What Is Your Experience With Thai Men?

[Bluecat]

We always talk about the relationship in between farang men and thai girls but not that offten about the "reverse" relationship.

Are you farang girls happy in Thailand and do you think, like quite a few men in this world,.., that you are happier that you would be in farangland?

[Bluecat]

Ladies, is the experience SO BAD that you do not want to comment?

[nokgow]

i have searched endlessly for someone to talk to about this. however, i'm sure i'm much older than you. i have been married to a thai man for 23 years.we have 3 beautiful daughters.i would love to talk to some other women who are married to thai men and living in thailand.

[Bluecat]

i have searched endlessly for someone to talk to about this. however, i'm sure i'm much older than you. i have been married to a thai man for 23 years.we have 3 beautiful daughters.i would love to talk to some other women who are married to thai men and living in thailand.

There are quite a few ones, who, by the way, post regularly of this forum. Do not worry, they will comment,...

[Amyji]

I am a farang gal who has lived in Bangkok for two years. Last November I met the man of my dreams and we will be getting married at the end of next month. I got EXTREMELY lucky because the odds are stacked against farang women living in Thailand to meet a really nice man, foreign or Thai.

The foreign men mostly all want Thai ladies.

Thai men are very shy and there is a language barrier if they don't speak English well. There is even more of a cultural barrier if they are not familiar with Western custom and/or have not been abroad. Thai men also have reputations of having more than one girlfriend/wife. So if you can find a man who speaks your native tongue, is familiar with western culture, has the same values as you do when it comes to relationships, AND you get along well enough to want to have a relationship with him, well then you have beaten the odds and have found that needle in the haystack.

I not only found the needle, I won the lottery -- that's how lucky I feel with my fiance. No man in the world has treated me better than this man. He cherishes and honors me every day. I would do anything for him and I know he feels the same way about me, I can't wait to be his wife.

Where do we plan to live? We plan to stay in Bangkok for the next year, maybe two. We happen to both be from San Francisco -- and coincidently he lived there for nearly a decade, so hands down we will return to the City to live after that. He really misses it and I do too a little. We'll always return to Thailand to visit and to show our future children their family heritage.

It's difficult in this man's paradise, but sometimes a girl can get extremely lucky, like I did. I love you Golf!

[Boon Mee]

Amyii~

It's not too often this forum receives such a positive post as yours. Big congratulations and best of luck in the future!

[nokgow]

amyii

would love to hear some of your experiences living in thailand.my girls are wanting to go this summer and see their family. they have not been in 10 years.they are now 20,18,@ 15.i'm sure things have changed alot since we were there last.

[sbk]

Well bluecat, you already know about me.

My Thai husband and I celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary in August. As in all relationships we have had our ups and downs. Overall, however, I must say I am happy in my marriage. I feel that living in Thailand has added more to the stresses of our marriage than if we lived in my home country. Family expectations, interference, cultural differences, etc etc. Any longer-term resident knows the difficulties. However, the love I feel for my partner and the love I know he feels for me, usually mitigates any serious problems and I find I often just grit my teeth and bear it.

I agree with amyji that it is difficult to find a Thai man that is a good partner. I think it is more difficult than with a Thai girl because women here are more accomodating to their men than men are to their women. It is hard to find a Thai man with sufficient english and a willingness to compromise enough for a successful relationship. My husband already spoke english when I met him and is one of those who finds learning language easy so our conversations range from political to spiritual to, of course, the local gossip. He also has a willingness to look at things from my point of view and has an understanding of where I come from because of his numerous visits to my home country. In turn, I am willing to try and look at things from his viewpoint and understand when he feels compelled to do something I find incomprehensible.

I will not say I am lucky because my husband is not a cheater because, to be honest, I would not stay with a man who was dishonest in that way. However, that said, I will add that neither is my husband guilty of one of the four major vices of most Thai men: laziness, gambling, drinking, or womanising. I will add that I am lucky that I found my soul mate halfway round the world, but then, I would consider myself lucky if I had found him at home too.

[Bluecat]

I will not say I am lucky

So I'll say it for you. You're lucky

[penny]

I have been happily married to a Thai man for over 6 years..We have been together over eight years..He is a lovely honest man who never cheats on me and we have a fantastic relationship...However the problem is and always has been that my husband earns considerably less than me and I feel that my continuing to live in Thailand I have a much lower standard of living than I would in my own country and that I am sacrificing career/study/travel opportunities as well as the chance to own a house equally...

Most of the women I have met here who are married to much wealthy Thai men and enjoy a very high standard of living...And also they seem to mind not working/sacficing career opportunities...

I have never really adapted/enjoyed living in Thailand...Perhaps if we could afford to live somewhere beside a small cramped room I might be more happy ??? However an English guy in my block lives with his wife and 2 kids in the same sized room as us and is happy to be here in Thaialnd!!!

Anyway finally going home next month and taking my husband with me...I am so excited....Soon I will be living in an apartment with a real kitchen and seperate living areas...

[hellohello]

Hey Bluecat, Great question-

I look at it like this. Since I live in Thailand , I have a Thai partner, if I lived in another country for a length of time I would probably have a boyfriend from that country, unless of course I came there already attached.

I think having my boyfriend has made my experience here from great to absolutely fabulous!

I always liked to have lots of fun, known as a party girl before, but I have completely engaged myself in Thai culture of Sunuk Sunuk. I've never laughed and joked so much with a boyfriend before, I would say that I am happier. He doesn't speak much English but my Thai has gotten very good, hence the ability to enjoy the simpler ways of life (and lots of slapstick). After 10-plus years in corporate jobs in the west, living and loving simply has been a biggest piece of the puzzle I was missing, but didn't really know it until now.

We too, have had our problems culturally and so, but I try to teach him my ways and he the same. The only big problems were raised when we had to be apart.

I think he said it best last week. He likes me because I don't need a captain. What he meant was most Thai girls he knows NEED a man (good or bad) I, being from the west, don't. Never have. He spent most of his adult life as a monk so engaging in a real relationship with a Thai girl meant, bread winner, father and many family commitments. A big responsibility for someone with his background and I guess for any man. Which is why he preferred to be single - unattached. When I met him he even had his own personal heath insurance (and I heard from this forum that Thai men were un responsible!) I don't need him he to be any of those things but honest, loving and fun! I don't expect him to provide for me, but carry his own weight. So I guess I am a good catch too!

Now after 2 years there is talk of marriage... but first I will go meet the parents. The only thing I miss here in the LOS are my girlfriends and perhaps air con when the temperatures rise.

[Bluecat]

Now after 2 years there is talk of marriage... but first I will go meet the parents.

Happy you found happiness in Thailand, hellohello.

On the subject of meeting the parents, it is something that quite interest me also.

We discussed at length about the dowry "problem" betwen farang men and Thai ladies. What happens the other way round?

[Boo]

Happy you found happiness in Thailand, hellohello.

On the subject of meeting the parents, it is something that quite interest me also.

We discussed at length about the dowry "problem" betwen farang men and Thai ladies. What happens the other way round?

Nothing Bluecat, we usually get F*&k all! Only joking, but I think a lot of it depends on the families financial situation. Land is sometimes given in lew of a dowrie & most of the western women I know wouldn't want one anyway (a bit of an ikky thing, sort of like being bought) & obviously it is not expected to pay one for the guys. Hubs mum did ask if my mum required a dowrie & when I raised it with her she nearly fell of her chair laughing & then said she was just happy to be shot of me

My husband told me that for a thai man to bring his girlfriend to meet is family, esp the mother, is a major sign that the relationship is going towards marriage, as thai men are notoriously secretive to their families about their love lives, as female relatives tend to jump the gun.

Remember, HelloHello, that even if your b/f's family are dirt poor & live in a shack, you are to show them the upmost respect, wai-ing deeply on meeting them etc as they are the parents of the person you are with & older than yourself. Your b/f will fill you in on the proper ettiquiette & remember, conserative dress & sitting on the floor with your legs to the side & not crossed in front will give you bonus brownie points in their eyes But apart from that, they will just be so obsessed by your western looks (i.e. lots of neighbours coming to touch the farang, this was what happened to me the first trip i made to hubs place) & the novelty factor of having a farang around, you can get away with alot more than a thai g/f could.

[Basher]

Best not say too much lest he beats you again.....

[Emleon]

I've lived in Bkk for 2 and 1/2 years and have been with my Thai boyfriend for most of that time. I'd say it's been a bit of a rollercoaster as far as being happy goes, what with me earning more and just trying to get used to how different the way of life is. I've sometimes felt that he'd like me to act more like a Thai girl is traditionally supposed to and this has caused problems, and i'd have to say he does posses to an extent some of the less desirable virtues of the Thai man( laziness, likes whisky a bit too much). However all in all we've always managed to overcome our differences just like any couple from anywhere in the world.

In september we're expecting our first child( i'm in England at the moment) and for sure this will change everything again! If there is anyone else out there who is in a similar situation i'd love to hear from you, being in England is driving me mad and any advice on bringing children up in Thailand with a Thai father would be great!

[Bluecat]

and i'd have to say he does posses to an extent some of the less desirable virtues of the Thai man( laziness, likes whisky a bit too much).

Emleon, I am not sure it is one of the weakness or less desirable virtue of the Thai men.

Thai men, in general, are not very different than farang men.

But you are in a foreign country and as such, you need companionship. And when you need, you are maybe less able to differentiate the "good" from the "bad".

No judgment from my side, just comments.

I'm sure the "girls" in this forum can comment far better than me,...

[daizeez]

hi, all..

i'm new to this forum, and i am desperately searching for some advice. if anyone has some input, i would be very grateful for the opinion. i recently went on a trip to thailand, and stayed for one month. when i was in samui, i met a guy that i fell absolutely head of heels for. unfortunately, he is the beach boy type that everyone would say to be careful of. he works at the bungalow i stayed at. he is definitely not a higher class thai citizen by any standard. his job is very easy, and he was able to spend a lot of time with me when i was there. he actually came with me on the last part of my journey to krabi.

now, we are keeping in touch, and he wants me to come back for a long time. there is a language barrier, but i am quickly trying to learn thai, and his english is also improving. but the language difference makes it harder to talk about things that are more in depth. in this way, it's hard to 'hear' or see those indicators when a person is lying, or manipulating. he just comes across as amazingly sweet, sensitive and sincere.

i am having a hard time trusting the situation, not becuase he has given me any reason to doubt him...in fact, just the opposite. i am doubting it because of how it looks on the outside. this man did not approach me for a relationship...he was in the process of ending a long relationship with a local girl. he seems to be genuine, and to care about me very much.

no matter what happens, tho, i know my money is big money in thailand. and i know his goal is to own a shop some day. so i don't know how much of a factor my money could be in his deciding to fall for me. but can you really pretend love like that?

i am definitely considerig coming to thailand for a longer period of time to test the waters with this guy. but i know i am taking a huge risk.

if you have actually read my entire post, thank you...i know i'm probably too wordy for my own good

[Dutchy]

so i don't know how much of a factor my money could be in his deciding to fall for me. but can you really pretend love like that?

Visit any embassy during consulair hours and you'll see big fat old man and young Thai ladies applying for overseas visas...

The answer to your question is then, "yes, you can pretend love like that..."

good luck

Dutchy

PS I didn't even mention the language barrier that seems to exist between the two of you...

[Bluecat]

i don't know how much of a factor my money could be in his deciding to fall for me. but can you really pretend love like that?

I have to agree with Dutchy on that one.

Yes, money is probably a very big factor in the equation.

Yes, you can pretend love for financial gains,...

Now you are maybe extremely lucky and in spending only one month in Thailand with somebody you can barely communicate with, you just found your soulmate.

Hmmm, do you usually win when you buy a lotery ticket?

[inan]

daizeez

If you have feelings for this guy then I'd say it's worth the risk to go back and spend longer with him. Get to know him better, see how compatible you are, if you share the same values, ambitions.

Yes, I think you can 'fake' love. But you can also fall in love with someone, and sometimes you can fall in love with someone AND their wealth. Maybe a part of your attraction is your financial freedom. Just like if you met a great guy and you found out he was really rich, well that would make him even more of a catch, wouldn't it? But fundamentally you are attracted to him, his personality and looks. I don't think you can escape the fact that your nationality and wealth is part of who you are, and he has fallen in love with you, including all of that. That doesn't mean that he has only fallen for your money. This is something you'll have to work out when you go back. Listen to your instincts.

And what about you? Did you really fall in love with HIM, or did you fall in love with Thailand? Were you attracted to a cute, relaxed, attractive, attentive, confident beach guy who gave you an inroad to the local culture? How would you feel about him if he turned up in your home city? Small, lost, poor and dependant on you for everything?

Emotions aside, if you want this relationship to proceed you're going to have to work out the practicalities. Can you live in Thailand? Can he live out of Thailand? Can you deal with the difference in language, culture etc? What about his expectations of a wife? Will he expect you to cook and clean for him? What are his family responsibilities? Can you both deal with the fact that you are able to earn more money than him? This is all very dull and practical, but once the excitement, romanticism and exoticness of being together has worn off, it's the little practicalities like these that can split you up.

This post sounds a little negative, but it's not meant to be. Just realistic. Maybe I should add that I am happily married a guy I met on my travels - proof that things can work out! - but we've had to work through lots of issues along the way. Hope things work out for you too.

[Boo]

Hi Daizeez

Inan has posted one of the most sensible answers you could get on this subject, you need to consider all of those things & more when starting a relationship with a thai, some relationships can be strong, fullfilling & completly right where as others can be 1 sided, manipulative & painful. Only you can know what you feel for this guy & only you can know if he is the right one or not.

Keeping your brain & commonsense & trusting them when things seem off is the only way to go (same with most relationships, I've found) but especially when you are far away from home & things can get a little "rosy" what with the beautiful country, beaches, partying & relaxed lifestyle, particually in Samui (I should know, I lived there for 6 years).

The only way to form a real relationship is to be together & find out if you suit, 1 month in Samui with a guy is not a relationship, it's a holiday romance, so if your serious, try going back for a longer period & live a real life out there with him.

As inan said, don't think these posts are negative but see them as an honest answer to your question & ps, I'm an English woman married to a thai guy, so I kinda know what your going through, although I had already been in Thailand for several years when I met my husband, the problems are nearly all the same!

[Bluecat]

Inan and Boo, I have to agree that your postings are far more sensible than the one from Dutchy as well as mine.

Maybe, we were a bit too "direct".

Another proof, if need be that "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus",...

[Boo]

I think your & Dutchy's posts were also true but again, women tend to be a bit more emotion driven than men. I def agree that love can be motivate by money but think that she can at least go back & try to see the situation on a more longer time frame (those emotions speaking again) if she really feels there was a connection. If not it was nothing more than a holiday shag!

[Bluecat]

If not it was nothing more than a holiday shag!

And a pretty good one it must have been for her to feel a connection,...

Sorry, Daizeez, I could not resist it.

[elsie]

most of the western women I know wouldn't want one anyway (a bit of an ikky thing, sort of like being bought)

Who said farang men are only interested by Thai girls? Can you please "train/teach" the Thai ladies and family,...

ahem, ahem, I think I heard someone mentioned my fellow Thai women.. (all right.. all right.. It took me a few days to hear it, but I just did! )

Anyway, my experiences with Thai men were absolutely horrible. Maybe I had just dated losers? One thought I was a walking ATM. One later told me he was using drugs. One never meant what he said. So, I'm done with them.

Girls... you are really lucky

[Bluecat]

One never meant what he said.

Don't get overexcited on that one, Lovely. Quite a few farang men are the same,...

[daizeez]

thanks everyone for your advice. it's good to hear some words from people who are actually familiar with the situation. as you can imagine, everyone back here at home thinks i've absolutely lost my mind. no matter what, i know i'mm taking a huge risk. i just wish i knew how to tell if he is being sincere, or just wondering what i can offer him in his life. he seems to love me so much, so quickly, and wants me to come stay in thailand a long time. he tells me, anything i want, he'll do. we had a conversation one night about his job being small money, and i asked him why he works there. he replied by saying he enjoys the freedom it gives him, but asked me if i wanted him to look for a new job.

no matter what, i know it's a risk. now, i'm basically working towards my next holiday in january when i will spend one more month with him. that's still not long enough to see how things will be tho. i guess i just have to take it one day at a time.

my main question was i guess, do you all feel that just because a man works at a job like that, in a place like samui, he is going to be slime?

[daizeez]

Were you attracted to a cute, relaxed, attractive, attentive, confident beach guy who gave you an inroad to the local culture? How would you feel about him if he turned up in your home city? Small, lost, poor and dependant on you for everything?

that's a really good point. now, i can say i would feel the same for him here as i would there, because of the way he is. however, i know he wouldn't be happy here. he definitely loves thailand.

thanks a lot for your post. how you've stated things is the way i usually look at the situation, until the doubt starts taking me for a ride, which it does frequently since i've arrived home. just second guessing myself, and not wanting to look like a fool or get hurt by this guy.

[Bluecat]

he replied by saying he enjoys the freedom it gives him

The freedom to do what, Daizeez?

Sorry to be a bit sceptical again,...

[inan]

Hi again Daizeez

Not all guys who work in beach bum type jobs are slime. But it’s probably fair to say that most aren’t a good bet for a serious relationship. However, as well as being beach bums they are also individuals and it’s not fair to judge them all en masse. Looking at it from his point of view, tourist girls don’t have the best reputation either, and he has to trust that you will stay faithful and return when you say you will.

Like the guys have said, a month isn’t a long time to get to know someone, but then unless you move to Thailand it’s not going to be easy finding the time to get to know him properly. I’d only known my husband for six months when we married. Looking back now I can see we were pretty much total strangers and it seems a crazy thing to have done! We’ve been married for four years now and we laugh about how little we knew each other then. Things are good between us now, but we’ve been through some bumpy times getting to this point.

If you can, it would be good to follow Boo’s suggestion and move out there for a while to get to know him and Thailand better. If what you said is true about him not wanting to leave Thailand, then if things do get serious with him you’ll have to move there. That means you could be spending the rest of your life in Asia. How would you feel about that?

I do know quite a few couples who met in similar circumstances to you, who have great relationships now. I think it’s normal to worry about the money issue in the beginning, but you really need to listen to your instinct and decide whether or not he does have genuine feelings for you. Also look at his past. If he’s had a lot of western girlfriends in the past, he might be quite cynical and jaded. But if he hasn’t been around the block a few times - if you see what I mean – then his feelings may be more genuine.

The toughest thing for you now is going to be maintaining the momentum of things until next January. That is a long time to have a LDR with someone new, especially when you aren’t fluent in the same language (still remember my husband’s attempts at emails!!!). But again, I know people (including my husband and I) who have made that situation work. If your mutual feelings are real enough you’ll find a way.

Good luck with everything!