now I know this is probably not(but I hope it is) going to be the last time she is going to try to divorce and take the kids, I'm going to try to cement myself into this country by trying to find a job etc. so I can stay here even if we aren't married and so that I can take care my kids or at least be able to keep an eye on their living situation.

<snip>

@96tehtarp, thanks I will look into those things especially now she is in the home now. I'll just copy all her papers when she isn't home. Making her signature them will be a problem though, she is keen when it comes to these things and she will know I'm up to something.

Someone will correct me if I'm wrong but I believe all those unsigned copies are useless without her signature on them. Having copies is still better than no copies.

If (when) your visa situation in Thailand goes nusto you will need to get a new Non-O visa in a neighbouring country. I don't believe Turkish nationals are restricted from doing this but I believe FX. Egyptians can only get visas in Egypt. Check your situation.

If you don't have a Thai driver's licence, apply for one. Have her sign 4 copies of everything and then you have extra copies. Do this or think of anything to get signed copies. You'll need them when applying for for your visa. Another way to get her to sign is registering your infant at the Turkish embassy, get her to sign 5 or more copies, preferably just prior to your handing over some cash.

Your post this morning reads like a textbook. Your wife had a meeting with her parents and other Thai people in her circle, the police came. She wanted money. You gave it. She settled down... until next time. It looks like it's all about the money. It is all about the money.

Good luck.

[ttthailand]

OP...Sorry to hear about your problems, heartbreaking I am sure.

It is sad that so many Thai ladies, some farang ladies too to be fair, look at money as the most important thing in the world. Too late for you now but that is a good lesson we farang men living in Thailand should learn and learn well. Avoid ladies as partners who's main interest is money. Love needs to be the main reason for marriage not just financial security. I have seen this exact same situation too many times here and have even experienced it myself.

If this money thinking is new you may want to look at any recent friends you or her have brought into your life. They may just be part of the problem. Thai ladies brag and farangs like to show off their houses, cars etc... She may be wanting more because of this ....

I hope you can instill in her that family is the most important thing and is of value and money comes and goes.

Good luck !

[Udoth]

I would like to share with you an update of the situation.

Yesterday we had some talks with my wife and agreed together that we would be a happy family together, if not for ourselves, for our kids. She didn't struggle to agree with me on many things like about how a family should be and that money is just a tool. I think the goal of people should be happiness and not something else.

This morning very early her parents came and they were far from nice. They tried to convince my wife how bad I was and stuff, but she didn't swallow it. The first time I saw her going against her father. His angry ranting went on for about a half an hour and in the end he threatened to sell the land. I said to my wife OK, let him sell the land then and compensate us for the house and other stuff on the land(which by the way she got from her parents before as they didn't do anything with it) so that they would go away.

They wanted to take the two year old with them, but I resisted and I told them I would not hesitate to call the police. Then they went back home , we of course alot of drama richer. After this we went o lunch with her cousin(fathers side), who seems to understand how her parents are and she comforted my wife that his behaviour is normal and that his brothers are the same and stuff, she offered us to stay at her home if we had too much troubles in our home.. After we went to the land office to be sure they can't sell the land and we were guaranteed they cannot without my wifes signature as it is on her name. My wife doesn't want them to have the land and told she wont signature it. We even agreed that we will sell the land secretly from her parents and go far from Udon if they wont stop bothering us.

Today all day my wife opened up on many things, mainly about her family and things that people say and do, she talked more this one day than the last month. We went to her parents home when they weren't there to pick some stuff up, she said she didn't want to go when they were home as she didn't want to hear anything from them. And she is more happy than I have seen her in a long time, she is singing!

She even agrees to make the passport for the baby next month when we go to Bangkok, and if she would be planning to screw me that would be pretty dumb of her to do as she knows I will take both kids abroad if she does like before.

Come to conclusion now I'm pretty sure that her parents used my wife and her depression(or they caused her depression) for they own gain and my wife worked along as she didn't want to let her parents down or lose face with people, and it looks like she is now wrecking herself loose from their dramatic and selfish grip.

@ 96, that's a good idea and I will take a few extra signatures from her just in case.

@ ttthailand, this all is indeed heartbreaking and its all going pretty quickly, I have clearly seen that most Thais are living only for the Baht. I'm hoping she is finally understanding that a happy family is much more important than an abundance of unrighteous money.

Thank you all so much for giving me much needed mental support with your advises and good luck wishes. I appreciated it alot!

[Aussieroaming]

Be wary OP... I think you are in the eye of the storm. Temporary calm isn't a sign that the tempest is over, so watch your back.

[ScarpoFongness4U]

Get those passports, and begin selling anything of value in that house

Your fate is known to all but you

If this is the first time you have seen her argue with her father and then go about singing, I predict you will soon see an eviction, after he has transferred her name off the land title... This is Thailand and her father pays a bribe and voila, she no longer stops his actions and remember,

You made him lose face....

So sorry for you that you think this will improve

My Brazilian witch also acted like things would get better, until it was time for her to strike

[samuibeachcomber]

So its her parents that are the problem,and maybe outside pressure from friends etc.It's a common theme.While the "going is good" with your wife get everything done to secure your future for you and the children...cos you will never know how long your wife will be in an agreeable mood.

[phil2]

2. Not without custody of the child.

Not true.

[phil2]

I would like to share with you an update of the situation.

Yesterday we had some talks with my wife and agreed together that we would be a happy family together, if not for ourselves, for our kids. She didn't struggle to agree with me on many things like about how a family should be and that money is just a tool. I think the goal of people should be happiness and not something else.

This morning very early her parents came and they were far from nice. They tried to convince my wife how bad I was and stuff, but she didn't swallow it. The first time I saw her going against her father. His angry ranting went on for about a half an hour and in the end he threatened to sell the land. I said to my wife OK, let him sell the land then and compensate us for the house and other stuff on the land(which by the way she got from her parents before as they didn't do anything with it) so that they would go away.

They wanted to take the two year old with them, but I resisted and I told them I would not hesitate to call the police. Then they went back home , we of course alot of drama richer. After this we went o lunch with her cousin(fathers side), who seems to understand how her parents are and she comforted my wife that his behaviour is normal and that his brothers are the same and stuff, she offered us to stay at her home if we had too much troubles in our home.. After we went to the land office to be sure they can't sell the land and we were guaranteed they cannot without my wifes signature as it is on her name. My wife doesn't want them to have the land and told she wont signature it. We even agreed that we will sell the land secretly from her parents and go far from Udon if they wont stop bothering us.

Today all day my wife opened up on many things, mainly about her family and things that people say and do, she talked more this one day than the last month. We went to her parents home when they weren't there to pick some stuff up, she said she didn't want to go when they were home as she didn't want to hear anything from them. And she is more happy than I have seen her in a long time, she is singing!

She even agrees to make the passport for the baby next month when we go to Bangkok, and if she would be planning to screw me that would be pretty dumb of her to do as she knows I will take both kids abroad if she does like before.

Come to conclusion now I'm pretty sure that her parents used my wife and her depression(or they caused her depression) for they own gain and my wife worked along as she didn't want to let her parents down or lose face with people, and it looks like she is now wrecking herself loose from their dramatic and selfish grip.

@ 96, that's a good idea and I will take a few extra signatures from her just in case.

@ ttthailand, this all is indeed heartbreaking and its all going pretty quickly, I have clearly seen that most Thais are living only for the Baht. I'm hoping she is finally understanding that a happy family is much more important than an abundance of unrighteous money.

Thank you all so much for giving me much needed mental support with your advises and good luck wishes. I appreciated it alot!

Hope it works for you.

But just know that the family won't stop putting pressure on her. Been there.

Good luck.

[Tessellation]

OP - First of all, very sorry you're dealing with all of this, it sounds very difficult. Stay strong and don't let it get you down...you're not the first person this has happened to.

Listen to the advice people are giving you here. What is happening to you is very common, and they've heard it all before. Some have probably even gone through the same things, plenty of TV members have.

I can't speak from personal experience. I'm VERY lucky in my relationship here, but its generally agreed upon that my experience is rare. I've read plenty of accounts that sound exactly like yours. Its not your fault, but you need to keep your eyes open and read the experiences of others so you'll know what you can expect.

Keep your spirits up, protect yourself and your children however you can, and take the advice of TV members to heart. They may not always be right, but they're coming from a place of wisdom and compassion (even when they sound a bit negative). Whatever you do, don't assume that anything is what your wife and her family make it seem. All too often, these things are planned and intentional on the part of the Thai spouse.

I hope everything works out for the best.

[ScarpoFongness4U]

He cannot know what to expect because he is with an unstable woman, who is being driven by greed And family who has demonstrated a narcissistic and dangerous behavior to his children and psychotic behavior to him.

He is in very real danger and, is a fool not to get professional help immediately and legal guidance now

[Lukecan]

He cannot know what to expect because he is with an unstable woman, who is being driven by greed And family who has demonstrated a narcissistic and dangerous behavior to his children and psychotic behavior to him.

He is in very real danger and, is a fool not to get professional help immediately and legal guidance now

Exactly, it doesnt make sense that everything suddenly turned to normal, shes definitely going to have another meltdown in the future.

[ScarpoFongness4U]

Its the calm before the storm,

This is right out of the female handbook on how to get as much as possible from an unsuspecting man, lost in love...... Or, as I like to call it, the her-ricane and ensuing tsunami

He is set up to lose it all, and they all know it

[NanLaew]

The OP's in-laws have shown their hand. The OP's wife has slapped that hand and for the good of his health, hi own family AND HIS MARRIAGE, the OP should make plans to divest himself of all things that the in-laws provide. It's your wife's house on her father's land but house was paid for by you? Walk away. Find a rental home and move ASAP. If you are in a small village, move to the city. If you are in the city of Udon already, it is a lot easier to do it but the sooner you act the better. You can get a rental in BOTH names so you are better protected if she lapses back into the family claptrap.

[Boyce]

I would get a private investigator onto it there maybe , another man involved , get as much info as you can without her knowledge to use as backup when you want custody of the children .

[ttthailand]

You are making some progress but you know this is not over. The father in law is not going to just give in as for some reason, I think money or face related, he wants you out of there. My advise....Lock up the house and get away for the weekend and let things cool down and observe the situation from a distance. Take a break from the fighting and spend a little family time and try to show the wife that life with you is enjoyable. Briefly discuss with her about a future away from her family and see how it goes.

When you return home avoid all contact with family for as long as possible and be careful. These things can get out of control very quickly and can even turn deadly. Keep a cool head and if necessary leave before getting into any violence with family.

[ScarpoFongness4U]

All this advice assumes rational players on all sides

This is not the case at all, and every experienced poster here knows it

They just brought the wrong cop last time

Expect them to learn from this mistake and strike again

once you are in jail its over

[NanLaew]

All this advice assumes rational players on all sides

This is not the case at all, and every experienced poster here knows it

They just brought the wrong cop last time

Expect them to learn from this mistake and strike again

once you are in jail its over

And your experience isn't exactly the same as that of 'every experienced poster here' either. It certainly isn't mine and I am pretty sure it's different from the OP's as well.